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shelfreflectionofficial's Reviews (844)
Okay, yes, Livia, the main female character, has this twenty-years-long 'need' for a huge and specific party to make up for the wedding she never had and it's pretty ridiculous. But if you can't get past that for the sake of the story, you probably shouldn't bother with this one because the entire book takes place right before and during said party. Just let it be what it is.
Now to talk about it without giving everything away...
Livia and her spouse, Adam, both have a 'dilemma' involving their daughter Marnie. Information they do not know when or how to share with each other. I have to admit, as I talked through the scenarios with my husband the decisions seemed silly and simple, but when you're reading the book, the author does a great job of drawing you into the minds of the characters and feeling their struggle. At least with Adam's struggle. Livia's struggle didn't make sense to me in the context of marriage. But I could understand Adam's dilemma a little better- and though it seems simple to an outsider, the intensity of conflicting emotions can easily cause people to think and act irrationally.
I thought it was interesting that we don't really get to know Marnie much at all. I feel like most books like this would spend time having flashbacks to the character's past to build on her personality and help you know and feel connected to her considering she is at the heart of the story. But Paris didn't do that. I can't decide whether I would have preferred that or not: on the one hand, it would have broken up the book more instead of spending so much time in one 24 hour time period and maybe would have made the reader like Marnie more; on the other hand, it seemed evident that Paris was trying to write a book focused on communication in marriage and the relationship between the husband and wife before, through, and after their dilemmas.
I read this book in about 3 days- the writing is very compelling and gripping. I was drawn in and feeling the tension. I'm glad she didn't string you along too far without revealing more details or it would have gotten annoying. But I feel like it was just the right amount of drawing out and keeps you biting your nails trying to figure out which way Paris is going to swing it.
Overall, I would recommend this book. It's not going to change your marriage by any means, and you probably won't like one or more of the characters, but I think you will connect with the story and be engaged throughout the story. It's not a thriller but it's a compelling, tense, family drama and sometimes we need something that touches our emotions.
And bonus!- broaden your British English vocabulary:
- to 'revise' means to study (as in school)
- a 'marquee' is a large tent
- a 'jumper' is a sweater
[Profanity: 0 f-words, 1 s-word]
**I received an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**
See more of my reviews at www.shelfreflection.com!
Now to talk about it without giving everything away...
Livia and her spouse, Adam, both have a 'dilemma' involving their daughter Marnie. Information they do not know when or how to share with each other. I have to admit, as I talked through the scenarios with my husband the decisions seemed silly and simple, but when you're reading the book, the author does a great job of drawing you into the minds of the characters and feeling their struggle. At least with Adam's struggle. Livia's struggle didn't make sense to me in the context of marriage. But I could understand Adam's dilemma a little better- and though it seems simple to an outsider, the intensity of conflicting emotions can easily cause people to think and act irrationally.
I thought it was interesting that we don't really get to know Marnie much at all. I feel like most books like this would spend time having flashbacks to the character's past to build on her personality and help you know and feel connected to her considering she is at the heart of the story. But Paris didn't do that. I can't decide whether I would have preferred that or not: on the one hand, it would have broken up the book more instead of spending so much time in one 24 hour time period and maybe would have made the reader like Marnie more; on the other hand, it seemed evident that Paris was trying to write a book focused on communication in marriage and the relationship between the husband and wife before, through, and after their dilemmas.
I read this book in about 3 days- the writing is very compelling and gripping. I was drawn in and feeling the tension. I'm glad she didn't string you along too far without revealing more details or it would have gotten annoying. But I feel like it was just the right amount of drawing out and keeps you biting your nails trying to figure out which way Paris is going to swing it.
Overall, I would recommend this book. It's not going to change your marriage by any means, and you probably won't like one or more of the characters, but I think you will connect with the story and be engaged throughout the story. It's not a thriller but it's a compelling, tense, family drama and sometimes we need something that touches our emotions.
And bonus!- broaden your British English vocabulary:
- to 'revise' means to study (as in school)
- a 'marquee' is a large tent
- a 'jumper' is a sweater
[Profanity: 0 f-words, 1 s-word]
**I received an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**
See more of my reviews at www.shelfreflection.com!
A good mystery!
I can typically figure out the culprit when I read mystery novels, but this one had me going back and forth between a few people so I appreciated the red herrings!
I read this one pretty fast, and don't really have any criticisms of it- it was even a pretty clean book without swearing! I may not read it more than once, myself, but I would definitely recommend it if you like mysteries.
It was more mystery than suspense, but I did not feel like it dragged on.
Each chapter felt purposeful. It contrasts with the book 'The Break Down' by B.A. Paris- both with similar plotlines, but where 'The Break Down' gave us information that seemed extra and pointless until the very end, 'I Will Make You Pay' kept the plot moving in a knowing way where you didn't feel like you were wasting your time.
It was also a fun read because it is a British book, so you get to experience all the British colloquialisms! If I hadn't been to a convenience store in Ireland and seen for myself, I would be very confused why someone would serve a guest 'Digestives'... haha.
[Profanity: 0 f-words, 0 s-words… yay!]
I can typically figure out the culprit when I read mystery novels, but this one had me going back and forth between a few people so I appreciated the red herrings!
I read this one pretty fast, and don't really have any criticisms of it- it was even a pretty clean book without swearing! I may not read it more than once, myself, but I would definitely recommend it if you like mysteries.
It was more mystery than suspense, but I did not feel like it dragged on.
Each chapter felt purposeful. It contrasts with the book 'The Break Down' by B.A. Paris- both with similar plotlines, but where 'The Break Down' gave us information that seemed extra and pointless until the very end, 'I Will Make You Pay' kept the plot moving in a knowing way where you didn't feel like you were wasting your time.
It was also a fun read because it is a British book, so you get to experience all the British colloquialisms! If I hadn't been to a convenience store in Ireland and seen for myself, I would be very confused why someone would serve a guest 'Digestives'... haha.
[Profanity: 0 f-words, 0 s-words… yay!]
- 1 in 3 women experience severe physical abuse (though due to under-reporting it’s probably more)
- Half of all women killed worldwide were killed by a partner or family member (not sure the time frame on this stat)
- 90% of males incarcerated in the US either witnessed or experienced domestic abuse as children
- 50% of all homeless women are fleeing domestic abuse
- 40% of law enforcement officer deaths are related to domestic violence calls
“There’s an abuse pandemic going on in plain sight.”
[Here are a few links to fact sheets. Some of the statistics might not match exactly due to the nature of how they surveyed, but the overall picture we see is pretty universal among stat sheets: Fact Sheet, CDC Fact Sheet, NCADV Fact Sheet, Agenda Statistics]
Alexis Taiwo has courageously written Trauma Bonds to share her own personal story with domestic abuse.
(In her book she is called Emily/Ebun but her pen name is Alexis so that is what I will refer to her by.)
From London to Nigeria to America, from childhood to adulthood, Alexis has endured one abuse after another— inside and outside of marriage. She is very transparent about her life, her feelings, and her thoughts. Having now processed these events, she provides insights that acknowledge where certain behaviors or thought patterns she had during that abuse were hindering her from seeking help or safety.
She reminds us of something very important: most abuse victims may not even label what they are experiencing as abuse. Many victims have lost their voice and their autonomy, their perspective of the world and what is healthy and not healthy. They often still love their partners or parents and rationalize the abuse, sometimes blaming themselves for causing it. The abuser has created a ‘trauma bond.’
This was the case for Alexis. One of the first instances of abuse occurred when she was very young. It was witnessed by her caretaker who stopped it in the moment but did nothing further to prevent or rectify the situation. This influenced how Alexis grew up understanding what happened to her.
I thought it was interesting that she talked about how it was common in their culture for parents to leave their children with other caretakers so they could pursue their dreams and then reunite later. This same concept happened in Simu Liu’s story he shared in his memoir We Were Dreamers.
In America there is a lot of negativity toward the nuclear family unit but I think there are many reasons to support that God gave us the nuclear family for our own protection and flourishing. As parents it’s easy to view children as inconveniences or hindrances to the goals we’ve set our sights on, but there are many benefits and rewards to the selfless sacrifice of putting our children’s needs before our own. Our roles as parents are so important and currently minimized in today’s culture— as Simu Liu and Alexis Taiwo reveal, cultures around the world!
Alexis talks about what she terms ‘the abuse bug,’ which is how she explains her tendency to be attracted to the wrong kind of men. It was almost like men knew she had been abused before and were taking advantage of her vulnerability. Strong, controlling, and decisive men were all she had known.
To complicate her situation further, she had 3 boys to care for. She only speaks about them briefly. I’m sure a whole other book could be written to detail about how her abuse affected and influenced her children as they grew up as well.
We know that domestic abuse is often a cycle from generation to generation. The statistics reflect that even witnessing abuse can cause harmful behavior for that person later in life.
Alexis wants to help and empower other women (or men) to recognize the prisons they may find themselves in and to find the courage to escape them.
Her story reflects how difficult it is to leave. Or to not return. There are often financial and economic barriers that prevent women from leaving or force them to go back to an unsafe place. They could easily find themselves homeless, jobless, penniless.
We need to do a better job at identifying abuse and helping those who find themselves trapped in these situations.
[Intermission: Alexis shared how drawing portraits was a source of income for her when she was struggling financially. As a fellow artist (kinda) I wanted to share these images with you to showcase her incredible talent! Click HERE to see them on my original post]
I recently attended a fantastic seminar put on by Called to Peace Ministries that was targeted at helping pastors and members handle abuse better in their churches. So much of what Alexis shared in her book reflected what I heard in that seminar in terms of characteristics of abusers and victims, the challenges that come with leaving, the thought patterns that make victims stay, and the ways outsiders may make things worse instead of helping.
Unfortunately, there is a side of abuse that involves people taking verses from the Bible and twisting them to justify emotional, spiritual, physical, or sexual abuse. Alexis didn’t share experience with this, but she did mention the pressure she experienced about divorce, knowing that God doesn’t like divorce. But even this biblical concept is often misunderstood.
In Bible times, the strong words against divorce were to protect women because then men would marry with commitment and be discouraged from leaving their wives and families. These are not words to prevent women from escaping unsafe marriages.
How wrong it is that our churches would not feel like a safe place!
Alexis shows how it takes a lot of courage for a woman to tell someone that she feels unsafe or to tell someone what is going on. If we ignore women when they bravely speak up, or provide harmful advice or suggestions when they do, especially touting misinterpreted Bible verses, we are often keeping these women trapped, feeling unheard and uncared for.
As the subtitle indicates: this is an informed memoir.
We, as readers, need to be better informed on the topic of domestic abuse.
God has a heart for the oppressed and we should too. There is nothing in the Bible that would condone emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, or sexual abuse.
It is powerful that even through her trauma, Alexis still believed and trusted the Lord. She knew that he was with her the whole time and that he loved her and would make beauty from ashes.
“Knowing I could speak to Jesus directly was not only empowering but comforting.”
I do wish there would have been a bit more gospel presentation and discussion of how she dealt with her relationship with God and the evil she endured as I know that is a big spiritual roadblock for many people. I wish she would have explained more about the hope, justice, and comfort found in the Lord.
I am thankful for Alexis sharing her story and for the ways she is helping other women overcome similar hurts and struggles that she endured for far too many years.
Though I get some insights from this book, I still can’t imagine what it’s like to go through the things Alexis and others go through. I hope those reading this book will either be empowered to speak up or leave a dangerous situation or become more aware of those around us who are hiding their hurts.
This book is for everyone and I know God will get her words to the people who need to hear them.
Please also see the resources listed below.
Quick literary sidenote:
I think this book would have benefited from one more edit. There were some grammatical errors, some extra italicizing of words in the first part that was a bit distracting, and ‘section’ titles that broke the flow of the writing too much.
However, the writing voice of this book is very informal and personal, and so I suppose in some ways it speaks to the authenticity of the author sharing her story.
It may need better formatting, but regardless, it is an important read and it doesn’t become less true or relevant because of these things.
I also want to share RESOURCES here for people to access:
Other Relevant Books:
- Is it Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims by Darby Strickland (I haven’t read/reviewed this one yet but it’s on my TBR)
- Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
- Called to Peace: A Survivor’s Guide to Finding Peace and Healing After Domestic Abuse by Joy Forrest
- See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control, and Domestic Abuse by Jess Hill (Alexis provided this resource in a list at the back of her book)
Called to Peace Ministries
This organization has helped hundreds of women all across the country navigate their situations. They use advocates who are trained and trauma/abuse informed. They assign one or more advocates per case who are there to encourage and assist however the situation calls for. (Women are assigned to women, men to men)
If you are a victim and need help, reach out to them!
If you want to help other women, you can be trained to become an advocate! They are in need of more advocates.
Assessments:
(These are questionnaires that will help determine the level of danger a person is in)
- www.dangerassessment.org/DA (the shorter option)
- www.mosaicmethod.com (will take about 45 minutes)
The Power and Control Wheel
This is a diagram to show different tactics abusers use to control and gain power over their victims.
Check your State Attorney General Crime Victim Assistance Programs
For Iowa, there are departments specifically there to help victims in a variety of ways and I’m guessing other states have this too.
For Iowa:
- State Attorney General Links
- Iowa Vine Program (This is a notification system for victims to know when offenders are moved/released, etc.)
**Received a copy of this book via the author**
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest
- Half of all women killed worldwide were killed by a partner or family member (not sure the time frame on this stat)
- 90% of males incarcerated in the US either witnessed or experienced domestic abuse as children
- 50% of all homeless women are fleeing domestic abuse
- 40% of law enforcement officer deaths are related to domestic violence calls
“There’s an abuse pandemic going on in plain sight.”
[Here are a few links to fact sheets. Some of the statistics might not match exactly due to the nature of how they surveyed, but the overall picture we see is pretty universal among stat sheets: Fact Sheet, CDC Fact Sheet, NCADV Fact Sheet, Agenda Statistics]
Alexis Taiwo has courageously written Trauma Bonds to share her own personal story with domestic abuse.
