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The Laughing Listener
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Rebecca Soler
Length: 14 hours & 35 minutes
Story Rating: 3 Stars
Performance Rating: 4 Stars
Overall Rating: 3.5 Stars
I should preface this review by saying I generally have a distaste for stories I already know the endings to. Obviously I understand that that’s the whole point of this—that we know the ending, but not the path that got the characters there. Still, I was extremely apprehensive about investing myself in a novel that ends with me hating the main character. However, my love of Marissa Meyer and a friend’s recommendation gave me the motivation I needed to dive in.
via GIPHY
THE REHASH
Heartless is centered around Catherine Pinkerton (nicknamed Cath) who happens to be the future crazed Queen of Hearts that everyone loves to hate. Before she met the infamous Alice and became obsessed with decapitation, she was the daughter of Marquess Whelagig Pinkerton and Marchioness Idonia Pinkerton. Cath is a lady in every way, which is inconvenient because that’s the last thing she wants in life. Her true passion is baking and all she dreams about is opening a confection shop with her best friend and maid, Mary Ann. One night her bitching shrew of a mother comes to help Catherine get ready for a ball, making emotionally abusive remarks before forcing her into a too small ball gown. Cath is confused about all the fuss until she learns of the King’s plan to propose, that very night, from Cheshire. In sheer panic, she flees and bumps into the court’s new fool, Jest, whom she feels an instant attraction.
In a series of truly unfortunate events, Catherine is cornered into a courtship with the King and pushed farther away from her dreams of a simple bakery life. The pressure from everyone to accept the King’s offer is overwhelming and she starts drowning in everyone else’s expectations. Meanwhile, her relationship with Jest continues to grow against their will and provides the only ray of hope in Cath’s life. While dodging blows from a Jabberwock that’s on the loose, Cath learns that Jest, Hatta, and Raven are on their own mission that she soon gets entangled in. Right when things seem hopeless, Jest comes up with a plan to save everyone and get a happy ending, a plan that almost works until something goes terribly wrong.
In this story, no spoiler alerts are needed—our Queen of Hearts doesn’t get her happy ending, or her Jest. Fate has it’s own plans for our beloved characters and there’s no fighting against fate.
via GIPHY
THE UGLY
*Sighs* This book was emotionally exhausting to listen to. Watching Cath’s slow descent into evil villainy was like torture and made me feel truly helpless most of the time, which is why I avoided this book to begin with. I completely understand that this was done on purpose. We’re suppose to feel just as powerless as Cath does, but that doesn’t make it any less agonizing. And what made me want to rip my hair out were all the warning signs Cath gets ahead of time that go ignored. So much BLATANT foreshadowing that she brushes off or makes excuses for. WOMAN. HATTA AND THREE MYSTICAL SISTERS THAT LIVE IN A WELL ARE TRYING TO WARN YOU ABOUT THE FUTURE. If an impeccably dressed man that can make magical hats and three fortune-doodling girls that live in a well tell you not to
It also amazed me how idiotic and terrible the people of Hearts are. The King is kind of an airhead, they all gossip too much, and everyone is pretty much worthless in any kind of emergency. Plus, Cath’s parents are TERRIBLE and it takes her so long to stand up to them. Every time she cowered away and kept her bakery dream a secret, I wanted to kick her. The Marchioness says and does the most horrid things and Cath just takes it. For a really long time—over half the book! It was hard to watch.
THE GOOD
That being said, all the torture I endured in the beginning three-quarters made the ending that much sweeter. After getting past the awful Jest incident, Cath loses her give-a-damn and finally stands up to everyone. It’s AWESOME. She finally says everything that I had been thinking and I can’t tell you how gratifying it is. The sensation was odd because I knew she had turned into an evil bitch, but I was weirdly happy about it. Marissa Meyer is a magician.
And despite being quiet about her future dreams for most of the novel, Cath is still a strong, unique spirit for the entire story. My love for her character is part of the reason why I gave this story the rating I did. Even in the end after she turns evil, Cath is still smart and independent—clearly way more capable than most of the court. The way she separates herself transforms at the end into something darker, but that original uniqueness is still there. In the beginning she’s a happy free spirit, full of dreams, hopes, love, and a quiet wit. By the end, she’s an emotionless Queen that’s high on cunning and low on sympathy. No matter how you slice it though, she’s a force of nature.
