This is a memoir-in-essays sort of situation that mostly flew under the radar when it was released, at least as far as I could tell. I just didn’t see many reviews of it. Though I must have seen at least one, because it somehow got added to my TBR, though in a backburner sort of way. And then, once it got onto a front-burner (again, don’t ask me how/what prompted that), my library didn’t have a copy! But I was able to find it in the larger county library e-audiobook database and added myself onto the holds list there. And goodness did that turn out to be a major blessing in disguise because this is one of the best author-narrated audiobook memoirs that I have ever read (up there with Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime and Anna Kendrick’s Scrappy Little Nobody). 

 

This collection was the most wonderful mix of memoir, social commentary, and humor. It’s similar to  Samantha Irby’s writing, if I had to give a comparison (I’ve only read we’re never meeting in real life so far…but her other collections are definitely on my TBR), but with Thomas’ own wonderful flair. I honestly don’t do a lot or internet article reading or trend-following, it’s just not my thing, so I honestly hadn’t heard of Thomas or read any of his other work (freelance or through Elle.com) prior to this memoir. That’s probably my loss, since I was really into the vibe from this collection. Anyways, Thomas touches on his childhood and family, his personal racial awareness/identity and the changes it undergoes as he grows up, his time in college (and dropping out and what happened after that), work life, a bit of dating, how he met his now-husband and some major moments like meeting the family and getting married, as well as his coming out (mainly to himself, and learning to accept and be who he is). A final, major theme, one that was woven throughout the collection in a variety of ways and is clearly central to his life and experiences is an exploration of the intersections of race, sexuality and church/faith.     

 

Well, like I said, I listened to the audiobook and Thomas’ narration is, quite simply, top shelf entertainment. His timing and delivery or his own words is the perfect combination of comedy and personal investment and I loved every second listening to him. Also, his style of smart-sarcastic humor is one that I just really enjoy in general, so that was awesome. But at the same time, I appreciated the depth of his overarching theme, exploring the contradictions throughout his life, all the ways that he has been “other,” and the constant wondering whether the future is worth all the effort of compromising those experiences and parts of himself.  I feel like essay-style memoirs commonly struggle with this kind of arc, but Thomas nails it here.  

 

On that note, I have to say that the theme of coming to terms with your faith and [insert anything that is at odds with that] is not a theme I am generally into. It’s not something I personally struggle with, so sometimes the minutiae in the negotiation gets to be too theoretical/distant for me. But the way Thomas approaches it is both accessible and relatable. The discussions he sprinkles in about the compromises of church and sexuality kept my attention in a way they usually don’t and I really respected the widening of the definition(s) of worship that he explores, especially his commentary about the fact that, for true belief, there is a level of doubt that is necessary. In addition, the sections about his family, especially in regards to his parents, just made me feel warm and fuzzy, in both the serious and the humorous ways they’re represented. The Dinner Guests chapter was particularly, wonderfully gently, heartwarming. 

 

Another thing Thomas covers that really spoke to me was the part of the Introduction where he writes about how a person can declare their worthiness to the world, but that doesn’t mean they believe in themselves. What a concept. I feel that deeply. And in a general sense, his musing about feeling like an imposter are also very recognizable. I laughed so hard at the way he describes his views on dystopian life because I am 100% with him on “Team Die Early.” And finally, oh my goodness what a crescendo that last chapter was – I cannot imagine a better ending. It left me with that amazing emotionally full-up feeling. (And I mean the last, titular, essay…not the Epilogue, which I liked as far as theme-arc and final message, truly, but not as much in execution.) 

 

Overall, this was truly a hilarious and comprehensively insightful memoir about Thomas’ personal “coming to terms” with his own self and complex identities, within the context of a complex and not always pretty/accepting nation. Critical and hopeful in equal measure, with the delightful delivery of attitude and laughter.     

 

“Love is a library. And nothing is as full with possibility as a library.” 

 

“I don’t know how to break it to you all, but life is a mixed bag.” 

 

 

 

I think I mentioned this in an earlier post, How the One-Armed Sister Sweeps Her House, but I have managed to snag a couple pretty sweet ARC copies now that I work at the library…and this is one of them! It totally caught my eye after seeing @irisbooklist talking about it and I was hype to get my hands on it. 

 

This is one of those novels that it’s kind of hard to give a summary of, but I’ll try. Although it jumps in time, to help give us context for the characters, the primary conflict is within a central NC community that is dealing with a sort of school-rezoning. Essentially, Black students from one side of town and being integrated into a primarily white high school on the other side of town. On one side, Jade is fighting to overcome a deep tragedy in the past and give her son, Gee, the very best possible life, knowing the challenges he’ll face as a young Black man in America. On the other side, Lacey Mae sees herself as defending the life she’s built for her daughters, refusing to acknowledge their half-Latina heritage. When Gee and Noelle, Lacey Mae’s oldest daughter, meet and start spending time together as part of a school production, their relationship flies in the face of their mothers’ wishes and hopes for them and sets up their turbulent and interconnected future.    

