Very creative. Ice never read a book like this before. Lends itself to cinema.

The expert said, “Never let your assailant take you to another location. You will not survive.” You hesitate before following her.

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But he just sits and stares, and then quietly, “You’re mean,” he says. “You’re mean.” The truth of that settles in the space between us and I flinch with shame. I am mean. I’m also dying in front of him and he doesn’t see me.

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My sister didn’t understand, and it is she who I want to understand more than anyone else, to understand me. I want her to not feel shame. I don’t want to be the fucked up, crazy, older sister.

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But this brain feels broken sometimes. This brain does this thing that takes little soap bubbles of “everyone feels this sometimes” and morphs them into latex balloons of “you’re the only one in this world who can’t seem to lift herself out of bed in the morning” and then the balloon becomes brick and the brick becomes wall and the wall is a mountain and then you’re stuck. So I’m grateful to only be latex balloon right now.

Speechless. Raw. Fantastic.

Really enjoyed this. The pacing felt creepy and foreboding like I was waiting for something to happen for all 500+ pages. I think Peter, Bea, Grainger and the Oasans were all well-developed characters and felt true and knowable. This was on a list at Powell's as a must read for the 21st c. & I think they called it a romance. I can see why but I'm glad it wasn't simply a romance. Like the characters, the storyline was faceted. It also felt cinematic in that I could see the story and feel it would translate well to a movie. The Jesus metaphor was a little heavy-handed but I hadn't thought of the concept of placebo until the book suggested it. I could write an essay on the idea of placebo in this book with reference to pharmaceuticals given to the aliens, religion, and what can substitute for love (his borderline relationship with Grainger and his letters to his wife).

Spoiler/musing on the ending: /
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There were some things I didn't get:
I don't know what to make of the Targliatone encounter nor the abandoned tent in the landscape from the other pastor. Was it a fever dream? Didn't Grainger see it too? I think it wasn't Bea contacting him at the end but just the censors trying to keep him at Oasis. Despite the USIC crew harping on how replaceable they all were, the screening process and the price of food suggests otherwise and perhaps USIC wasn't willing to let him go. Maybe him and Grainger were going home but maybe they were going to wake up back on Oasis (perhaps Grainger had already been through that process once how she emphasized the smell of her dad like her identity had been blurred and she was trying to retain some part of the her from Earth). Which begs the q: Was it ever Bea on the other side of the Shoot? It reminded me of the Black Mirror episode where someone no longer living could be deposited via AI and social media into a device for comfort.

An interesting take on history and horror but I wouldn't put this (the audiobook or the print) on a must read list for the 21st c (Powell's). It was creative and fanciful, suspenseful and compelling but it took a long time to settle into and maybe it was just me but it felt repetitive. I felt this book could've been 25-50% shorter. A lot of the voice actors felt interchangeable to me too, like it didn't need to be Carrie Brownstein, it could have been anyone. Maybe the audio director was too overbearing and didn't let the personalities of the voice actors come through at all. I think my favorite voice actors were Susan Sarandon and David Sedaris.

Some of the essays were so beautiful and aching. Some of them weren't. I think my expectations were too high with this collection but if you approach without expectations, there are some great essays.

I'm ready for whatever the sequel is!