I really like the premise of this book, but I wasn't super in love with the execution. Overall, cool story. Was it longer than it needed to be? I think so. 

Bold choice to not have Emilia end up with Wrath. Interested to see where this goes.

"In taking on the power of invisibility, I had also given up my voice."

I had to think hard about my review for this book. I wasn't sure what to think. It wasn't what I expected. I thought it would focus more on the therapy itself, but it focused more on the before and after of the therapy. I like some of the writing; some of it I don't. I wanted to love this, but I just feel "eh."

338 pages 

- "I don't know who You are anymore, but please give me the wisdom to survive this." Holy shit do I feel this
- not making the dog lick peanut butter off her genitals ew
- "It was our fear of shame, followed by our fear of Hell, that truly prevented us from committing suicide." Again, felt
- "Some of us aren't cut out for the reading of scripture." Ouch, okay sir
- "What my mother didn't yet know about being gay in the South was that you never ran out of material... I could never count the number of times I'd sinned against God." I hate how much being gay is viewed as a sin. It leads to such guilt about something you can't change. Especially how LIA puts gay people in the same group as pedophiles and murderers. Just no.
- "There had been a moment in the middle of our class discussion of the Odyssey, Odysseus stopping up his ears to muffle the siren call, when I sat up in my desk, unplugged my own ears, raised my hand, and asked to be untied from the mast." This is such a lovely metaphor.
- "Who would be so desperate?" Someone convinced an entire facet of their existence is an abomination
- "I'm afraid because I think I've already lost God. God's stopped speaking to me, and what am I supposed to do without Him? After nineteen years with God's voice buzzing around in my head twenty-four hours a day, how am I supposed to walk around without His constant assurance?" I also had this moment in my life, and I'm still trying to figure out the answer to this question
- "But I've never really lived out my sinful life. I never knew what it was like, so I don't know the first thing about conversion." Growing up Christian is weird. You hear about sin, but you've always been saved so you don't feel like you have as much guilt or experience with sin as others who converted later in life.
- "At the time, [the panic attack] felt like the first symptoms of dying." Ahh yes, the first panic attack experience
- "What's the point of all this... once everything goes?" I think the fact that we lived makes it all worth it. But that's just me.
- "How can I ever repay this gift? How can I ever repay these people and the god these people worship and the god I still seem to worship?" ah. that hurts.
- I hate that the father calls the criminals he preaches to "thugs"; it's just so... filled with superiority
- "I'd often wondered if these people whose lives we constructed might be doing the same for us, if we might be the extras in their dramas. It was comforting to think that what we were going through might be a minor part of someone else's production." SAME.
- "Those ducks, part of a family line with origins somewhere in the forest of Arkansas. Someone had converted them. Somewhere over the years, those ducks had forgotten the feel of unchlorinated water." This is just sad. How could we let this happen simply for our own pleasure?
- "And God. I will not call upon God at any point during this decade long struggle. No because I want to keep God out of my life, but because His voice was no longer there. What happened to me has made it impossible to speak with God, to believe in a version of Him that isn't charged with self-loathing. My ex-gay therapists took him away from me, and no matter how many different churches I attend, I will feel the same dead weight in my chest. I will feel the pang of a deep love absent from my life... I will continue to search. And even if I no longer believe in Hell, I will continue to struggle with the fear of it. Perhaps one day I will hear His voice again. Perhaps not. It's a sadness I deal with on a daily basis." This quote made me tear up. I feel so, so similarly. The people who hated me for who I was took me away from God and I just don't know how to make my way back. 

 I really liked this. Spencer Reid is a comfort character of mine, so when I saw the marketing for this, I had to pick it up. There were some strange things however, so it didn't get the full 5 stars.

