The Laughing Listener
November 2018
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Robert Petkoff
Length: 10 hours & 23 minutes

Story Rating: 2 Stars
Performance Rating: 5 Stars
Overall Rating: 2.5 Stars

Uggggggh I did not like this one as much as the others and even thought seriously about quitting it halfway through. I really liked Bowe and even loved Mari, but they started bickering in the beginning and then NEVER STOPPED. It feels like I just read one long argument for 300 pages. The ending was great and they were really cute when it was done, but JEEZ.


Actual footage of Mari and Bowe

Another major shout out to Robert Petkoff though, who continues to BALLER at narrating these books. His voices and accents are my favorite!

FINAL WORD

This one was rough and personally not my cup of tea. I’d say skip it and move on to the next one.

The Laughing Listener
March 2018
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Nicole Poole
Length: 3 hours & 35 minutes

Story Rating: 2 Stars
Performance Rating: 4 Stars
Overall Rating: 3 Stars

Here it is, the grand finale and my finale foray into the Seven series. Part of me is sad and to see it go and the other part is relieved that I can finally stop obsessing about these books and move on with my life. Like every other novel in this series, it was super cute, but lacking anything of real substance. Now that I think about it, this novella is pretty much about nothing. A snow storm hits Austin (yeah right. I live in Georgia and the most we ever get is a few inches) that cuts off the power and the Weston pack has to work together to save Christmas. Nothing much happens though. It’s basically a book about them running around collecting batteries and starting fires to keep warm.



I’m also more than a little salty that a romance was set up between Melody and Lakota that didn’t go anywhere. There was some romantic tension that I was excited to see, but the book ends before anything happens. What the hell?! You can’t just do that and end the series on me! Is there another book planned that I don’t know about?? Now I want another book about Melody and Lakota! UGH.

I will say that I was excited this had alternating perspectives. That’s what I was hoping for in [b:One Second|29774861|One Second (Seven, #7)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1459786867s/29774861.jpg|26490336] and it was nice to have my prayers answered. Hearing from all the different couples was great fun and getting a peek at Melody’s perspective was awesome too. It was a nice little farewell to the wolf pack I love so much.

FINAL WORD
Meh. If you’ve read the rest of the series, I highly recommend this book just to get some closure. It’s a super quick and fun read. If you skip it though, you’re definitely not missing much.

#1 ↦ [b:Seven Years|18659745|Seven Years (Seven, #1)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1381430884s/18659745.jpg|24996744] ↦ ✦✦✦✧✧
#2 ↦ [b:Six Months|21548791|Six Months (Seven, #2)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1395738349s/21548791.jpg|26490322] ↦ ✦✦✦✦✧
#3 ↦ [b:Five Weeks|22837546|Five Weeks (Seven, #3)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1406960686s/22837546.jpg|26490324] ↦ ✦✦✦✧✧
#4 ↦ [b:Four Days|23869022|Four Days (Seven, #4)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1421490830s/23869022.jpg|26490335] ↦ ✦✦✦✦✧
#5 ↦ [b:Three Hours|25296655|Three Hours (Seven, #5)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1432398272s/25296655.jpg|26490339] ↦ ✦✦✦✦✧
#6 ↦ [b:Two Minutes|26118073|Two Minutes (Seven, #6)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1440554447s/26118073.jpg|26490337] ↦ ✦✦✦✧✧
#7 ↦ [b:One Second|29774861|One Second (Seven, #7)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1459786867s/29774861.jpg|26490336] ↦ ✦✦✧✧✧
#7.5 ↦ [b:Winter Moon|33143851|Winter Moon (Seven, #7.5)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1480359548s/33143851.jpg|51298123] ↦ ✦✦✧✧✧

The Laughing Listener
March 2018
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Nicole Poole
Length: 13 hours & 5 minutes

Story Rating: 2 Stars
Performance Rating: 4 Stars
Overall Rating: 2.5 Stars

Ughhhhhh okay, this was cute but it was about three or four hours too long. Of course, it was awesome seeing all the wolves and couples I love so much, but I got SO BORED in the middle.


Me in the middle of this damn audiobook

I was really hoping this last book would be from multiple perspectives. It would have been awesome to have each chapter told from a different person so I could revisit some of my favorites like Denver, Wheeler, Reno, and even William or Trevor. Instead this was told from Austin and Lexi's perspectives again, who are pretty boring and not my favorite couple. Add that with the fact that NOTHING HAPPENS for the longest time and I was over this book real quick.

