mi siguiente lectura serán todos y cada uno de los artículos de google scholar sobre los juegos del hambre; o Crimson Rivers. no hay término medio posible.

this is a truly masterclass at EVERY SINGLE REREAD

i think about this case almost every couple of months. the amount of layers this has. the teenage girlhood of it all, the jealousy, the way atrocity and harm gets pass on, the victim that becomes a perpetrator, the suicidal ideation linked to inflecting unimaginable torture on others, the effect of homophobia at that time, social power of friendgroups, how children can conscious and inflictors of degradation, abuse and prolonged pain, the consequences of absolute lack of emotional tools,….this case is top 2 most cruel terrifying events i have ever read but is also one of the most psychologically complex,…..or perhaps its not, maybe its incredibly simple to analyse.
gods!…..just IMAGINE Shanda’s pain through it all…..the fear….

Am I in love? —yes, since I am waiting. The other one never waits. Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn't wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at this game. Whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover's fatal identity is precisely this: I am the one who waits. 
and even worse, im so in love that i journal about it. because containing within myself is somehow more unbearable than facing it looking back at me from my diary. the simple recognition that i am stuck in love, yearning, longing and heartbreak. am i in love?—yes, since i am writing.

*splash splash* 💦

wow, what a bummer
Ive been hearing about this book for at least 10 years, waiting for the time to finally read it. and now i just can't seem to get into it. 

I appreciate the representation of the boring unremarkable underwhelming dissaponted and hollow adulthood every former gifted child feels inevitably stuck to. that was relatable. and the sense of loneliness of it all was sort of egotistically comforting because as much as life does feel painfully depressing sometimes, i know i wont feel alone in my adulthood.

but yeah, i wasn't really that invested and i wasn't connecting with her pov.

my new religious belief is Mosscap-the-robot-and-Winnie-the-pooh-theism

i didn’t get the first time
now i do
wow wow wow wow
The Love Story of an Infinite Lifetime in all Membranes of the Universe
the best tropes wouldn’t make it justice in the way a single sentence of the actual book does, so ill simply leave it there. wow. 

ps.: rip Emily Dickinson, you would have loved This is How you Lose the Time War

BUT IS A 5🌟  STARS IN MY HEART☺️

this first half has Sapphic Heaven🧝🏼‍♀️🩵📝💌💫🎒🫧🌷🌧️💋🧺🫂🏘️🧷
the second half was dramatic, annoying and yearn-full (just like me🙂)