(In her book she is called Emily/Ebun but her pen name is Alexis so that is what I will refer to her by.)
From London to Nigeria to America, from childhood to adulthood, Alexis has endured one abuse after another— inside and outside of marriage. She is very transparent about her life, her feelings, and her thoughts. Having now processed these events, she provides insights that acknowledge where certain behaviors or thought patterns she had during that abuse were hindering her from seeking help or safety.
She reminds us of something very important: most abuse victims may not even label what they are experiencing as abuse. Many victims have lost their voice and their autonomy, their perspective of the world and what is healthy and not healthy. They often still love their partners or parents and rationalize the abuse, sometimes blaming themselves for causing it. The abuser has created a ‘trauma bond.’
This was the case for Alexis. One of the first instances of abuse occurred when she was very young. It was witnessed by her caretaker who stopped it in the moment but did nothing further to prevent or rectify the situation. This influenced how Alexis grew up understanding what happened to her.
I thought it was interesting that she talked about how it was common in their culture for parents to leave their children with other caretakers so they could pursue their dreams and then reunite later. This same concept happened in Simu Liu’s story he shared in his memoir We Were Dreamers.
In America there is a lot of negativity toward the nuclear family unit but I think there are many reasons to support that God gave us the nuclear family for our own protection and flourishing. As parents it’s easy to view children as inconveniences or hindrances to the goals we’ve set our sights on, but there are many benefits and rewards to the selfless sacrifice of putting our children’s needs before our own. Our roles as parents are so important and currently minimized in today’s culture— as Simu Liu and Alexis Taiwo reveal, cultures around the world!
Alexis talks about what she terms ‘the abuse bug,’ which is how she explains her tendency to be attracted to the wrong kind of men. It was almost like men knew she had been abused before and were taking advantage of her vulnerability. Strong, controlling, and decisive men were all she had known.
To complicate her situation further, she had 3 boys to care for. She only speaks about them briefly. I’m sure a whole other book could be written to detail about how her abuse affected and influenced her children as they grew up as well.
We know that domestic abuse is often a cycle from generation to generation. The statistics reflect that even witnessing abuse can cause harmful behavior for that person later in life.
Alexis wants to help and empower other women (or men) to recognize the prisons they may find themselves in and to find the courage to escape them.
Her story reflects how difficult it is to leave. Or to not return. There are often financial and economic barriers that prevent women from leaving or force them to go back to an unsafe place. They could easily find themselves homeless, jobless, penniless.
We need to do a better job at identifying abuse and helping those who find themselves trapped in these situations.
[Intermission: Alexis shared how drawing portraits was a source of income for her when she was struggling financially. As a fellow artist (kinda) I wanted to share these images with you to showcase her incredible talent! Click HERE to see them on my original post]
I recently attended a fantastic seminar put on by Called to Peace Ministries that was targeted at helping pastors and members handle abuse better in their churches. So much of what Alexis shared in her book reflected what I heard in that seminar in terms of characteristics of abusers and victims, the challenges that come with leaving, the thought patterns that make victims stay, and the ways outsiders may make things worse instead of helping.
Unfortunately, there is a side of abuse that involves people taking verses from the Bible and twisting them to justify emotional, spiritual, physical, or sexual abuse. Alexis didn’t share experience with this, but she did mention the pressure she experienced about divorce, knowing that God doesn’t like divorce. But even this biblical concept is often misunderstood.
In Bible times, the strong words against divorce were to protect women because then men would marry with commitment and be discouraged from leaving their wives and families. These are not words to prevent women from escaping unsafe marriages.
How wrong it is that our churches would not feel like a safe place!
Alexis shows how it takes a lot of courage for a woman to tell someone that she feels unsafe or to tell someone what is going on. If we ignore women when they bravely speak up, or provide harmful advice or suggestions when they do, especially touting misinterpreted Bible verses, we are often keeping these women trapped, feeling unheard and uncared for.
As the subtitle indicates: this is an informed memoir.
We, as readers, need to be better informed on the topic of domestic abuse.
God has a heart for the oppressed and we should too. There is nothing in the Bible that would condone emotional, financial, physical, spiritual, or sexual abuse.
It is powerful that even through her trauma, Alexis still believed and trusted the Lord. She knew that he was with her the whole time and that he loved her and would make beauty from ashes.
“Knowing I could speak to Jesus directly was not only empowering but comforting.”
I do wish there would have been a bit more gospel presentation and discussion of how she dealt with her relationship with God and the evil she endured as I know that is a big spiritual roadblock for many people. I wish she would have explained more about the hope, justice, and comfort found in the Lord.
I am thankful for Alexis sharing her story and for the ways she is helping other women overcome similar hurts and struggles that she endured for far too many years.
Though I get some insights from this book, I still can’t imagine what it’s like to go through the things Alexis and others go through. I hope those reading this book will either be empowered to speak up or leave a dangerous situation or become more aware of those around us who are hiding their hurts.
This book is for everyone and I know God will get her words to the people who need to hear them.
Please also see the resources listed below.
Quick literary sidenote:
I think this book would have benefited from one more edit. There were some grammatical errors, some extra italicizing of words in the first part that was a bit distracting, and ‘section’ titles that broke the flow of the writing too much.
However, the writing voice of this book is very informal and personal, and so I suppose in some ways it speaks to the authenticity of the author sharing her story.
It may need better formatting, but regardless, it is an important read and it doesn’t become less true or relevant because of these things.
I also want to share RESOURCES here for people to access:
Other Relevant Books:
- Is it Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims by Darby Strickland (I haven’t read/reviewed this one yet but it’s on my TBR)
- Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
- Called to Peace: A Survivor’s Guide to Finding Peace and Healing After Domestic Abuse by Joy Forrest
- See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control, and Domestic Abuse by Jess Hill (Alexis provided this resource in a list at the back of her book)
Called to Peace Ministries
This organization has helped hundreds of women all across the country navigate their situations. They use advocates who are trained and trauma/abuse informed. They assign one or more advocates per case who are there to encourage and assist however the situation calls for. (Women are assigned to women, men to men)
If you are a victim and need help, reach out to them!
If you want to help other women, you can be trained to become an advocate! They are in need of more advocates.
Assessments:
(These are questionnaires that will help determine the level of danger a person is in)
- www.dangerassessment.org/DA (the shorter option)
- www.mosaicmethod.com (will take about 45 minutes)
The Power and Control Wheel
This is a diagram to show different tactics abusers use to control and gain power over their victims.
Check your State Attorney General Crime Victim Assistance Programs
For Iowa, there are departments specifically there to help victims in a variety of ways and I’m guessing other states have this too.
For Iowa:
- State Attorney General Links
- Iowa Vine Program (This is a notification system for victims to know when offenders are moved/released, etc.)
**Received a copy of this book via the author**
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest
“Are they supposed to be happy or sad? I mean, is it a celebration of the people who made it, or a memorial to the ones who didn't?”
This quote is in reference to a statue facing the ocean looking over a shipwreck. It doubles as a question about the main characters who survived a storm and a tragedy over a decade ago. There are mixed feelings throughout this book. Are we happy or are we sad?
The only other Jane Harper book I’ve read is The Dry and that was four years ago. Part of me thinks I like that one better but it’s been so long.
I still enjoyed this book and found it a compelling mystery.
The downside to this mystery as opposed to The Dry (if I remember right), is that I don’t know if there were really many clues to solve this one on your own. It’s just kinda a ‘BOOM! That’s what happened.’ at the end of the book.
Brief Synopsis
Kieran and his partner Mia are back in Tasmania to help Kieran’s parents move when a body is found on the beach, forceably drowned.
The investigation brings up bad memories for Kieran and many others in the town as there are a lot of similarities to another girl’s disappearance twelve years ago during a storm that also killed Kieran’s brother.
Kieran has been weighed down with the burden that it was his fault his brother is dead.
But when more information comes to light and his dad’s confused ramblings hint at things he never knew, Kieran finds out that what he remembers from twelve years ago may not be accurate and the body found on the beach may be connected.
Comments
I felt like the ending was a bit abrupt. However, this may be Harper’s MO. She gives most of a conclusion but doesn’t wrap things up very nicely. Once we find out what really happened we don’t get to see how this information plays out in the town or in Kieran’s own family.
One thing that I felt wasn’t explained very well was the birds around the caves being worked up. They made several references to the birds being out of sorts like something strange was going on. But there was no concrete connection to the birds and what we discover at the end. Were the birds just an omen without any real purpose? If so, I don’t like that in this book. It seemed meaningful but nothing was explained.
I also feel like we didn’t get sufficient explanation for some of the things Kieran’s dad said and how they resolved his confusion at the end after knowing the truth.
We go back between present day and twelve years ago, but it’s not always clearly marked, so at times it was a bit confusing.
Was the ending satisfying? I’m not sure. I think there was an element of let-down because it wasn’t as sinister as I originally thought. But I liked that I didn’t have it figured out.
Recommendation
I would definitely recommend this book. I think it’s a fast and mysterious read. A bit of a slow burn but the setting and characters are compelling and there were a lot of suspects.
There wasn’t much profanity, which is also nice too!
I think I’ll have to go back and read Harper’s other books.
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest
This quote is in reference to a statue facing the ocean looking over a shipwreck. It doubles as a question about the main characters who survived a storm and a tragedy over a decade ago. There are mixed feelings throughout this book. Are we happy or are we sad?
The only other Jane Harper book I’ve read is The Dry and that was four years ago. Part of me thinks I like that one better but it’s been so long.
I still enjoyed this book and found it a compelling mystery.
The downside to this mystery as opposed to The Dry (if I remember right), is that I don’t know if there were really many clues to solve this one on your own. It’s just kinda a ‘BOOM! That’s what happened.’ at the end of the book.
Brief Synopsis
Kieran and his partner Mia are back in Tasmania to help Kieran’s parents move when a body is found on the beach, forceably drowned.
The investigation brings up bad memories for Kieran and many others in the town as there are a lot of similarities to another girl’s disappearance twelve years ago during a storm that also killed Kieran’s brother.
Kieran has been weighed down with the burden that it was his fault his brother is dead.
But when more information comes to light and his dad’s confused ramblings hint at things he never knew, Kieran finds out that what he remembers from twelve years ago may not be accurate and the body found on the beach may be connected.
Comments
I felt like the ending was a bit abrupt. However, this may be Harper’s MO. She gives most of a conclusion but doesn’t wrap things up very nicely. Once we find out what really happened we don’t get to see how this information plays out in the town or in Kieran’s own family.
One thing that I felt wasn’t explained very well was the birds around the caves being worked up. They made several references to the birds being out of sorts like something strange was going on. But there was no concrete connection to the birds and what we discover at the end. Were the birds just an omen without any real purpose? If so, I don’t like that in this book. It seemed meaningful but nothing was explained.
I also feel like we didn’t get sufficient explanation for some of the things Kieran’s dad said and how they resolved his confusion at the end after knowing the truth.
We go back between present day and twelve years ago, but it’s not always clearly marked, so at times it was a bit confusing.
Was the ending satisfying? I’m not sure. I think there was an element of let-down because it wasn’t as sinister as I originally thought. But I liked that I didn’t have it figured out.
Recommendation
I would definitely recommend this book. I think it’s a fast and mysterious read. A bit of a slow burn but the setting and characters are compelling and there were a lot of suspects.
There wasn’t much profanity, which is also nice too!
I think I’ll have to go back and read Harper’s other books.
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-%20Empowering%20Your%20Kids%20to%20Challenge%20Cultural%20Lies.jpg)
I am so excited about Mama Bear Apologetics!
I think every person should read this. It appears to be targeted towards moms, but the content is not specialized just for women and the writing style is not strictly feminine. I believe the company is made up of mostly women and they know that moms typically spend the most time with their kids, and thus answering more questions, so they’ve kinda honed in on moms, but it truly would be good for everyone.
We want our children to be critical thinkers and to be able to discern for themselves right from wrong, truth from lie. We want them to know that their faith is reasonable and not blind. We want to teach them that asking questions is good. We want them to know why they believe what they believe. As parents or mentors, we can help our children develop a solid foundation for them to understand, view, and interpret the world.
Don’t let the word ‘apologetics’ scare you.
“Apologetics is how we handle questions.”
“No, we are not apologizing for our faith, nor are we being defensive about it. Rather, we are giving reasons and evidence for what we believe.”
Personally I enjoy reading books about apologetics but it’s not the lightest of reading and can often be confusing.
This book is not that.
They have written this for people who aren’t going to go out and read allll the books. They have written this to equip all adults to understand what cultural lies our children may be hearing or being influenced by. They have written this to help us communicate better with our children about really important things. (Or even recognize these things for ourselves.)
So it is very easy to follow and understand.
As I’ve said, I’ve read several apologetics books (browse my book blog) and this one has stood out to me because I believe it’s an excellent and accessible resource for all minds and especially geared toward talking to our children about things.
I can read lots of complicated books but how do I simplify it so it makes sense to my children? What questions are appropriate for my kids? This book is perfect for that!
“On the following pages, you will gain wisdom to help you listen well to your children— to discern their thoughts and questions, and then guide them in thinking critically and biblically about the postmodern culture they face.”
Some of these ideals are overt and easy to spot, but most of the time they’re hard to detect if we’re not paying attention. And to counter the ‘isms’ I list below often comes with unpopularity or rejection. Today’s culture presents their belief system in such a positive light that it’s hard to identify the lies that are hidden within or packaged differently, and it’s harder to go against the current.
I think this book is an invaluable resource that I know I will keep coming back to as things come up with my kids.
One of the best things about this book is that they are committed to discernment which means that they don’t believe in dichotomous thinking.
“We don’t inhale 100% oxygen. We inhale a combination of oxygen, carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and atmosphere. Our bodies were designed to take in the oxygen and exhale everything else… [we want] our little bears to be able to interact with this culture with grace, love, and critical thinking— inhaling the spiritual oxygen and exhaling everything else— in a way that is as natural as breathing.”
