Reread: July 23-27, 2019

New Rating: 4 stars

Rereading this book now is a completely different experience to reading it two years ago. I not only relate to Eliza even more, but my opinion on Wallace has also changed. Sometimes it's hard reading YA contemporary because the main characters really act like teenagers–which of course they should. But as someone who isn't a teenager and didn't really go through the typical teenage high school experience, I find that I sometimes let my experience overshadow the story.

My first time reading this I was really upset with Wallace. I couldn't see how Eliza could move past what he said and did to her. But reading this now, I understand both sides a lot better. I understand the desperation and hopelessness Wallace feels. And the betrayal. That doesn't excuse his actions at all. His reaction to the reveal and the things he said to Eliza were awful and she came so close to ending things. I can't help wondering what would have happened if Eliza hadn't made the decision to go home and Wallace hadn't decided to come after her. To know that in some ways Wallace led her to almost make that decision is really awful and difficult to accept. But he does apologize. And I seemed to have forgotten that scene.

In the review I wrote when I first read this book, I said that I felt that Eliza still finished the comic because of Wallace, but reading it again, I realize she didn't. I must have just been blinded by my hatred towards Wallace lol because she does come to realize something important. She doesn't want the people who love Monstrous Sea, who live and breathe the characters and story she's created, to have nothing to turn to like the Children of Hypnos' fans. She knows how it feels to watch a fandom wither away into nothing, and she wants the place she's created, where people can love something openly without judgement, to remain. Yet that isn't everything. In the end, she rereads her favourite series and gets that feeling again, that tingling in her hand that makes her want to draw. She finishes because she loves her fans and she loves Wallace, but she also does it on her own terms, at her own pace. And that's just really beautiful.

As a member of the Rigel Black fandom, this book puts so many things into perspective. Violet is Eliza, and seeing the pressure Eliza had from her fans, it makes me more cautious with doing something similar. There's a fine line between being a fan and encouraging someone to continue their work vs. pressuring them to a point where they can no longer continue because of guilt, and fear, and anxiety.

I somehow went into this book not sure if I would love it, and came away feeling like it changed my life. And this was a reread too.

***

This is a really difficult book to rate. While on the one hand I did relate to many aspects of Eliza's character, there was one thing that just ruined it for me and I can't stop thinking about it. So, for that reason, I'm giving this a 3/5 stars.

I don't usually read contemporary, but I heard good things about Eliza and Her Monsters, and the synopsis reminded me a lot of Fangirl, so I thought I'd pick it up and see. And while it is similar to Fangirl, it didn't leave me squealing and dying from happiness. While there are parts of the book that made me really happy, it is quite sad at times. I should also add...trigger warnings for suicide and anxiety.

The main character, Eliza, is the creator of a webcomic series called Monstrous Sea that has an enormous online following, yet no one knows who she is. Her own parents don't even understand the extent of what she is doing. She pretty much lives online, mostly talking to her best friends Em and Max who moderate her website and comments. She hates school and spends most of her time there drawing and planning out scenes for her comic. She also has social anxiety, and while that wasn't something that I could 100% relate to all the time, I know its something that other people can.

Eliza's lifestyle was something that really connected with me. For a lot of us who read and review books on social media, we have our lives separated into two parts: our "irl" and our online life. And also for a lot of us, we're kind of isolated in someways because people in our "irl" don't really understand what we do online. Personally for me, I know that my parents don't get this at all. They think it's childish and weird. My sister constantly tells me that my online friends aren't actually real friends, and my brother rolls his eyes whenever I mention anything about my bookstagram. Barely anyone else in my life knows about what I do online, and I prefer it that way cause having to explain to people is awkward. But it also makes it hard when people close to you don't see what you do online as something serious.

This book really touched on that. Seeing how oblivious Eliza's parents are to what she does results in consequences that really have an affect on her. And it was sad to read about, but also relatable. While I'm not super famous or anything, I know that if my Instagram account was somehow found out by people I know irl,

Spoiler

just like Eliza's secret was revealed by her parents, I'd be devastated. Obviously, Eliza's situation was completely different considering her following and the fact that the truth targeted her life so specifically.

Okay, onto Wallace. I really did like his character, mostly cause he writes fanfiction. And since that's something I've been dabbling in more and more as of late, I really, really related to him more than Eliza at times – mostly cause I suck at drawing. I really enjoyed watching his and Eliza's relationship grow and evolve...from what I've heard, Eliza is actually demisexual, so it was amazing to see that rep in a book. But then things changed.

