Listen. I know that I ridicule Faker (Sarah Smith's debut novel) all the time. But what Faker lacked in organic romantic development, characterization, plot, and writing quality, it made up for with comedic gold like "He is the god of thunder dipped in a milk bath" and "I’d wager his genes have never been infiltrated by a person of color."

Faker was hilariously bad. But Simmer Down is just so bad it's not even funny.

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Initial thoughts:

Khine truly is the biggest simp to ever simp. I genuinely do not care about any of the other characters, including Queen Talyien. They can all rot. I just want Khine to thrive in Book 3 and get the happy ending that he rightfully deserves.

Full review to follow.

Just kidding. This last installment completely destroyed me. I can’t wait for it to ruin other readers’ lives.

Actual rating (5 stars obviously) and review to follow.

A poignant, moving novel about identity, family, and hope. Also reignited my desire to travel the world. Review to follow.

Drinking game: Take a shot whenever Lily or Calder uses the word ‘fake’.

Listen. We get it. These characters were in a fake relationship for like 3 seconds. We get it. We get the trope. We understand how the fake dating trope works. There’s absolutely no need to beat us over the head with it and to drop the f-word all the fucking time.

Review to follow.

What in the wish fulfillment fuck did I just read? This was so bad — and not even in an entertaining “oh what a fun hate read” kind of way. I’m devastated.

Pardon my Filipino, but this book is genuinely the stupidest thing I’ve ever had the misfortune to read. I know wish fulfillment is a thing, but this was just unfathomably awful. Full review to follow.

A masterpiece that had me sobbing at night — all because of the brother-sister softness and unapologetic Filipino influences. This graphic novella owns my whole heart. Full review to follow.

Sarah Smith really came to prove the haters wrong and released the best book she's ever written to date.

Full review to follow, but as the #1 hate-reader of her books, I am genuinely distraught by this development. FAKER LANG SAKALAM!!!

First 1-star review for this book. I'm truly honored.

Final impressions:
• This book tried to redeem a humongous asshole of a character (Marco) and failed to do so. But to be fair, I'm not sure how to go about redeeming a toxic, serial cheater and convincing readers that it's a good idea for the main character to fall in love with a guy who hurt and cheated on both her best friends. Or maybe that's just me.
• While I appreciated this book's effort in advocating therapy, I couldn't help but feel that it could've been handled better and more organically.

Spoiler

Marco pretty much self-diagnosed himself ("I'm a shitty person because my family is shitty to me") and then sought out a therapist to confirm his suspicions. The whole thing was very in-your-face.

• Morgan is into tarot readings and reiki and chakras - and it really gave me the same vibes as white women who swear by the power of yoga. Very weird energy all around. Especially when

Spoiler

Morgan went from "unblocking" Marco's throat chakra to suddenly making out and grinding against him.

• One of Marco's selling points as a love interest is that he likes Taylor Swift and BTS. However, as someone who does enjoy k-pop, I didn't like the backhanded jokes that k-pop fans are all pre-teen girls. Reeked of internalized misogyny and infantilization to me, but okay.
• Overall, very white, very weird, and not memorable at all.

Tl;dr: Not a single lumpia in sight. I can't recommend this.