With each chapter they acknowledge both the good and the bad of a certain idea. We inhale, or hold on to, the good and we exhale, or discard the bad.
This is not a promotion of an a la carte belief system but to help us see how a lot of bad thinking or ideas are attractive or persuasive to us because they have some truth to them. We need to see how truth is twisted or added to in ways that are unbiblical.
They warn against teaching our kids in a way that divides the world into ‘safe’ things and ‘dangerous’ things. I think this is very wise.
“The danger of dividing up the world into simplistic ‘safe’ and ‘dangerous’ or even ‘Christian’ and ‘non-Christian’ categories is that our kids will eventually (and perhaps accidentally) swallow a lie from something they thought was safe or Christian, or reject a truth from something they thought was dangerous or non-Christian.”
The chapter on linguistic theft was super good. I won’t go into detail here, but it’s basically recognizing the affects of redefining words. Some of the words they discuss that have been hijacked are love, truth, tolerance, justice, injustice, equality, bigot, and authentic. I’d bet you could think of a time when one of these words were used in a new way. Have you thought about the dangers of that?
How It’s Organized
This book was written by several contributors. Each chapter covers a new ‘ism’ or belief.
They provide a brief history of the idea.
They break it down using the acronym ROAR:
- Recognize the message (what message or values are being promoted or demonized?)
- Offer discernment (correctly identify the good and the bad)
- Argue for a healthier approach (provide evidence and reasons)
- Reinforce with discussion, discipleship, and prayer (putting it into practice, practical application)
They identify lies and myths and counter them with reason and evidence.
I really like how they include a prayer at the end of each chapter. There’s nothing wrong with praying their prayers verbatim, yourself. Growing up I was taught the acronym ACTS for praying (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication).
They use PAWS:
- Praise (worshiping/adoring God for who he is or what he has done)
- Admit (confessing/repenting of a sin in thought, word or deed)
- Worship with Thanksgiving (thanking God for who he is or the blessings he has given us)
- Supplication (asking for help)
At the end of each chapter are also discussion questions. There’s an ice-breaker question, main theme (reviewing what we learned kind of questions), self-evaluation, brainstorming (which are just thought-provoking questions), and ‘releasing the bear’ which is an activity to do with your kids.
I think the questions are thoughtful and would spur on good discussion. This book would be an excellent option to do as a Bible study— as women or as a mixed group of people! Each chapter is so relevant and I think it would be great to discuss with others how to work together and encourage one another in these hard conversations.
Disclaimer
I want to put in this disclaimer before sharing the chapters overview.
When my husband saw the cover of this book he commented on the angry looking mama bear on the front.
Mama Bear Apologetics says their tagline is: “We love people but demolish their ideas.”
The picture may appear harsh, and the word ‘demolish’ seems a bit aggressive. But they really do love people and are not endorsing people start up protests and Facebook comment rants to argue with people.
I love that they say this:
“With most of the ‘isms’ in this book, we are not dealing with willful rebels, but with captives— people held hostage to bad ideas.”
We are all image-bearers of God. And some of us may be held captive to bad ideas. We are called to speak truth. And how we do that is important. But contrary to popular belief, it’s not wrong to defend your beliefs and to challenge bad ideas.
We love our children fiercely and want to protect them.
“The greatest protection we can give our kids is to equip them to face the cultural lies head-on while remaining gracious, loving, and winsome.”
Mama Bear Apologetics’ heart is to offer freedom and escape from their captivity to lies and harmful beliefs.
I think they do a good job of balancing being bold and confident yet gracious and humble. They are ‘attacking’ the ideas, not the people.
The ‘Isms’
Part 2 of this book is dedicated to “Lies you’ve probably heard but didn’t know what they were called”
[Each book listed below is reviewed on my book review blog]
They include:
Self-Helpism
Covers things like: Self-empowerment. What is our source of authority or power? Do we have all that we need inside of us? Can we fix our own problems? Are we responsible for making our life what we want it to be?
“Trying to fix ourselves is as futile as expecting a broken vacuum to fix itself. It won’t happen. Not even if we gather the family around to shout, ‘You’re an amazing vacuum! You can do it!’”
For further reading on this topic check out:
You Who? by Rachel Jankovic
When Strivings Cease by Ruth Chou Simons
Naturalism
Covers things like: Are science and Christianity at odds? What’s the difference between science and faith? How do we explain the origin of the world or God? What about evolution? Can everything be explained by the material world? Can we ignore the supernatural?
“The universal problem with denying the existence of God is the difficulty of explaining creation apart from a creator.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Why God Makes Sense in a World that Doesn’t by Gavin Ortlund
A Biblical Case Against Theistic Evolution by Wayne Grudem
The Reason for God by Tim Keller
Skepticism
Covers things like: Can we trust the Bible? Isn’t Christianity just wishful thinking- like Santa? You can’t know anything for sure. Religion is child abuse.
“A child who understands how to discover truth is primed for a faith that lasts much longer than that of a child who is merely presented with the truth.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Surviving Religion 101 by Michael J. Kruger
Taking God at His Word by Kevin DeYoung
Postmodernism
Covers things like objective and subjective truth— the phrase ‘your/my truth’ or ‘true for you but not for me.’ Is perception reality? Are all truth claims power plays?
“With all the battles fought over truth, society saw truth as the bully, not the people supposedly wielding it… In fact, truth had become synonymous with power and oppression.”
For further reading on this topic (and the next one) check out:
The Gathering Storm by Al Mohler
Moral Relativism
Covers things like: Love is love. Don’t force your truth on me. What does true mean? Should personal autonomy be our highest priority? Are truth and compassion at odds? Is moral relativism even logically possible?
“Once upon a time, counseling was centered upon helping someone’s emotions to match reality. Now people are more concerned with crafting reality to either match emotions or alleviate bad emotions. Even science must bend the knee.”
Emotionalism
Covers things like: Can we control our emotions? Are negative emotions harmful? Should we try to change anything that causes negative feelings? Follow your heart. Be offended. Is emotional distress injustice?
“Emotionalism basically refers to replacing our God-given reasoning faculties with emotion. Is something right or wrong? I’m not sure. Hold on a sec, let me see how I feel about it…”
For further reading on this topic check out:
The Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff
Pluralism
Covers things like: Are all religions equally valid? Does sincerity or popularity make a belief true? What does tolerance mean? Aren’t all religions still worshiping the same God?
“In a society where multiple religious beliefs coexist, secularism, colored with tolerance, leads the false dichotomy that either 1) all religions are equally valid, or 2) no religion should be discussed.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
The Intolerance of Tolerance by D.A. Carson
New Spirituality
Covers things like: Pantheism- we are one with nature (i.e. Avatar, Star Wars- the ‘Force’). Meditation will fix your problems. We are one with God.
“We are all sinners in desperate need of a Savior. We can strive all we want, try all we want, meditate all we want, center ourselves all we want, but doing these things will never make us good. Apart from Christ, there is nothing that can save us, redeem us, cleanse us, or make us worthy.”
Marxism
Covers things like: What’s the difference between Marxism, socialism, and communism? Is Marxism just an economic system or is it a belief system? In what ways do social justice warriors draw from Marxist ideals? Who is oppressed? What is justice and equality?
“Acknowledge. Grieve. Work for reform. Godly conviction is good. Let true injustices spur your heart to action. But stay alert for the lies in the social justice movement that we need to spit out.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Cynical Theories by Helen Pluckrose and James Lindsay
Confronting Injustice without Compromising Truth by Thaddeus Williams
Discrimination and Disparities by Thomas Sowell
Feminism
Covers things like: The three waves of feminism. Is there a war on women? Do we even need men? How do men control women? How has the church failed women? What is gender? Does feminism free women?
“A victim who is desperate to be heard will overlook the flaws of a movement that is willing to listen and be angry on her behalf.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley
Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle
Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher
Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier
A(typical) Woman by Abigail Dodds
Progressive Christianity
Covers things like: The five key beliefs of progressive Christians. What critiques have progressive Christians made of the church that are helpful?
“Instead of staying within the bounds of orthodox Christianity and bringing reform from within, progressives set their aim on the actual doctrines of Christianity rather than the abuses committed by Christians.”
“Christianity is not progressive; it’s eternal.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Gospel People by Michael Reeves
Conclusion
I cannot stress enough how much I recommend this book. See I even BOLDED it!
Considering how helpful I found this book even though I’ve already read a handful of apologetic books this year, how much more beneficial will this book be for any of you who don’t have time to read all the books?
If you hear hard questions and feel overwhelmed and helpless to articulate an answer…
If you hear hard questions and start to question your own faith foundation…
If you hear hard questions and get frustrated by the ideology your children face…
If you hear hard questions and feel motivated to find the answers…
If you have never heard a hard question but are curious what may come up later…
If you have no problem with self-helpism, naturalism, skepticism, postmodernism, moral relativism, emotionalism, pluralism, spirituality, marxism, feminism, or progressive Christianity and you wonder what the big deal is…
… this book is for you.
It is not too early and it is not too late to start communicating about hard things with your children.
Read this book. Read it with friends. Be inspired to learn more. Be bold. Think critically. Speak truth.
And as their saying goes: #RoarLikeaMother. (or a father… or a mentor… or a friend… you get it.)
The Mama Bear Apologetics Website has a lot of resources.
They mention this website for a parental guide on movies.
There is also further resources listed at the end of the book for more books on each chapter.
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest
I think every person should read this. It appears to be targeted towards moms, but the content is not specialized just for women and the writing style is not strictly feminine. I believe the company is made up of mostly women and they know that moms typically spend the most time with their kids, and thus answering more questions, so they’ve kinda honed in on moms, but it truly would be good for everyone.
We want our children to be critical thinkers and to be able to discern for themselves right from wrong, truth from lie. We want them to know that their faith is reasonable and not blind. We want to teach them that asking questions is good. We want them to know why they believe what they believe. As parents or mentors, we can help our children develop a solid foundation for them to understand, view, and interpret the world.
Don’t let the word ‘apologetics’ scare you.
“Apologetics is how we handle questions.”
“No, we are not apologizing for our faith, nor are we being defensive about it. Rather, we are giving reasons and evidence for what we believe.”
Personally I enjoy reading books about apologetics but it’s not the lightest of reading and can often be confusing.
This book is not that.
They have written this for people who aren’t going to go out and read allll the books. They have written this to equip all adults to understand what cultural lies our children may be hearing or being influenced by. They have written this to help us communicate better with our children about really important things. (Or even recognize these things for ourselves.)
So it is very easy to follow and understand.
As I’ve said, I’ve read several apologetics books (browse my book blog) and this one has stood out to me because I believe it’s an excellent and accessible resource for all minds and especially geared toward talking to our children about things.
I can read lots of complicated books but how do I simplify it so it makes sense to my children? What questions are appropriate for my kids? This book is perfect for that!
“On the following pages, you will gain wisdom to help you listen well to your children— to discern their thoughts and questions, and then guide them in thinking critically and biblically about the postmodern culture they face.”
Some of these ideals are overt and easy to spot, but most of the time they’re hard to detect if we’re not paying attention. And to counter the ‘isms’ I list below often comes with unpopularity or rejection. Today’s culture presents their belief system in such a positive light that it’s hard to identify the lies that are hidden within or packaged differently, and it’s harder to go against the current.
I think this book is an invaluable resource that I know I will keep coming back to as things come up with my kids.
One of the best things about this book is that they are committed to discernment which means that they don’t believe in dichotomous thinking.
“We don’t inhale 100% oxygen. We inhale a combination of oxygen, carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and atmosphere. Our bodies were designed to take in the oxygen and exhale everything else… [we want] our little bears to be able to interact with this culture with grace, love, and critical thinking— inhaling the spiritual oxygen and exhaling everything else— in a way that is as natural as breathing.”
With each chapter they acknowledge both the good and the bad of a certain idea. We inhale, or hold on to, the good and we exhale, or discard the bad.
This is not a promotion of an a la carte belief system but to help us see how a lot of bad thinking or ideas are attractive or persuasive to us because they have some truth to them. We need to see how truth is twisted or added to in ways that are unbiblical.
They warn against teaching our kids in a way that divides the world into ‘safe’ things and ‘dangerous’ things. I think this is very wise.
“The danger of dividing up the world into simplistic ‘safe’ and ‘dangerous’ or even ‘Christian’ and ‘non-Christian’ categories is that our kids will eventually (and perhaps accidentally) swallow a lie from something they thought was safe or Christian, or reject a truth from something they thought was dangerous or non-Christian.”
The chapter on linguistic theft was super good. I won’t go into detail here, but it’s basically recognizing the affects of redefining words. Some of the words they discuss that have been hijacked are love, truth, tolerance, justice, injustice, equality, bigot, and authentic. I’d bet you could think of a time when one of these words were used in a new way. Have you thought about the dangers of that?
How It’s Organized
This book was written by several contributors. Each chapter covers a new ‘ism’ or belief.
They provide a brief history of the idea.
They break it down using the acronym ROAR:
- Recognize the message (what message or values are being promoted or demonized?)
- Offer discernment (correctly identify the good and the bad)
- Argue for a healthier approach (provide evidence and reasons)
- Reinforce with discussion, discipleship, and prayer (putting it into practice, practical application)
They identify lies and myths and counter them with reason and evidence.
I really like how they include a prayer at the end of each chapter. There’s nothing wrong with praying their prayers verbatim, yourself. Growing up I was taught the acronym ACTS for praying (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication).
They use PAWS:
- Praise (worshiping/adoring God for who he is or what he has done)
- Admit (confessing/repenting of a sin in thought, word or deed)
- Worship with Thanksgiving (thanking God for who he is or the blessings he has given us)
- Supplication (asking for help)
At the end of each chapter are also discussion questions. There’s an ice-breaker question, main theme (reviewing what we learned kind of questions), self-evaluation, brainstorming (which are just thought-provoking questions), and ‘releasing the bear’ which is an activity to do with your kids.