Spoiler

The whole revelation of who LadyConstellation actually is, Eliza knocking her head and ending up in hospital, and then everything that resulted, kind of ruined Wallace's character for me. I understood that he was mad that Eliza had lied to him, but seeing how blind he was to what she was going through and his obsession with her finishing her webcomic so he could publish his transcription and be able to study what he wanted in university, made me really angry. Especially since it felt out of character. It pretty much resulted in Eliza feeling this compulsion to finish her story because of someone else, not because she wanted to do it. And I really didn't like that Wallace made her feel that way. While she does go see a therapist and ends up realizing she needs to do this for herself, I still felt like she was motivated for Wallace's sake. And while that isn't a horrible thing – cause of course, if you love someone, you want to help them, and I know Wallace sort of apologized – I felt disappointed. The book literally went from being very close to a 4 stars, to dropping down to almost 3. I guess it's just me, but I don't think I could have necessarily looked past what Wallace did to Eliza.

Eliza's brothers were a nice surprise at the end. While throughout most of the book I did find them annoying, they do really care for her and seeing Sully stand up for her was really touching.

Okay, this review is pretty much a mess, so I'm going to leave it here. I did overall enjoy the book. It grabbed my attention and made me want to read more, but the last third of the book was somewhat of a letdown for me. I'd definitely still recommend this cause it is a quick and easy read, and most of the reviews I've seen her are good, so maybe I'm the only one who had a problem with Wallace, which would be typical Sakina since I'm picky when it comes to contemporary books lol

I love Yumi

4.5/5 stars

This has to be my favourite out of the trilogy. It wasn’t as disturbing or graphic as the other two, but it was definitely more complex in terms of plot. I feel like I’m left with a lot to think about. The ending was sad, like sooo sad. I was not expecting it at all. And it goes to show that sometimes you need to make really tough sacrifices in order to do some good in the world. The magic system wasn’t totally explained, but I felt like it worked for this series. Having unknowns is a part of this life and this world, so it makes sense that not everything has an explanation. The utopia that William Tear wanted so bad was really interesting to read about and consider? It’s the ideal world, and honestly it would be amazing to actually be able to achieve that one day.

Kind of want to hug Kelsea though. She’s been through a lot and I sort of want to know what happens next? Like does she find a way to live again and be happy?

I honestly don't know whether I should rate this a 4 stars or a 4.25/5 stars lol

I think this book is marketed as YA fantasy? But honestly, it was written more like New Adult. And because I was expecting something more YA, I was really surprised at some of the content in this book.

The writing and plot is pretty dense and complex. And while I know some people didn't like that about this book, I actually really enjoyed it. The chapters were long. Like really, really long. Something you definitely don't see in YA. And some of the paragraphs were almost the length of a page. But the way it was written, the way that the political and social aspects of this world were explained, was realistic, raw, and thought-provoking. It was the right amount of detail for me. And you could tell a lot of forethought went into the building and making of this story. Yes, there are aspects of the world that didn't make sense and were a bit confusing – like the reason for the Crossing, and the magic system – but I feel like more will be explained later. The writing was honestly a good 1/3 of the reason I thought this book read more like New Adult/Adult than YA.

The second reason this book caught me off guard was the swearing? It's not something I've seen a lot of in YA, so I was actually kind of surprised to see it in this book. Now I'm not against swearing lol. I feel like it's something we should see more of in YA, since that's more of a realistic part of everyday communication (at least for the majority of people), but I wasn't expecting it in this book.

But the biggest reason that kind of turned me off this book, and made me think it was more New Adult, was the sex, the rape, the pedophilia, and just the descriptions. Honestly, this book read like it was written by a man. And while I did enjoy the plot and a lot of the characters, this was a huge turn off. Yes, rape is a part of war and we can't pretend it doesn't happen. I just wasn't expecting it, considering I went into this thinking YA. But it's also just the unnecessary descriptions that are violent and kind of sadistic. Stories of rape are mentioned. At one point, some woman is having an orgasm while watching this one guy (almost) die from being poisoned? The author also seems kind of obsessed with nipples and just people being naked a lot? The pedophilia was super disturbing to read about, as well as the child sex slaves and sex slaves in general. I honestly don't feel comfortable recommending this book to younger readers. It's not content that would be easy to read, and there were times when I was like "what am I reading?" and "is this what Game of Thrones is like?"