 

WHOA. What a stunner. Like, in the sense that I am stunned after finishing this book. I am struggling to remember the last book I read with characters this…real. They were complicated and difficult and just so pure in their individual efforts and ugliness and motivations and I couldn’t get enough, and was also slightly overwhelmed by, how recognizable these characters were. Like seriously, I live in the exact area that this novel takes place (the references were all very euphemistic, but I live in the Piedmont of North Carolina and let me tell you, I could see through a number of them…always kinda cool to read about your real life in fiction). Anyways, not just that, but having lived and taught her for going on 10 years, and having married into an NC family for a similar length of time, there were quite a few comments and observations about attitudes and reactions that were real not just in that they were written so authentically, but real as in I have personally lived/seen them. And it was amazing. So well done. But also, really intense to read sometimes because of it. 

 

Getting a little more specific, just for a bit. I know that description of this novel makes it seem like the full focus is on school district changes and a battle over that and, in part it is. That is the sort of central linchpin event that redefines many of the characters relationships with each other. However, the story is told across time in with focus on different people, to really give that one defining moment the depth and meaning it needs to make it so powerful. The book opens with the tragic event that leaves Jade and Gee with just each other. And from there we jump forward and back in time to Noelle’s (and her sisters’) adult lives (their relationships, successes and failures), Lacey Mae’s “origin story” – husband who left her and the husband she chose for stability, and the school events that bring Noelle and Gee together. There’s a bit of a character twist that I guessed pretty early on, but that still held weight when the truth came out, because by then I was so invested in the characters and their development that the more “click into place” than “full on surprise” and felt more right anyways. Overall, fantastically paced and gorgeously brought together. 

 

To close out my review, it’s absolutely necessary to highlight the insidious affects of racism on these characters and this story. At times more obvious and at times more subtle, Coster demonstrated with absolute skill the way nothing, from societal structure to interpersonal relationship, is free from the shadow of racism. Addressing everything from passing young love to internal identity to parenting (oh, the “parents doing the best they can” over and over was a focal and devastating theme), the nuanced legacy of racism for each and every person and community in these pages, connecting and undergirding the entire novel, is something truly special. 

 

“She hadn’t needed lectures or coddling; most girls didn’t. The needed choices.” 

 

“She was an ignorant woman, dangerous. Another woman’s child was laid up in the hospital, and all that she could see was the imagined threat to her own.” 

 

“They’d be decent in some ways; they’d astonish her with how they seemed to keep up with the news, the shifting language around identity and race. […] But they’d be incensed, too, at the encroachments they saw on their world – the stars cast in movies franchises they had formerly adored, the people who had the nerve to go to marches and complain and vote in elections. They would guard everything they had, however little, as if their lives were prizes they’d rightly won that others had no right to claim. They’d never admit how willingly they’d played their parts.” 

 

“It was too easy for people to see their interests and disinterests as pure, functions of their desires and personalities.” 

 

“Maybe this was another way that she was white: the ease with which she could ignore calamity, focus mainly on what she wanted.” 

 

“‘You know, they say that’s what gives life meaning. The fact that we’re all going to die.’ he said. ‘I don’t believe that at all. I don’t need death to remind me how good life it. If I had an infinite amount of life, I’d be happy to go on living. Look at all this.” 

 

 

 

It took be awhile to pick up Dani Brown after reading Chloe Brown, but the momentum after Dani made me ready for Eve Brown as soon as I could get my hands on it. So here we are, I finished up this sister romance series right quick and I loved it and also don’t want it to be over yet! 

 

Eve, the youngest Brown sister, feels like she has never really been able to fit in correctly, and, especially compared to her sisters, the string of failed studies/careers she’s left behind lead to her parents insisting that she finally “grow up” and prove herself. Jacob owns a new bed-and-breakfast that, despite his meticulous management and need for control and perfect, is currently quite understaffed (very much in need of a chef, in particular). When Eve stumbles upon the interviews for the chef position, is unceremoniously refused the position, and then accidentally runs over Jacob, they find themselves thrust into the position of having to work together, at least until Jacob’s arm heals and the local Gingerbread Festival is over. But their original dislike of each other starts to morph into something more as the two realize their completely opposite personalities might be hiding some much deeper-seated similarities and, of course, some intense sexual attraction.  

 

Mmmmmm Hibbert does it again, with her fantastically sarcastic and genuine writing. She brings Eve and Jacob to life in such a perfect way, with authentic character growth and attachment, adorable and balanced back and forth dialogue, a few fantastically placed romance tropes to bring the two together, hilarity and drama with an edge of serious underpinnings, sensitive – for the best of my knowledge – representation (autistic rep specifically, here), and some truly steamy sex scenes. Also, as always with these sort of romance trilogies, I really enjoy seeing cameos from previous stars, like Chloe and Dani. AND, in this case, I just love Gigi and I vote we get her story next! 