I think the questions are thoughtful and would spur on good discussion. This book would be an excellent option to do as a Bible study— as women or as a mixed group of people! Each chapter is so relevant and I think it would be great to discuss with others how to work together and encourage one another in these hard conversations.
Disclaimer
I want to put in this disclaimer before sharing the chapters overview.
When my husband saw the cover of this book he commented on the angry looking mama bear on the front.
Mama Bear Apologetics says their tagline is: “We love people but demolish their ideas.”
The picture may appear harsh, and the word ‘demolish’ seems a bit aggressive. But they really do love people and are not endorsing people start up protests and Facebook comment rants to argue with people.
I love that they say this:
“With most of the ‘isms’ in this book, we are not dealing with willful rebels, but with captives— people held hostage to bad ideas.”
We are all image-bearers of God. And some of us may be held captive to bad ideas. We are called to speak truth. And how we do that is important. But contrary to popular belief, it’s not wrong to defend your beliefs and to challenge bad ideas.
We love our children fiercely and want to protect them.
“The greatest protection we can give our kids is to equip them to face the cultural lies head-on while remaining gracious, loving, and winsome.”
Mama Bear Apologetics’ heart is to offer freedom and escape from their captivity to lies and harmful beliefs.
I think they do a good job of balancing being bold and confident yet gracious and humble. They are ‘attacking’ the ideas, not the people.
The ‘Isms’
Part 2 of this book is dedicated to “Lies you’ve probably heard but didn’t know what they were called”
[Each book listed below is reviewed on my book review blog]
They include:
Self-Helpism
Covers things like: Self-empowerment. What is our source of authority or power? Do we have all that we need inside of us? Can we fix our own problems? Are we responsible for making our life what we want it to be?
“Trying to fix ourselves is as futile as expecting a broken vacuum to fix itself. It won’t happen. Not even if we gather the family around to shout, ‘You’re an amazing vacuum! You can do it!’”
For further reading on this topic check out:
You Who? by Rachel Jankovic
When Strivings Cease by Ruth Chou Simons
Naturalism
Covers things like: Are science and Christianity at odds? What’s the difference between science and faith? How do we explain the origin of the world or God? What about evolution? Can everything be explained by the material world? Can we ignore the supernatural?
“The universal problem with denying the existence of God is the difficulty of explaining creation apart from a creator.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Why God Makes Sense in a World that Doesn’t by Gavin Ortlund
A Biblical Case Against Theistic Evolution by Wayne Grudem
The Reason for God by Tim Keller
Skepticism
Covers things like: Can we trust the Bible? Isn’t Christianity just wishful thinking- like Santa? You can’t know anything for sure. Religion is child abuse.
“A child who understands how to discover truth is primed for a faith that lasts much longer than that of a child who is merely presented with the truth.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Surviving Religion 101 by Michael J. Kruger
Taking God at His Word by Kevin DeYoung
Postmodernism
Covers things like objective and subjective truth— the phrase ‘your/my truth’ or ‘true for you but not for me.’ Is perception reality? Are all truth claims power plays?
“With all the battles fought over truth, society saw truth as the bully, not the people supposedly wielding it… In fact, truth had become synonymous with power and oppression.”
For further reading on this topic (and the next one) check out:
The Gathering Storm by Al Mohler
Moral Relativism
Covers things like: Love is love. Don’t force your truth on me. What does true mean? Should personal autonomy be our highest priority? Are truth and compassion at odds? Is moral relativism even logically possible?
“Once upon a time, counseling was centered upon helping someone’s emotions to match reality. Now people are more concerned with crafting reality to either match emotions or alleviate bad emotions. Even science must bend the knee.”
Emotionalism
Covers things like: Can we control our emotions? Are negative emotions harmful? Should we try to change anything that causes negative feelings? Follow your heart. Be offended. Is emotional distress injustice?
“Emotionalism basically refers to replacing our God-given reasoning faculties with emotion. Is something right or wrong? I’m not sure. Hold on a sec, let me see how I feel about it…”
For further reading on this topic check out:
The Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff
Pluralism
Covers things like: Are all religions equally valid? Does sincerity or popularity make a belief true? What does tolerance mean? Aren’t all religions still worshiping the same God?
“In a society where multiple religious beliefs coexist, secularism, colored with tolerance, leads the false dichotomy that either 1) all religions are equally valid, or 2) no religion should be discussed.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
The Intolerance of Tolerance by D.A. Carson
New Spirituality
Covers things like: Pantheism- we are one with nature (i.e. Avatar, Star Wars- the ‘Force’). Meditation will fix your problems. We are one with God.
“We are all sinners in desperate need of a Savior. We can strive all we want, try all we want, meditate all we want, center ourselves all we want, but doing these things will never make us good. Apart from Christ, there is nothing that can save us, redeem us, cleanse us, or make us worthy.”
Marxism
Covers things like: What’s the difference between Marxism, socialism, and communism? Is Marxism just an economic system or is it a belief system? In what ways do social justice warriors draw from Marxist ideals? Who is oppressed? What is justice and equality?
“Acknowledge. Grieve. Work for reform. Godly conviction is good. Let true injustices spur your heart to action. But stay alert for the lies in the social justice movement that we need to spit out.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Cynical Theories by Helen Pluckrose and James Lindsay
Confronting Injustice without Compromising Truth by Thaddeus Williams
Discrimination and Disparities by Thomas Sowell
Feminism
Covers things like: The three waves of feminism. Is there a war on women? Do we even need men? How do men control women? How has the church failed women? What is gender? Does feminism free women?
“A victim who is desperate to be heard will overlook the flaws of a movement that is willing to listen and be angry on her behalf.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley
Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle
Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher
Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier
A(typical) Woman by Abigail Dodds
Progressive Christianity
Covers things like: The five key beliefs of progressive Christians. What critiques have progressive Christians made of the church that are helpful?
“Instead of staying within the bounds of orthodox Christianity and bringing reform from within, progressives set their aim on the actual doctrines of Christianity rather than the abuses committed by Christians.”
“Christianity is not progressive; it’s eternal.”
For further reading on this topic check out:
Gospel People by Michael Reeves
Conclusion
I cannot stress enough how much I recommend this book. See I even BOLDED it!
Considering how helpful I found this book even though I’ve already read a handful of apologetic books this year, how much more beneficial will this book be for any of you who don’t have time to read all the books?
If you hear hard questions and feel overwhelmed and helpless to articulate an answer…
If you hear hard questions and start to question your own faith foundation…
If you hear hard questions and get frustrated by the ideology your children face…
If you hear hard questions and feel motivated to find the answers…
If you have never heard a hard question but are curious what may come up later…
If you have no problem with self-helpism, naturalism, skepticism, postmodernism, moral relativism, emotionalism, pluralism, spirituality, marxism, feminism, or progressive Christianity and you wonder what the big deal is…
… this book is for you.
It is not too early and it is not too late to start communicating about hard things with your children.
Read this book. Read it with friends. Be inspired to learn more. Be bold. Think critically. Speak truth.
And as their saying goes: #RoarLikeaMother. (or a father… or a mentor… or a friend… you get it.)
The Mama Bear Apologetics Website has a lot of resources.
They mention this website for a parental guide on movies.
There is also further resources listed at the end of the book for more books on each chapter.
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest
“I want to have it all, and to have it all, you have to risk it all.”
I read To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (Book 1) back in November. Finally getting around to the second book because we wanted to watch the second movie. (I’ll add my comparison once we do that).
In short: It wasn’t as good as the first one. Didn’t hate it. Didn’t love it.
The brief synopsis:
This book takes off right where the last one left off.
The hot-tub rumor of Lara Jean and Peter becomes a viral video.
The first book is a Lara Jean/Peter/Josh love triangle. Josh is virtually non-existent in this book, but the love triangle won’t go away.
John Ambrose McClaren— another letterboy— finally receives Lara Jean’s letter and writes her back— suddenly making an appearance back in her life.
Now the triangle is Lara Jean/Peter/John.
What seemed so easy and right with Peter becomes complicated once they make things official. It still seems like Genevieve (his ex) is still number one for him. He still has feelings for her? Is there room for Lara Jean or will Genevieve keep haunting their relationship?
Then there’s John who has come into himself since before he moved away. He is confident in himself, thoughtful, romantic, and without the previous relationship baggage that Peter has.
“What would I regret losing more? The reality of Peter or the dream of John? Who can’t I live without?”
My Thoughts
I didn’t like this book as much as the first one. There was a common theme throughout the book of sex. Lara Jean is only 16 but she’s talking about it with Peter, John, Margot, Chris, an old lady at the retirement home and even her ten year old sister Kitty. Who’s doing it? What’s it like?
The old lady tells her: “A girl with a reputation is so much more interesting than a Goody-Two-Shoes.”
As a parent reading this book— don’t like that. If I had a teenage girl, I would not want her reading this book. Maybe I was too naive in high school, but sex should not be so primary for high schoolers. I wouldn’t want my daughter feeling pressure to ‘be like everybody else’ and have sex or pursue a ‘reputation’ as if she’s some sort of wild girl.
Since when is making a good choices a bad thing? I was the goody-two-shoes in school. Sure it made high school hard, but I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. In fact, I think my life is a lot better for it.
That is not how healthy relationships are built. That’s not what she should spend her time thinking and worrying about. High schoolers really don’t know much about love, boundaries, or consequences… why does the culture keep telling them to follow their hearts??
They need to tell their hearts to calm down and start using their brains a little more.
I know… it’s a romance novel. I suppose that’s why I don’t really read many of those. Especially if it’s high school romance. If it’s so focused on sex I’m not into it. I like to read about people falling in love and remembering what that feels like, but you don’t need sex for that.
Maybe reading Talking Back to Purity Culture is worth your time?
It also seemed to have more swearing and f-words than the first one. Maybe I just don’t remember that far back, but it seemed quite prevalent in this book.
Also, there is no reason for Peter to be what he’s being for Gen unless they are dating. And there is no way to continue that and expect to have a relationship with another girl. That’s just dating 101.
I wanted to like Peter but after this book I’m Team John.
One random thing I liked: She set up a scrapbooking class with the people at the retirement home and I think that’s awesome! Hopefully someone does that for me when I’m at that point in my life.
Margot also gives Lara Jean this advice:
“Things feel like they’ll be forever, but they aren’t. Love can go away, or people can, without meaning to. Nothing is guaranteed.”
I both agree and disagree. I think things in high school always feel like forever but they aren’t. I think things that feel important in high school really aren’t. Things that are stressed about, cried over, pined over, are such a small blip in the course of one’s life. But you don’t fully realize this until college and beyond.
As with pretty much all love stories, it’s all about the feelings. Whether they ‘feel’ in love or don’t ‘feel’ in love anymore. And it’s those things that create these stupid love triangles. Because of course girls want to feel loved and noticed so any book where the main character is fought over by more than one guy is like a dream come true.
But this perpetuation of feelings dictating actions is false love. Love is a choice. And a commitment. In that way love DOESN’T go away.
Granted, people in high school do not usually need to be making long term love commitments and I don’t necessarily wish Han had done that here.
And here I am again over analyzing a YA romance novel.
Book/Movie Comparison
I watched the movie back in July and here are a few differences between the book and the movie:
My biggest disappointment was there was no assassin game in the movie. I think that would have 1) been entertaining, but 2) we lose the tension of Lara Jean feeling like Peter has teamed up with Gen for the game and wondering why he would be protecting her instead of working with Lara Jean.
The movie also brings John Ambrose into the picture by having him ‘sign up’ to work at the nursing home just like Lara Jean. Stormy isn’t his grandma in the movie. So there is no overnight in the nursing home because of the storm situation and therefore no snowball fight. I think that was a special bonding time for John and Lara Jean so I was also disappointed that was different.
Another prominent difference is that the ball they throw for the nursing home isn’t a throwback to war times— no victory roll hairstyle and costumes. It’s just a ‘star ball.’ Which is boring and not as sweet as Lara Jean’s idea.
The drama with the video kinda played out in the first movie so there wasn’t much about it in the second movie.
Gen talks about her parents getting divorced but the reason for it is not given in the movie.
Peter doesn’t miss his lacrosse game in the movie which I’m not sure why they did it that way. I feel like it was a pretty big deal in the book considering he had never missed a game and she had gone to all the trouble of dressing up for him only to find out he missed the game for Gen.
They didn’t include all of these things that compile to make Peter less likable. In the book I was team John but I think they still want you to be Team Peter based on the movie.
All that to say, the movie was still entertaining. There was less sex talk than the book which was good, and because it’s a movie, the investment isn’t as big as reading so expectations are curbed.
Conclusion
Though it’s not my favorite genre and just like the first book, there’s not a whole lot that really happens, I suppose I wasn’t bored or slogging through it. I read it quickly.
I didn’t care for the language or the frequency of ‘sex’ talk. Although, to be fair, Lara Jean does not want to have sex so it doesn’t actually happen in this book. I have feeling it might not be the case for the third book.
Depending how the movie goes, I will probably still read the third book before seeing the third movie.
I think it will just be hard for me to appreciate most YA romance novels. If you are already a fan of those, you’ll probably like this.
If you’re like me, maybe try reading Sing Me Forgotten. I thought that was a really good love story!
Brittany
XOXO
P.S. The author used the words ‘hedged’ and ‘interminably’ too much.
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I read To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (Book 1) back in November. Finally getting around to the second book because we wanted to watch the second movie. (I’ll add my comparison once we do that).
In short: It wasn’t as good as the first one. Didn’t hate it. Didn’t love it.
The brief synopsis:
This book takes off right where the last one left off.
The hot-tub rumor of Lara Jean and Peter becomes a viral video.
The first book is a Lara Jean/Peter/Josh love triangle. Josh is virtually non-existent in this book, but the love triangle won’t go away.
John Ambrose McClaren— another letterboy— finally receives Lara Jean’s letter and writes her back— suddenly making an appearance back in her life.
Now the triangle is Lara Jean/Peter/John.
