HOW WE MET: A memoir of love and other misadventures by Huma Qureshi

"But that doesn't mean that stories like mine, everyday stories of falling in love and growing up, arguing with your parents and then making up, sadness and joy and life in all its shades and nuances, the moments that give meaning to life, don't deserve to be told."

"

How We Met is an absolutely beautiful memoir that brought more than one tear to my eye. Huma Qureshi talks about her experiences of love, of grief, of family, of her struggles to value herself and see her own self-worth. This book is relatable and emotional and drew me in to read it all in a single afternoon.

Qureshi's memoir details how she met her English husband Richard, who was not considered to be a suitable suitor. Not Pakistani or Muslim he technically was never a suitable match. She jumps back from their initial meeting to then discuss her upbringing in Walsall in the 1990s, her time spent in Paris and the difficulties following her father's stroke. This all serves as the backdrop as she explores her feelings, emotions and the concept of love throughout her life.

There are certainly moments of sadness in this book, but I found it so utterly comforting as at the heart of it the book is about love. Love of family, of friendships, of a partner, and also love of yourself. Huma Qureshi's struggle to find love is something I believe many of us can relate to, but ultimately the acceptance and love of ourselves is often overlooked in the process.

This book has had a lot of praise and it is honestly so beautiful. Qureshi has a collection of short stories coming out later in 2021 and I will almost certainly be looking to pick those up as her writing really drew me in. A favourite of the year for sure ✨

Thanks to publishers for the copy in exchange for a review.

Power is not the same as brutality. The concepts are very different ... It's a question of mindset, of courage, of defiance. There is a kind of strength that is neither masculine nor feminine, one that intimidates, terrifies, reassures. An ability to say no, to impose one's opinion, not to duck the issue. p.126

King Kong Theory by Virginie Despentes (trans. Frank Wynne)

Part-memoir, part feminist essay collection King Kong Theory was first published in French in 2006. It certainly has the feel of an early 00's as a non-fiction piece as it talks about the 1990s, Sarkozy and the days before the internet. As a punk feminist collection that slams capitalist society it makes for an interesting read.

Despentes has a caustic style which critiques social constructs, behaviours and doesn't hold back on calling society out on its b*llsh*t. This made it both funny and an honest reflection of Despentes' views.

"When the collective unconscious, through the media and the entertainment industry, glorifies motherhood, it is not out of love for the feminine or a global sense of benevolence. To invest the mother with every virtue is to prepare the collective body for a return to facism." p.29

The collection focuses heavily on sex, rape, prostitution, and the constructs of femininity and masculinity.

Despentes discussions surrounding prostitution and pornography were particularly interesting. She unpicks the problematic framing of prostitution. She argues how those in power frame it as an act of violence against women; portray them as victims (with the caveat that it sometimes is). But how this removes women's agency, how this is an attempt of those in power to exert control. The subtleties she discusses between how a prostitute is criminalised and stigmatised and yet those who visit her are above being sullied. It makes for a compelling argument that made me think.

Overall I enjoyed the collection and whilst it had a tendency to be a little binary and heterosexual focused, Despentes does recognise this at moments. It's almost certainly a product of the early 2000's and very punk, but definitely worth a read.

"What is difficult to deal with, even today, is being a woman, and having to put up with your shit." p.122

Heavy is undoubtedly a powerful memoir as Laymon explores the weight of his body, his blackness, his relationships with his family and what it means to live in America as a black man. The theme of "heaviness" is one he uses to cleverly connect and offer insight into these themes throughout. This makes Laymon's memoir powerful for more than just content as his use of language and style offer much more to the reader. The book itself is a series of letters to his mum as he attempts to unravel their complicated relationship amongst other things.

Laymon packs no punches touching on sexual violence, consent, abuse, addiction, power, police brutality and more.

I found his discussions on sex, sexual violence and his body to be really interesting as he explored his relationships with girls and consesual sex. This is such an important narrative as pretty much all the experiences I've read about that focus on consent in sex have come from women. As Laymon explored the intersections between masculinity, male bonding and consensual sex I realised how little I see men discussing these subjects. It also highlighted to me again the problematic nature of men perpetuating an image of virility and promiscuity when that doesn't necessarily align with their actions.