 

Hibbert has done such a wonderful job, through these three novels, of focusing on the unique challenges of “invisible” differences, from chronic pain in Chloe to anxiety/depression in Dani to autism and confidence here in Eve. They are all handled with such clear care and it’s wonderful to see these issues both taken seriously and allowed to be light, with happy endings, at the same time. In this case, Eve and Jacob are both on the Autism spectrum, but with very different knowledge bases and backgrounds. It allows them a chance to bond on a deeper level with each other, while also giving the reader insight into the myriad ways non-nuero-typical lives can be experienced and lived. Plus, I do really love a solid opposites attract now and again and Eve’s boisterous and bright personality is written in perfect contrast and complement to Jacob’s own controlled and subdued aspects. (And the sex scenes were, as always, hot AF with nothing that made me cringe – Hibbert has a super power with that and I’m all the way here for it.) 

 

I also appreciate that way that external expectations play a role here. Obviously, that’s something that many people deal with, in life and in the previous Brown Sisters stories, but seeing the specific ways it’s internalized here in conjunction with being on the spectrum is important. I also have to say, I really loved the way the we see Eve not necessarily power through all adversity, but take a different path when she realized a first one wasn’t for her. There are many ways to deal with tough situations and the reactions she got about that first one being a “failure” that set her up for a path of “continuing” that, though it shouldn’t have and didn’t need to, was heartbreaking to read. Leaving situations and changing course to find better/healthier alternative are completely valid ways to handle challenges and it’s an important but definitely underrepresented perspective that I loved reading and loved seeing Jacob validate and Eve finally learn to accept within herself. I just…I was really here for that recognition. 

 

This was such a cute finale to this trilogy. A wonderful romance with a side-focus on learning to trust and be proud of yourself, knowing that you are worthy (in life and in love). The bed and breakfast setting was sweet, the Brown family and new side-characters (Jacob’s friends!) were all heart-warming, Eve and Jacob themselves were perfectly matched and adorable with a well-paced enemies to lovers transition, and the overall vibe of this final sister’s story was delightful and satisfying (with a wonderful ending just right for this couple and their journeys).  

 

“There was nothing worse than someone making a valid point during an argument he intended to win.” 

 

“…the world would be a much better place if they stopped congratulating themselves on being normal and started to accept that there were countless different normal, and Jacob’s kind was just as fin as everyone else’s.” 

 

“Sometimes, being convenient instead of real was exhausting. So maybe from now on, she’d stop.” 

 

“…there are different ways to fail. Imperfection is inevitable. That’s life. But it doesn’t sound to me like you’ve failed at all, Eve. It sounds like your dream broke, and you’ve been picking up shattered pieces and blaming yourself when your hands bleed.” 

 

 I have been meaning to read this one for a long time and finally picked it up from the library. I don’t really know a lot about schizophrenia – not for real, all I know is from tv and media. And I’ve seen nothing but amazing reviews of this nonfiction/memoir from an author who is diagnosed with not only schizoaffective disorder, but also bipolar disorder and late-stage Lyme disease. It sounded fascinating and educational and I’m so glad I finally read it. 

 

So, my intro basically covers the overview of the book’s contents, so I’m going to jump right into the review, because I have a lot I want to say! Also, because of all the myriad reactions I had, this is going to be ones of those reviews where I kinda just put everything out there with bullet points and hopefully it makes some semblance of sense. Hang in there with me: 

-          Just the first few pages and Wang’s discussion of the struggle between recognizing the reality of suffering in contrast with the fight for humanity in the face of neurotypical society was already blowing my mind. 

-          I loved the look at diagnosis, the various perspectives on its usefulness, necessity, etc. It was fascinating to look at the various explanations for mental illness, from witchcraft, astrology, psychiatry, neuroscience/biological markers, Chinese medicine, a gateway to higher thinking/creativity, and more. Really opens the eyes to how long and how widely people have had to contend with mental health issues. 

-          There was a deep and desperate theme throughout of being “terrified and constantly let down” and “desperation and not knowing what to do” as a reality of living with schizophrenia, as both the person affected or their family. The emphasis on running out of options, the limited options available, was affecting and profound. 

-          A nuanced and evenly-keeled look at the burden of care on family versus a diagnosed person’s ability to determine their own reality/treatment, especially with consideration on involuntary commitment and medication. 

-          Honestly, overall, I felt like this was an insightful investigation from (well I suppose not from, but of) multiple POVs. Very candid and non-judgmental in consideration, which is so impressive, considering the personal investment and life experience Wang has in what she’s writing about. 

