(I received a free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.)

The beginning wasn't half bad — slow, atmospheric, very stream-of-consciousness in a fragmented and chaotic way — but then the rest of the book was exactly the same, only in Arthur's POV instead of Sylvie's. The very title alludes to the half-finished and circuitous thoughts ("a small dark quiet" is how Sylvie describes Arthur when they first meet), and while it's stylistically interesting, for me it lost effectiveness around a third of the way through. That said, I did enjoy the repetitions of certain lines as they take on new meaning, the little callbacks to previous interactions, none of which are explained; it shows faith in the reader's intelligence, which doesn't seem to be so popular with conventionally marketed (commercial) books these days.

Although this book is divided into several parts, each is very similar in tone and primary "plot" — Sylvie's continuing postpartum depression and slipping grip on reality, Gerard's patriarchal demands, Arthur's inability to be who he or anyone in his family wants him to be —which adds to the monotony; it didn't feel like a journey of self-discovery/-exploration as the summary led me to believe, in part because I never connected with the characters. I could see the thoughts that consumed them, how they felt about the people around them, yet the narrative still felt very detached and clinical. I really only felt anything for Harry and Aunt Cynthia: mild curiosity, because they didn't get very much pagetime but they actually did things besides mope and lash out at those closest to them.

I'm also disappointed that the narrative was so unbalanced. Lydia's and Jack's stories were potentially fascinating, but they take a backseat to Arthur's angst over not being the "real" Arthur. Lydia is literally a younger version of Sylvie, delusions and domestic fantasies/playacting, and Jack is a hardworking but uneducated immigrant who literally carries an English dictionary with him at all times; neither has much bearing on the plot. I also felt like there was an attempt to establish a strong setting, since it's almost a secondary character in its own right, but it didn't really come through for me.

The ending was also dissatisfying. I identified a place that would make for a nice ending, a good mix of closure and ambiguity, and was frustrated to see that there were still a few chapters to go — none of which really added to the narrative, and the significance of the actual ending was totally lost on me.

For someone who likes a slow, introspective story focused around grief, guilt, and other all-consuming emotions, this might be one to try. Otherwise, I'd recommend something a little more exciting, with more dynamic characters and plot.

(Won through a Goodreads giveaway! Thank you to SimonTEEN for sending me a free copy.)

3.5 stars.

What's more fun than an unreliable narrator in a murder mystery? FIVE unreliable narrators in a twisted game based on a murder they were involved in. The third-person limited POV rotates between the major players — "class act" Juniper Torres, "drama queen" Ruby Valentine, "golden boy" Parker Addison, "meat head" Brett Carmichael, and "lone wolf" Gavin Moon —  but it's pretty easy to keep up since each chapter establishes quickly who we're following now. And if that weren't exciting enough, the narrative also jumps between past and present, so we get to learn the truth as the characters do, re-evaluating them as they re-evaluate each other in light of the new information. I can definitely see this as a great movie or even a limited series; the structure lends itself to suspense and dramatic reveals, and its emotional effect is heightened by carefully selected details and motifs scattered throughout the narrative till the very end.

That said, I did find it hard to really connect with any of the characters. Even setting aside the fact that we don't spend long with any single one of them, they seemed to be defined by their motives, goals, and narrative role rather than distinctive personality or growth. Sure, I could tell you all about their tragic backstory and deepest desire, but so could a police report.

Of course, no story is complete without pre-existing ambiguous entanglements that flare up to complicate everything. There's romantic drama and friend drama and general high-school drama, all of it relevant since this story is built on various forms of human interaction and connection. Still, while I appreciated the messy setup in theory — like the details of the game and murder, it's tempting to draw a diagram just because the connections are all over the place— I wasn't totally convinced by the love triangle between two very different boys (one, a perfect gentleman; the other, a possessive manipulator), the convenient but underdeveloped secondary (heterosexual) romance, the coy implications of homosexual attraction.