What seemed so easy and right with Peter becomes complicated once they make things official. It still seems like Genevieve (his ex) is still number one for him. He still has feelings for her? Is there room for Lara Jean or will Genevieve keep haunting their relationship?
Then there’s John who has come into himself since before he moved away. He is confident in himself, thoughtful, romantic, and without the previous relationship baggage that Peter has.
“What would I regret losing more? The reality of Peter or the dream of John? Who can’t I live without?”
My Thoughts
I didn’t like this book as much as the first one. There was a common theme throughout the book of sex. Lara Jean is only 16 but she’s talking about it with Peter, John, Margot, Chris, an old lady at the retirement home and even her ten year old sister Kitty. Who’s doing it? What’s it like?
The old lady tells her: “A girl with a reputation is so much more interesting than a Goody-Two-Shoes.”
As a parent reading this book— don’t like that. If I had a teenage girl, I would not want her reading this book. Maybe I was too naive in high school, but sex should not be so primary for high schoolers. I wouldn’t want my daughter feeling pressure to ‘be like everybody else’ and have sex or pursue a ‘reputation’ as if she’s some sort of wild girl.
Since when is making a good choices a bad thing? I was the goody-two-shoes in school. Sure it made high school hard, but I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. In fact, I think my life is a lot better for it.
That is not how healthy relationships are built. That’s not what she should spend her time thinking and worrying about. High schoolers really don’t know much about love, boundaries, or consequences… why does the culture keep telling them to follow their hearts??
They need to tell their hearts to calm down and start using their brains a little more.
I know… it’s a romance novel. I suppose that’s why I don’t really read many of those. Especially if it’s high school romance. If it’s so focused on sex I’m not into it. I like to read about people falling in love and remembering what that feels like, but you don’t need sex for that.
Maybe reading Talking Back to Purity Culture is worth your time?
It also seemed to have more swearing and f-words than the first one. Maybe I just don’t remember that far back, but it seemed quite prevalent in this book.
Also, there is no reason for Peter to be what he’s being for Gen unless they are dating. And there is no way to continue that and expect to have a relationship with another girl. That’s just dating 101.
I wanted to like Peter but after this book I’m Team John.
One random thing I liked: She set up a scrapbooking class with the people at the retirement home and I think that’s awesome! Hopefully someone does that for me when I’m at that point in my life.
Margot also gives Lara Jean this advice:
“Things feel like they’ll be forever, but they aren’t. Love can go away, or people can, without meaning to. Nothing is guaranteed.”
I both agree and disagree. I think things in high school always feel like forever but they aren’t. I think things that feel important in high school really aren’t. Things that are stressed about, cried over, pined over, are such a small blip in the course of one’s life. But you don’t fully realize this until college and beyond.
As with pretty much all love stories, it’s all about the feelings. Whether they ‘feel’ in love or don’t ‘feel’ in love anymore. And it’s those things that create these stupid love triangles. Because of course girls want to feel loved and noticed so any book where the main character is fought over by more than one guy is like a dream come true.
But this perpetuation of feelings dictating actions is false love. Love is a choice. And a commitment. In that way love DOESN’T go away.
Granted, people in high school do not usually need to be making long term love commitments and I don’t necessarily wish Han had done that here.
And here I am again over analyzing a YA romance novel.
Book/Movie Comparison
I watched the movie back in July and here are a few differences between the book and the movie:
My biggest disappointment was there was no assassin game in the movie. I think that would have 1) been entertaining, but 2) we lose the tension of Lara Jean feeling like Peter has teamed up with Gen for the game and wondering why he would be protecting her instead of working with Lara Jean.
The movie also brings John Ambrose into the picture by having him ‘sign up’ to work at the nursing home just like Lara Jean. Stormy isn’t his grandma in the movie. So there is no overnight in the nursing home because of the storm situation and therefore no snowball fight. I think that was a special bonding time for John and Lara Jean so I was also disappointed that was different.
Another prominent difference is that the ball they throw for the nursing home isn’t a throwback to war times— no victory roll hairstyle and costumes. It’s just a ‘star ball.’ Which is boring and not as sweet as Lara Jean’s idea.
The drama with the video kinda played out in the first movie so there wasn’t much about it in the second movie.
Gen talks about her parents getting divorced but the reason for it is not given in the movie.
Peter doesn’t miss his lacrosse game in the movie which I’m not sure why they did it that way. I feel like it was a pretty big deal in the book considering he had never missed a game and she had gone to all the trouble of dressing up for him only to find out he missed the game for Gen.
They didn’t include all of these things that compile to make Peter less likable. In the book I was team John but I think they still want you to be Team Peter based on the movie.
All that to say, the movie was still entertaining. There was less sex talk than the book which was good, and because it’s a movie, the investment isn’t as big as reading so expectations are curbed.
Conclusion
Though it’s not my favorite genre and just like the first book, there’s not a whole lot that really happens, I suppose I wasn’t bored or slogging through it. I read it quickly.
I didn’t care for the language or the frequency of ‘sex’ talk. Although, to be fair, Lara Jean does not want to have sex so it doesn’t actually happen in this book. I have feeling it might not be the case for the third book.
Depending how the movie goes, I will probably still read the third book before seeing the third movie.
I think it will just be hard for me to appreciate most YA romance novels. If you are already a fan of those, you’ll probably like this.
If you’re like me, maybe try reading Sing Me Forgotten. I thought that was a really good love story!
Brittany
XOXO
P.S. The author used the words ‘hedged’ and ‘interminably’ too much.
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[3.5 rounded up]
“Invisibility was my favorite state of existence”
This was my first Lisa Jewell book.
I’ve read that some reviewers say this one was a bit darker than her other books so I think I’ll try another one of hers.
I mostly liked this one but there was some swearing in it. (I had a physical copy and I didn’t count them up but I’d guess somewhere around 20-30 f-words about the same number of s-words, some of them coming in twos or threes from one particular character)
There are also a couple trigger warnings for self-harm and sexual abuse (nothing too graphic described).
Also, if you are having a hard time trusting your therapist, probably don’t read this book…
This was more mystery than thriller but still a page-turner. I don’t know if I was super surprised by the ending but I was invested enough in the story that I didn’t mind.
This book follows a trio of POVs:
Saffyre Maddox is the ‘invisible girl.’ Burdened with sexual abuse as a child, she sees a therapist— Roan Fours— for three years to help her stop self-harming. She lives with her only family (an uncle) and is struggling to get through life. She finds the ‘invisible’ life to be the most freeing.
“I have a dark past, and I have dark thoughts. I do dark things and I scare myself sometimes."
Cate Fours is the wife of Roan. She is insecure, paranoid, and passive. She suspects her husband is having an affair. She is also worked up about a string of sexual assaults happening in their neighborhood and fears for her children’s safety.
“Cate faces the kitchen window where she sees her face reflected back at her, the face of an older woman who looks just like her, a woman whose life, she feels very strongly, is heading down a dark, twisty path to somewhere she doesn’t want to be.”
Owen Pick lives across the street from the Fours family. He recently lost his job for allegations of sexual misconduct that he adamantly denies. He is forced to confront the dark parts of himself that he didn’t know were there.
On Valentine’s Night Saffyre Maddox goes missing. She was last seen at the Fours’ house by Owen Pick.
Saffyre’s chapters are all from ‘Before' whereas Cate and Owen’s chapters flip from ‘Before’ (leading up to the disappearance) and ‘After’ as the police are investigating.
Jewell gives us a few suspects to wonder about and a slightly unresolved ending.
I liked Saffyre’s character for being smart and active, but none of the other ones. I don’t really like the trope of the paranoid mom who is suspicious of everyone but never wants to do anything about it. Owen is for sure creepy, but Jewell tries to redeem him. Georgia is an afterthought and Josh ends up being about as flat at the end as he was at the beginning.
Georgia may have been an afterthought but I must draw attention to her reaction here because we may have to be friends because of it:
Georgia- “Where’s Dad?”
Cate- “Gone running.”
Georgia- “Freak.”
And then, of course, two things that I learned while reading this book:
“on fleek”- done exactly right. (As in: This book review is on fleek!)
[Immediate Edit: This is how ‘in the know’ I am. I was so proud to tell my husband I learned a cool new slang term. He was like ‘yeah I’ve heard of that.’ And then tells me no one uses it anymore. Then he finds an article from 2017 that says it’s old news. So I now know I’m about 5 years behind on ‘cool’… It sounds exhausting to keep with this nonsense!]
Fatface jeans. They’re real. It’s a British clothing company started by two men and apparently named after a ski slope: “Inspired by the name of the black mountain ski run in Val d’Isère, La Face, FatFace was born.” Their website also states their mission to “bring style and positivity” but it just feels counterintuitive to name your brand Fatface. Maybe that’s just me. Also would Fatface skinny jeans be an oxymoron?
Some Spoiler Comments:
Okay. I thought FOR SURE it was going to be Josh. The way they kept talking about how pure he was and how he was such a good kid made me feel like he wasn’t who we were led to believe.
So the ending wasn’t surprising.
And it was a bit anti-climactic… well at least for me when I’m used to reading stories about murders. No one actually gets killed in this book so that’s a bit new for me.
I was a little surprised with how far Jewell went with Owen’s character as far as his redemption. His inner struggle and revelation about his parents and then going to talk to his dad seemed a bit like a rabbit trail but I suppose it’s a good thing to see characters change in stories, to recognize things they need to work on and then actually taking the initiative to become better.
Owen’s story line also reminds us how much damage we can cause to a person’s life when we make false accusations. There is always a cost to getting it wrong and we should be careful about our prejudices.
One last comment. This one’s about Alicia. By the end we are supposed to feel bad for her because Roan is manipulative and abusive. That is true and that is wrong. But I can’t help but also still hold Alicia responsible for getting involved with him in the first place. She knew he was married and so she still bears some responsibility for the infidelity and ruining a marriage. Granted, it was probably going to be ruined regardless, but I don’t like the idea of giving her a pass. She didn’t seem to have any remorse for Cate’s experience in all of this. And Saffyre gave her a pass as well.
Recommendation
I wouldn’t necessarily call this a ‘must-read’ but it’s also not a bad book. Somewhere in between. I wish it had less profanity but if this is one of her darker books as others have suggested maybe the other ones will be different.
I might check out The Family Upstairs or Then She Was Gone next so you can keep checking back to see what I think and if I’ll keep reading Lisa Jewell books.
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“Invisibility was my favorite state of existence”
This was my first Lisa Jewell book.
I’ve read that some reviewers say this one was a bit darker than her other books so I think I’ll try another one of hers.
I mostly liked this one but there was some swearing in it. (I had a physical copy and I didn’t count them up but I’d guess somewhere around 20-30 f-words about the same number of s-words, some of them coming in twos or threes from one particular character)
There are also a couple trigger warnings for self-harm and sexual abuse (nothing too graphic described).
Also, if you are having a hard time trusting your therapist, probably don’t read this book…
This was more mystery than thriller but still a page-turner. I don’t know if I was super surprised by the ending but I was invested enough in the story that I didn’t mind.
This book follows a trio of POVs:
Saffyre Maddox is the ‘invisible girl.’ Burdened with sexual abuse as a child, she sees a therapist— Roan Fours— for three years to help her stop self-harming. She lives with her only family (an uncle) and is struggling to get through life. She finds the ‘invisible’ life to be the most freeing.
“I have a dark past, and I have dark thoughts. I do dark things and I scare myself sometimes."
Cate Fours is the wife of Roan. She is insecure, paranoid, and passive. She suspects her husband is having an affair. She is also worked up about a string of sexual assaults happening in their neighborhood and fears for her children’s safety.
“Cate faces the kitchen window where she sees her face reflected back at her, the face of an older woman who looks just like her, a woman whose life, she feels very strongly, is heading down a dark, twisty path to somewhere she doesn’t want to be.”
Owen Pick lives across the street from the Fours family. He recently lost his job for allegations of sexual misconduct that he adamantly denies. He is forced to confront the dark parts of himself that he didn’t know were there.
On Valentine’s Night Saffyre Maddox goes missing. She was last seen at the Fours’ house by Owen Pick.
Saffyre’s chapters are all from ‘Before' whereas Cate and Owen’s chapters flip from ‘Before’ (leading up to the disappearance) and ‘After’ as the police are investigating.
Jewell gives us a few suspects to wonder about and a slightly unresolved ending.
I liked Saffyre’s character for being smart and active, but none of the other ones. I don’t really like the trope of the paranoid mom who is suspicious of everyone but never wants to do anything about it. Owen is for sure creepy, but Jewell tries to redeem him. Georgia is an afterthought and Josh ends up being about as flat at the end as he was at the beginning.
Georgia may have been an afterthought but I must draw attention to her reaction here because we may have to be friends because of it:
Georgia- “Where’s Dad?”
Cate- “Gone running.”
Georgia- “Freak.”
And then, of course, two things that I learned while reading this book:
“on fleek”- done exactly right. (As in: This book review is on fleek!)
[Immediate Edit: This is how ‘in the know’ I am. I was so proud to tell my husband I learned a cool new slang term. He was like ‘yeah I’ve heard of that.’ And then tells me no one uses it anymore. Then he finds an article from 2017 that says it’s old news. So I now know I’m about 5 years behind on ‘cool’… It sounds exhausting to keep with this nonsense!]
Fatface jeans. They’re real. It’s a British clothing company started by two men and apparently named after a ski slope: “Inspired by the name of the black mountain ski run in Val d’Isère, La Face, FatFace was born.” Their website also states their mission to “bring style and positivity” but it just feels counterintuitive to name your brand Fatface. Maybe that’s just me. Also would Fatface skinny jeans be an oxymoron?
Some Spoiler Comments:
Spoiler
Spoiler CommentsOkay. I thought FOR SURE it was going to be Josh. The way they kept talking about how pure he was and how he was such a good kid made me feel like he wasn’t who we were led to believe.
So the ending wasn’t surprising.