Of course, I can’t forget about the narrator Rebecca Soler who did a lovely job reading this story. Her voice was perfect for bringing Cath to life and I loved her different accents. She voiced the animal characters in unique ways with a hint of refinery that completely matched Wonderland. And her voice for the King was FLAWLESS. He sounded so goofy and it totally synced up with his personality. She even captured his awkward giggles and I freaking loved it.
FINAL WORD
I won’t lie, the beginning of this book is agony because even during it’s happiest moments, you know it all comes crashing down. You may even want to rip your hair out at times like I did. However, Cath’s interesting character transformation and the fun cast of characters, *cough* Jest *cough* makes this a worthwhile read.
The Laughing Listener
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Kathleen Gati
Length: 11 hours & 48 minutes
Story Rating: 4 Stars
Performance Rating: 2.5 Stars
Overall Rating: 3.5 Stars
Ugh, this book was slooooooooooooow… I’m so torn about this one and I’m pretty sure that listening to it on audio was a mistake. It also didn’t help that I went in with super high expectations, not only because it’s gotten good reviews, but the description sounded right up my alley. In the end, this book had high highs and low lows that were a little disappointing, but won’t deter me from continuing the series.
THE UGLY
Okay, W-O-W how annoying was Anna?!? Man did I HATE her character in this. I mean, I’m suppose to hate her, so good job to Katherine Arden, but damn was she annoying. Sorry, but I’ve been dying to say that for days. Any time she cried or fainted I wanted to rip her hair out.
Hmmmm where to start? … This is hard because the stuff I liked I really liked. The setting, writing, characters, and mythical guardians were all amazing to read about and built a magical world that I loved being a part of. But the story—particularly the beginning half—just drags on and on and on. My attention listening to the audiobook kept drifting in waves, which didn’t seem to negatively effect my understanding of the story at all. I paid attention in the beginning, then spaced out, then came back when Vasilisa got lost in the woods and found a one-eyed man, then spaced out again, then came back when her father went to Moscow for a new wife, and so on and so on. To me it feels like the entire beginning could be dramatically condensed and still weave the same amazing tale.
I also had a hard time with this narrator because she was a bit too monotone for me and didn’t help the whole almost-falling-asleep thing. Gati did an amazing job with the Russian accents, so I can understand why she was chosen, but truthfully I found her a tad dull.
THE GOOD
That being said, if the second book is anything like the last half of this one, I’m guaranteed to love it wholeheartedly. It was so good!!! That frost demon made me FEEL some things! PHEW!!
Also, Vasilisa asking the frost demon if ever gets jiggy with it pretty much made my life.
ANYWAY.
Similar to my experiences with [b:Sabriel|518848|Sabriel (Abhorsen, #1)|Garth Nix|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1293655399s/518848.jpg|3312237], I was practically falling asleep on my keyboard all through the beginning, but had to fight the urge to give this five stars by the end. Once Vasya gets older and Anna, her new stepmother, comes to live with the family, the story really picks up and finally managed to capture my attention. That’s when we start seeing more magical creatures and learning the rules of this magical world. And when Vasilisa FINALLY meets up with Morozko (a.k.a the frost demon) SHIT GETS REAL.
The writing and world building in this book are AMAZING all the way through. Arden weaves such an enchanting story that just feels like an old Russian folktale as you read it. I know absolutely nothing about Russia during this time period, but she makes it all sound true. It feels like I could time travel back there and find guardians hiding in the forest among the trees.
And Vasilisa’s character is SUBLIME. It’s no exaggeration when I say she’s probably one of my favorite female protagonists ever. Fierce and brave and wild—she always does what’s right for her family, but doesn’t let anyone get in the way of what she wants. Even though we have to suffer through the monotonous beginning, part of me understands why because her character transformation by the end is beautiful. The oppression of women is a physical weight on this book that effects every female character in different ways. Seeing that bear down on Vasilisa made me a little misty-eyed at times, but it was so rewarding to see her determination at the end.