Laymon's discussions about physical weight and image were also particularly powerful. He was so on point when identifying nobody would identify him as anorexic or bulemic unlike the women when he became obsessed with his weight and body image. Again highlighting the problematic associations with masculinity and femininity, and how men suffering are not necessarily identified but not necessarily stigmatised.

As somebody who has struggled themselves over the years with weight, body image and more this quote really resonated with me:

"Like nearly everyone else at the gym I wasn't in the gym to be healthy, I was in the gym to feel in control of how fat I looked and felt."

This does not even begin to cover how Laymon discussion surrounding the heaviness of his racial identity and the weight of institutional racism. He talks about being kicked out of college for year and how this was connected to as artical he wrote critiquing the racial relations on campus. He spoke about his mother telling him not to run at night because a big black man would be shot. He talks about his concerns about the thought of bringing a black child into the world and the trauma and weight of raising them.

Heavy is a complex, astute and emotional memoir that is clever in its use of language and weaving of themes to share a very personal experience. I would also add that Laymon is incredibly feminist and it's clear to read from his works. There is so much to this memoir that cannot be covered in a single review, but I would encourage you all to read it.

As a side note I listened to the audiobook which is also narrated by Laymon as I always like to listen to individuals sharing their own stories and I think it really adds to the experience of reading his book.

BLOODY HELL THAT WAS AN ABSOLUTE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. I FEEL BEREFT. THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE AND IT HURT MY HEART AND I CRIED AND MAYBE READING A BOOK THAT'S KIND OF SAD AFTER A REALLY LONG DAY AT WORK, DURING LOCKDOWN AND FEELING A LITTLE EMOTIONAL WAS NOT THE BEST IDEA.

GOD ALL THE FEELINGS FOR 130 PAGES OF A BOOK... AND IT'S ONLY POSSIBLE TO EXPRESS THIS EMOTION IN CAPLOCKS.

Luster by Raven Leilani

The debut novel from Raven Leilani, Luster follows a young black women in her 20s who becomes involved with an older white man in his 40s.

It is an edgy and compulsive read that keeps you on the edge of being unsettled and off balance throughout. There were definitely moments where I was like "WHAAAAAT", and I entirely understand when other reviewers have said you'll want to laugh and cringe all at the same time.

Luster is part of the burgeoning new genre of "millenial lit" with its realism and troubled main female protagonist. I thought it was an ambitious and interesting novel as it touched on the realities of race, sexualisation, office politics, work success, poverty, addiction, marriage and motherhood.

I found the relationship between Eric's wife Rebecca and the main female protagonist to be the most compulsive sections of the book. Their relations didn't unfold in any way that I expected and often felt bizarre. There was a certain hollowness I also felt in these moments and it was very unsettling.

Luster is a very open-ended book and I have so many unanswered questions by the end. This definitely kept me hooked from start to end. I can see why the book is getting lots of hype for sure, it's probably not a book I'll return to but I think a really solid debut for sure.

Thanks to @netgalley and @picador for the e-copy in exchange for a review. Out 21st Jan '21.

There's No Such Thing as an Easy Job is a quirky novel following a woman who have to burnout from her original job finds herself at an employement agency requesting a job with very little thinking. She moves through a series of strange and mundane jobs such as writing bus adverts for shops that disappear, writing advice on crackers and trying to convince people to stick up posters in their house.

The jobs are largely mundane, but the narrator l, the main protagonist slowly over the course of each job becomes deeply invested and often gives over a lot of her energies to the jobs. Each of the jobs she becomes involved with have oddities and unusual happenings such as strange rival poster companies trying to steal people's money, shops disappearing in line with lost adverts. It makes the novel a little unusual and adds some intrigue to the mundanity of the jobs.

The novel itself was quite quirky and I devoured the first 40% quite quickly. However, then I set it down for about 2 months and couldn't find much enthusiasm to continue. When I did pick it back up, I didn't really enjoy the ending of the novel as much and felt that it was getting too repetitive and long in style by the end.