I was a little on the fence between 3 and 3.5 stars until the falling action/last reveal tipped the balance. No spoilers here, but I will say that it was well incorporated into the narrative flow and I probably should've seen it coming, but then again I've always been willing to suspend disbelief and allow sleight-of-hand to mislead me.

All in all, this novel combines a lot of well-known elements to create something that's entertaining, if not very compelling. I enjoyed reading it, as will others who like stories about twisted high-stakes teenage games.

Review will also be posted to my blog.

I have a distinct memory of reading this book, probably in those lost middle school years before I started keeping a reading log. I think I liked it, but I'd have to reread it to give it a fair rating — and my TBR is a little too stacked at the moment.

Buddy read with Rae & Karen! ❤

This is a strange little book, quietly creepy with a handful of "hold on, wait what?!" moments that make you sit up and check the shadows, look around the room, make sure everything is exactly as it always was. Merricat (Mary Katherine) is exactly the kind of unsettling child that seems to be the focus of every recent horror movie, though this book is thankfully nowhere near as gory or overtly threatening than any of those. I did guess the biggest "twist," though that didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story since it's got more of a "life goes on" vibe ; it's not plot-driven at all, which is just fine by me.

I won this book through a Goodreads giveaway and received a copy from St. Martin's Press for review purposes. This does not affect my rating or opinions.

content warnings:

Spoiler

explicit sexual content, ableist comments, drug use (pot), animal death (very minor & off the page), date-rape/non-consensual voyeurism setup (interrupted before it becomes sexual), ectopic pregnancy & miscarriage, depression, suicide ideation, 9/11

I love second-chance stories, because I strongly believe that sometimes it really is a case of right person, wrong time — and we rarely get the opportunity to set those what-ifs to rest. But I don't love what the "unforeseen tragedy" in this case turned out to be, not least because it's tropey; I'm tired of seeing certain things portrayed as though they are the worst thing that could happen to a woman, and it's glossed over that it's just the catalyst, not the underlying reason for their separation. The climax also bothers me, not because it was poorly done but because I worry that as a society we're becoming desensitized to tragedy. Really, this ambivalence sums up how I felt about this book — I really liked the characters, but I had significant issues with certain aspects of the plot.

Admittedly I don't read romance often, but I haven't seen very many explicitly autistic female leads in literature in general. ([b:The Kiss Quotient|36199084|The Kiss Quotient|Helen Hoang|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1527983633s/36199084.jpg|57828311] obviously comes to mind, but this review is not about that book.) So with that said, I have a few major issues with the way it's presented in this book, and they feel more consequential because every instance of representation seems to matter more when there are so few.

First is the way Annika's tendencies, for lack of a better word, are treated as unique but cute "quirks" (just look at the summary!); Jonathan even says to a friend that she's different "not just from any girl [he'd] ever dated before, but from most people in general," in addition to comparing her to his cutthroat exes every time she misses a social cue. And while a decade is a long time, definitely long enough for someone to consciously change their behavior, I'm not entirely comfortable with Jonathan's implied perception that Annika has magically managed (with therapy) to "fix" the worst parts of her behavior, or the way he continues to push her out of her comfort zone and get angry/impatient when she can't keep up with his expectations. Really, Jonathan's perspective in general bothers me in several ways, and I'm not sure it really adds a ton to the narrative.

There's a difference between being socially awkward and being autistic, and the difference is not a medical diagnosis; so I really appreciate that other symptoms were included, like overwhelming overstimulation through sound and scent, difficulty putting yourself in others' shoes, and stimming. I also appreciate that the diagnosis process was included, since it can grant some peace of mind and help autistic people and their loved ones find helpful resources (though of course it's not absolutely necessary, and until relatively recently wasn't even an option — this is addressed too!). So Annika's perspective and concerns rang pretty true for me, though everyone's experience will naturally be different. However, throughout the book, she'll misinterprets something because she's naive and/or literal-minded, and it felt like it was played for comedic effect, i.e. we were invited to laugh at her, and that made me uncomfortable.

tl;dr This book is well-written enough to have 4-star potential, but some major issues keep me from really enjoying it.