FINAL WORD
This is just a beautiful book. If you can stick with the slow pace in the beginning, it’s definitely worth it by the end and I’m excited to see where Vasilisa takes us next.
The Laughing Listener
July 2018
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Natalie Ross
Length: 11 hours & 16 minutes
Story Rating: 2 Stars
Performance Rating: 4 Stars
Overall Rating: 2.5 Stars
Ugggggghhhhh, okay… *Rubs face tiredly*
I don’t exactly know what to do with this book??? It wasn’t completely unfortunate, but I also rolled my eyes a lot more than normal. Just like my venture into [b:A Kiss of Shadows|139417|A Kiss of Shadows (Merry Gentry, #1)|Laurell K. Hamilton|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1486707201s/139417.jpg|3341459] a while ago, this was a buddy read I did with my best friend because we like to tackle trashfire books together for entertainment. And although this wasn’t Merry-Gentry-level bad, I did think this was a complete snooze fest.
First of all, here is who this book is about:
Raylene—A completely paranoid, jaded vampire who lives in solitude, babbles too much and gets paid to steal stuff for other people.
And here is who this book COULD have been about:
Domino & Pepper—Two siblings who somehow came to be orphans living on the streets of Seattle. To survive, they steal food and squat wherever they can find shelter. When they stumble across an old factory, Domino and Pepper set up camp in one of the upper unused levels until the owner Raylene comes by and threatens to throw them out. When the siblings refuse to leave, they all eventually form a bond.
Ian—An older vampire with a mysterious backstory that was somehow kidnapped by the government, held captive, and experimented on. These experiments made him lose his eyesight even though he’s a vamp and that should be impossible. With his ghoul friend Cal, they’re on a mission to figure out how to restore his vision and take down the people who did this.
Adrian—A former Navy Seal who’s sister Isabelle went missing in his early 20’s. He never gave up searching for her and every time the police tried to shut the case, he fought to keep it going. Now years later, he works at the Poppycock Review as a SASSY DRAG QUEEN NAMED SISTER ROSE. When a vampire named Raylene stumbles into his life, they ban together to solve the mystery of his sister, take down the people performing these experiments, and generally kick ass.
I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW FREAKING AWESOME A BOOK FROM ADRIAN’S POV WOULD BE.
It seemed like every other character surrounding Raylene had a WAY more interesting story to tell and it made her pale in comparison (HA! Get it? PALE?? Vampire puns people!). That fact coupled with her tendency to babble on and on made this a little painful to get through. Most of the time I just really wanted her to GET TO THE POINT. And she also had a weird habit of talking directly to the reader, which really irked me. It’s like breaking the fourth wall in movies—you just don’t do that without a good reason and when you do, it’s used sparingly. But Raylene talks to the reader the entire book saying things like “Oh there I go again,” or “Well, you get the idea,” and it just made her drivel feel extra incessant.
The last half of the book was a lot better because that’s when the action really started. And I actually kind of liked Raylene when she was out performing jobs or talking to the other characters. It was just that damn inner monologue that put me to sleep. I mean, this book is about a VAMPIRE and DRAG QUEEN DUO FIGHTING CRIME. That should be the best book EVER. How in the world was I bored?!?!
And I was also more than a little salty in the end when Domino and Pepper, the two kids staying in Raylene’s warehouse, just kind of drop off the face of the earth??? There’s a very dramatic phone call between Raylene and Domino that takes place halfway through the book where the warehouse gets raided and they can’t find Pepper. By the end of the call they still haven’t located her and... then they just… never… talk about Pepper again?? WTF?!?! At the very very end (like, the-last-few-paragraphs-of-the-book end) the author kind of vaguely solves that mystery, but BARELY. Don’t create this high-drama moment if you’re NOT GOING TO FOLLOW UP WITH IT LATER. I WAS VERY CONCERNED OKAY???
FINAL WORD
Ugh. Don’t bother. This isn’t even really funny-terrible, it's just boring.