And it was a bit anti-climactic… well at least for me when I’m used to reading stories about murders. No one actually gets killed in this book so that’s a bit new for me.
I was a little surprised with how far Jewell went with Owen’s character as far as his redemption. His inner struggle and revelation about his parents and then going to talk to his dad seemed a bit like a rabbit trail but I suppose it’s a good thing to see characters change in stories, to recognize things they need to work on and then actually taking the initiative to become better.
Owen’s story line also reminds us how much damage we can cause to a person’s life when we make false accusations. There is always a cost to getting it wrong and we should be careful about our prejudices.
One last comment. This one’s about Alicia. By the end we are supposed to feel bad for her because Roan is manipulative and abusive. That is true and that is wrong. But I can’t help but also still hold Alicia responsible for getting involved with him in the first place. She knew he was married and so she still bears some responsibility for the infidelity and ruining a marriage. Granted, it was probably going to be ruined regardless, but I don’t like the idea of giving her a pass. She didn’t seem to have any remorse for Cate’s experience in all of this. And Saffyre gave her a pass as well.
Recommendation
I wouldn’t necessarily call this a ‘must-read’ but it’s also not a bad book. Somewhere in between. I wish it had less profanity but if this is one of her darker books as others have suggested maybe the other ones will be different.
I might check out The Family Upstairs or Then She Was Gone next so you can keep checking back to see what I think and if I’ll keep reading Lisa Jewell books.
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This was my very first Stephen King book.
I’m not a big horror fan so I was hesitant to read it, but it’s been sitting on my shelf for years so to celebrate Stephen King’s birthday on September 21, I decided to give it a shot.
True to many other readers’ comments, this is different from his MO in that it was more thriller than horror. It was not gruesome, though several people die. There was also no supernatural element.
While I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of gore, I was equally disappointed in the abundance of profanity. I had a physical copy and thus did not count, but I would say it’s easily over a hundred f- and s-words, some c-words, and not to mention the too-frequent use of the n-word (this was used only by the Mr. Mercedes character to portray another side of his evilness, but I still don’t like having to read it).
Another note on the content: Mr. Mercedes, such a stand-up guy, also has a creepy incestuous-esque relationship with his mother that isn’t overly descriptive but even a mild description is disturbing.
For these content reasons I don’t think I’ll be finishing the series.
I was also notified that this series was made into a TV series but that has a profanity rating of ‘severe’ so I also won’t be able to continue the series in that way.
Summary
The basic premise of this thriller is that retired detective, Bill Hodges, is not, after 6 months in, handling his retirement well. When he receives a mysterious note from the supposed Mercedes Killer— a case he never solved— he is all too eager to spend his free time investigating.
The book opens with the scene of the Mercedes Killer running a stolen vehicle— a Mercedes Benz obvs— into crowds of people waiting in line for a job fair. He killed 8 people (including a mother and baby) and injured many others. To the police’s dismay, he got away and left few traces to follow up on.
Bill, with the help of his lawn-boy, Jerome, and eventually the help of a mentally unstable but very intelligent woman with some social tics named Holly, goes on a mission to nail the elusive Mr. Mercedes before he can act on his urge to kill more people.
Comments
I didn’t particularly feel drawn to Bill Hodge’s character because he seemed a bit flat (not physically.. ha), but I did appreciate that even though he was the stereotypical overweight police officer, he did still have some investigative skills. He is no Scully and Hitchcock, but I kinda of pictured him that way and felt somewhat surprised when he did something right.
I did really like Jerome and Holly. They were a lot more interesting and created more depth in the cast and the character interactions because of their idiosyncrasies and backgrounds.
Holly is in her forties, but it was hard to picture her that way because of her child-like voice.
Jerome, a smart high-schooler with his sights set on Harvard, had a secondary ‘persona’ where he often changed his vernacular. I’m not sure how to describe it in the right terms. But here’s an example of how he sounds when he switches to ‘Tyrone Feelgood Delight’: “No, suh! I is black. I spends mah spare time shootin hoops and runnin on de cinder track at de high school. Us black fellas is mighty fast, as de whole worl’ knows.”
It’s something Jerome (who is black if you didn’t realize that) voluntarily decides to do in a good-humored way, but I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about it. These days it seems like I’m supposed to take offense because is it appropriation? I don’t know! Maybe it doesn’t matter. Beats me.
What made this thriller a bit different than ones I typically read is that it is more of a cat and mouse book. We already know who the killer is—the ice cream man… because of course we need our deepest fears to be realized and perpetuated through books like this. The detective doesn’t know, but as a reader there is nothing for us to really figure out.
The main suspense is the race against time. Can the detective and ‘his team’ figure it all out before the clock runs out and thousands of people die?
The last chunk of the book definitely has a lot of suspense to it but the beginning has some slow parts as we get the full context and setting.
King made such a big deal about Mr. Mercedes using the word ‘perk’ instead of ‘perp’ and that being one of the ‘tells’ they would have if they caught the right person, but after all the suspense and hullabaloo around the word (it’s even in the Goodreads summary), Hodges just randomly decides to forget it and angrily correct the guy in a message and reveal that he’s using the wrong word for perp. Turns out we can get him without his identifier. Which is fine, but a bit anti-climactic.
Can the mother really be such an alcoholic without dying after so many years of it? I don’t understand her life and I have no idea how to visualize what kind of person she is. ‘Dysfunction’ is a mild way to describe her and her son.
Recommendation
This is a hard book to offer a recommendation on because I am not a pre-existing Stephen King fan. I see mixed reviews on this book from his fans so it may be more helpful to see how they compare this book to his other books because I cannot offer anything to that extent.
I was told on a book reader Facebook page that this was a good first book to read of his, especially if I didn’t like horror. Many people said this series was one of their favorites.
My only recommendation is that if you don’t like profanity or sexual content, pass on this book. It’s just a lot to get through for a good story. Not worth it.
Other people have complained about his writing and all the elements that are unrealistic. Personally, I didn’t find much of that distracting in terms of dialogue or plot lines. Maybe I was too distracted by being annoyed at the language to get annoyed by anything else.
Even though this wasn’t a true horror novel, it kinda confirms for me why I don’t really read any horror books. Imagine if this had blood spurting everywhere on top of all the other things!
If you can recommend a Stephen King book to me that’s not too disturbing and doesn’t have much profanity, I would maybe give him another try, but I think I got to add King to my do-not-read author list.
Shelf Reflection Book Blog
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I’m not a big horror fan so I was hesitant to read it, but it’s been sitting on my shelf for years so to celebrate Stephen King’s birthday on September 21, I decided to give it a shot.
True to many other readers’ comments, this is different from his MO in that it was more thriller than horror. It was not gruesome, though several people die. There was also no supernatural element.
While I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of gore, I was equally disappointed in the abundance of profanity. I had a physical copy and thus did not count, but I would say it’s easily over a hundred f- and s-words, some c-words, and not to mention the too-frequent use of the n-word (this was used only by the Mr. Mercedes character to portray another side of his evilness, but I still don’t like having to read it).
Another note on the content: Mr. Mercedes, such a stand-up guy, also has a creepy incestuous-esque relationship with his mother that isn’t overly descriptive but even a mild description is disturbing.
For these content reasons I don’t think I’ll be finishing the series.
I was also notified that this series was made into a TV series but that has a profanity rating of ‘severe’ so I also won’t be able to continue the series in that way.
Summary
The basic premise of this thriller is that retired detective, Bill Hodges, is not, after 6 months in, handling his retirement well. When he receives a mysterious note from the supposed Mercedes Killer— a case he never solved— he is all too eager to spend his free time investigating.
The book opens with the scene of the Mercedes Killer running a stolen vehicle— a Mercedes Benz obvs— into crowds of people waiting in line for a job fair. He killed 8 people (including a mother and baby) and injured many others. To the police’s dismay, he got away and left few traces to follow up on.
Bill, with the help of his lawn-boy, Jerome, and eventually the help of a mentally unstable but very intelligent woman with some social tics named Holly, goes on a mission to nail the elusive Mr. Mercedes before he can act on his urge to kill more people.
Comments
I didn’t particularly feel drawn to Bill Hodge’s character because he seemed a bit flat (not physically.. ha), but I did appreciate that even though he was the stereotypical overweight police officer, he did still have some investigative skills. He is no Scully and Hitchcock, but I kinda of pictured him that way and felt somewhat surprised when he did something right.
I did really like Jerome and Holly. They were a lot more interesting and created more depth in the cast and the character interactions because of their idiosyncrasies and backgrounds.
Holly is in her forties, but it was hard to picture her that way because of her child-like voice.
Jerome, a smart high-schooler with his sights set on Harvard, had a secondary ‘persona’ where he often changed his vernacular. I’m not sure how to describe it in the right terms. But here’s an example of how he sounds when he switches to ‘Tyrone Feelgood Delight’: “No, suh! I is black. I spends mah spare time shootin hoops and runnin on de cinder track at de high school. Us black fellas is mighty fast, as de whole worl’ knows.”
It’s something Jerome (who is black if you didn’t realize that) voluntarily decides to do in a good-humored way, but I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about it. These days it seems like I’m supposed to take offense because is it appropriation? I don’t know! Maybe it doesn’t matter. Beats me.
What made this thriller a bit different than ones I typically read is that it is more of a cat and mouse book. We already know who the killer is—the ice cream man… because of course we need our deepest fears to be realized and perpetuated through books like this. The detective doesn’t know, but as a reader there is nothing for us to really figure out.
The main suspense is the race against time. Can the detective and ‘his team’ figure it all out before the clock runs out and thousands of people die?
The last chunk of the book definitely has a lot of suspense to it but the beginning has some slow parts as we get the full context and setting.
King made such a big deal about Mr. Mercedes using the word ‘perk’ instead of ‘perp’ and that being one of the ‘tells’ they would have if they caught the right person, but after all the suspense and hullabaloo around the word (it’s even in the Goodreads summary), Hodges just randomly decides to forget it and angrily correct the guy in a message and reveal that he’s using the wrong word for perp. Turns out we can get him without his identifier. Which is fine, but a bit anti-climactic.
Can the mother really be such an alcoholic without dying after so many years of it? I don’t understand her life and I have no idea how to visualize what kind of person she is. ‘Dysfunction’ is a mild way to describe her and her son.
Recommendation
This is a hard book to offer a recommendation on because I am not a pre-existing Stephen King fan. I see mixed reviews on this book from his fans so it may be more helpful to see how they compare this book to his other books because I cannot offer anything to that extent.
I was told on a book reader Facebook page that this was a good first book to read of his, especially if I didn’t like horror. Many people said this series was one of their favorites.
My only recommendation is that if you don’t like profanity or sexual content, pass on this book. It’s just a lot to get through for a good story. Not worth it.
Other people have complained about his writing and all the elements that are unrealistic. Personally, I didn’t find much of that distracting in terms of dialogue or plot lines. Maybe I was too distracted by being annoyed at the language to get annoyed by anything else.
Even though this wasn’t a true horror novel, it kinda confirms for me why I don’t really read any horror books. Imagine if this had blood spurting everywhere on top of all the other things!
If you can recommend a Stephen King book to me that’s not too disturbing and doesn’t have much profanity, I would maybe give him another try, but I think I got to add King to my do-not-read author list.
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“I’ve gone from clueless to completely hornswoggled.”
This is a classic locked-room mystery set in London during the 1930s.
It was a fun read and a break from the intense thrillers I’ve read lately.
It’s a great setting for this type of mystery because there isn’t a lot of technology that can explain away the impossibilities. I was, indeed, ‘hornswoggled’ throughout the book as idea after idea was eliminated. How did it happen?!
[BTW- conjuror is another name for magician… this is not a book of sorcery or conjuring spirits…]
Joseph Spector is a “magician-turned-sleuth” and when I found that out, I knew I had to read it.
Personal Attachment
Many years ago my friends, husband, and I created a twenty minute scary movie based on true events (a light was mysteriously left on in our house while we were gone) and we took some… creative liberties. It would definitely be embarrassing to broadcast but to us it was hilarious.
BUT. One of our main characters was Devon— a MAGICIAN… AND… a DETECTIVE. There to solve the seemingly impossible murders. And is it not just the perfect combination?
I really kept expecting Spector to strike a Devon line, pulling a quarter from behind someone’s ear and saying ‘The quarter never lies.’
Unfortunately, it didn’t come to fruition but we get some other good lines in there from Spector.
The magician-turned-sleuth is an awesome character and I’m here for it.
Bonus: they do reveal how some magic tricks are done and that also gave me satisfaction. I love magic but I also want to know how they do it. I mean, for real, have you seen some of these people on AGT?!
Summary
Dr. Rees, a psychiatrist, is found dead in his study. The room was locked, the windows locked, and no other means of escape. He did have one visitor late that night who came and went, but the housekeeper knew Dr. Rees was alive after the visitor left because he took a phone call in his study.
In such a short window of time, how could someone have entered, murdered him, and fled the scene without leaving any traces?!
Of course there are several suspects: the housekeeper, three of his mysterious and well-known patients, his daughter, and his daughter’s fiancé.
The plot thickens when two more impossible crimes are committed shortly after: a stolen painting from a locked room of a different house and another murder in a different building— the elevator operator found dead in the elevator of which no one entered or left.
George Flint, the police inspector, acquires the help of Joseph Spector to figure out how these impossible crimes were committed.
Comments
True to this type of book, we follow Flint and Spector as they make their rounds interrogating suspects, checking alibis, getting theories, testing theories, and eventually the lightbulb moment!
Then, of course, everyone is gathered in a room as Spector presents the case and reveals the killer/s and/or thief!
I did not have it figured out. It was a tough case to crack. But the pieces were all there if you had the wits and time to think it through.
I was happy with the reveal. I thought it was clever and complex.
The writing style and flow as well as the vocabulary definitely put this book in the vicinity of Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes, Charles Finch type of stories. Some reviewers commented that some of the vernacular was Americanized, but I’m not from London so I didn’t notice at the time. (Mead is from the UK so not sure why there were inconsistencies.)
