I wanted to like this book. I really did. I liked the idea of having a nerdy fangirl as the protagonist and the synopsis promised a story of self-discovery, creativity and empowerment.

Yeah. I think I got anything but that.

Meet Cather, a freshman in college who's just been separated from her twin sister, Wren. Because Wren is selfish and wants to have a life of her own. How awful of her! How could she not want to be stuck to her sister's hip for the rest of their lives? Shame on you, Wren.

So, Cather is really pissed off and refuses to have fun, meet people and whatever, because she doesn't like it and Wren is horrible for leaving her alone in a new place. And she finds solace in the place she feels more comfortable in: the Simon Snow fandom. Simon Snow is apparently the "no-celebrities-were-harmed" version of Harry Potter in Cather's world. Cather's completely obsessed with it and, not only that, she's also the best Simon Snow fanfiction writer in the whole world. Everyone is completely hooked to her works, and hanging on every word she writes.

This far, I liked Cather. She was socially awkward (been there... actually, I'm still there), nerdy (YAY! Nerds rock) and she loved writing (Jackpot! Am I right?). I liked that she had many flaws, and that she was scared of looking for help. I thought that that was one of the points she was going to develop throughout the novel. Good. I like characters who overcome their fears.

So, her search of herself was to be related to Cather looking for help to overcome her social problems and to her finding her own voice, rather than only writing fanfiction.

Even though she's just a freshman, she joins an advanced creative writing class. Because she's just that good.

That's the moment when the epic eye-rolling begins. Because apparently her writing is AMAZING. One of her classmates even tries to steal her ideas (mind you, they were writing together, and she told him that it was his story, but somehow their teacher was able to see Cather's style through it), her professor tells her that she's incredibly talented and everything.

Well...

Between the chapters,the book includes excerpts from Cather's own fanfictions and of the Simon Snow's books. I guess that the idea was to show how good she is.

In my case, didn't work much. I've read much better books. Mind you, I've read much better fanfiction. The writing in those excerpts was even somewhat dull. Not gripping and addictive as they were supposed to be.

So, yeah. Cather's writing ability became an informed ability. Everyone said she was brilliant, but I just couldn't see it.

There's also a lot going on with her. I felt identifies with how she felt when confronted with the idea of... you know, being social. And her issues with physical contact. I know how that feels. And I know it is a problem that I must work on, because socializing is a fact of life and I can't go paniking whenever I have to attend a friend's birthday party (okay, maybe I exagerated that part, but those kinds of things actually make me more nervous than a final exam on whatever subject). So, I look for help. Professional help. Which is in some ways what some characters tell Cather to do. And she blatantly refuses.

Cather's and Wren's dad is also a wreck. He's obviously depressed, and while Wren thinks that he should find help, Cather says that he shouldn't and takes care of him. On the one hand, well done. It's good that she takes care of her father. On the other hand, he really needed professional help. But Cather's blind to that, and thinks he ought to get over it on his own. While she refuses to do the same.

Oh, and then there's Levi. At first, Cather supposes that he's her roomate's (Reagan) boyfriend, but she later discovers that he's only her best friend (and her ex). Which is kind of okay because he likes her. For some reason I cannot fathom, Levi finds this strange girl really attractive. I don't mean that weird girls can't be attractive, but when they met she was dull. She didn't talk and spent all her time in her computer. So his attraction was a tad bit unrealistic, considering that in that first period she was like a piece of furniture in the room.

Call me crazy, but I'd say most guys wouldn't be chasing around a girl who obviously doesn't want to be with them. But this is a novel and that means that the male lead must relentessly pursue the protagonist, despite said protagonist's insistence on him going away.

I actually liked Levi. He seemed like a nice guy, beside his persitence. He seemed to care for her and actually tried to take her out of her shell. The thing I didn't like was that he was supposed to be the answer to all of Cather's problems.

At the beginning, Cather had several problems: her sister was moving on in her life, she was terrified of growing up and meeting people and she wasn't sure about her college choice. Normal issues for a coming-of-age novel.

In the end, Cather's sister sees the error in her ways (yeah, partying is bad, so the smart choice is to stay at home (*)) and goes back to being friends with her sister. Regarding her social problems, everyone now agrees that Cather is okay. And I'm going to stop here.

Cather wasn't okay. She needed to go to a psychologist and treat herself. She was mortally afraid of growing up and that kind of thing doesn't disappear just because you get a boyfriend and a few friends. If you don't work on those issues with a professional that can walk you through a process, it won't last (I learnt that the hard way). So, in the end, Cather only put a plaster on her wound and decided that it was enough.

The ending left me with the feeling I'd been cheated. I expected a main character finding her own voice (yes, I know she decided that she liked writing fanfiction and that she wanted to do it, but I felt that maybe she could decide to focus on her original work for a change), overcoming fears and empowering herself. What I got instead felt more like "it doesn't matter that you have who-know-how-many psychological problems, as long as you get a cute boyfriend, everything is going to be right". I don't have anything against cute boyfriends, but I have a hard time believing in a boyfriend being the magical answer for issues such as Cather's.

All in all, Fangirl isn't bad. The narrative is agile and easy to read, which is a plus for a summer book, and there were many moments which I liked. I liked when Cather hit rock bottom and decided to leave everything. I felt that it was what she needed to finally move on and grow up. But it didn't, and everything was the same as before, only she had a boyfriend. Yay! Maybe it wasn't for me, though it really seemed to be.

(*) I'm not really much of a party-goer. My favorite activity for Friday nights is actually to curl up in bed with a book. That doesn't mean I never go out. As much as I feel really anxious when there's a lot of people I don't know, every once in a while I do it, so I know for a fact it doesn't kill (unless you drink and drive, which I don't). Cather's refusal to go out EVER was a bit extreme.

This is the ultimate book for any fan of the musical. It's not only gorgeously designed and made, but also has tons of extra material. The images are great, as well as the interviews to the actor and the rest of the staff. I'd have liked to see more of the designs used in the play, but anyway the book is perfect. It's great to read how much all the people loved the play and how they worked so hard on it. Yes, it is much lighter and nicer than the original novel, but it is a great musical (so I just approach them as different works).

I don't know what else to say, besides that it is a brilliant book.