Just constantly on the verge of tears

I'm going to blame this horrible review on me recovering from surgery :)

This book was so much fun. I laughed out loud so many times and I loved all the characters and their relationships with each other. While this book does deal with death and the afterlife, it doesn't make the book depressing or sad. And while it does not align with what I believe happens in the afterlife, I think it was very unique and interesting.

Nelson has to be my favourite though. He is the cutest, grumpiest, sarcastic old man. And Mei has a soft spot in my heart.

The only complaint I have is that it felt like Wallace changed a bit too much from who he was before. And I get that was the purpose, since this is a very character-driven book, but I just found it a little unrealistic that he was having such deep conversations with everyone when prior to his death he was pretty much an "asshole" and cared about nothing and no one. The ending also felt a little too perfect, but I guess it was balanced out in the epilogue.

Overall, would rate this more a 3.75/5 stars. Definitely a fun read, would have finished it quicker if I wasn't busy/had surgery.

okay wow this was a really great book and I actually learned so much more than I was expecting.

also, the last chapter about David kind of made me want to sob because his life sounds perfect??

REREAD 2020

Even better the second time around. I noticed so many little things that I didn't even think about the first time I was reading.

I remember finding Sev kind of annoying when I read Crown of Feathers last year. And while he does go through a lot of character development and I grew to love him just as much as I do Veronyka and Tristan, this time around I appreciated and understood his situation so much more. I don't think people understand the decisions you have to make in order to survive, unless they've been through something similar. And while Sev does a lot of stupid stuff, I don't blame him at all for being selfish, because sometimes you have to be selfish in order to be okay. Kade did annoy me more this time around because I related so much more to Sev, and his arrogance and superiority made me angry. Still, I'm curious to see what happened to him in the next book.

Val makes me as angry as ever. Maybe even more so than the first time. This book and just everything about it is so relatable ugh, and I honestly think it's a me thing and not something everyone will necessarily feel or understand

***

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH AHHHH

THIS BOOK. YOU GUYSS. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE READ IT.

It is now one of my all time favourites and definitely makes my Top Reads of 2019 list!

If you're a fan of Tamora Pierce, this book pays homage to so many different aspects of her Tortall books, you'll be internally screaming the entire time. We have animages, who have the ability to interact/communicate with animals, especially phoenixes. The entire time, I was thinking of Daine. There are actual lines that some of the characters say that brought me back to the Immortals series. It's just so great and perfect and I loved all of it so much. Later on, our main character disguises herself as a boy to become a Phoenix Rider, and I was freaking out cause ALANNA. We have a Jon-like character, except he's actually a million times better and not an entitled brat. IT WAS JUST SO GOOD.

I really enjoyed the writing too. It flowed so well and was easy to read. This book has a very heavy past, with a lot of world building and history, and the author did such a good job of incorporating bits and pieces into the story. I never felt like I was getting a history lesson in the middle of a dialogue scene. The moments were never jarring, but easily slipped in between conversations. It really built up the world slowly and steadily and we got little reminders here and there to make things easy to keep track of. There's also a timeline and glossary and cast of characters at the end, which makes it super convenient too. I really, really need to get my hands on a physical copy, because I'd love to look at that timeline closer, and the map is absolutely beautiful!

Our main character, Veronyka, is a very likeable and relatable character. She goes on such a huge journey throughout this book, and not just physically, but mentally/emotionally too. This book deals with some heavy topics, specifically emotional abuse/manipulation, especially by family members. As the reader, we can see clearly how scared Veronyka is when it comes to her sister Val. How she's constantly on edge and wondering what will cause Val to explode next. She lives to please her sister, but its so twisted and awful, knowing that Val has manipulated and emotionally abused her to become this way. Veronyka's moment of clarity takes a while. It happens in steps and I really liked seeing her finally come to the realization of how toxic Val actually is. I was worried we'd get a lot of scenes were Veronyka would keep apologizing and going back to Val, but she stands her ground and I love that about her so much. It fit with her character arc and her realization that she could be independent and fend for herself and not depend on anyone else. She was just really inspiring and I think could give a lot of people hope who are in similar situations. The one thing I'm not sure about was the ending. Veronyka decides that because of everything that has happened, she doesn't want to necessarily cut herself off from her sister and hate her forever, and while I think that's very honourable, a part of me is petty lol I really hate toxic people. I hate people who use the intimacy of a relationship against a person with the goal of being controlling and manipulative. I don't think they deserve to be forgiven, especially not by the person who had to go through all of this. Obviously Veronyka is a better person than I am, and based off of where this series seems to be headed, it fits with what I think the author is trying to do.