-          Wang’s commentary on capitalist society, the universal/complete value of productivity that leads to looking down on those who cannot produce (i.e. the mentally ill who struggle to “hold” a traditional job), is so condemning and necessary.  

-          The complication of person-first language, the question of whether the mental health diagnosis is NOT, in fact, an integral part of the person, is a perspective I haven’t really read much about before. I really appreciate reading that extra consideration and the insight into what is, at base, a person’s choice to define themselves for themselves – and the point is, basically, to just respect that. 

-          Who draws the lines demarcating acceptable behavior and not? What. A. Question. 

-          Amazing interrogation of how “insane” people aren’t believed unless they’re admitting to insanity/self-harm ideation. This about it. So, this being the case, how do we actually know and when do we start to believe it’s not a “lie” and they are actually feeling better? Never? Mind. Blowing. (Also, the effect of that in cases of involuntary hospitalization.) 

-          Not as personally interesting to me, I did really enjoy reading about the (very blurred) lines between mysticism and insanity, historically and today. 

 

Yup. Overall, this this book was simply, breathtaking, jaw-droppingly educational and insightful. The way Wang interrogates how we define and consider and react to illness, as well as the full reframing of the way we see and define illness and wellness, is stunning. With that, very much necessary to note that Wang’s bravery and vulnerability in sharing these intense and scary (to herself) parts of her with us readers are just…beyond. I’m so grateful to her and to have read this book. 

 

The following passages are ones that really stuck out to me while reading. Some refer back to the bullet points above and some stand on their own, but they all really affected me and I wanted to note them here: 

 

“As in most marginalized groups, there are those that are considered more socially appropriate than others, and who therefore distance themselves from those so-called inappropriate people, in part because being perceived as incapable of success causes a desire to distance oneself from other, similarly marginalized people who are thought to be even less capable of success.” 

 

“…no self [that] can be untangled from the pathology they experience.” 

 

“The clients, or patients, exhibit their illness in ways that prevent them from seeming like people who can dream, or like people who can have others dream for them.” 

 

“...a primary feature of the experience of staying in a psychiatric hospital is that you will not be believed about anything. A corollary to this feature: things will be believed about you that are not at all true.” 

 

“Some people dislike diagnoses, disagreeably calling them, boxes and labels, but I've always found comfort in preexisting conditions; I like to know that I'm not pioneering an inexplicable experience.” 

 

“For those of us living with severe mental illness, the world is full of cages where we can be locked in.” 

 

“A fictional narrative is considered nuanced when it includes contradictions, but a narrative of trauma is ill-advised to do the same.” 

 

“Among psychiatric researchers, having a job is considered one of the major characteristics of being a high-functioning person. ... Most critically, a capitalist society values productivity in its citizens above all else, and those with severe mental illness are much less likely to be productive in ways considered valuable: by adding to the cycle of production and profit.” 

 

“Forgiveness, as it turns out, is not a linear prospect. Neither is healing. Both flare up and die down; so do my symptoms of schizophrenia disorder. I have tried to control these “oscillations,” as my psychiatrist calls them, but what, if anything, can be truly controlled?” 

 

“What the writers confused state means is not beside the point, because it is the point.” 

 

“Sick people, as it turns out, generally stary into alternative medicine not because they relish the idea of indulging in what others call quackery, but because traditional Western medicine has failed them.” 

 

“…hope, which is not the same thing as faith. Hope is a cast line in search of fish; faith is the belief that you won’t starve to death, or if you do, God’s plan could account for the tragedy.” 

 

 

 

“Angry mothers raise daughters fierce enough to fight wolves.” 

 

So, after reading the Binti trilogy and The Haunting of Tram Car 015, I think I realized that, while novellas are maybe not a favorite genre of mine, I will honestly love a novella that Tor.com publishes. Plus, this one was a Hugo Award nominee for best novella this past year so, I figured it was the best next novella to pick up. 

 

Years ago, Rabbit was sent to the royal palace to pay off a debt her family couldn’t afford. While there, she befriends the new Empress from the North, In-yo, alone in a new land. Over the years, Rabbit and the In-yo, spend time together in exile, as In-yo slowly amasses resources and allies in her bid to bring her homeland, back into power. The novella opens in present day, with Rabbit as an older woman, looking back on those years and telling her role in the story of the rise of the Empress of Salt and Fortune. 

 

Whoa. This one was exactly what I was promised in the blurb and reviews – a spectacular high fantasy/historical fiction (reminiscent of imperial China) that delivers a searing judgement on monarchy and a wonderful feminist governmental grab/overtaking of government from a position of “submission.” As always with novellas, everything moved so fast, and as a reader used to longer books/series, there is always that search for more, more details, more world-building, more everything. But I am getting used to the pace and bare minimum details in novellas, a little at a time, and this one was spot on under the circumstances. 