However, one thing that did bother me a bit was how, at the beginning, they made a big deal about how Dr. Rees’ patients maintained a high level of secrecy and how people would pay big money to know who his patients were. Plus there is the client/patient confidentiality business.
Well, after the doctor was murdered, Flint and Spector are questioning people and ask them, basically- ‘Did you know such and such was a patient of Rees? Why do you think they needed a psychiatrist?’ Um. I don’t think you can do that… Plus they completely negated all of the secrecy they tried to maintain up until that point.
Another thing that could have been a bit better was the character development of Joseph Spector. If this is a series and he will be the unifying thread I think we should have learned more about him and gotten a better grasp of who he is and why we care. It wasn’t overly obvious that he was ‘the main character’ persay.
However, my primary goal in reading this book was for the mystery, not necessarily the characters. That being said, I will definitely read the next one in the series, but I will be hoping for more personality and characterization of Spector as the face of the series.
Recommendation
I love a good locked-room mystery. And if you do too, you will definitely enjoy this book!
It was a quick and easy read. No profanity or sexual content.
Would recommend.
Follow Shelf Reflection Book Blog for more reviews!
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest
This is a classic locked-room mystery set in London during the 1930s.
It was a fun read and a break from the intense thrillers I’ve read lately.
It’s a great setting for this type of mystery because there isn’t a lot of technology that can explain away the impossibilities. I was, indeed, ‘hornswoggled’ throughout the book as idea after idea was eliminated. How did it happen?!
[BTW- conjuror is another name for magician… this is not a book of sorcery or conjuring spirits…]
Joseph Spector is a “magician-turned-sleuth” and when I found that out, I knew I had to read it.
Personal Attachment
Many years ago my friends, husband, and I created a twenty minute scary movie based on true events (a light was mysteriously left on in our house while we were gone) and we took some… creative liberties. It would definitely be embarrassing to broadcast but to us it was hilarious.
BUT. One of our main characters was Devon— a MAGICIAN… AND… a DETECTIVE. There to solve the seemingly impossible murders. And is it not just the perfect combination?
I really kept expecting Spector to strike a Devon line, pulling a quarter from behind someone’s ear and saying ‘The quarter never lies.’
Unfortunately, it didn’t come to fruition but we get some other good lines in there from Spector.
The magician-turned-sleuth is an awesome character and I’m here for it.
Bonus: they do reveal how some magic tricks are done and that also gave me satisfaction. I love magic but I also want to know how they do it. I mean, for real, have you seen some of these people on AGT?!
Summary
Dr. Rees, a psychiatrist, is found dead in his study. The room was locked, the windows locked, and no other means of escape. He did have one visitor late that night who came and went, but the housekeeper knew Dr. Rees was alive after the visitor left because he took a phone call in his study.
In such a short window of time, how could someone have entered, murdered him, and fled the scene without leaving any traces?!
Of course there are several suspects: the housekeeper, three of his mysterious and well-known patients, his daughter, and his daughter’s fiancé.
The plot thickens when two more impossible crimes are committed shortly after: a stolen painting from a locked room of a different house and another murder in a different building— the elevator operator found dead in the elevator of which no one entered or left.
George Flint, the police inspector, acquires the help of Joseph Spector to figure out how these impossible crimes were committed.
Comments
True to this type of book, we follow Flint and Spector as they make their rounds interrogating suspects, checking alibis, getting theories, testing theories, and eventually the lightbulb moment!
Then, of course, everyone is gathered in a room as Spector presents the case and reveals the killer/s and/or thief!
I did not have it figured out. It was a tough case to crack. But the pieces were all there if you had the wits and time to think it through.
I was happy with the reveal. I thought it was clever and complex.
The writing style and flow as well as the vocabulary definitely put this book in the vicinity of Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes, Charles Finch type of stories. Some reviewers commented that some of the vernacular was Americanized, but I’m not from London so I didn’t notice at the time. (Mead is from the UK so not sure why there were inconsistencies.)
However, one thing that did bother me a bit was how, at the beginning, they made a big deal about how Dr. Rees’ patients maintained a high level of secrecy and how people would pay big money to know who his patients were. Plus there is the client/patient confidentiality business.
Well, after the doctor was murdered, Flint and Spector are questioning people and ask them, basically- ‘Did you know such and such was a patient of Rees? Why do you think they needed a psychiatrist?’ Um. I don’t think you can do that… Plus they completely negated all of the secrecy they tried to maintain up until that point.
Another thing that could have been a bit better was the character development of Joseph Spector. If this is a series and he will be the unifying thread I think we should have learned more about him and gotten a better grasp of who he is and why we care. It wasn’t overly obvious that he was ‘the main character’ persay.
However, my primary goal in reading this book was for the mystery, not necessarily the characters. That being said, I will definitely read the next one in the series, but I will be hoping for more personality and characterization of Spector as the face of the series.
Recommendation
I love a good locked-room mystery. And if you do too, you will definitely enjoy this book!
It was a quick and easy read. No profanity or sexual content.
Would recommend.
Follow Shelf Reflection Book Blog for more reviews!
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest
“Friends, just because we’re honest, doesn’t mean we’re edifying; just because we’re hurt, doesn’t mean we’re right.”
“Why is there so much defensiveness and division, suspicion and strife on racial matters among those who claim to be united in Jesus?”
This is a good question isn’t it?
We should have more in common with brothers and sisters in Christ of a different race or ethnicity than we do with non-believers of the same race as ourselves.
Adams suggests— could it be we are all wearing a mask?
“We struggle to discuss racial matters with others outside our own ethnicity. Even if members of different ethnicities sit in the same churches, too often, we wear masks, metaphorically speaking, to avoid one of our greatest difficulties: sharing with each other what we truthfully think about race and racism.”
I wanted to read this book because I find myself getting frustrated when I think about conversations about race.
It seems like meaningful and gracious dialogue rarely happens these days, and if it does, you don’t hear about it. We only hear about the extremes, about the critiques, about the canceling. That can’t be all that ever happens!
Did this book answer all of my questions? No. [e.g. Where do we currently see systemic racism? What is black culture, what is white culture? How should I engage with the Black Lives Matter organization? How should we expect police to react in certain situations and does that differ than how we as individuals view a situation? How do I hear and listen to others’ stories if I shouldn’t ask them questions because it forces them to relive or justify their pain?]
There were times I didn’t know if I agreed with Adams, times where I had more questions and needed more information, and times where I still wondered how this would look like in my own personal life. But it is still definitely a book worth reading and one that I know I’ll recommend often.
What I liked most about Talking About Race is that Isaac Adams gets it. He has a good grasp on the nuances and perspectives people bring to the topic and recognizes the complexities of a person. He communicates encouragement and gracious admonishment to all sides. No group is immune from sin. We all need more of Jesus in how we treat people.
Isaac Adams writes this book with the flavor of pastoral counsel. He is wise and caring and it shows.
The first part of the book presents a ‘fictional’ event— a viral video of the shooting of a black man— and then presents a handful of ‘characters’— both majority and minority persons— and their reactions/feelings about it and then how they actually communicate those feelings to others.
I felt Adams did a fair and balanced job of articulating their thoughts, intentions, motives, and struggles. No character is presented as flawless or ‘right.’ He identifies both things that are praiseworthy and things that are not helpful, hurtful, or sinful. He also offers encouragement— how he would counsel this person in this conversation and relationship.
I often feel misunderstood in how I communicate about race but I felt like one of his characters resonated with me in a lot of ways. I think most readers will have a character that represents many of their feelings. And so his encouragement is for us— not to give up on these conversations, not to lay blame, not to feel hopeless, but to enter into them ready to offer grace, assuming the best.
Part 2 discusses why we should talk about race across color lines, why it’s hard, how we should do it, forgiveness, and then a brief section on talking to our kids about it. (Which is better than Jemar Tisby’s book How to Fight Racism: Young Readers Edition)
Audience and Purpose
He is writing this book to Christians who believe their Bibles and love their churches.
“To white Christians who aren’t sure how to pursue racial reconciliation (or whether that’s even the right term to use). To black Christians who are tired of receiving white Christians’ indifference, ignorance, or scorn. To Hispanic and Asian Christians who’d like to talk about more than the black-white dynamic. To pastors trying to navigate all these waters.”
He offers a few disclaimers about his book.
It is not a book of statistics. It is focused on the American church. And it is not exhaustive. He does not purport to be addressing the biggest or the only problem in the church. And he is not suggesting that the only solution is talking.
He refrains from bringing in any politics other than to tell us to always pursue truth impartially, not wielding truth as a weapon to “protect our interests or our party.” We tell the truth. We don’t use it.
To these ends I think he holds the line well. His pastoral heart is very evident and I believe this book fulfills its purpose of helping people in the church communicate better about an important topic.
Color Blind, Conscious, or Consumed?
I think a lot of my feelings about race conversations are reactionary. If I feel like the culture is really pushing an idea or concept, my reaction tends to be pendulous, swinging, perhaps, too far in opposition.
For example, I often feel like everything is made about race. Always is an exaggeration. But we tend to see a skewed reality in the media which influences our perception. So when race is talked about so much it makes me want to talk about it less because otherwise it feels all-consuming.
Adams makes a really good distinction.
In one ditch we have color-blindness— I don’t see color. Saying things like ‘I don’t see you as a my black friend, you’re just my friend.’ A person’s race, and thus background and culture, is ignored.
“Color blindness is motivated by good intentions. A lot of color-blind people mean well. They see color blindness as loving their neighbor. They see color blindness as a positive step away from being color consumed, as racist societies are by necessity.”
In the other ditch we have people who are color-consumed: “Seeing everything through the lenses of race/ethnicity.”
This is the perspective often grounded in critical race theory. There is a training of people to read race into every conversation.
Being consumed is also the position that race is ultimate. That our racial identity is our most important identity. It puts matters of race above the gospel.
We should not be in either ditch.
In between the two ditches is the road of color-consciousness: “Celebrating how all people are fearfully and wonderfully made and showing no partiality while compassionately honoring different experiences.”
Conversations about race should be had, and he argues, should be had more. But they shouldn’t be the only conversations we have. We can’t let ourselves be consumed by this topic in which it becomes ultimate.
“Don’t be consumed by this conversation. Be consumed by Jesus.”
“nothing about our identity— our gender, our class, or our ethnicity— determines our status or rank in God’s kingdom. That doesn’t mean we lose those parts of our identity when we become Christians, or that those parts are no longer important or real, but that those parts of our identity are not ultimate.”
I really appreciated that Adams made this distinction. I think as humans it is natural for us to react as a pendulum and to avoid one ditch we swerve and end up in the other. We need to stop swerving and start adjusting.
Three Important Questions
Adams offers a lot of practical questions and thoughts in each chapter when it comes to communicating better from a variety of perspectives but here are three good questions/statements to keep in mind that somewhat summarize the main drive of his book:
1. Here’s Where You’re Right
2. What Did You Mean By ____?
3. Does the Other Side Have Legitimate Concerns?
When we affirm where our ‘opponents’ are right it helps keep defenses down. We are being fair and honest. People usually aren’t all right or all wrong. It is helpful to identify the good and right things of both sides. It shows that you are listening and understanding and can have an open dialogue.
Clarity is essential. Terms are loaded and mean different things to different people. Make sure you’re defining what you mean by words that could have baggage. Avoid buzzwords. If you're feeling defensive about something they said, ask clarifying questions.
Identify if their concerns are legitimate. Be humble and open to critique. Are there thoughts or behaviors that you need to adjust? Can your perspective be corrected? Again, people aren’t usually all right or wrong. Where could you be wrong? This is hard and requires a lot of humility. But if we’re willing to concede we don’t have all the answers, that goes a long way to a helpful conversation.
Other Highlights
He talks about whether one of the characters should leave their church because of a mishandling of this topic. I thought his list of questions to ask before leaving a church were really good. I liked how he reminded us that we have freedom in this matter.
Sometimes there is guilt put on people who leave their church to go to another one because sometimes the reasons are consumeristic. And people turn ‘finding the perfect church’ into an idol— though each church has it’s own mess because it’s full of sinners. But a lot of times people leave for good reasons. I went through my own journey leaving a church and it was a really hard thing to do. So much of what he says regarding when to leave resonated with me.
Especially this:
“The truth is that either decision requires faith. It takes faith to leave, and it takes faith to stay.”
His chapter that focuses on how pastors can navigate the situation was really good.
He reminds pastors to keep preaching the gospel and reminds us how important a strong pulpit it. Pastors can’t stop teaching the Bible.
“If we talk about racism more than we talk about Jesus, what are we teaching our people to care about most?”
He reminds pastors to major on the majors and minor on the minors. There is freedom of conscience in a lot of matters. (See Finding the Right Hills to Die On for more on this)
He cautions against making diversity of your church into an idol.
“Diversity, pursued wrongly, can obsess on outward change when what our churches may need is inward renewal.”
He encourages pastors to focus on their local church and community and not assuming national things are what’s happening in your own church and community. Address the needs and concerns in your local area.
He advocates for allowing sadness in church. It’s okay and good to lament. We weep with those who weep. Whether or not we agree on all points of an issue, if a tragedy happens, we mourn tragedy. (More on lament in the book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy)
And above all— pray, pray, pray.
“When someone asks what the church is ‘going to do’ on racial matters, the pastor’s answer could be very simply: ‘We’re going to pray a lot and lament a lot and talk a lot.’”
“A sin is a sin is a sin. And black people can say ethnically hateful things just like white people can, just like Hispanics can, just like Koreans can, and so on. Racism is a sin anyone can commit against anyone.”
There’s not much to say about this as it’s pretty clear, but I appreciate that he said this and acknowledged that racism is a sin and no person is immune from sin.
“We often seem more troubled by the accusation of racism than the presence of racism.”
I thought this was interesting to ponder. I think this is accurate. I think we see so many accusations and big deals made of certain interactions that aren’t actually racism that overshadow the real racism. It then trains people like me to be focused more on accusations then actual instances of racism. Microaggressions are taking away from the awareness and concern of real racism and injustice.