344 pages 

 - The fact that the fans got so upset by the one character dying is so sad and crazy.
- "Even God knows sex is good." That's funny.
- "And the bags under my eyes were so big, I was surprised United didn't make me check them at the gate." lol
- "The perfectly lickable kind of dimples." Um, the fuck?
- "Goddamn you, Mr. Finestein." lol
- Who the fuck says "slash" in a sentence? And spells it out in a book?
- "fisted the meat of his cock" EWWW
- I love how the bad side of the eidetic memory is explored too. It's not all fun and games. "I've protected you too." KILLED ME.
- "[Handkerchiefs are] very practical and environmentally friendly." Love a boy who cares about the environment.
- "Never ask a woman if she wants tacos. Tacos are life." True.
- Not the gray sweatpants reference lol
- "Let's just say that his IQ wasn't the most massive thing about him." Ope.
- "And romance readers didn't give up on their happy ending." No they don't babe.
- "Milking my body for more juice." EWWWWW NOOOOO
- "his happy trail teased my clit." I don't like that either.
- "keeping him inside me as he carried me to the bed." Why is that actually so cute.
- I'm glad that "this wasn't the plan" didn't keep them apart that long. Because plans change.
- girl snow does not crumble
- I feel like Darren, the stalker, comes into the story way too late. I wish he'd been part of the book club. It was very obvious who it was just because otherwise we wouldn't be meeting new characters this late into the book. Also, celebrity stalkers are usually stalkers because they are convinced they're in love with the person, which directly conflicts with something that was mentioned in the book. She also gets her timeline mixed up a few times.
- "I can't focus on anything for more than three seconds at a time right now, which makes me unequivocally the dumbest person in the room." WE LOVE THAT SHOUTOUT
- Saying "how rude" to the person holding a gun to your head is absolutely iconic I LOVE YOU CINDY
- HOLY FUCK 4 KIDS IN 5 YEARS IS INSANE 

 I think that Britney was really brave for writing this. I like a lot of what she says. Is it the best book I've ever read? No. Would I recommend it for her fans? Yeah. I think certain things will stick with me, but the writing is forgettable. The genuineness in the writing however, is something I appreciated. 

 - "To me, singing was spiritual." I, like Britney, used to feel this way; and I think that the music industry in some way also took this away from me. I wish this hadn't been taken away from us.
- The fact that this guy just SA'd her while sleeping and she says that all he did was kiss her is so sad. That's still SA.
- Commenting on women's bodies and virginities - especially teenager's - is so freaking weird and gross. I hate how much of the book focuses on her body because of what others would say about it.
- "If I was sexy, they seemed to think I must be stupid. If I was hot, I couldn't possibly be talented." Seriously, why is this the way people think about women?
- I love Britney's take on hard work and how it's more valuable and authentic than anything else.
- It makes me so sad how she talks about how the industry took away her trust in people. I'm also a very trusting person, and the way others are have made me lose my trust as well.
- "Surely, I must be paranoid. Right?" That seems like such a scary place to be in withe the people that are supposed to be there for you.
- "'I'm Britney Spears now,' he said." Holy FUCK.
- Groundhog Day for 13 years sounds like hell, but I get that she did it to see her kids. You can tell that they really are just her life. It's the same as any abusive relationship, she just didn't have a legal way out of it at the time. "I'd lay down my life for them. So, I thought, why not my freedom?"
- Being treated like a criminal while doing everything you can to please those around you would be so demoralizing. Like Britney says, it speaks volumes to her strength that she went through this. "I shouldn't be this strong." No one should.
- The witch test analogy is really applicable here. They truly didn't give a shit about whether or not Britney was okay as long as she made them money.
- "You can't fuck with a woman to knows how to pray. REALLY pray." This is true, no matter what that woman prays to. 

 This was cute. I liked the characters, but HATED the miscommunication between them. Literally just speak to each other and like 25% of the book would have been avoided. But other than that, cute. I like how the traditional gender roles are reversed in the professions of the main characters. That was cool. But overall, just cute.

Rep: Asian, autism 

RTC

 I did not expect this sapphic hunchback adaptation to turn into a poly phantom of the opera/hunchback adaptation but holy shit I am so glad it did.

This was such a fun experience. I love the writing, and the characters are so amazing. I had such a fantastic time with them. The addition of magic was also great. The art is GORGEOUS. So excited for the next one.