 

In regards to other things, I was very into the structure for this novella. It was a perfect execution of the “older present-day narrator looks back and tells the story of her life/experiences to a younger audience” style. It’s one I don’t always go for, but it was spot on here. Also, I loved the framing that was used, with Chih, a sort of cleric of a religious sect gathering and honoring knowledge, itemizing the remaining pieces of In-yo’s life in the home that Rabbit keeps/lives in. It give a very cool insight into the workings of the Empress’ secret communications (ummm secret codes in fortune-teller readings – yes please!) in her efforts to win back/lead the Empire, as well as Rabbit’s own life by her side, as well as offering an easy device to jump years and topics as Rabbit relayed her story, using Chih’s discoveries as “reminders.” And I loved the way it built to the twist of succession that I was not expecting, but totally into. 

 

Finally, I just want to mention the way this novella honors the passing and safe-keeping of knowledge, whether its immediately needed or used, or not, the having and keeping of said knowledge for any potential future use, the honor in being the one to carry it forward, is paramount. As an avid reader, that really spoke to my soul. Plus, I did love that, while a more subtle spice than the blurb makes it seem, there were some wonderful moments that truly did bring the feminist fire and the condemnation of a monarchic system of government.   

 

Overall, like I said, exactly the short epic that I was expecting and hoping for! 

 

This was a book club choice for my long-distance book club! We wanted to pick an AAPI author for AAPI Heritage Month, but as life happens, we (alright, it was definitely on me) ended up not actually being able to finish in time to discuss it actually during May… However, I am so glad this was the book we voted for, even though it took me awhile to get my hands on it, because once I started it, it was a sprint to the finish – I couldn’t put it down! 

 

Meddy Chan works as a photographer as part of her family’s wedding business, along with her mother and three aunts who take care of cake, flowers, hair/make-up, and entertainment. When her mother meddles in her dating life, impersonating her on a dating site, Meddy agrees to go on the date she sets up. But things take a turn when she accidentally murders the date. Thankfully, her mother and aunties are there to help her hide and get rid of the body. However, their mixed priorities, interfamilial squabbles, and a surprisingly turn of events leads to the body ending up in a cooler at a major wedding they’ve been hired to do. A wedding that just so happens to be held at a new hotel run by an ex-boyfriend that Meddy has never gotten over. Can Meddy figure out how to get away with murder, re-kindle a romance, and manage her family? She might even be able to do all that and find herself along the way. 

 

This is potentially one of the most fun books I have ever read. Like, part how to get away with murder, part family drama, part failed heist, part rom-com, all told with a fantastically light and humorous narration. Although at times there were some aspects that required some suspension of disbelief to really get into, it was totally worth it for the entertainment value. And to her credit, the author did a really solid job of creating conditions that, while leaning towards unbelievable, skirted close enough to the line to make it reasonable-ish to suspend that disbelief. Reading all the bumbling but well-meaning ways that Meddy’s mother and aunts try to help her deal with the dead body of her date, the sibling rivalries and family loyalty and the numerous twists and ways that their plans go wrong and make things worse – it’s a comedy of errors that just gets better and more ridiculous in all the best ways. I don’t want to give anything away, because that would ruin the ride for you, but the way that so many extra people get involved, from Meddy’s ex/the hotel owner Nathan, to the bride and groom and maid of honor, to the local sheriff…it was all great. 

 

As far as some of the character pieces, they’re fairly surface-level, in the same way that the plot is more for enjoyment than depth. The author does recognize this (mentioning the likelihood of insta-love in the sub-title of the first section even), which made me that much more inclined to let myself fall in headfirst and past the flippancy of the plot. So, while I was cheering for Meddy to get back with Nathan, because of course I was hoping for the happily ever after, I wasn’t ever like, invested in them. Similarly, I loved the way the big wedding storyline ended, it made my heart happy, even though my actual investment level was low. The most profound piece of this entire novel, however, was a relationship-based one. The Chinese-Indonesian mother-sister-aunt-daughter-niece connections are bustling and overbearing, but absolute perfection. You can feel, so very deeply, the personal associations and experiences that Sutanto has with that aspect of the novel. I mean, after reading her Introduction Author’s Note (which, by the way, was great – really setting up her hopes and goals in what she’s portraying and honoring, while recognizing the ways she might fail…it really put me in the right mind-space from which to read the novel), it was no surprise. But expected or not, it was still far and away one of my favorite things: warm and self-deprecatingly funny, while clearly full of honor and love and gratitude.   

 

This was such a cozy book and I legitimately had the best time reading it. There was a sort of comfortable camaraderie that Sutanto creates with her writing and you can’t help but love and cheer for things to work out for Meddy and her aunties, despite the myriad hilariously terrible plans they make.  What a fun AF story. I hope they make it a movie because I would watch the sh*t out of it! 

