Reread: July 23-27, 2019

New Rating: 4 stars

Rereading this book now is a completely different experience to reading it two years ago. I not only relate to Eliza even more, but my opinion on Wallace has also changed. Sometimes it's hard reading YA contemporary because the main characters really act like teenagers–which of course they should. But as someone who isn't a teenager and didn't really go through the typical teenage high school experience, I find that I sometimes let my experience overshadow the story.

My first time reading this I was really upset with Wallace. I couldn't see how Eliza could move past what he said and did to her. But reading this now, I understand both sides a lot better. I understand the desperation and hopelessness Wallace feels. And the betrayal. That doesn't excuse his actions at all. His reaction to the reveal and the things he said to Eliza were awful and she came so close to ending things. I can't help wondering what would have happened if Eliza hadn't made the decision to go home and Wallace hadn't decided to come after her. To know that in some ways Wallace led her to almost make that decision is really awful and difficult to accept. But he does apologize. And I seemed to have forgotten that scene.

In the review I wrote when I first read this book, I said that I felt that Eliza still finished the comic because of Wallace, but reading it again, I realize she didn't. I must have just been blinded by my hatred towards Wallace lol because she does come to realize something important. She doesn't want the people who love Monstrous Sea, who live and breathe the characters and story she's created, to have nothing to turn to like the Children of Hypnos' fans. She knows how it feels to watch a fandom wither away into nothing, and she wants the place she's created, where people can love something openly without judgement, to remain. Yet that isn't everything. In the end, she rereads her favourite series and gets that feeling again, that tingling in her hand that makes her want to draw. She finishes because she loves her fans and she loves Wallace, but she also does it on her own terms, at her own pace. And that's just really beautiful.

As a member of the Rigel Black fandom, this book puts so many things into perspective. Violet is Eliza, and seeing the pressure Eliza had from her fans, it makes me more cautious with doing something similar. There's a fine line between being a fan and encouraging someone to continue their work vs. pressuring them to a point where they can no longer continue because of guilt, and fear, and anxiety.

I somehow went into this book not sure if I would love it, and came away feeling like it changed my life. And this was a reread too.

***

This is a really difficult book to rate. While on the one hand I did relate to many aspects of Eliza's character, there was one thing that just ruined it for me and I can't stop thinking about it. So, for that reason, I'm giving this a 3/5 stars.

I don't usually read contemporary, but I heard good things about Eliza and Her Monsters, and the synopsis reminded me a lot of Fangirl, so I thought I'd pick it up and see. And while it is similar to Fangirl, it didn't leave me squealing and dying from happiness. While there are parts of the book that made me really happy, it is quite sad at times. I should also add...trigger warnings for suicide and anxiety.

The main character, Eliza, is the creator of a webcomic series called Monstrous Sea that has an enormous online following, yet no one knows who she is. Her own parents don't even understand the extent of what she is doing. She pretty much lives online, mostly talking to her best friends Em and Max who moderate her website and comments. She hates school and spends most of her time there drawing and planning out scenes for her comic. She also has social anxiety, and while that wasn't something that I could 100% relate to all the time, I know its something that other people can.

Eliza's lifestyle was something that really connected with me. For a lot of us who read and review books on social media, we have our lives separated into two parts: our "irl" and our online life. And also for a lot of us, we're kind of isolated in someways because people in our "irl" don't really understand what we do online. Personally for me, I know that my parents don't get this at all. They think it's childish and weird. My sister constantly tells me that my online friends aren't actually real friends, and my brother rolls his eyes whenever I mention anything about my bookstagram. Barely anyone else in my life knows about what I do online, and I prefer it that way cause having to explain to people is awkward. But it also makes it hard when people close to you don't see what you do online as something serious.

This book really touched on that. Seeing how oblivious Eliza's parents are to what she does results in consequences that really have an affect on her. And it was sad to read about, but also relatable. While I'm not super famous or anything, I know that if my Instagram account was somehow found out by people I know irl,

Spoiler

just like Eliza's secret was revealed by her parents, I'd be devastated. Obviously, Eliza's situation was completely different considering her following and the fact that the truth targeted her life so specifically.

Okay, onto Wallace. I really did like his character, mostly cause he writes fanfiction. And since that's something I've been dabbling in more and more as of late, I really, really related to him more than Eliza at times – mostly cause I suck at drawing. I really enjoyed watching his and Eliza's relationship grow and evolve...from what I've heard, Eliza is actually demisexual, so it was amazing to see that rep in a book. But then things changed.

Spoiler

The whole revelation of who LadyConstellation actually is, Eliza knocking her head and ending up in hospital, and then everything that resulted, kind of ruined Wallace's character for me. I understood that he was mad that Eliza had lied to him, but seeing how blind he was to what she was going through and his obsession with her finishing her webcomic so he could publish his transcription and be able to study what he wanted in university, made me really angry. Especially since it felt out of character. It pretty much resulted in Eliza feeling this compulsion to finish her story because of someone else, not because she wanted to do it. And I really didn't like that Wallace made her feel that way. While she does go see a therapist and ends up realizing she needs to do this for herself, I still felt like she was motivated for Wallace's sake. And while that isn't a horrible thing – cause of course, if you love someone, you want to help them, and I know Wallace sort of apologized – I felt disappointed. The book literally went from being very close to a 4 stars, to dropping down to almost 3. I guess it's just me, but I don't think I could have necessarily looked past what Wallace did to Eliza.

Eliza's brothers were a nice surprise at the end. While throughout most of the book I did find them annoying, they do really care for her and seeing Sully stand up for her was really touching.

Okay, this review is pretty much a mess, so I'm going to leave it here. I did overall enjoy the book. It grabbed my attention and made me want to read more, but the last third of the book was somewhat of a letdown for me. I'd definitely still recommend this cause it is a quick and easy read, and most of the reviews I've seen her are good, so maybe I'm the only one who had a problem with Wallace, which would be typical Sakina since I'm picky when it comes to contemporary books lol