The other character who goes through emotional abuse/manipulation is Tristan. We don't see a lot of him at the beginning of the book, but the little we do see is really sad. I did not like Commander Cassian at all. And honestly I wasn't a huge fan of how his behaviour was explained. It was the whole he-loves-him-and-wants-to-protect-him-so-that's-why-he's-so-hard-on-him. That doesn't justify the abuse. It doesn't justify how scared Tristan is to stand up for himself in front of his father. When Commander Cassian praises him for finally speaking up and showing him that he's as a leader, I wanted to shake him. That's messed up and just sad. I am glad that we don't get a complete reversal of the relationship and suddenly Tristan and his dad are best friends. We still see that Tristan is cautious around him and knows his father's faults and the way he would most likely react. So he isn't completely blinded by his father's sudden expression of favour, which I think was done well. I also really liked his growth as a character. We get different glimpses of him, pre-Nyk and post-Nyk, and while it can seem like two different people, we also understand what's going on inside his head and why he acts the way he does. He's a good person in the end, and as the Jon-like character, he is a billion times better.

The one thing that did bother me was the romance that was hinted at between Tristan and Veronyka. Nothing really happens in this first book, and I did really enjoy them growing their relationship into this beautiful friendship, but the romantic undertones did annoy me. Mostly cause in the middle of a battle scene, I don't think I would be focused on how I can feel Tristan's chest pressed up to my back and his thighs touching mine, but this is probably just me lol There were also moments when Veronyka suddenly can't help focusing on Tristan's breathing and the smell of his clothes etc. which just makes me roll my eyes and think "it's too allo." That being said, Tristan does seem to have some kind of feelings towards Nyk before he finds out that Nyk is a girl, so it makes me think he's probably bisexual. We also have a lesbian Pheonix Rider couple that are mentioned in Pyra's history.

The one aexual rep we have was nice I guess, but I really didn't love her. I wish we could get better asexual rep in books, but the one rep we do get is

Spoiler

someone who is evil, and also abusive and manipulative. She's selfish and violent. We go from rooting for her character at the beginning, especially since she is someone Veronyka looks up to, to realizing that she isn't all that history has made her out to be. I did really like this twist in the plot, but the reasoning this character comes to at the end is a messed up

And lastly, we have Sev. I really didn't like him in the beginning. He's not a hero–his POV really focuses on that and I really grew to love it eventually. Not everyone is a hero. Not everyone is brave enough to do the right thing. It's okay to want to just survive and get through life the easy way. And while Sev annoyed me at times for being a little selfish and so oblivious to what was going on around him, it made me relate to him even more. I felt like Kade in the story, going from hating Sev to realizing that what he's gone through explains his actions, but also that you can't expect everyone to become what you imagined them to be in your head. Sev does change, it takes time, but he realizes he wants purpose in his life. And Kade becomes better too. He bothered me as well, cause he's kind of self-righteous and thinks highly of himself. I really did enjoy their relationship and I hope what Sev thinks happened didn't happen cause I want more.

I want next year to be now so I can read the sequel. I wasn't even planning to read this book and now I am completely obsessed and can think of nothing else ajsdfjsdkf

*MAJOR SPOILERS*

Where do I even start? This book took me completely by surprise. While I absolutely fell in love with Crown of Feathers, I was a bit wary about Heart of Flames because I was told I wouldn’t like the romance that was sort of hinted at between Veronyka and Tristan. And me being super picky when it comes to romance in the first place, I was just as shocked to find out that I didn’t mind it at all and actually ended up shipping them.

I don’t think I have any complaints about this book except for one thing. The use of em-dashes really annoyed me. I noticed it in my reread of Crown of Feathers, but I think in Heart of Flames, it’s used even more. Every paragraph seemed to have one, and it kind of slowed down my reading a bit. I totally understand this is specific to an author’s writing style, but it’s just not something I loved. It didn’t take away from the story that much though, but it was just something I constantly noticed while reading.

