Last year @tjoneswriter was kind enough to send a couple of his books, and I’m FINALLY getting to them!

First up is CRITERIUM, a novella about a teenage boy named Zach who is fighting the same addiction that killed his father when he stumbles across a strange bike that takes him on a terrifying ride into darkness.

I love the opening set up for this story because as soon as Zach gets on that bike and it won’t let him off, you know he’s in trouble. You know because the book starts with a screaming, burning, shocking death…involving the same bike. And so you read with a cold sinking feeling in your gut, hand gripping the pages and eyes unable to blink. I’ve never been so scared of a bike before.

This is absolutely one of those books you read in a single day or, time permitting, a single sitting. It hooks you immediately and doesn’t let up. The prose is quick and light, but full of deeper meaning. Lots of vivid imagery and details too. The tension ratchets up with every page, but there are also moments of raw emotion, grief, and honesty scattered throughout. It’s a coming of age book of sorts, and it touches on topics of addiction, abandonment, broken trust, and guilt (all done literally and through captivating metaphor).

This is not a happy book, but I had a blast reading it. It’s very earnest and I’m a big fan of our imperfect young protagonist. This is an excellent introduction to the author’s work, and I’m very excited to read more!!

I was just coming off of a big, heavy book and I was looking for a light, mindless (in a good way) palate cleanser. Needless to say Crazytimes fit the bill perfectly!

Basically it’s just one dude trying to survive while the world goes violently insane around him. The book is gruesome. All manner of limbs are dismembered, bodies split open, and gory flung about with reckless abandon. Lots of creative kill scenes. The book is fast-paced. The story rips right along, all taking place in a single day. We’re given few lulls to catch our breath, and even those end in disaster. The book is gross (whatever virus is infecting people has some real nasty side effects). And ultimately the book plays out like a trashy, fun grindhouse B-movie (think Planet Terror meets The Crazies).

My only complaint is that I was left wanting more in terms of character development and plot events. There’s hints at possible reasons for the world ending, but then the story ends without ever really exploring/explaining them.

This is a reminder that if you haven’t read SWEET TOOTH by @jefflemire …well, you need to!

What happens when a band of misfits is pitted against an army of the undead?

I found the cast of characters assembled here oddly endearing. They're not good people by any means, and I have mixed opinions about some of the dialogue. But at the same time they are very compelling and often hilarious. There are more than a few scenes that reminded me of the bumbling crooks from old Guy Ritchie films. I did feel like the book spent a lot of time with them before getting to the supernatural scares, and yet I was hooked for the whole ride.

But man, when the curse hits and undead arise things get CRAZY! I thought the giant skeleton creatures were quite menacing and frighting, and there are lots of great gory/violent moments that punctuate the second half of the book. There is one character in particular that we meet towards the end (the ninjato-wielding sorceress Eshe) that I wish we'd spent more time with, but I'm willing to bet she plays a larger role in the next part. And speaking of, I'm definitely ready to read Part 2: The Bloodborne Menace! I need to know what happens next!

This is definitely one of those books you read in a single day (and preferably at the beach): short chapters, relentless action, a constant switching of perspectives to keep things interesting, and loads of hair-raising tension mixed with brutal violence. The premise is compelling (hundreds of unwitting guests unwillingly placed in a death match game versus a gang of bloodthirsty maniacs), and I'm pleased to report the author pulls it off with all the pulse-pounding suspense and brutal kill scenes that you'd hope for.

It felt like a beautiful mashup of Battle Royale, Cabin in the Woods, and Dead by Daylight. I like that the killers each had their own "persona" they adopted when the game started, making them seem like boss battles in a video game. I also like that we got chapters from the perspectives of the guys running the game, as well as a host of other characters. And the genre shift in the final act is just wonderful. I know Tim writes in a variety of horror genres, but for some reason I just knew this was going to go into cult/cosmic horror territory (one of his specialties). No more spoilers, but it does and it's GOOD.