 

 

I have sort of been passively trying to meet some of the Reading Women prompts for 2021 – not as intensely as last year, but just for fun. And one of the prompts that I figured I just wouldn’t meet was to read a Crime Novel or Thriller in Translation…mostly because I just don’t read that genre. But I made a simultaneous passive goal of reading more Polish/Lithuanian literature (after Between Shades of Gray was a book club choice earlier this year). So, when I got this one out of the library, translated from Polish, and realized it was also a crime novel/thriller, I was weirdly excited to be able to meet a prompt I’d already written off. Checking things off a checklist is a super satisfying experience for this Type A reader.  

 

Janina is an old woman, living in a remote Polish village and spending her days looking after the vacation homes of “big city” residents when they aren’t around, translating the poetry of William Blake with her friend Dizzy, calculating horoscopes, and just generally getting herself the reputation of the “crazy old lady who prefers animals to people.” When bodies starting turning up dead in her village, Janina has a few very specific ideas about who is behind the murders, but no one will listen. 

 

This was absolutely unlike any thriller I’ve ever read before. I mean, it had all the “right” elements, a rural location, suspicious circumstances, evidence of shady dealings, incompetent local police and a fantastically creepy winter-in-the-woods sort of aura, but it had some incredibly unique additional characteristics. First of all, the narrator Janina. Goodness she was a hoot. A sort of quirky MC that came across like a mix of Eleanor Oliphant and A Man Called Ove – ornery and opinionated and very idiosyncratic, but with a very intelligent sort of bent to it all. Her philosophies, centered primarily around the absolute knowledge that can be gained from reading horoscopes and her fierce ideals about animals’ intelligence and humanity, all came across as incredibly peculiar, but also…kind of logical and believable? It was really interesting. I am not sure it’s a reading vibe I could have gotten through without the audiobook to help keep me moving, as it had a very theoretical and scholarly communication with a heavy lean into the [fairly on point] “everyone ignores old women” outlook, but I enjoyed the oddness of the combination in a single-serving way. (As in, I will not search out more of Tokarczuk’s work, I don’t think – or at least not any time soon – but I was bought in for experiencing it at least once.)  

 

The other thing that really set this novel apart was the rumination on the nature of life and death, in connection with the cosmos, and with specific focus on animal rights and hunting politics. Janina’s narrative POV is very clearly on the side of pro-animal rights and anti-poaching/hunting (in her view, they are one in the same, since, whether legally sanctioned or not, the animals are killed in various and mostly inhumane ways) and, I’d like to reiterate, the cerebral way she addresses it is really hard to argue with. However, as the novel progresses its clear that though her ideas are based in a solid argument, there is clear potential for her mental state to take things past the point of socially acceptable ways of communicating it. And, whether merited or not, this is where she/Tokarczuk really fall into the way(s) that society overlooks old women. It could have just been really sad and upsetting to read, and yet Janina’s voice, as well as the turns the plot takes, really throw this idea over on its head, taking advantage of this discounting, instead of wallowing in it. Though it didn’t come quite as much of a shocking twist as I maybe would have wanted, the slow-dawning realization as the plot unfolded actually fit the vibe better than a surprise development would have, so I was ok with it. 

 

Overall, this novel had a great creeping, meditative mystery vibe. It was incredibly atmospheric (I was totally transported this this rural Polish summer-vacation village) and Janina was a fantastic narrator, really pulling me into the flow of her life and story. The clever wordplay and the philosophical-ness of the writing were unique for a thriller and I appreciated that within a genre that’s not as known for it. While this wasn’t a favorite read for me, I liked some of the messages and was definitely satisfied with the way it wrapped up.     

 

“Anger makes the mind clear ad incisive, able to see more. It sweeps up the other emotions and takes control of the body. Without a doubt Anger is the source of all wisdom, for Anger has the power to exceed any limits.” 

 

“Once we reach a certain age, it’s hard to be reconciled to the fact that people are always going to be impatient with us.” 

 

“It’s easier to cope with a snowstorm than a death.” 

 

“It is as Dusk when the most interesting things occur, for that is when simple differences fade away.” 

 

“Everything will pass. The wise Man knows this from the start, and has no regrets.” 

 

“Anger always leaves a large void behind it, into which a flood of sorrow pours instantly, and keeps on flowing like a great river, without beginning or end.” 

 

There are SO many amazing-looking diverse YA fantasies coming out these days, so many new series are starting, and it's awesome! But also, I feel so behind in getting to them. I cannot keep up! And I'm also a little nervous about starting them all and then not following through on finishing. I have a weird ability (curse?) to do that and I end up starting so many series that I don't finish. (I do it with tv shows, too - my partner hates it.) But I feel guilty waiting til the entire series is published to binge-read it, becasue that doesn't help ensure that the publication continues. And I don't know what to do! Anyways, me and my anxiety will continue to sit with that. But in the meantime, I finally got around to this series-opener, thanks in large part to the fact that I received the audiobook as an ALC from Libro.fm. 