Rep: nonbinary, lesbian, pan
391 pages 

 - I wish I could feel as accepted by God as Claude feels in the beginning.
- "Don't bring God into this... I want you screaming MY name, not his." AHHHHHHH FANTASY UNLOCKED
- We love a "who did this to you" moment
- We LOVE period rep in a book YES
- I really thought that Jehan was just a cool nod to the original book but he became a character YAY
- Not Jehan just vomiting on command lol
- Claude why are you turned on by the terror in her eyes as you choke the life out of her damn
- I wish we saw more of the relationship between Father Laurent and Claude. We're told he's their father figure more than we're shown it.
- I like the decision to change Romani to mage. It's a better move for this version. 

Decent read; absolutely frustrating ending. However, I get the message that John Proctor shouts at the end. Sad that a play about scapegoating is still so relevant today.

152 pages 

 I was literally on my seat the entire time with this book. I liked the characters and the writing was great. I just don't think I'll ever think about it again.

455 pages 

 - I love the descriptions that are in this book. Great metaphors, great writing.
- Matt pinching Josie's waist to tell her not to eat is so disgusting.
- How can your pulse be a military tattoo?
- Not the WASP genes lol
- Cormier is not a common name
- The teacher saying some kids are just bound to get teased is so gross. Just no.
- "A gun was nothing, really, without a person behind it." Truly. And hurt people hurt people.
- "Because there was a God, the bell rang." That's a hilarious line
- "If you weren't this hot, I'd be able to keep my hands off you." ICK. Matt is so possessive and creepy and I fucking hate it. Like literally convincing Josie that he'll kill himself if she breaks up with him is just disgusting.
- The homophobic language is just gross. "Transvestite" and "vagitarian." Just stop please.
- "his penis a tiny spiral shell on a sparse nest of pubic hair." the fuck is that description. 

 Holy crap this book was amazing. I can't even begin to describe all of the ways that this book touched my heart and soul, and I know that it will linger with me for a long time, and that it will be one of those books that I reread constantly. This book has a sort of sacredness to me, that everytime I read it, it felt as though this was a book that deserved to be shared.

This isn't an action-packed story by any means. In fact, I'd say that my only qualms with it was how the prophet storyline was handeled. This book is entirely character based, or perhaps even atmosphere based. Mandel's writing, the words and care that she uses in describing things, set up this glorious atmosphere of a solemn and forgotten world, abandoned in a hurry, with moments frozen in time made of corpses and decaying structures. Her writing paints a vivid image that you feel to your very core. And, living in the age of a global pandemic with a fear of change, this book instilled so much fear in me at times. And other times, it filled me with a peace and hope that we could start over and create a world that it better than the one we lived in now. Hopefully not by wiping out a good amount of the world's population, but by having empathy for others. Absolutely fabulous. If I can give you one peice of life advice, I would say: read this freaking book. 

 -It was pretty obvious from the beginning that the prophet was Tyler. He was the only character that we knew who fit the timeframe, and as all of the important players in the story are connected to Arthur in some way, it was obviously going to be him. But I didn't find this disappointing, to be honest. However, I do wish that we had gotten a better picture of how the end of civilization had twisted Tyler and Elizabeth to give them their fates. The pacing of this aspect of the story is really wonky, with us meeting the prophet near the beginning and then developments with that story happening every 100 pages or so, and I honestly think I could have done without it, but it was still interesting.
-Mandel really succeded with writing and atmosphere, as I mentioned above. I could really picture myself in this post-apocalyptic world, and I could see and smell and envision everything. I loved so many of her words and descriptions, and it was so beautiful. Truly amazing book.
-It's so weird to think of the ushers just picking things up after Arthur's death. Like the world goes on.
- Mandel likes "plastic translucencies"
- I also feel super alive on stage, and I love how that's brought up here
- "'You don't have to understand it... It's mine.'" Totally.
- "Because we are always looking for the former world, before all the traces of the former world are gone." This hits really hard.
- "If you are the light, if your enemies are darkness, then there's nothing you cannot justify." And that's terrifying.
- "I want to do something remarkable but I don't know what." Again, felt.
- "I think I have to stop listening to your words, V., and take stock instead in your actions." A lesson all should learn.
- "'But why are you crying?' 'I'd thought I was the only one.'" That's so insane to think about. You think you're the only person left and all of a sudden there's more people who have found you. I'd cry too.