Besides all of what I've said above, the story was engaging? I wanted to know what was going to happen, I wanted to see how Kelsea would handle all the politics that come with becoming Queen, and I wanted to just learn more about the world and especially about her necklaces.

The politics was probably my favourite part – seeing aspects of the Church, the Census, the Black Market, the nobility, and everything else all come together is just so fascinating. Everything plays a role in the overall running of a country, and I love when books focus on this. I'm excited to see what decisions Kelsea has to make in the following books.

The necklaces were honestly the coolest part of the book. I do want to know how all of it works and where they came from etc. But that final scene in the Argive Pass was just epic and I was rooting for Kelsea the entire time.

One other complaint I have about this book, is Kelsea. While she has some really good qualities, she does struggle with herself at the same time, especially regarding her weight and looks. I'm hoping this will be addressed more later, but it was kind of hard to read people dismissing Kelsea just because she's "plain" and not beautiful. And yes, I get that this was one of Kelsea's guardian's plans – to not make her so obsessed with beauty and her looks – it is kind of sad to see that someone can't accept themselves and their own natural beauty and still be a good, strong and just leader. Like it has to be one or the other, not both. I think Kelsea is beautiful, but she's been put down so much her whole life, that she can't see it anymore. And I hope she learns to accept herself in the next couple books.

Now speaking of the men...Mace is an interesting character. I'm definitely intrigued and a bit worried to see what happens in the future. The Queen's Guards accept Mace's leadership without question and that had me getting angry because Kelsea is Queen and they don't trust her opinion. I liked seeing Mace and the others proved wrong at the end.

Pen is interesting...I like him and I'm excited to see what role he'll have later on *hehe*

Also, the Fetch. First of all, you suck for saying Kelsea is too plain for you. Second of all, Kelsea's whole "I need to eat less in front of the Fetch so he likes me" was not a good message at all. He is a very unique character, and I don't exactly know what he has planned, but I want to know more about him so bad!

Overall, I think I'm going to rate this a solid 4 stars. This book was good plot-wise. I really want to see what happens next. Hopefully, I can somehow get through the more disturbing parts of this series though

okay, my thoughts...

I fell in love with the world and the plot first. The characters soon after.

The entire time I was a little confused and not sure where things were going or what was happening or what motives certain characters had. And while the end left me confused and with more questions, I still think the plot was the strongest point of this book. I love politics, and I want to see more of what is going on at court, especially between the Emperor's wife and consort. Two strong women at each other's throats because they want to protect themselves and their sons is just the kind of content I want. But we also get a couple huge reveals near the end, which I was not expecting. Ranmaru having the yellow eyes of the fox and having known Mariko was a girl the entire time??!! And then finding out Ranmaru isn't Ranmaru but actually Tsuneoki, and Okami is actually Ranmaru. I was a little lost when this came to light because I had to switch everything I knew about the characters, especially with what happened with their fathers. But it was really well done.

The few issues I had were with the dialogue and the romance.

The dialogue itself felt too flowery and obtuse at times. It was overly philosophical and hard to follow through with what everyone was talking about. Maybe I'm just not that intelligent when it comes to word battles lol, but some of the stuff went over my head, and I had to read certain lines a couple times to understand what the characters were getting at. It took the joy away from reading a little.

And then the romance. I liked Okami before he suddenly fell in love with Mariko. It sort of went from him being interested in this new recruit and finding her suspicious and annoying, to suddenly realizing she's a girl and that he does have feelings for her. And it starts to take over the plot a little more than I wanted. And to see Mariko side with her new lover instead of her brother...I wanted to read a book with a good sibling relationship, and maybe there's still hope cause Kenshin's actions are the result of his ignorance and single-mindedness. And he's just as unaware of the world as Mariko is, but I don't know. The romance and then this really bugged me.

Excited to get to the second book, despite hearing mixed things. If we're going to court that means we get court politics and I live for that stuff.

This one was definitely more enjoyable than the first. I think going into it with lower expectations definitely helped.