“Some of us need to realize that we argue more with the caricature in our mind than the person in our presence. In other words, we project a national conversation onto one person and speak to them as if they hold every belief we find objectionable. But we shouldn’t do this, nor do we need to.”
This is really convicting to me! The culture right now is very into grouping people. We are already biologically predisposed to group and categorize people so we are good at this. But it’s not helpful when it comes to unity and good communication. We can’t assume that because someone is part of a certain group we have identified them with that they hold some specific/complete set of beliefs. It’s easier to view people as caricatures than individuals but that dehumanizes them and makes it easier to be mean and dismissive instead of loving and attentive.
“We can think of the evil of abortion. Abortion is a racial-justice issue. It disproportionately affects minorities. It is entrenched in legal structures. It is a state-sanctioned violence.”
This might be the first time I’ve heard anyone mention abortion when talking about systemic racism. But he’s correct— it’s a structure and it’s state-sanctioned. I love how he emphasizes that a biblical position is to be both pro-life and pro-racial-justice. Political parties may try to position these issues as opposing beliefs, but they are not.
The Best Last Thing
“We have to remember that with God all things are possible. That doesn’t mean we keep ourselves in toxic environments or harmful situations, but it also doesn’t mean we lose hope in God’s power and allow ourselves to grow bitter. Could it be that one reason conversations about race across color lines are so difficult is that we’ve lost hope in God’s sanctifying power and therefore have given up on one another?”
This was one of the things John Piper emphasizes in his book Bloodlines and I think it’s very important.
Do we truly believe that God is powerful? Do we truly believe in the power of the Holy Spirit? The power of the Gospel?
Then we should never give up hope for racial justice. We should never give up on each other. God is working and he can do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine. Of course earth is not a substitute for heaven and we should not seek to create our paradise here on earth, but that doesn’t mean we are resigned to the status quo.
We need to be faithful in what God has called us to, trusting and believing in his power to make all things right.
“We can rest in this truth: our job is not to completely eradicate the world of racism; it is to faithfully follow the One who will. And vengeance and perfect justice belong to him.”
Recommendation
There are many books out there about race and talking about race. (You can also check out 11 Important Books on Racial Justice.)
I think this is a really good one to read. It’s insightful, it’s fair, it’s perceptive, and it’s gracious.
It’s not going to immediately make every conversation easy and productive and edifying. After all, we’re still selfish sinners. But it gives us a really good starting point with both practical questions and statements and a proper mindset as we go into these conversations.
I think this would especially be a valuable resource for pastors.
Shelf Reflection Blog
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“Why is there so much defensiveness and division, suspicion and strife on racial matters among those who claim to be united in Jesus?”
This is a good question isn’t it?
We should have more in common with brothers and sisters in Christ of a different race or ethnicity than we do with non-believers of the same race as ourselves.
Adams suggests— could it be we are all wearing a mask?
“We struggle to discuss racial matters with others outside our own ethnicity. Even if members of different ethnicities sit in the same churches, too often, we wear masks, metaphorically speaking, to avoid one of our greatest difficulties: sharing with each other what we truthfully think about race and racism.”
I wanted to read this book because I find myself getting frustrated when I think about conversations about race.
It seems like meaningful and gracious dialogue rarely happens these days, and if it does, you don’t hear about it. We only hear about the extremes, about the critiques, about the canceling. That can’t be all that ever happens!
Did this book answer all of my questions? No. [e.g. Where do we currently see systemic racism? What is black culture, what is white culture? How should I engage with the Black Lives Matter organization? How should we expect police to react in certain situations and does that differ than how we as individuals view a situation? How do I hear and listen to others’ stories if I shouldn’t ask them questions because it forces them to relive or justify their pain?]
There were times I didn’t know if I agreed with Adams, times where I had more questions and needed more information, and times where I still wondered how this would look like in my own personal life. But it is still definitely a book worth reading and one that I know I’ll recommend often.
What I liked most about Talking About Race is that Isaac Adams gets it. He has a good grasp on the nuances and perspectives people bring to the topic and recognizes the complexities of a person. He communicates encouragement and gracious admonishment to all sides. No group is immune from sin. We all need more of Jesus in how we treat people.
Isaac Adams writes this book with the flavor of pastoral counsel. He is wise and caring and it shows.
The first part of the book presents a ‘fictional’ event— a viral video of the shooting of a black man— and then presents a handful of ‘characters’— both majority and minority persons— and their reactions/feelings about it and then how they actually communicate those feelings to others.
I felt Adams did a fair and balanced job of articulating their thoughts, intentions, motives, and struggles. No character is presented as flawless or ‘right.’ He identifies both things that are praiseworthy and things that are not helpful, hurtful, or sinful. He also offers encouragement— how he would counsel this person in this conversation and relationship.
I often feel misunderstood in how I communicate about race but I felt like one of his characters resonated with me in a lot of ways. I think most readers will have a character that represents many of their feelings. And so his encouragement is for us— not to give up on these conversations, not to lay blame, not to feel hopeless, but to enter into them ready to offer grace, assuming the best.
Part 2 discusses why we should talk about race across color lines, why it’s hard, how we should do it, forgiveness, and then a brief section on talking to our kids about it. (Which is better than Jemar Tisby’s book How to Fight Racism: Young Readers Edition)
Audience and Purpose
He is writing this book to Christians who believe their Bibles and love their churches.
“To white Christians who aren’t sure how to pursue racial reconciliation (or whether that’s even the right term to use). To black Christians who are tired of receiving white Christians’ indifference, ignorance, or scorn. To Hispanic and Asian Christians who’d like to talk about more than the black-white dynamic. To pastors trying to navigate all these waters.”
He offers a few disclaimers about his book.
It is not a book of statistics. It is focused on the American church. And it is not exhaustive. He does not purport to be addressing the biggest or the only problem in the church. And he is not suggesting that the only solution is talking.
He refrains from bringing in any politics other than to tell us to always pursue truth impartially, not wielding truth as a weapon to “protect our interests or our party.” We tell the truth. We don’t use it.
To these ends I think he holds the line well. His pastoral heart is very evident and I believe this book fulfills its purpose of helping people in the church communicate better about an important topic.
Color Blind, Conscious, or Consumed?
I think a lot of my feelings about race conversations are reactionary. If I feel like the culture is really pushing an idea or concept, my reaction tends to be pendulous, swinging, perhaps, too far in opposition.
For example, I often feel like everything is made about race. Always is an exaggeration. But we tend to see a skewed reality in the media which influences our perception. So when race is talked about so much it makes me want to talk about it less because otherwise it feels all-consuming.
Adams makes a really good distinction.
In one ditch we have color-blindness— I don’t see color. Saying things like ‘I don’t see you as a my black friend, you’re just my friend.’ A person’s race, and thus background and culture, is ignored.
“Color blindness is motivated by good intentions. A lot of color-blind people mean well. They see color blindness as loving their neighbor. They see color blindness as a positive step away from being color consumed, as racist societies are by necessity.”
In the other ditch we have people who are color-consumed: “Seeing everything through the lenses of race/ethnicity.”
This is the perspective often grounded in critical race theory. There is a training of people to read race into every conversation.
Being consumed is also the position that race is ultimate. That our racial identity is our most important identity. It puts matters of race above the gospel.
We should not be in either ditch.
In between the two ditches is the road of color-consciousness: “Celebrating how all people are fearfully and wonderfully made and showing no partiality while compassionately honoring different experiences.”
Conversations about race should be had, and he argues, should be had more. But they shouldn’t be the only conversations we have. We can’t let ourselves be consumed by this topic in which it becomes ultimate.
“Don’t be consumed by this conversation. Be consumed by Jesus.”
“nothing about our identity— our gender, our class, or our ethnicity— determines our status or rank in God’s kingdom. That doesn’t mean we lose those parts of our identity when we become Christians, or that those parts are no longer important or real, but that those parts of our identity are not ultimate.”
I really appreciated that Adams made this distinction. I think as humans it is natural for us to react as a pendulum and to avoid one ditch we swerve and end up in the other. We need to stop swerving and start adjusting.
Three Important Questions
Adams offers a lot of practical questions and thoughts in each chapter when it comes to communicating better from a variety of perspectives but here are three good questions/statements to keep in mind that somewhat summarize the main drive of his book:
1. Here’s Where You’re Right
2. What Did You Mean By ____?
3. Does the Other Side Have Legitimate Concerns?
When we affirm where our ‘opponents’ are right it helps keep defenses down. We are being fair and honest. People usually aren’t all right or all wrong. It is helpful to identify the good and right things of both sides. It shows that you are listening and understanding and can have an open dialogue.
Clarity is essential. Terms are loaded and mean different things to different people. Make sure you’re defining what you mean by words that could have baggage. Avoid buzzwords. If you're feeling defensive about something they said, ask clarifying questions.
Identify if their concerns are legitimate. Be humble and open to critique. Are there thoughts or behaviors that you need to adjust? Can your perspective be corrected? Again, people aren’t usually all right or wrong. Where could you be wrong? This is hard and requires a lot of humility. But if we’re willing to concede we don’t have all the answers, that goes a long way to a helpful conversation.
Other Highlights
He talks about whether one of the characters should leave their church because of a mishandling of this topic. I thought his list of questions to ask before leaving a church were really good. I liked how he reminded us that we have freedom in this matter.
Sometimes there is guilt put on people who leave their church to go to another one because sometimes the reasons are consumeristic. And people turn ‘finding the perfect church’ into an idol— though each church has it’s own mess because it’s full of sinners. But a lot of times people leave for good reasons. I went through my own journey leaving a church and it was a really hard thing to do. So much of what he says regarding when to leave resonated with me.
Especially this:
“The truth is that either decision requires faith. It takes faith to leave, and it takes faith to stay.”
His chapter that focuses on how pastors can navigate the situation was really good.
He reminds pastors to keep preaching the gospel and reminds us how important a strong pulpit it. Pastors can’t stop teaching the Bible.
“If we talk about racism more than we talk about Jesus, what are we teaching our people to care about most?”
He reminds pastors to major on the majors and minor on the minors. There is freedom of conscience in a lot of matters. (See Finding the Right Hills to Die On for more on this)
He cautions against making diversity of your church into an idol.
“Diversity, pursued wrongly, can obsess on outward change when what our churches may need is inward renewal.”
He encourages pastors to focus on their local church and community and not assuming national things are what’s happening in your own church and community. Address the needs and concerns in your local area.
He advocates for allowing sadness in church. It’s okay and good to lament. We weep with those who weep. Whether or not we agree on all points of an issue, if a tragedy happens, we mourn tragedy. (More on lament in the book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy)
And above all— pray, pray, pray.
“When someone asks what the church is ‘going to do’ on racial matters, the pastor’s answer could be very simply: ‘We’re going to pray a lot and lament a lot and talk a lot.’”
“A sin is a sin is a sin. And black people can say ethnically hateful things just like white people can, just like Hispanics can, just like Koreans can, and so on. Racism is a sin anyone can commit against anyone.”
There’s not much to say about this as it’s pretty clear, but I appreciate that he said this and acknowledged that racism is a sin and no person is immune from sin.
“We often seem more troubled by the accusation of racism than the presence of racism.”
I thought this was interesting to ponder. I think this is accurate. I think we see so many accusations and big deals made of certain interactions that aren’t actually racism that overshadow the real racism. It then trains people like me to be focused more on accusations then actual instances of racism. Microaggressions are taking away from the awareness and concern of real racism and injustice.
“Some of us need to realize that we argue more with the caricature in our mind than the person in our presence. In other words, we project a national conversation onto one person and speak to them as if they hold every belief we find objectionable. But we shouldn’t do this, nor do we need to.”
This is really convicting to me! The culture right now is very into grouping people. We are already biologically predisposed to group and categorize people so we are good at this. But it’s not helpful when it comes to unity and good communication. We can’t assume that because someone is part of a certain group we have identified them with that they hold some specific/complete set of beliefs. It’s easier to view people as caricatures than individuals but that dehumanizes them and makes it easier to be mean and dismissive instead of loving and attentive.
“We can think of the evil of abortion. Abortion is a racial-justice issue. It disproportionately affects minorities. It is entrenched in legal structures. It is a state-sanctioned violence.”
This might be the first time I’ve heard anyone mention abortion when talking about systemic racism. But he’s correct— it’s a structure and it’s state-sanctioned. I love how he emphasizes that a biblical position is to be both pro-life and pro-racial-justice. Political parties may try to position these issues as opposing beliefs, but they are not.
The Best Last Thing
“We have to remember that with God all things are possible. That doesn’t mean we keep ourselves in toxic environments or harmful situations, but it also doesn’t mean we lose hope in God’s power and allow ourselves to grow bitter. Could it be that one reason conversations about race across color lines are so difficult is that we’ve lost hope in God’s sanctifying power and therefore have given up on one another?”
This was one of the things John Piper emphasizes in his book Bloodlines and I think it’s very important.
Do we truly believe that God is powerful? Do we truly believe in the power of the Holy Spirit? The power of the Gospel?
Then we should never give up hope for racial justice. We should never give up on each other. God is working and he can do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine. Of course earth is not a substitute for heaven and we should not seek to create our paradise here on earth, but that doesn’t mean we are resigned to the status quo.
We need to be faithful in what God has called us to, trusting and believing in his power to make all things right.
“We can rest in this truth: our job is not to completely eradicate the world of racism; it is to faithfully follow the One who will. And vengeance and perfect justice belong to him.”
Recommendation
There are many books out there about race and talking about race. (You can also check out 11 Important Books on Racial Justice.)
I think this is a really good one to read. It’s insightful, it’s fair, it’s perceptive, and it’s gracious.
It’s not going to immediately make every conversation easy and productive and edifying. After all, we’re still selfish sinners. But it gives us a really good starting point with both practical questions and statements and a proper mindset as we go into these conversations.
I think this would especially be a valuable resource for pastors.
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