At the very end of [b:Two Minutes|26118073|Two Minutes (Seven, #6)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1440554447s/26118073.jpg|26490337] the pack has a discussion about the northern shifters and how a war with them is inevitable, setting up the premise of this last installment. But I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY THEY WERE FIGHTING. Why was a war with northern shifters inevitable when they haven't been a problem for the last six books?? I guess they want land, but why can't they buy their own? Lexi must ask that exact question at least three times and I still don't know. When the northerners start coming down to scout their area and prepare for an attack, they all sit around talking about battle plans FOR SO LONG. Half the book is Austin talking about the war with the pack at dinner, with Lorenzo over drinks, with Prince in his office, with Lexi in their room, blah blah blah. CHAPTERS AND CHAPTERS OF TALKING ABOUT THE BATTLE. Ugh. Then when the war FINALLY happens it's so drawn out that it wasn't even exciting.

And apparently Lexi's biological father was the one behind the attack the whole time???? I'M SO CONFUSED!! I thought the northerners had been getting restless and gearing up for war for years. How is Lexi's dad the one coordinating this? Is it a coincidence???? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

What kept me going was my curiosity about how all this ended, which I have to admit, was flipping adorable. Plus, I loved seeing all the shenanigans playing out with all my favorite wolves in the background. WILLIAM & TREVOR ARE THE CUTEST!!

FINAL WORD
Ugh. I wasn't a fan, but the ending was really cute. If you're a lover of the series you should definitely read it, but don't be afraid to skip some of the middle bits. You won't miss anything.

#1 ↦ [b:Seven Years|18659745|Seven Years (Seven, #1)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1381430884s/18659745.jpg|24996744] ↦ ✦✦✦✧✧
#2 ↦ [b:Six Months|21548791|Six Months (Seven, #2)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1395738349s/21548791.jpg|26490322] ↦ ✦✦✦✦✧
#3 ↦ [b:Five Weeks|22837546|Five Weeks (Seven, #3)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1406960686s/22837546.jpg|26490324] ↦ ✦✦✦✧✧
#4 ↦ [b:Four Days|23869022|Four Days (Seven, #4)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1421490830s/23869022.jpg|26490335] ↦ ✦✦✦✦✧
#5 ↦ [b:Three Hours|25296655|Three Hours (Seven, #5)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1432398272s/25296655.jpg|26490339] ↦ ✦✦✦✦✧
#6 ↦ [b:Two Minutes|26118073|Two Minutes (Seven, #6)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1440554447s/26118073.jpg|26490337] ↦ ✦✦✦✧✧
#7 ↦ [b:One Second|29774861|One Second (Seven, #7)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1459786867s/29774861.jpg|26490336] ↦ ✦✦✧✧✧
#7.5 ↦ [b:Winter Moon|33143851|Winter Moon (Seven, #7.5)|Dannika Dark|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1480359548s/33143851.jpg|51298123] ↦ ✦✦✧✧✧

The Laughing Listener
Format: Ebook
I actually spent three whole dollars on this. *Shakes head*
Rating: 1 Star

Wow... What the actual fu*k did I just read? This was a buddy read I did with my best friend and after hearing her awful first-hand accounts (since she started reading it first) and seeing some of the hilarious reviews, I just HAD to read this to see if it was as crazy as it sounded. I signed up for a hilariously awful, twisted paranormal romance and uhhh, well, that's what I got??? Maybe???? We've lovingly nicknamed this "The Trash Fire" and I wish I could just transcribe all our texts about this novel on here because they were amazing, unlike this book.



THE REHASH

Merry is half fairy, half human. People in the Unseelie court were trying to kill her for some reason, so she ran off to live a normal life in LA three years ago and is now working as a paranormal detective. She works a case that reveals her location to the Unseelie queen (who's her aunt) and gets dragged back to court. The queen reveals that she wants Merry to inherit the Unseelie throne—apparently for no reason at all—despite the fact that the queen is an immortal who will out live Merry by centuries. LOGIC. The only problem is the Queen's son Cel, a completely dickhead that has just as much right to the throne as Merry (probably more since he's her son??). In the end, it's a race to see who can make a baby first and continue the bloodline. Whoever makes a baby first will be crowned king or queen.

That is literally the entire plot. Half-human girl lives in LA. Half-human girl gets dragged away to make babies.