I won this book through a Goodreads giveaway and received a copy from the author for review purposes. This does not affect my rating or opinions of the book.

My biggest issue is that this book feels outdated — not just in the plot prevalence of radio or the awkward texting ("I'm here 4 U", typed no teen ever) — but also the casual ableist slurs (use of the r-word, the s-word, and others), in-your-face binary political controversies ("shop local, not global" and Abigail's vehement vegetarianism), and problematic archetypes (Aunt Gemma as manipulative, two-faced, paranoid, and generally "unstable"; the pop star groupies/teenyboppers as vapid, high-energy, dressed in revealing clothing). There are very few genuinely likable characters, because I had difficulty finding moments that felt authentic: otherwise it was morally ambiguous juvenile delinquency or super emotionally charged (whether it was angst or reconciliation), while I'd prefer to see more moments in between.

Neither of the romantic subplots seemed particularly necessary; Henryk the baker boy across the street is cute but I'm concerned about

Spoiler

his rapid shift from "omg she said yes to a date" to "holy shit she's threatening a pop star with a blowtorch, bitches be crazy" to "of course she's out of her mind, she would never have agreed to go out with me in her right mind" back to "she's awesome I'm in love"

, and while Violet is sweet,

Spoiler

her confrontation with Gemma in the grocery followed by finding Jonathan at her house and their subsequent love confessions

seemed overdramatic.

Actually, as much as I hate writing off entire books as "overdramatic," that's the descriptor that comes most strongly to mind. For me, this one fell on the awkward side of quirky, and I spent a lot more time cringing than laughing at the jokes.

I received a free review copy through BookSirens. This does not affect my rating or opinions of this book.

I was so excited about the writing competition backdrop — kind of like [b:The Testing|13326831|The Testing (The Testing, #1)|Joelle Charbonneau|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1363452191s/13326831.jpg|18534001] but slice-of-life realistic fiction — and when each main character was being introduced, I cheered for the diversity in their ethnicities, socioeconomic backgrounds, and individual experiences. (I was particularly excited about the Chinese-American and the autism rep, in the beginning; there was also Latina and biracial rep, and each character's family income and traditions were different.)

However, I quickly lost track of the characters: who was friends with whom, who had a crush on whom, which tragic backstory belonged to which person. It didn't help that the narration frequently switched POV, used a lot of pronouns instead of names, and omitted dialogue tags in group scenes; I didn't have enough of a sense of each individual to guess who said/did what. Omniscient third-person might have been a more effective choice, especially since the characters do a lot of "mind-reading" to convey what other characters are thinking (e.g., "She gestured to the stage as if to ask why the video hadn't played properly").

There were also some concerning phrasings and presentations of the diversity that almost made me wish it hadn't been included: multiple mentions of the girls' specific skin tones (including one scene where another character compares them to each other, and another where one is described as "a perfect blend of her parents' ethnicities" with light skin), Raiden's (and no one else's) repeated references to family expectations and traditions and even folklore, Cam's patronizing if well-intended close supervision and intercession when Julia — who doesn't get her own POV, and Cam "doesn't dare" bring up the word "autism" so we don't know for sure whether Julia is autistic or just really socially inept — interacts with others.

The characters and their relationships didn't feel fully developed, and neither did the plot. The big "twist" came in pretty late and was resolved pretty quickly; the heterosexual pairings were made clear very early on and seemed to skip progression in favor of drama. There were also a lot of coincidences and repetition between different characters' experiences and decisions, which I found hard to believe. One or two, maybe, a few nice parallels, but the sheer volume made it unlikely. And ironically, the "writing samples" and scenes where the characters were writing were my least favorite parts, because they were full of cheesy cliches and empty metaphors.

So in summary, this book had a terrific premise, and I wanted very much to love this diverse group of unlikely friends, but it was underdeveloped and slightly problematic.

Buddy read with ✨Skye✨! ❤

3.5 stars.

