jarshi's Reviews (189)

The scholarship on aromanticism is few and far between. I understand that. However, seeing Wikipedia articles and Wiki pages being cited multiple times in the reference sections of each chapter did negative things to my brain. 

I saw this highlighted in other reviews and discussions about this book, and I have to agree that it could've benefited from waiting to be published. It felt more like the author's own personal introspection about being on the aromantic spectrum rather than a comprehensive text that discusses the identity. And that's fine, but it raises the question as to why this book is called a "guide."

I mean, there were multiple sections where the author outright says they don't know anything about the topic they're discussing and it made me think, "Then why are you writing about it?"

Thanks for the weirdly well-written knitting pattern??? Best believe I’ll be trying it out.

The title of the book is slightly misleading, as it’s more of a discussion of celibacy and the varying levels of sexual intimacy in lesbian relationships, rather than a text that highlights the existence of asexual lesbians and their relationships. I would’ve really appreciated a book about the latter, but I somewhat enjoyed reading lesbian theory from the early 90s when terms like asexual, aromantic, platonic soulmates, and queerplatonic weren’t passed around as frequently as they are now.  

I will say, for a book that ends with a comment about maybe deprioritizing the importance of sex to define “legitimate” lesbian relationships, this book spends a lot of time despairing at being engaged with a person romantically when there is a lack of sexual intimacy. And, even more so, there is a tone of surprise at the notion that two women can be involved and connected with each other so deeply even when there is no romance or sex involved at all. 

Although I can appreciate the desire to find vocabulary (in English) that accurately defines the various complex relationships that lesbians find themselves living in, I think that intersectionality regarding queer identities on the asexual and aromantic spectrum would be beneficial to the thoughts outlined in this book. I also think deeper research into other non-white platonic and familial structures would help, as there are often words and dynamics that exist in other cultures that white folks don’t know anything about.

I didn’t mean for this to write out so formally, but here we are I guess. I hope that made sense.