I couldn't get enough of this book. I also thought it was really interesting the way it was constructed. From what I understand Tim wrote it in pieces for his Patreon as a sort of a choose-your-own-adventure, meaning he would stop along the way and give various options and his fans would vote on how the story should progress. I love this type of interactive story telling, and I think it would be cool to see more stuff like it.

If I see a title that involves Egyptian mythology and tombs beneath pyramids then I'm automatically on board. So I guess the author hooked me in early just with that, but I'm pleased to say that not only did this set up pay off, but the book rises to an epic level I was not expecting and goes in insane directions that I never saw coming.

I truly am going to say very little about the plot here. I want you to be as surprised as I was with each new unfolding event. What I will say is that the book wastes no time in getting to the good stuff. Our characters get to the dig site and things start going sideways very quickly. And speaking of characters, I love the ones constructed here. Imogen is fantastic as our egyptologist heroine, and other characters I liked include Caleb (her photographer-turned-love interest) and Dyfan (the blind assistant with a special sixth sense). Even the characters you're supposed to hate - namely expedition leader Trummel and head of security Gosswick - were fully realized and well done. The author does a good job of blending in the character's backstories and motivations with the current horrors they are facing.

And believe you me, there is a lot of horror here. And a nice variety as well. Lots of tense moments, gruesome violence, and eerie happenings. To say this book is a mix of Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider is wildly underselling it, but I did enjoy the overall focus on exploration and puzzle-solving (as well as the numerous creatures and nightmares that make an appearance). I wish I could talk about the final act, but I can't. Just know that it blew my mind. Go read it and get back to me so we can talk.

I know a little about Egyptian mythology, but there's so much here that I'd never heard of. I spoke with the author and he mentioned doing about a year of research, and it shows - from references to specific archaeological sites/finds, to ancient Egyptian belief systems, to the construction of the afterlife and the various layers therein. Not only was a I enamored by all the (new to me) lore, but I was also excited to see scenes of what I knew (such as a particular moment where hearts are weighed against the feather of Maat for eternal judgment).

Overall I loved this book! It's a longer one, and some parts did start to drag for me, but I never lost interest in what was happening or fearful anticipation of what was going to happen next. It's a wonderful mix of mythology, thriller, and horror. Highly recommend!

*4.5 stars rounded up for Goodreads

I'm very excited that Janine has her first collection out in the world! I enjoyed the stories I've read from her in the past, and I can just tell she has so much fun writing them. Her passion for horror is also very obvious. The tales here abound with winks, sly nods, and even direct references to a wide variety of tropes and other authors and stories.

I really enjoy Janine's voice and style in writing. Yes, it's fairly informal at times: breaking the fourth wall, slipping into second person, peppering in slang, and so on. I could see some readers being turned off by this, but personally I enjoyed it. And though she sets many of her stories in America, she seems to be in her element when she's writing stories set in England with characters saying things I hardly understand. It's good stuff.

But apart from her style, what I also liked about this collection is the variety of horror genres represented therein. We see a wonderful mix of splatter punk, body horror, gothic horror, and supernatural horror. There's also werewolves, vampires, ghosts, serial killers, apocalypses, and so much more. Obviously not every story landed with me, and I'm admittedly not a fan of Janine's favorite genre (extreme horror), but I still appreciate the diversity of tales. The one thing that really didn't work for me is the framing device, but overall the stories themselves are good!

"Footsteps" - Three female friends head out into the woods and are subsequently hunted by a ferocious beast. It's a fun and frightening werewolf story, much deserving of its Splatterpunk Award nomination.

"When Doves Cry" - A destitute woman is taken in by a gentleman with a dark secret. This one is more gothic in nature and it has a very disturbing twist. Also, I love the ending scene as it adds even another layer to the creepy factor.

"I Want to Break Free" - The same story told twice, once from the POV of captive and then from captor. It's an interesting and entertaining exercise for sure, but it didn't feel much like a fleshed out story. I was intrigued, but I left with too many questions.

"Maneater" - Someone is killing people and draining their blood. A detective finally comes face-to-face with the mysterious murderer and receives quite a shock. It's a fun take on vampirism and vigilante justice.