I had high hopes going into this, because the beginning was lovely: the tranquil scenery, Hal's quiet desperation, our literal voice from the past slowly leading us to the secrets of the Westaway family. But somewhere along the way I started to lose investment in the story, because it was unfurling so. freaking. slowly. I couldn't remember which of the Westaway brothers was which, which parts of Hal's "story" were true and which were lies, and sometimes I even forgot what all the fuss was about. So it didn't feel like a mystery — especially since Hal seems to spend her time philosophizing on the nature of humanity (as observed in tarot sessions and as explained by her mother) and the ethics of her situation, just hoping the truth will fall into her lap if she does a minimal amount of poking around and ignoring warning signs.

The reveal made sense but somehow still didn't feel natural; Hal went from total ignorance to suddenly knowing exactly where to look to find each subsequent puzzle piece, which I found hard to believe. I will say that technically I guessed the truth as one of my throwaway theories, just because I suspect everything and everyone when I'm reading mysteries/thrillers, and I have never been less satisfied to have "called" it.

I found the climax and ending a little on the cheesy side, and I was surprised at how ambiguous the definition of family becomes, in comparison to Hal's never-questioned beliefs about fortune/free choice, need and privilege, etc., primarily due to the contrast between

Spoiler

the continued references to Maud as Hal's mother although their biological connection is distant

and

Spoiler

the implication that Hal gets to keep her newfound family (and the estate) in spite of her mother being a distant cousin, because her father is a Westaway sibling

. I'm also bothered by the

Spoiler

bisexual character cheats with the opposite gender trope

, which is both a throwaway line and a red herring but still carries a whiff of biphobia; it's a somewhat minor thing, but every detail matters when I've placed a book on the borderline of two ratings.

I received a review copy from Edelweiss. This does not affect my rating or opinions of this book.

2.5 stars.

I'm not sure why I decided to download this book — that decision was made last summer; I had some technical struggles and it's taken this long to finally get access to and finish this book — but I kind of wish I hadn't. Satire isn't really my "thing," and this book made me incredibly uncomfortable.

The Hemper-Boyd family is that Southern family: super-religious, fiercely pro-2nd amendment, casually racist (and even ableist despite Pete-O being wheelchair-bound). Getting to see narration from each of the family members was interesting, since they hold slightly different beliefs and values, though I kind of wish Liu Peng (Pete-O's mail order bride) hadn't been included: although she offers an outside perspective of how crazy Americans, specifically the members of this family, can be, she's also portrayed as a stereotypical naive immigrant who has trouble learning English (which is a hard language! But that's not addressed in this book) and doesn't even know how to use a modern toilet because she's from a poor town where they just have holes in the ground. Because she and local restaurateur Mr. Chen are the only recurring non-white characters, it's quite a red flag as far as representation goes.

I'm not sure why I ended up finishing this book, honestly. I did end up somewhat invested in some of the Hemper-Boyds (Jack and Magda, the least extreme of the family) and the rest were fascinating in that I-can't-look-away-from-this-car-wreck kind of way? The ending gets at some interesting social commentary, but it didn't feel worth the hours I spent reading the rest of the book.

Buddy read with Sierra, Raghdad & Eva Luna! ❤

3.5 stars.

This is another book that had such a promising premise and beginning, but ultimately fell short — I'd place the slump around the time (very heterosexual and tropey) romance enters into the story. In the beginning I was enjoying the adventure-y and game-y and friendship parts, but then I started rolling my eyes a lot.

I know this was published in 2011 and it was pretty much the first of its kind (LitRPG), but I quickly got tired of the constant dumbing-down of technological jargon (I'm pretty sure most people can guess what "XP points" are) and over-explanation of pop culture references; it seemed to talk down to the readers, and I didn't like that. And I'm really not impressed with the ableist and transphobic jokes — when he's verifying that Art3mis is a woman, Wade specifically asks if she's "a human female who has never had a sex-change operation"; in another scene he literally assumes a person's gender even though all he can see is that they're "morbidly obese" — and the exotification of Japanese culture, especially considering how much Japan has contributed to gamer and geek culture.

Ultimately the story is an interesting one, with great pacing and progression, but there were too many problematic aspects for me to just enjoy it.