3.5 stars

I really really struggled with this one. So many I know loved and felt this book spoke to their souls, Unfortunately it didn't hit that way with me. Possibly it is because I did the audio version, so I didn't take the time to ponder what I was reading?

My most favorite part of the audio was as the end the interview with Rachel. Even though she read recorded this reading, it is here that we really hear her voice.

Several chapters did speak to me personally. Over all it was a decent memoir.

A beautifully illustrated book about books.

The author curates several book lists, covering not just books, but places. Adding to the lists, she has created full color representations of the book covers, even stacks of books. Not just lists, but background is given on authors and the books. Nuggets of knowledge.

This was one of the hardest books to read. The subject matter was truly difficult

as read by Carrie Fisher--a bit sarcastic, a bit funny, a bit bitter. I'm not sure the impetus for writing this book. Is it because she wanted to air the dirt on a 40 year old ago affair with Harrison Ford?

Through this book, you can tell she was quite conflicted about being in the spotlight.

And the diary parts--just a few of them, they were very poetic and introspective for a 19 year old--makes me ponder whether she was that insightful or if they were polished for publication.

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from the publisher.

I have not previously read any Julia Kelly and picked this book due to the "reminiscent of Kristin Hannah's The Nightingale..." While there are many similarities, they are not that similar of books. It has more of a romance vibe to it than I usually read--not off putting, but not what I was expecting.

I loved the method of story telling. Two narrators, two time eras and the diary that brings them together.

Cara, our current day narrator, is an antiquities dealer just outside of London. As a recent divorcee, she throws herself into her work, at an estate, she uncovers a diary written in World War II. As we follow Cara while she digs into the mystery of who the author is, we are allowed to read along in the diary with her.

Our second narrator is Louise, a nineteen year old living in the English countryside, living by the rules of her parents and society of the time.

As we follow both stories, we see how they are both breaking free from situations that have held them back and get to watch as they flourish under the lives of their own making.

I really enjoyed the backdrop of Louise's story--Imagine being a part of a select group of women who are the first to be in combat, and help dispel gender stereotypes. How brave and courageous.

There are few faults I found with this book. First I felt it could have been longer. I would have loved the author to have gone more in depth into Louise's life post war. And the storyline with the grandmother's secret. Well, it was built up so much and resolved with a quick blip--What??? no follow up discussion with Cara?

This book is about so much. A lie that went to far, loneliness, the ability to hide the truth from everyone, including yourself.

I picked up this book because my child and their friends are completely enthralled with the musical. And we are going to see it in March. I have listened to the music, so I figured I would pick this up so I knew what was going on.

About halfway through the book I was extremely pissed off at the story. The lies Evan told and how they kept growing. He seemed to want to stop, but didn't. He inserted himself fully into the Murphy's lives. And then to top it off he ends up dating Zoe. Evan didn't even tone it down when people kept saying that he was Connor's best friend. And while the lies led to something good--The Connor Project, and the fundraising for the orchard, it still left me with a pit in my stomach that everything was based on lies and what would happen when the truth came out, if it came out at all.

I really couldn't see how people could be so in love with it. But..... knowing that people were so in love with it, I knew there had to be more. So I kept on. I also talked about this book with my kid, who has not read it. There are some differences from the script-I found that interesting.

******Big spoiler alert********

Connor is in this book!!! and he discusses why he committed suicide. Which I found was oddly missing from the rest of the narrative. To have Connor's story was amazing. Having him there as a "ghostly" presence, watching and commenting on the farce, was a wonderful addition to the narrative. We get his reactions, thoughts, and truths.

*********
So yes, I continued on and things did come full circle. I am glad that it was Evan himself that finally told the truth. The Murphy's reaction was interesting, but also completely believable. They didn't out Evan about his lies? At first I was surprised, but then the more I thought about it, it probably would have caused them more pain and suffering. In addition, I like to believe that they realized that Evan had his own pain and suffering, and that this was his way of reaching out to the world. Mixed in with a little bit of hope that maybe some of those lies had some truth that they could hold onto about Connor, they let it go.

So after my initial anger, I reflect back to all the themes in this book and realize how relatable it is, and how my perspective-- as a parent, as family member of someone who committed suicide, as an adult-- alters this story read for me vs a teenager. There is hope in this story, there is redemption for making mistakes, there is the reality that all your shit might not be all that different from everyone/anyone else's shit-- and that "you are not alone".

Did I end up hating this book--No. Did it incite anger? yes But then the depth and the meat of the story comes in, and it knocked me off my feet. And isn't that what a good book does--makes you think and feel more?