I think ultimately for me, whilst elements of the social commentary on work culture stood out and I enjoyed some of its quirky oddities. The overall execution fell a little flat for me by the end and I'm not sure this will be the most memorable of reads. I would describe it as an okay read as I don't really have strong feelings on the book. However, I know others have absolutely loved this book so I think it very much depends on the individual reading it.

Thanks to netgalley and bloomsbury for the review copy.

Overall I enjoyed The Duke by Default a lot more than the first book in this series and I'm really glad I gave Alyssa Cole a second chance. The book wasn't perfect and I remain polarised on a few issues but it was enjoyable.

Things I liked:
- The flirtatious banter between Portia and Tav and all the hilarious innuendoes related to sword smithing.
- The fact that Tav recognised and actively encouraged Portia to like herself, take compliments and recognise her talents.
- The reference to the fact Portia had ADHD.

What I didn't like:
- Portia continually selling herself short and the excessive self-depreciation.
- Some of the storyline just felt a bit far-fetched.
- The Duke of Edinburgh is the title of the Queen of England, so categorically couldn't be the title of Tav, bit of a faux-pas.
- The ending was far too rushed.

3.5 stars because of the way it wrapped up, but rounding up to 4.

Part memoir, part discussion on sex, shame, rejection, mental health and friendship. Grace Campbell dives in with vulgar splendour about drugs, sex, wanking and more. She is unashamedly sex positive and open about her experiences good and bad. This book is honest, hilariously funny and I think will be entirely relatable for many women. I don't think this book will appeal to all as in places it's quite crude, however it does have some really important messages and it's refreshingly honest.

What I loved about this book is that it 100% Grace Campbell in all of her glory, she refuses to be pigeon holed into a box of how women are expected to behave and what they are supposed to talk about. She adds trigger warnings and acknowledges her imperfections, faults and where she is still learning. She also interweaves her experiences with humour.

I found Grace's book entirely relatable in many places, as a child born in the mid-1990s I'm a year younger than Grace and have grown up at the same time as Grace which I think drives this connection. Whilst I can't relate to Grace's experiences with drugs (I'm very anti-drugs), there were parts that I felt echoed my own teenage and early-20s and the insecurities I harboured. Like Grace, and many other women, I had a complicated relationship with my body growing up and I fell foul to many social pressures. In many ways this book served as a validation that I wasn't alone in my teenage experiences and feelings.

Grace's discussions on sex and the bad aspects of sex, the shame women are forced to feel, the problems surrounding the lack of education, the lack of discussions surrounding consent, the impact of the internet on our generation, and the reality that rape comes in many forms are an important part of this book.

When she spoke about rape, there was one quote that really resonated;

"And to those people who have been through this: it's not your fault. As you and I know all too well, we have been the guinea pigs of a broken generation when it comes to sex."

In many of the books I have read on the topic of rape the issue that continues to come up is the lack of discussions we have about boundaries, consent and educating the youth of today.

Despite some of the serious discussions surrounding rape and mental health, the humour and outrageousness of Grace's personality shines through and I read so many parts out to my boyfriend as I laughed out loud. Her ancedotes about fanny farting about trips, about trips to the sexual health clinic as the in place were entirely hilarious.

There is a terrible cliché that women aren't funny or only women get female comedians which I simply abhor. This book for me is hilarious whilst still being a little bit poignant and makes me wish Grace Campbell were my friend.

Cockfight by María Fernanda Ampuero

Cockfight is the debut work from Ecuadorian writer and journalist María Fernanda Ampuero. It's a dark and disturbing collection of short stories that focuses on themes of the body, violence, abuse and distorted love. The stories centre around the home, familial relationships, friendships and abusive relationships.

The imagery is visceral and brutal at times and the stories are utterly compelling and incredibly unsettling. Without a shadow of a doubt these stories are incredibly dark and that reminded me of Irenosen Okojie's work without the magical realism.

Ampuero makes strong use of metaphors and imagery to impress upon the reader the experiences and pain of the individuals in her story. She doesn't shy away from telling the grotseque and twisted aspects of people's lives.

This is certainly not a collection to delve into lightly but one that offers a stark and brutally honest exploration of power, trauma and the destruction humans wreck on each other.

TW: rape, violence, abuse, suicide, trauma.