Yeah this was so bad. The entire book until about 95% is Lena being an asshole and Ethan being sad, so it's not even puppy cute like the first one.

They realized too late that Macon was the only interesting character in town (except maybe Amma) and they do bring him back, which is great, but he doesn't get enough page time to contribute to the story. I liked the history of him and Ethan's mom, but it's such a small part of this ridiculously long book that it doesn't make it worth reading.

Just all bad, uninteresting droning garbage.

Laugh out loud bad.

I'm not an Egyptian scholar by any means so I can't comment on the accuracy of much in here, but reading the numerous reviews calling him out for bad data does grind my gears, because the cover claims this is nonfiction, as does Patterson's author's note.

BUT I do read a lot so I feel perfectly justified in shredding this on its overwhelming lack of quality.

Page 73 Howard Carter is describing Queen Hatshepsut: "Carter knew that Hatshepsut had once been deeply in love, for she was a queen before she was a pharaoh." Uh . . . bruh. Are you trying to tell me that in a time where women were property, you really believe she loved her husband with no evidence? You're a moron.

Page 106, Nefertiti (for no reason other than Patterson's complete disinterest in women's agency) is acting sad about her husband's death, and then proceeds to wax poetic about his "marvelous and eccentric brain" that the mummifiers were going to remove. Even I know that the Egyptians believed that the brain was worthless and that's why they removed it. Bad writing and clear lack of research.

Page 111 our good buddy James Patterson (who is so exceedingly vain that he is one of the three storylines) is walking along Donald Trump's golf course and says it's his favorite golf course in the world. Yeesh. Did not age well.

And lastly,

Spoiler

Patterson declares that he alone was smart enough to figure out that Tut was murdered by a ne'er-do-well hired by Aye, but his loving wife and General were equally to blame. Um . . . what? This completely disregards all scientific evidence, which would be absolutely fine if he didn't claim this was nonfiction.

Not worth the paper it was printed on.

Pretty sure I was gritting my teeth the entire time I was reading this.

I was really hoping for an improvement in the cohesiveness of the story with the switch from short stories to a novel, but this still doesn't feel like a novel. I like getting backstory for the show, but this honestly just feels like filler to a bigger story.

A Christmas novella of Velaris that warmed my heart and also made me cry sad tears? Is this real life?

My friend wrote this <3

At its heart this a basic legal thriller, with all the gruesome details and drama that you would expect. What makes it really pop is that Jones herself is an attorney and she lifts the curtain to show what that life is really like. Which she is not shy about -- when one member of our book club expressed interest in going to law school she was unceremoniously told not to by Jones, our book club leader (the real life inspiration for Jess Lafayette), and a third lawyer in our group. They tell it like it is, and that makes this book fun.

I'd expected maybe more pitfalls in the case to heighten suspense and more romance, but I really loved that the story was set in Arizona, and all the little local jokes made it fun.

This book gets a lot closer to the darkness, with Lirael's focus on the meaningless of her life and Sam's

Spoiler

accidental killing of two of his father's guards

. I loved Lirael's dog and that Moggett comes back to watch out for Sam. I learned a lot more about the world.

A charming self-help book that reads more like advice from an older sister than instructions from a therapist. The fun witchy theme and interludes of history make this a great volume for teens and adults alike.

I don't even know where to start with all the issues in this book. There were actually more issues than book.

1. Pride and Prejudice is actually really boring, and the only reason people like retellings is that they are simple and fun. This was neither, and managed to be more boring than the original, even though it had dragons. (I know. I was disappointed too.)

2. The main character, Aliza, is stupid from start to finish, and I hate how strong the implication is that because she's a woman she shouldn't be fighting.

Spoiler

Especially considering Charis, the main female Rider that you meet, not only dies at the end, but was responsible for stealing all of Anjey and Brisney's letters. Way to throw the strong female character under the bus.

3. Daired, the Darcy equivalent, is introduced by rudely kicking a small hobgoblin and not feeling guilty about it. Look, after that introduction, NO ONE with any sense would proclaim over and over (seriously, it never ends) that he is a good man. He's a dick to anyone smaller than him.

4. Daired doesn't actually do anything to earn Aliza's love (not that her simpering love is worth much, but still). She literally just talks herself into thinking he's not a bad guy because he and his dragon say he is, which is so dumb I hate to even type it. Be better, Aliza.

I can't go on or I'm going to lose my mind. Awful, awful, awful.