 

Raybearer opens with Tarisai being raised in isolation, tutored intensely by caregivers under the direction of her oft-absent mother. Then, she is suddenly thrust out into the world in a most dramatic way, competing to become one of the Crown Prince of Aritsar's Council of 11. If she is picked, she'll become connected to the Prince and the rest of the council through the Ray, making them closer even than family. Tarisai wants more than anything to have that kind of bond after her lonely childhood, but she tries to resist because she knows that if she agrees, she'll be forced to follow through on her mother's magic wish, a wish that she cannot help but complete, to kill the Crown Prince once she's gained his trust. But the history of her mother's magical wish is even more intense and fraught than Tarisai knows and, as the story comes out, she realizes that she is much more, and has a much greater purpose, than she'd ever anticipated. 

 

This was a spectacular high fantasy novel. The concept and world-building were amazing and so in depth. The idea of the Ray-bound Council of 11, making the Emperor basically immortal (with the exception/loop-hole of being killed by the hands of one of those 11) was so original. And the depth of the world itself, the different realms, the way they are each represented on the Council, the magic and magic system, the detailed history of the Aritsar Kingdom, and ESPECIALLY the foundational mythology of the nation and how the central ideology and Council of 11 was invented, was wonderful. I did have some questions about the entire Redemptor/Songland storyline... I mean, I get that that's the "big deal situation" that the rest of the series is building to, based on the ending and since Tarisai's mother/magic wish situation was wrapped up in the opening book, but it seemed like an afterthought and not as developed as the rest of the world and plot. I am assuming it'll get more delved into later, but to be honest, it just didn't feel as right included here. There was so much packed into this first novel - I had a sensation of being pulled along by the story and the numerous twists and turns (like, my goodness, there was never a moment to take a breath with everything that happened and the years passing) and I loved that. The *need* to keep turning pages is a great reading experience, always, and I will never be mad about it. But there were definitely a few times where things felt a bit rushed. I can tell you for sure that this was in part because of how many characters were introduced over such a short period of time and, with years and years passing from the start of the book to the end, there were a lot of relationships to work on understanding and buying into. Honestly though, I was impressed with how much I was invested in most of them, especially the big ones, like Tarisai with her mother, the Crown Prince Dayo, Kirah and Sanjeet, and even with Woo In. There was great casual diversity in their backgrounds, interests, types of relationships (the focus on found family was wonderful and there was an ace side-character), goals/plans, etc. 

 

I want to also point out a few major themes that I really loved. First, and in main part, the pitfalls of forcing a "melting pot" situation. There is no real unity that comes from being forced, and requiring people to lose their individuality in order to come together as a single nation/people is doomed to failure. We all have our own strengths and things we bring to the table and there is real beauty and importance in recognizing that and celebrating differences, individually and culturally. I hope that we get even more of that as further background in the coming novels about the split between Aritsar and Songland is developed. I was also, of course, into the power grab situation that led to a single male heir to the throne of Aritsar and the hidden history of the female leader(s)/sister to the first Emperor. It's such a clear indictment of the way power can corrupt and a wonderful reclaiming of power from males by females. I appreciated everything Tarisai did to undermine and reclaim that history as she learned more about her own lineage and came into her own power/position. 

 

Overall, like I said, this was a really original and stunning fantasy. I hesitate to say visually stunning, since it is a novel, but that's how it felt to me as it played out, in my head and as I listened to it unfold (because let me just say, the narrator crushed it).  A super lush and detailed new world was laid out as the plot unfolded and I found myself irresistibly pulled along by the many twists. Tarisai was a wonderful and strong leading lady, soft and tough in perfect measure, and I'm definitely planning to pick up her story when the sequel comes out! 

 

“You write your story, not the people who came before you.” 

 

“I hope you never win the pride of a monster, Tarisai. It’s worse than their contempt.” 

 

“‘Why does everyone hate change so much?’ I demanded. ‘Because things could get worse.’ ‘Maybe. But do you know what I think? […] I think deep down, we’re afraid that things could get better. Afraid to find out that all the evil – all the suffering we ignore – could have been prevented. If only we cared enough to try.’” 

 

“Was it better to have a perfect solution that I couldn’t enforce? Or a weak solution that everyone loved?” 

 

“No, we don’t deserve the burdens that our parents gave us. But we can’t defeat monsters that we won’t face.” 

 

“You don’t have to help me change the world. But you mark my words; when I get going, this world will change. And you can be a part of that…or you can stand back and watch.” 

 

“But our greatest good is the one we can’t contain: compassion, loyalty, softness, fierceness. The ability to win hearts, or recognize beauty, or weather a storm…Our gift could be anything really. And when we use our greatest good for something beyond ourselves, that’s our best desire. Our purpose.” 

