There was so much sweetness and yearning, so many lines that made me have to stop and scream because I had too many feelings. I shall never recover, I fear.

I have criticism of part of the B plot towards the end, but I still adored it. 

I don't usually rate kid's picture books but I adored this one. Yes, I absolutely cried in the bookstore. 

This is a short but potent meditation on misogyny, drawing on the author's personal experience. She describes violence she experienced from men before and after transition and the impact of that violence before also discussing women's role (including her own) in perpetuating these violences.

Parts of this are in first person and others were in second. That shift to second person is a powerful literary decision because of the discomfort that it brings, putting you in the shoes of men who have hurt her. And it makes the later (first person) discussion of how even people who aren't men contribute to misogyny that much more hard-hitting. 

 I listened to the audiobook at the beginning of the year and then reread it in physical form. I fucking love this book. To see my initial thoughts, I do have a review up for the audiobook specifcially (Though I will copy/paste so that the reviews are visble on both editions).
 
 Upon reread, I was able to really dig into things that I didn't notice on my first read. I knew it was really queer then, but I really got a good look at how the queerness is woven into everything: into Andrew's perspective and so many themes.

The relationship between Eddie and Andrew is queer all the way down; not just queer as in not heterosexual, but queer as in defying labels -- ineffable -- both before and especially now that Eddie is a ghost. Looking at the haunting and lore around the curse, there is a lot (from my perspective - though I am not an expert on the genre) that gets turned on its head in a very queer way. Andrew is brought into the curse through his connection with Eddie, not through marriage or blood relation, but through a horrific twist on the idea of a curse passed on through bloodline. Another queer element is the blending of so many lines (making Andrew's surname - Blur - more than apt). Lines of relationships, of living and dead, of Andrew and Eddie themselves, of the themes of haunting and heartbreak and desire and suppression, of dream and wake -- I could probably go on but I will stop there.

 
 
 There's so much about this that is devastatingly tender while also being raw and terrifying and unsettling as hell. There are so many details about this that I don't know how to articulate. But I am so glad that I did a reread and I already have other things that I plan on looking for when I reread it again. 

ORIGINAL REVIEW: 
 

 I was fairly excited about this when it came out -- the promise of queer spooky shit that reviewers I trust were raving about. But I was concerned because this isn't a genre I frequently read. It absolutely did not disappoint. 

The first couple of hours, I was undecided. The characters seemed brash and unlikable (and the cheesy, wavering southern accent from the audiobook reader did not help). But at a certain point, the depth of the characters and the layers that were created in the story started to show and I was completely hooked. 

This is a spooky southern dark academia, certainly. But I didn't expect such rich things happening with the characters and other parts of the story. This is full of messy people making questionable decisions. That raw vulnerability of messy queers in lit fic was absolutely here, and more than that, it was tied in thematically. The specter is what you discover it is through the lore, but it is also very much the ghost of permanently unrequited love -- a shadow, the result of (of course) death, but also of the unspoken, the unlived -- the fear and dissociation of homophobia by way of toxic masculinity. 

This hits on other themes as well through the story, looking at corruption in academia and of wealth that is accumulated through death -- the (tied) legacies of white supremacy looking at old wealthy families and university. There is so much more I'm sure I could unpack given the time. 

Looking at the characters, while they were certainly unlikable, they were complex and that built as the story goes on. I ended up really loving them and wanting to dig more into their characters and know what makes them tick (which often resulted in me pausing to speculate on what their birth charts probably looked like). 

This is absolutely a book I intend on rereading and annotating, so maybe I'll wind up with an essay about it eventually, but this should be more than enough until then. This was such an incredible read and definitely surpassed my expectations.