THE UGLY

Oh my god, where do I even start? FIRST OF ALL, this is soooo so so terribly written. I'd say a middle schooler wrote this if the subject matter weren't so incredibly screwed up. The following is my interpretation of her writing style:

I live in Los Angeles. There's smog everywhere. I don't know how the fey can stand living here. This isn't where I'm from, but I can't go home because I'd be killed. Jeremy is my boss. We flirt a lot, but don't worry, it's just how fairies are. He dresses in nice clothes. My skirt today is really short. I have to wear high heels to make my legs look longer. Now I'll spend five paragraphs describing the color of my red hair.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *Throws book out a window*

Hamilton also spends next to NO time explaining the universe she's created and I was so confused THE ENTIRE TIME. I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW INFURIATING THIS WAS. I already had a very basic knowledge of fairies going into this, so I could kinda follow along, but I had so many questions. She uses the word "Sidhe" every other damn sentence, but god forbid we ever get a solid definition of what the hell it means. And does the general populace know about the paranormal stuff going on?? Merry casually references a few government laws that pertain to magic and they even recruit the police to help with certain cases. There's practically a whole chapter about how Hitler tried to recruit the fey to his side of WWII. I mean, the Unseelie court has a damn publicist! Merry even spends the last half of the book running away from an angry mob of journalists. But then they have to glamour themselves all the time when they're out in public? And at one point Merry goes into a description of fey hunters who are people that lurk around the gate of the Unseelie court to try and "catch a glimpse" of them. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?! Aren't there fey all over the media if so many journalists are after Merry?? Can't humans just open a god damn newspaper to "catch a glimpse" of the fairies??? Do normal humans know or not?!?!? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!

Eh, whatever, it doesn't matter right??? Instead, here's two pages describing how amazing Merry's breasts look in this push-bra! WHY ARE YOU OVER-EXPLAINING THINGS THAT DON'T MATTER? GIVE ME ANSWERS DAMMIT.

And for a romance novel, this was shockingly devoid of sex. There's one confusingly weird scene in the beginning and one lame sex scene at the very end, but the middle is nothing but heavy flirting and awdward foreplay that never goes anywhere. Whatever, I don't need sex in my books. It would have been fine if the plot weren't filled with gaping holes and could carry the story on it's own, but it couldn't. Instead I found myself annoyingly bored, reading scene after scene of Merry doing mundane things like flying on an airplane and talking to her grandma. I waited ten chapters for Merry's confrontation with the queen. TEN. And the payoff was sooooo not worth it. We wait the whole book for Merry to get the queen's permission to get freaky with these hunky fey guards AND THEN NOTHING HAPPENS. The last chapter is a shitty rush job that just made me wanna light this book on fire.



Also, Merry is a narcissistic bitch (#SorryNotSorry) and I really don't understand why everyone fawns over her as much as they do. All the men she speaks to are like OMG, YOU'RE SO HOT. HOW CAN I POSSIBLE RESIST YOU?! And she's all, I KNOW RIGHT?!?! Merry spends the entire book making off-hand comments on the different ways she's better than everyone else. My hair is beautiful, by boobs look great, my eyes are amazing, my clothes are awesome, blah blah blah. I think I was suppose to see her as a strong, independent woman, but to me she was just annoyingly egotistical. At one point, her boss Jeremy says something like "She really doesn't know how beautiful she is does she?" I LITERALLY laughed out loud. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Are we talking about the same person?!

THE GOOD

I liked most of the secondary characters that we glimpse in the beginning. Uther is the shit AND DESERVED BETTER. I mean, did Uther ever find a lady friend to fill his lonely nights?? I'M VERY CONCERNED.

Oh, I also liked when it ended.

FINAL WORD

Nope.

The Laughing Listener
Format: Audio Book
Narrator: Tavia Gilbert
Length: 9 hours & 47 minutes
Rating: 2.5 Stars
*Series Spoilers Ahead*

Wow, what a journey you guys. Where do I even begin? After listening to the roller coaster of a first novel Halfway to the Grave, I decided to give this one a go. I won't lie, literally the only reason I decided to keep going was for Bones. It's no secret that Cat annoys me to no end, but the bad-assery of Bones (a.k.a. Crispin. HA! For some reason that name cracks me up every time I hear it.) cancels her out. Although, after this masterpiece that may no longer be true.

THE REHASH

Our journey begins four years after the first book left off, following Cat on a mission for her new, fancy vampire-hunting squad. She's suppose to be going after the master vampire Ian and relapses into her old seductive trapping methods to beat him, only to find out that he is Bone's sire. His connection to her former love weakens her resolve. She lets Ian go with nothing but a hole in his chest and the knowledge that she's a half-vamp. Not a good move Cat.

As we follow her around, the readers get a taste for how Cat has been living her life the past few years. She lives alone and has become close friends with a woman named Denise whom Cat spends most of her time with. Her mom is still as charming as ever. *Sarcasm Alert* And there have been no relationships or sex since leaving Bones, dodging any and all advances that come her way (much to the dismay of dear old Denise). Cat has also taken Crispin's real last name Russell as her new undercover pseudonym and tattooed an identical copy of his crossbones on her hip, making her one breath away from being an Edward Cullen stalker.