"Addicted to Love" - A man takes a woman home from the bar for a night of fornication, when the tables are suddenly turned in quite a nasty way. There's not necessarily anything wrong with the story, it's just not my type of tale. Extreme horror fans will likely enjoy this one.

"Sweet Child O Mine" - A mother returns to her childhood vacation home with her daughter. She's uneasy being there but can't place why, and she finally remembers on the car ride home. I enjoyed the one. I too felt uneasy as I waited for the reveal, and the final lines chilled me to the bone.

"Tainted Love" - A woman appears to fall blindly in love with a stranger, but when she finally gets him alone it's clear there is more to the story. For awhile I was taken out of this story. I couldn't understand why the woman was SO madly lusting over this random guy. But then there's a reveal in the final act that clears things up, and the ending is quite disturbing.

"Lost in the Shadows" - Local kids are going missing and the town is panicked. Then one night, at the local drive-in, an employee makes a chilling discovery. Another story with a classic Janine Pipe twist at the end!

"It's a Sin" - Young Sam is becoming best friends with the new kid, Jack, when suddenly Jack goes missing. The mystery thickens, and the second half is loaded with suspense. I don't know if I'm fully convinced of the reasoning for what happens, but I was totally on board. It's a creepy story, and anything involving cellars is going to freak me out.

"Love is a Battlefield" - In a subverted dystopian future, the poor have rebelled and rule while the rich are subjected to a brutal entertainment known as The Game. I was completely captivated and held in suspense as to what was going to happen to the main character, right up until the very end. Unfortunately the final moments were frustratingly vague for me.

"Running with the Devil" - A teenage girl is obsessed with a local legend involving a phantom coach that appears on Halloween and vows to experience the phenomena for herself. I really enjoyed the old school ghost story aspect to this, as well as the shift in time periods from present day to 1899. It feels like something MR James may have written, though with the author's own stylized spin on it.

"Paradise City" - There is a tree in the woods that provides a pleasure hole for boys...until one day something goes wrong. I just, uh, have no words for this one. It's gross on a few different levels, and I can't believe Janine made me read it. For fans of extreme horror, definitely.

"School's Out for Ever" - The narrator and her friend explore an abandoned boy's school for clout with their friends and get the scare of their lives. I really enjoyed this one, and I think it's a great example of Janine's natural writing voice (zippy, clever, vulgar, and informal). It's especially fun (and creepy) because it seems to be based on real events!

"Livin' on a Prayer" - Two brothers go on a camping trip with their father after the sudden death of their mother, and a horrifying events occurs in the woods. Another good story with well-realized characters and a dark, violent twist towards the end!

"Bones of Boarded-up Baby Bodies Behind the Bath Panel" - Two boys finally explore the "haunted house" they've been obsessing over for years. This may be my favorite story in the entire collection. It is written beautifully, balancing Janine's personal style with wonderful flourishes of language and imagery. It's also incredibly creepy in the second half, and it has a twist that will haunt me for a long time. It's great!

"Nobody's Fool" - Though the parents have tried everything, their child still suffers from regular nightmares that eventually manifest in the waking world. It's compelling, and I wanted to know just as badly as all the adults what was going on with these nightly disturbances. The reveal at the end is quite interesting.

"They" - A group of friends dare each other to explore a storm drain when something happens to one of the boys...something with hair and fangs that will forever alter his life. Man, what a story! The writing, the pacing, the suspense - all great. This one is more subtle than in your face, and I really enjoyed it. Close runner for favorite in the collection.

I love Jeff Lemire. No matter what genre he’s writing in, the stories he pens are imaginative and deeply moving, and this one is no different.

It’s amazing to me how much can be communicated through so little. The dialogue is sparse but often loaded with meaning (think Raymon Carver) and the pages rely heavily on imagery and symbolism. It’s an intimate portrait of loss, frailty, and despair told only in 100 pages - but it speaks volumes. I’m also obsessed with Lemire’s minimalist/surrealist sketch work (swipe for examples).

Like some of the best stories, this one is hard to put into words. It’s truly an experience, and to fully understand you just need to read it for yourself. Do it, but beware the Frog King.