basically, not feeling it. 

i got bored

i really don't care. the writing isn't anything exciting; in fact, it's kind of boring. the characters: Emery and August don't have distinct personalities and read more like teenagers than in the 30's. i want more atmosphere and more intrigue but instead the writing feels very cliche and YA and dramatic for no reason. 

i can’t do it. look, it’s cool and all, the topic of BDSM and the relationship dynamics and i know people are hot for the wealthy sugar daddy business owner with troubled parents and dominant attitude. it’s fine. it’s Ana and her characterization i have a problem with. i hate reading from her POV. there are specific writing choices the author makes that i can’t read anymore. Ana has this inner subconscious that takes form as an entirely new character. direct quotes, “i flush, and my inner goddess smacks her lips together, glowing with pride” (256). one page later, “i examine the list, and my inner goddess bounces up and down like a small child waiting for ice cream” (257). every single page, it is a mention or an actual thought she is having and i can’t do it anymore. the author really relies on the reader enjoying certain things about the character, specifically the innocent and unknowledgeable and clumsy woman, and i don’t enjoy that. i also don’t like that every other male character is seen as a threat to Christian both through the reader and Christian. the author wants us to hate every man that isn’t Christian, even Ana’s best friend. i don’t like that at all, especially when her best friend sexually assaults her so she runs to Christian in distress. the author repeats phrases for descriptions to appeal to the female readers. Ana has a way of thinking about Christian and this entire situation that makes it seem like she is judging him. she also calls herself a “ho” one too many times. i like the idea of this, but too many writing choices make me resent the reading experience. and i’m giving up on trying to enjoy it because it simply just isn’t good. and that’s that. also, i HATE the girls who can't eat. "there's too much on my plate" "he expects me to eat all of this?" "i'm not hungry" girl just...eat..my GOD. byeeeeee

misogyny, i don't need to hear about a man's sexual thoughts, not into jocks, a love triangle ughhh, the writing feels very... childish. not enough substance and too back and forth with Garrett pleading for a study partner and i don't care. i was cringing at so many parts and i was only at page 50!

i didn't know this was a collection of essays the author had published to a newspaper, but that explains my confusion from the first chapter to the second. the way she spoke about her chickens was endearing but i'm not sure she was illustrating her care and appreciation for them in the way she thought she was. i was hoping for a more personal memoir on the beauty of animals, and i don't think i'm going to get that, and some GR reviews are confirming this.

i want to say i got to around page 200 until i literally couldn't do it. i didn't know what was going on and it was way too long and my thoughts were: Literally, what. 

this was a No from me. 

i can be convinced to try this one again. this was one of my most anticipated reads of the entire year because the premise sounds (chef's kiss) delightful (yeah, those were puns.) people who devour books as fuel, and then one kid who needs human brain to survive instead?? so good! this was available on kindle unlimited so i picked it up and the formatting was ALL WRONG. and the audiobook didn't help my experience so i gave up on it, but with enough positive reviews i think i could try it again with better formatting and a greater outlook. from what i read, i enjoyed it but i wasn't gravitated, you know? it isn't as dark as i was hoping and it was centering more on a mother-son relationship which doesn't interest me at all. 

i was promised a novel about three college friends whom study dead poets and ruminate on death and life and instead i'm met with one girl in particular, who isn't very interesting, dealing with grief and a weird boy who is obsessed with "figuring her out" and the writing is bland and i wanted more "dead poets society" and instead i just got.. unflavored oatmeal oops