On her way to Denise's one night, Cat accidentally hits... well... a cat and has to bring it to a local vet to get looked at. He's a nice, normal guy that instantly becomes taken with her despite the warnings she gives him about her eccentric job. At the urging of Denise, Cat decides to embark on the most pointless relationship EVER that serves no purpose other than to annoy everyone. I seriously can't even remember his name. But while Cat entertains her new veterinarian, Denise falls for a guy named Randy and decides to get married with her bestie as a bridesmaid. Imagine Cat's surprise when she's walking down the aisle and sees Bones among the groomsmen. Obviously she's flabbergasted and demands an explanation from Bones once the ceremony is through. Apparently Randy just HAPPENS to know about vampires—despite him being very human—and Bones just HAPPENED to meet him at a bar a few months prior. I wish I was kidding.

Bones also comes bearing the news that Ian is infatuated by the mysterious Cat and is looking for her so he can add her to his "collection." As if all of this wasn't enough, there's also someone trying to kill Cat with hired assassins and they know it's not Ian since he's trying obtain her not kill her. All of this madness helps bring Cat and Bones together, forcing them to team up to figure out what the hell is going on. That and the fact that Bones hasn't stopped looking for her since she left four years ago. Bones is more than a little pissed and in one conversation manages to solve every damn problem with their relationship that appeared at the end of book one. How convenient. Oh, and vet guy is definitely toast. Duh.

To help fight the very creepy and powerful Ian, Bones calls some friends for reinforcements. This includes his former client *wink wink, nudge nudge* and vampire offspring Annette who is still in love with him. As we learned in the last novel, Cat is the jealous type and this news displeases her to say the least. To prove he no longer cares for Annette and loves her, Bones takes Cat to their bedroom and a sex EXPLOSION happens. That's not suppose to be a joke, I just can't think of any other way to describe chapter 32. After nothing but heavy make-out sessions and fully-clothed parking lot quickies, we suddenly are inundated with them going at it. After that it's all downhill. Cat's team of good guys finds Ian to deal with his creepy stalker tendencies and she makes an idiotic mistake that changes everything.

THE UGLY

Chapter 32. I just... I don't even... Oh my god. Listen, I don't mind some smut in my books. Hell, most of the time I enjoy it. What I do mind is going from 0 to 60 in the span of seconds. It was just way too much out of nowhere and I had such a hard time keeping it together. Call me juvenile, but I got such a bad case of the giggles and it ruined the rest of the book for me. Obviously I knew this was a paranormal romance going in because I listened to the last one, but everything just seemed so ridiculous after that one scene! Like, really? How do you even top that? What's the point in going on? Plus, I don't think it really helped my case having it read to me by a third party. There's just something extra awkward about listening to a stranger describe a graphic sex scene to you.


via GIPHY

I also couldn't believe that Cat and Bones got back together with minimal fanfare after all the dramatics at the end of the last novel. He drops the you're-probably-immortal bomb on Cat, which solves that dilemma, but what about the government agent stuff? In the end of Halfway to the Grave, Cat is basically blackmailed into the secret service because they threaten Bone's life and she even fakes his death because she's so worried. Yet he just comes waltzing back in and no one gives a damn? What? What happened to the whole "no fraternizing with the enemy" thing?

Plus, The beginning half of this book is one big snooze-fest. It was filled with Cat's boring life spliced with action from her secret service missions and I was counting down the seconds until Bones returned.

THE GOOD

Bones. He's single-handedly carrying the series at this point.

FINAL WORD

This is all about personal preference. I can see why it's gotten so many five-star reviews because it's certainly not short on entertainment, but I won't be recommending this any time soon. My love for Bones can only carry me so far and I think I've reached my quota. If I want more Spike in my life I'll just go watch some Buffy reruns.

3.5 Stars

Let's all be honest, we're here because of Spike. We're here because we love Buffy The Vampire Slayer and it's absence has left a void in our hearts. Literally the only reason I started this was because of all the five star reviews and the promise of a Spike wannabe. Right from the get-go, the plot didn't sound too original and I was very skeptical. I mean come on—girl meets vampire. Girl falls for vampire against better judgement. Drama ensues.


via GIPHY

But damn it, this was a pretty entertaining read. I admit it. It was good in the way a lot of pop songs are good—like you know they're crap, but you find yourself liking them anyway. Bones was the best and I loved all the action. I listened to the audio book and the narrator made Bones sound a little too Eliza Doolittle for my taste, but he still kicked ass. Definitely had to deduct some points for Cat because I personally found her to be extremely aggravating at times. I understand that Cat's character had to grow from her beginning insecurities, but more than once I found myself slapping my palm against my forehead in classic "doh!" fashion. Gurl what are you doing?? That whole scene with the vampy ex-nun? Cringe worthy.

Still, this was a great way to pass the time and I was very entertained. I don't know if I can stand Cat for another six books, but I'll definitely be checking out the next one out of curiosity. Gotta find out how these two wacky undead kids get back together!