Going back to the romance…It wasn’t 100% perfect. And what I mean by that is that some parts did annoy me a little. There is a lot of pining between the two of them, and we end up going the whole “We can’t be together because it’s too dangerous/I’m a danger to you/We need to stay apart and control our emotions otherwise we will all die” drama, BUT it made sense? I’ve read books where this trope was used, and it just didn’t work. It felt like the author didn’t have a real reason for keeping the characters apart or making the whole relationship difficult and not achievable right away. It was used as a “Look at the sexual tension I created but you can’t have it yet haha.” Nicki actually made everything fit. We get a reason behind why it is dangerous, and we really get an insight into what Veronyka is going through and how confused she is and how she doesn’t really understand what she is doing. I also loved one other thing about her and Tristan’s relationship: the communication. I feel like this is something really lacking in YA. We get two people falling for each other, and then they break up because of lack of communication or a secret or lie is revealed and it’s the end of the world. But when Tristan finds out that Veronyka has shadowmagic, he reacts in a way that is understandable, but then he realizes that what he said was wrong and goes to find Vernoyka and apologizes. That is what I want to see more of in books. I don’t want lack of communication as a means to a frustrated, drawn-out “will they, won’t they” relationship. I want people talking and discussing their feelings and working through things instead of ignoring them and running away in anger.

I also want to talk about character development. One of the things I love about this book is the writing style and how much we get to see what is going on in each character’s head. I loved watching Veronyka, Tristan, and Sev grow throughout the book, and while some people might hate the long paragraphs we get of each character struggling and trying to understand themselves and the situation better, I think it’s relatable to a lot of people who do think that way. It’s funny since it was trending on Twitter, but a lot of people do have monologues in their heads and work through everything they go through by talking to themselves. It’s nice to see the thought process going on in a character’s head instead of assuming it’s happened and that’s why they’re choosing to act a certain way.

Sev’s character development was perfection. Seeing him going from a reluctant spy who shied away from a fight, to someone who wanted to sacrifice everything for what he believes to be right and true, and doing it not for others, but for himself was just sdjfsldkfj He is such a good boy and I love him a lot. He’s gone through so much and learned a lot about himself and what he’s capable of. He’s constantly surprising me (and Kade) at his selflessness and his courage and willingness to do what is right. Also everything with Kade was just great. We love slow-burn in this house.

I do want to mention Elliot’s chapters. At first, I was like, why? But honestly, his chapters almost made me cry. We really got to see how helpless Elliot was and how he was only trying to protect his sister. He made a decision that anyone else would have made and then had to pay the price for it. I love love love his relationship with Sparrow and I really hope he doesn’t forget about her now that Riella is back. It was just so sweet, and Sparrow is honestly a treasure. She’s beautiful and kind and clever and exactly what Elliot needed. I almost cried at the end when Elliot is reunited with his sister.

Speaking of sisters…Val. I hated her in the last book, and my hate for her just grew exponentially in this one. I was worried we might be going for a redemption arc and I couldn’t understand how that was possible with everything that had happened in the past, but this book really shows that in some cases you can’t redeem a person; that their actions are too far-gone, their selfishness and obsessiveness, and the darkness inside them is just too much and impossible to change. And I loved that. I want more unforgiveable villains, not redeemable ones. And we get to go on the journey that Veronyka goes on as she realizes this. She does love Val, and it makes sense, because Val was the only family she ever had and it’s hard to not love and care for someone who cared for you, despite all the other horrible and abusive things they’ve done. It’s hard to forget the small kindnesses and sacrifices and it’s hard to stop caring completely. But I love how Veronyka recognizes that it is too late. I also love just being in Val’s mind and seeing her thought process behind everything. She is so manipulative and cunning. She uses everything and anything to get what she wants. She’s such a frustrating character to read about; so entitled and proud and stubborn and heartless. It makes you so angry you want to break something, but I also love feeling these emotions and realizing they come from a character in a book. It’s quite a powerful thing to do with writing, to make your readers feel all of this. We get to understand so much of Val’s perspective in this book and while it doesn’t make her even a little redeemable, it allows us to understand how messed up everything is in her head. It’s creepy, but also really interesting.