 

“Uniformity is not unity. Silence is not peace.” 

 

“Peace comes when stories are celebrated, not erased.” 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a #bookstagram made me do it book choice (thanks in main part to @irisbooklist) and that's about all I have to say as an intro. 

 

Infinite Country follows Mauro and Elena who meet in Bogotá, Colombia and decide, after the birth of their first child (Karina), to the United States. Once there, they make the decision to overstay their tourist visa, to continue sending money back to Elena’s mother (Perla) in Colombia, and have two more children (Nando and Talia), When Mauro is deported, Elena makes the impossible chooses to send her youngest back to Colombia, knowing that she can return to the US when she’s older. And we come into the story with Talia, she is now 15 years old, fighting to escape a (maybe/maybe not warranted) stint in a youth correctional facility and travel across the Colombia to get to the airport in time to make her flight to reunite with her mother and siblings. 

 

Holy ever-loving goodness, this book was spectacular. I cannot believe the amount of history and life and [socio-political] commentary that Engel packs into these 200 pages. I have read epic 500+ pages family sagas that I’ve had much less reader-investment in. The authenticity, the vulnerability and the depth in each of these characters was just so special. While the primary “story” revolves around Talia as the axis for the plot – the daughter who exemplifies the love of the country of birth with the hope for the new country and the straddling of both that, once attempted, cannot be undone – we also get short sections of perspective from each of the family members individually, from Perla to Nando, that give profound insight into their different experiences within their realities. These POVs were woven together with such smooth transition and provided SUCH a look at the fault lines of family and home that come with immigration. It also provided a phenomenal building of the story and connections, literarily, throughout…all the way up to the perfectly done ending. What authenticity, what emotion, what a message! 

 

Other things that I loved, included that writing itself. It was a very compelling, short sentences flow, to it that was just right for the story and contributed to the expert crafting and pacing and delivery. Also, a favorite aspect for me here (and really any other book that has this in it) was the integration of Colombian and Muisca folklore stories into the novel, as parallel and enhancement to the present-day story. And the review wouldn’t be complete or honest if I didn’t mention the strength of emotion in the desperate longing for home, while also looking forward to new/more, from all the characters. She is able to communicate the impossibility of the options, the “no right” (and, therefore, “no wrong”), choices that face families, and the unbearable pull from two countries/lives/options with no clear “better.” She addresses this from a breadth of outlooks, within this single family, in such an amazing way.    

 

This slim book covers relationships and people and situations/realities that stretch over time and space in a way that is so beautiful and precise and difficult and impactful and full. I don’t think I could give it enough hype or praise. I think it’s destined to be a favorite this year and I highly, highly, highly recommend it! 

 

“...people who do horrible things can be victims, and how victims can be people who do horrible things.” 

 

“Maybe […] we are creatures of passage, meant to cross oceans just like the first infectors of our continent in order to take back what was taken.” 

 

“Still, they returned, even as the journey became harder, the hazards more vicious, convinced this land offered more than theirs had already taken from them.” 

 

“Tragic, almost, that she never felt more patriotic than when grieving her country’s victims.” 

 

“Only women knew the strength it took to love men through their evolution to who they thought they were supposed to be.” 

 

“With the apparent logic that removing fathers is the most efficient method for undoing a family, the officers targeted men more often than women.” 

 

“What was it about this country that kept everyone hostage to its fantasy? […] A nation at war with itself, yet people still spoke of it as some kind of paradise.” 

 

“The price of being able to work to provide for the rest of the family was their estrangement.” 

 

“We’re all migrants here on earth.” 

 

“I wish I could see it again, but that’s the thing about being paperless. Tis country locks you in until it locks you out.” 

 

“I remember wondering what it must feel like to belong to American whiteness and to know you can do whatever you want because nobody you love is deportable. Your worst crime might get you locked up forever but they’ll never take away your claim to this country.” 

 

“Emigration was a peeling away of the skin. An undoing. You wake each morning and forget where you are, who you are, and when the world outside shows you your reflection, it’s ugly and distorted; you’ve become a scorned, unwanted creature.” 

 

“I pictured being saved by some gravitational reversal, sprouting wings that would carry me from this place until I found myself among other migratory beings, bound for somewhere that feels more like home.” 

 

“Eventually she’d understand that in matters of migration, even accidental, no option Is more moral than anther. There is only the path you make. Any other would be just as wrong or right.” 

 

“But every nation in the Americas had a hidden history of internal violence. If just wore different masks, carried different weapons, and justified itself with different stories.” 

 

“...we all have breaking points, we all have regrets and maybe more instances we don’t regret that society tells us we should. I told her I understand what it was to want to create justice to fix an injustice even if my justice could be considered a crime.” 

 

“A life rendered will always be incomplete.” 

 

“And maybe there is no nation or citizenry; they’re just territories mapped in place of family, in place of love, the infinite country.”