This book is both plot- and character-driven, but I still find the plot to be my favourite. I liked seeing who was planning what and how they were going about to get what they wanted. Politics and court intrigue, deception and lies... I gravitate towards that stuff. I liked seeing what Mariko was up to and how she was going about gaining trust from everyone at the palace, including Raiden. I also liked seeing Kanako and Raiden's POVs. The only problem I had with this book is that it's super introspective. All the characters spend paragraphs thinking between talking, and it gets to a point where it's a bit unrealistic, cause no one can pause a conversation for five minutes to think before coming up with a perfect response. All the character development happens on page and while you're in the character's mind, as they reflect about their past and present, and put all the pieces together. I would have preferred to see something more physical than internal.

The romance wasn't super in-your-face in this one. I will admit that I totally thought Tsuneoki loved Okami as a friend/brother, not in the other way lol but I'm oblivious when it comes to this stuff. Still, I feel a little sad for Tsuneoki and just hope Okami isn't the kind of guy to abandon his best friend now that he has Mariko.

I wish we got more Yumi in this. The beginning of this book started off great with a Yumi POV, and while we got a couple others, I honestly just want more. I could read a whole series about her and never get bored.

Raidan's character was the one that surprised me the most. I started off hating him, but his character development was done so well. It was believable and realistic, and I actually really enjoyed it. Roku, on the other hand, descended into madness and freaked me out. His death at the end though was so anticlimactic. I was not expecting him to die from being pushed down some stairs. Like that's a pretty pathetic way to die, and he deserved something worse than that.

Kenshin's character though...he really annoyed me. I think Renee Ahdieh tried to redeem him after the first book, but just made him worse? And then she tried to make him not guilty by erasing parts of his memory and having Kanako control him. He still hit Mariko though. And she was actually scared of her own brother. And while he did help Okami escape and fight with him at the end, I just hate him overall. He's selfish and spoiled and his principles are skewed. I think Amaya honestly deserves better than him.

The epilogue left all of this up in the air. We don't see what happens to Kenshin or Mariko's family. Nothing about Amaya. Also nothing about Tsuneoki. I wish we got more. The ending seemed super rushed. I was expecting a huge battle scene or some confrontation, but things sort of ended quietly? Roku dies rather unspectacularly. Kanako dies in a similar way. We never find out if the others know she was behind all of this. And I really didn't like how Mariko liked her and saw herself in her? It was just meh and it was over so quickly I didn't get to process it that well.

A nice coffee table book, but not sure if it was worth the money

I decided to give this one a go on a whim. I've heard so much about My Lady Jane, but it wasn't available on Libby and this one was, so I decided since you don't have to read them in a certain order, that I would try this one out.

I really liked how the authors took the classic and made it unique. Honestly I prefer this to reading Jane Eyre. It was a lot more entertaining, funny, and I loved the social commentary. I did find the characters to be annoying though. Jane especially bothered me, but I'm not a romantic, and honestly I would take 5000 pounds a year over Mr. Rochester.

The mystery part of the story was pretty interesting. I sort of guessed Wellington was evil lol, but I wasn't expecting Rochester to be possessed by the ghost of his brother and I was still thinking Jane would end up with him, but I'm glad that didn't work out. Though...the ending is weird. Jane having a thing for Mr. Rochester and then his son appears and she's like oooh, he's handsome. I don't like that.

I did think it was pretty cool that we got to see Charlotte Bronte in this story as a character and writer. She was a bit more likeable than Jane for sure. I found her brother to be a little annoying though.

HELEN. Helen was the best. I loved her commentary on everything. She was actually me in most situations Jane and Charlotte found themselves in. When she tells Charlotte to never again kiss Mr. Blackwood in front of her again, I was like haha huge mood. And her constantly trying to beat some sense into stupid Jane cause Rochester is so suspicious and rude and horrible, but Jane is still smitten with him. Helen was the only sensible character in this book lol

I think I might consider trying out My Lady Jane one day. I have heard that its better than this one, so I hope I enjoy the characters more.

HELP I CANT. THIS BOOK WAS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED AND NEEDED. I LOVED IT SO MUCH I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS AND ITS SO CUTE AND PAINFUL AND THE TEXT STYLE OF TELLING A STORY WAS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT GAHHHHHHH I JUST LOVE MY CHILDREN SO MUCH IM GONNA REREAD THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

(Only part that bothered me was that I got confused with telling Lexi and Sarah and Chloe apart. I think on a reread, it would be much better since I know how things end)