Tristan also goes on quite a journey in this book, though I don’t think it lived up to the same extent as Veronyka’s and Sev’s. I still find his relationship with his father to be a little confusing. At some points I get why Cassian acts the way he does. Both Tristan and Veronyka are in such a hurry to move ahead in their training and their responsibilities, when in reality they are kids and don’t know what they’re doing. That being said, they are quite capable, but also a bit too emotional and not that rational at times. But other times, I find Tristan’s excuses for Cassian’s behaviour, or his reaction to situations to show underlying effects of the abuse he’s faced at his father’s hands. It’s not tough-love or his father trying to teach him how to become a good leader, or at least it’s not entirely that. Cassian’s way of raising Tristan wasn’t great and it affected Tristan a lot, and I think in a way it’s almost pushed aside and forgotten because of how good of a commander his father is and what he’s trying to do to protect Pyra and the Pheonix Riders. It’s something I’m interested in seeing more of in the next book though.

The politics and plotting and war tactics in this book made me jump around like a little kid. This is the content I like to see in books. I love the complexities and intricacies, and seeing the different sides and bargaining chips used to get things rolling a certain way. It’s awful and horrifying realizing what Lord Rolan was doing to draw out the Phoenix riders, but at the same time fascinating to see how things like this can happen, and seeing how Commander Cassian counteracts everything. It’s just something the historian in me loves to see in books because it makes everything so much more complicated and detailed and confusing (but in a good way!)

Overall 4.5/5 stars. I’m so, so, so happy. This book was everything and the rollercoaster of emotions I went through was exactly what I wanted.

This was so sad. You know where things are headed and despite that it’s still so sad by the end. This book is a really interesting look at how people deal with the death of a loved one. It was painful seeing how much Julie struggled and how badly she wanted to hold on to Sam. I did enjoy the parts with all her friends, and when she got closer to Oliver and her moments with Mika. And the epilogue was the perfect conclusion.

The only thing I do want to add is that there’s this overarching theme of losing the people around you because you’re in love/you’re grieving because you’re in love. So many characters point this out to Julie about how once she and Sam fell in love, they’d hang out together all the time and sort of leave their other friends and family behind. (I mean I have zero complaints of Sam leaving his old friends behind because they’re horrible). They would make plans, just the two of them, and sometimes Mika would be included (she’s the only one who seemed to have been anyway), and then when Sam dies, Julie ignores everyone else who is also grieving, and is focused on herself. It’s understandable because she lost someone she loved, but I just found this contrast interesting. Some of the other characters claimed she took Sam away from them, and even after he died, she was still doing that in a way, as if her grief was greater than everyone else’s. She does learn that isn’t true, but I do wish we could have gotten more of a solid conclusions around this.

okay this book was something.

I was not expecting something so dark and graphic, but this book does not hold back. If you're looking for dark fantasy, you're in the right spot.

Ren is also not your typical heroine. She starts off likeable and relatable, and then somewhat gradually changes as the darkness and Death consumes her. And I'm not sure if I liked it?

Her relationship with her brother Neven was what made me really like the book from the onset, but then everything sort of changed. Neven does not understand what Ren feels–how lonely it must be to not belong in England, but also not belong in Japan. I think a lot of us who are immigrants can relate to that feeling so well, but at the same time she treats Neven terribly, and it's really quite a mess. I don't think Ren is meant to be likeable. She admits she's selfish and a horrible person, and I understand her motivations, but I think what really put me off was the romance that seemed to come between her and her brother.

Hiro started off great, but the second Ren started to notice his pulse and his eyes and kept getting drawn to him...I started to get uncomfortable, which is just me when it comes to romance. Neven's warnings about Hiro and how they shouldn't trust him did make the ending kind of predictable, but it did annoy me how infatuated Ren became with Hiro and how she picked him over her brother who she had dragged across the country. She is really selfish and throughout the book she even agrees and says she only brought Neven along so she wouldn't be alone. She doesn't think about anyone else until it's too late.

I feel like by the end of the book, Ren sort of lost her agency because of her infatuation with Hiro. The whole marriage thing happened so fast, and she just said yes right away without thinking about it at all. It really made me like her even less.

Overall, I just don't know how I feel about this book. I guess if you're looking for a book with a character who is selfish, murderous, and kind of evil, then this might be for you? I honestly don't read a lot of books with characters like Ren, so this is probably why I wasn't as huge of a fan. And despite sort of understanding some of Ren's motivations and reasons for doing what she did, it just went a bit too far for her to remain likeable enough.

I loved this and it’s no surprise. The art style was beautiful and I especially loved the scenes in the mountains when it’s fall. Lek is just as creepy as ever and I hate him. But I loved Katsa and Po and this makes me want to reread the book again so I can spend more time in this world