The Laughing Listener
June 2018
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Piper Goodeve
Length: 9 hours & 25 minutes
DNF at 35%
I actually feel kind of bad about this DNF because I think the potential is there. It's obvious every detail of this universe was thought out and I applaud Kat Ross for her attention to detail. But DAMN is it all thrown at you fast!! So much information within the first few chapters!! I was so dang confused—for a WHILE—and even had to go back and re-listen to giant chunks of audio to try and understand what was going on. Hell I'm STILL confused. Apparently the printed version has a glossary of terms, but I don't even think that would have helped if I had it.
Plus, everything is so rushed in the beginning. Not only are we being thrown all this information, but everything happens so fast! When it was revealed that Nazafareen was 17, I was genuinely shocked to learn that so much time had gone by without my even knowing. Things got a little more interesting when Darius showed up, but I suddenly realized that I didn't care enough about these characters to be putting in this much effort to keep up.
Sorry guys, just not for me.
The Laughing Listener
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Amanda Dolan
Length: 12 hours & 39 minutes
Story Rating: 3 Stars
Performance Rating: 5 Stars
Overall Rating: 4 Stars
Well dang, that book gave me whiplash!! What a crazy read. For whatever reason, I was totally expecting to hate this book. I’ve seen some pretty hot and cold reviews and since my opinions seem to be of the unpopular variety, I thought I’d dislike this one for sure. Even though I can definitely see why this book annoyed some people, I’ll be damned if I wasn’t entertained by it!
THE REHASH
In the world of Mare Barrow, the basis of life boils down to the most basic thing—blood. Normal humans like you, me, and Mare are called Reds for our red blood. Those with silver blood, or Silvers, are gifted with special abilities and held in a high regard. The Silvers are given all the money, power, fame, and opportunity while reds are left to fend for themselves. Most Reds are forced to serve Silvers just to make enough to get by. Any Red that doesn’t have a job or purpose is forced into conscription, serving the military in a war that’s been dragging on for generations.
Seventeen year-old Mare isn’t good at anything except stealing, swiping things for her family to get by until she’s forced to conscript the following year. One day, a group called the Scarlet Guard make themselves known and try to start a Red revolution. By happenstance Mare gets caught up in one of their attacks and her world is thrown into chaos. She meets someone that entangles her in the Silver royal family, changing her life and forcing her to question everything she’s ever known. As she gets closer and closer to the Silver royals while simultaneously watching the Scarlet Guard start a revolution, Mare must decide where her loyalties really lie.
THE UGLY
Oh man, where do I start? This book is so dramatic! There were so many tropes and clichés, it almost made me laugh. First of all, the whole dystopian government-is-selfishly-corrupt thing is basically it’s own trope now isn’t it? Why hellooooooo [b:The Hunger Games|2767052|The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games, #1)|Suzanne Collins|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1447303603s/2767052.jpg|2792775], long time no see. In the beginning when Mare goes on and on about the suppression of Reds and how Silvers get all the wealth and power, I thought here we go again…
Then OF COURSE she turns out to be the “chosen one,” with a unique ability that no else has and IT’S UP TO HER TO SAVE THE KINGDOM!! A Red with the powers of a Silver?!? GASP!! Mare was plain, boring, and normal, but NOW she’s special and coveted by all!!
And then, there’s a weird love triangle between Mare and the two princes. The two princes! BECAUSE SHE’S JUST SO UNIQUE AND SPECIAL AND DIFFERENT.
Sorry, I’ll try to reign in the sarcasm. Apparently I’m feeling a little sassy today. But sometimes it was all just a little too much. I adore young-adult books, but this one felt especially teenager-y to me. There were several “big” moments that I think were suppose to be shocking, but I was shocked by none of them. Everything was pretty predictable and I saw the “twist” ending coming for MILES. It was so NOT surprising to me, I couldn’t believe Mare was surprised.
THE GOOD
Despite ALL of this, I strangely found myself liking this book??? I enjoyed it in the same way I enjoyed [b:The Selection|10507293|The Selection (The Selection, #1)|Kiera Cass|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1322103400s/10507293.jpg|15413183] series, like a soap opera or terrible reality TV.
Even I don’t completely understand it, but all the drama was extremely entertaining. Mare has a great sense of humor that I loved and watching her lightning abilities develop was pretty fun. And despite the cliché-ness of it all, I couldn’t help but fall for Maven and Cal just as much as Mare did. And Julian was the best!! He was like the Yoda of Red Queen and I don’t understand why Mare didn’t listen to him more. My man Julian knows what’s up.
FINAL WORD
Meh. I’m torn in half about this one. If you’re a fan of drama and terrible reality TV, then say I say go for it. This book was good for some entertainment, but it wasn’t really anything new.
The Laughing Listener
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Cynthia Halloway, Johnathan McClain, & Sarge Anton
Length: 11 hours & 15 minutes
Story Rating: 2 Stars
Performance Rating: 4.5 Stars
Overall Rating: 2.5 Stars
WHEW!! You guys. I almost didn’t make it. This book was SO CLOSE to becoming the first DNF of the year. If Lilac had complained about her dang shoes and yelled at Tarver ONE MORE TIME, it would have been a goner. Luckily for this book, she turned into a decent human just in the nick of time. Even though most of the beginning is boring and unbearable, the ending is intriguing enough to make this book not completely worthless…
*Me getting to the end of this book*
THE REHASH
Lilac LaRoux is the wealthy, golden child of the infamous Roderick LaRoux of LaRoux industries. Pretty much the biggest company in the universe. There isn’t a soul around that doesn’t know who she is and everyone wants something. Money, status, connection—they all try their best to get what they want and Lilac knows, playing her part in society. Even her own friends aren’t trustworthy. Tarver Merendsen came from nothing, earning fame simply by joining the army and being a hero. The only thing Lilac and Tarver have in common is being stuck on the Icarus together, a humongous spaceship that Lilac’s father built.
When the Icarus starts getting pushed out of hyperspace and shutting down, Lilac and Tarver are thrown together in the chaos. They both find refuge in an escape pod and end up crash landing on a mysterious planet. It’s curiously devoid of life, but when the duo finally find the crash site of the Icarus with no survivors, they know something is really wrong. The fact that Lilac is hearing voices and seeing visions is an added bonus that’s really starting to freak them out. As they trek across the planet trying to survive, the two grow closer as they attempt to unravel the mystery of what’s going on.
THE UGLY (Literally just me ranting, tbh)
Lilac LaRoux. She is the ugly part of this book and I COULD NOT STAND HER. Look, I get it. Her dad is a douchebag and she’s mean to people so no one else gets hurt. Lilac is gallantly sacrificing herself to keep others away and blah blah blah. But when you’re stranded on an unknown planet with no one else in sight, you can probably afford to be cordial TO THE ONE NICE PERSON TRYING TO HELP YOU. STOP DELIBERATELY GOING AGAINST TARVER. YOU’RE GOING TO GET YOURSELVES KILLED. WHY ARE YOU WEARING HIGH HEELS TO WALK THROUGH THE FOREST?!?!?! I know there are no other shoes around, but I would rather rip up my feet walking barefoot than wear high heels to hike. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
She was so insufferable FOR SO LONG. Lilac doesn’t shut up about her ruined dress and fancy shoes, complains about leaving the escape pod even though they don’t really have a choice, and nags on Tarver about EVERYTHING. But then, god forbid Tarver leaves to pee or something because she flips out thinking he’s abandoned her. Do you want him to stay or not? Are you mad at him or not?? DO YOU WANT TO SURVIVE OR NOT??? GAH!! Thankfully—THANKFULLY—Lilac almost gets eaten by a giant cat and Tarver comes to the rescue, effectively shutting her up. When the truth finally comes out about her dad and we learn her motivations, Lilac magically transforms into a considerate, smart person, but the damage was already done for me. I just couldn’t see past that spoiled rich girl we see the beginning half.
The plot is also really dull for a long while. They’re in a ship, they crash, they survive—that’s about 75% of the book. Just Tarver and Lilac walking around trying to NOT keel over and it’s all just one giant catalyst for their love story. Right when I wanted to throw in the towel and call it a day, Lilac started hearing crazy voices and curiosity got the better of me. Pretty much the only reason I finished this book was to see how it ended. However, the answers we’re given aren’t really that shocking and I didn’t completely understand how everything was resolved. I’ve watched a lot of Doctor Who, so maybe I’m too desensitized to crazy sci-fi plot lines?? But I was on the edge of my seat, dying to know what was happening. Then we find out and it’s so anticlimactic.
THE GOOD
If Lilac is the worst part of this novel, Tarver Merendsen is the best because there are only two damn characters in this story. I really liked him and he managed to keep me going with his witty banter when I wanted to wring Lilac’s neck. It probably helped that I had a lot of sympathy for the poor guy in the beginning when he had to deal with the city girl from hell.
The storyline was also really interesting by the end. Once Tarver and Lilac find the abandoned research building with all the creepy stuff inside, I was brimming with curiosity and questions. What researchers used to live there? What happened to them? Who do the voices belong to? How are these voices communicating with Tarver and Lilac? How do the voices create the objects they send? Even though the answers we get are a little dull, I give the authors props for keeping the intrigue going. That little maneuver they pulled with Tarver’s interview bookending each chapter was really clever.
I also really enjoyed the performance of the narrators! I love when books have multiple narrators for different characters and these guys did a great job. Johnathan McClain—who I think is the voice of Tarver—really brought life to the character and is probably about half the reason why I liked him so much.
FINAL WORD
Well, this was just a big ‘ol pile of meh. Between my hatred of Lilac, the dull beginning, and the underwhelming end, I just really don’t care enough to continue the series. Sorry Starbound Trilogy!
The Laughing Listener
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Thom Rivera
Length: 9 hours & 10 minutes
Story Rating: 2.5 Stars
Performance Rating: 5 Stars
Overall Rating: 3 Stars
This review is not going to be constructive. I’m just warning you now. Really hoping Maggie Stiefvater never actually sees this because, honestly, it’s just going to be a jumbled mess of thoughts. I have to admit, I’m pretty conflicted about this one. A big part of me wanted to love this so badly, but now that it’s over I’m a little disappointed.
THE UGLY
Before writing this, I poked around some other reviews and it’s obvious that I’m in the minority over here. It seems like mostly everyone loved this book, so maybe this was just me, but I was SO BORED during the first half. I found myself drifting in and out of the story constantly and the rewind button was used a good 700 times. It’s so puzzling too because I feel like all the elements are there. I really loved the writing (as always), characters, setting and premise, but something about it just fell flat for me. It was like there was something missing...
Plus, I was very confused about how the miracles worked for a long while. I totally understand that Maggie Stievater did this on purpose. She gave us a few pieces of the puzzle at a time to slowly unravel the mystery. But for some reason, I went in with an expectation of what a “miracle” would be (this is totally my own fault), which definitely didn’t line up with the book. Every time I thought I understood how the magic worked, more information was revealed that forced me to completely reset my thoughts.
Finally about a third of the way through, the rules of the magic are spelled out for us, which was a relief. It felt like I could finally focus on the story after that. I like the idea of the pilgrims needing to work through their oddity to learn their important message, but it felt like a lot of work to get there.
It also took me an absurdly long time to realize this was set in the 60’s. Maybe I wasn’t paying close enough attention?? But there’s a part where someone makes a Lassie joke and Stiefvater explains that this was a very popular and relevant show in the 1960’s and I was like…
I had been thinking it was set in present day, so after this revelation my brain had to reset itself again. It was a different time with a different culture and different beliefs that painted everything in a new light.
THE GOOD
After a rocky start, I finally started getting into the story about halfway through and I really loved the second half! Once I finally understood what was actually going on, I could lose myself in it and by the end I actually felt myself wanting more. I spent so much time in the beginning trying to sort everything out that the ending felt quick. But it was so nice watching the personal journey each character had to go through. I feel like this is one of the rare times I was really invested in the fate of each character rather than just one or two favorites.
Also, I really really really love the premise of this. I love the concept of miracles being real and attainable, and I loved that the Sorias had the ability to give them. Plus, watching all the pilgrims work through their miracles inspires me to look into my own “darkness” and do a little soul searching of my own.
And I just can’t write this without mentioning Thom Rivera’s great performance. He was AMAZING and the perfect person to read this novel. He gave each character so much life and individuality. I really loved it and hope to hear him in other audiobooks!!
FINAL WORD
Meh. To be completely honest, I probably won’t be recommending this to anyone because I didn’t personally care for it. But it wasn’t a terrible book and it has a really great message.