This is probably a little less than 3 stars but eh.

I cared a lot more for the side characters than the main ones, to be honest; if I could read about Brimstone and the Chimaera for the entire time that would be awesome! The insta-love in this book, even when explained later on, is just so...annoying. And all consuming. I feel like there was barely any plot in this book, and the entirety of what happened could be summed up in a couple sentences. That being said, I am intrigued to read the next book, given the ending.

I often thought I was going crazy–or maybe not going but already there. And if my future was only a locked room and white painted walls and white painted floors, with no windows or doors or any means to escape. A place where I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out.

I love magical realism and this book truly excelled at the way it incorporated it into the setting and plot. The writing was beautiful and whimsical. I was rooting for the characters and it was easy to become enraptured by their stories completely. The shock I felt during the final act was what bumped this book to 4 stars for me. I loved that there were very real struggles that plagued Emilienne, Viviane, and Ava, and that fact made their stories so much more raw and moving. After all their pain, they each found peace and happiness in the end which was rewarding to read! Loved it.

“When the tension receded there was a calm, the calm that is called the calm before the storm, but is in reality the foundation of human life, waiting there for us between the steps of our march to mortality, when we are compelled to pause and not act but be.”

I like the premise of the book and I personally thought the touch of magic realism was interesting. As the daughter of immigrants from the Middle East, fleeing a revolution similar to the one Saeed and Nadia witness in their city, this was a necessary read. Admittedly, the writing was meh at times and reading paragraph-long sentences with or without proper punctuation was tiresome. I think the best part about this book is that it’s so relevant to our modern day, and the last third of the novel really develops that. The ending was refreshingly realistic and overall, migration is becoming increasingly more important to read about given current circumstances.

What. The. Fuck.

Everyone is fucked up. Everyone is lying. You don't know what you think you know.

This book. This book.

Hope, love, and faith are all in waiting. Power is not the truth of life; the love of power is the love of death.

It's been a while since I have loved a main character as much as I do Billy; reading from the perspective of an actual intelligent person is so refreshing. I never really screamed at him for his actions because they were always logical (in his POV), and when I did disagree, he turned out to be a couple steps ahead of me! I didn't realize until the end how much I grew to care for his happiness and future.

Spoiler

I was kinda disappointed in the reveal of the killer. Not the actual identity (though I was at first) but how he died. He was built up to be such a calculating, make-no-errors type of guy and then he just gets knocked out and has a round unloaded into his chest? Yes, his own arrogance and insanity blindsided him but still...Overall still a very compelling villain and unsettled me greatly.

The psychological aspect of this book is what really got me above all else.

Spoiler

Watching Billy's dissent from a guy who refuses to act so his moral conscious is clear, to becoming something full of potential for evil and brutally interrogating a seemingly innocent person was so raw and believable that it terrified me.

The fact that I was subconsciously making choices of who should die struck me; who am I to play God and decide who's life is worth more?

All in all, a very solid read and a good introduction to the thriller/mystery genre for everyone. Nothing too wild but will definitely get your adrenaline flowing and have you paranoid, constantly checking to see that you've locked your doors.

"So much has passed, so much sweat and blood has been shed, weight has been made and this night has been over. O the Almighty, grant me the opportunity to complete what I have begun."

Disclaimer: my being a big fan of Khabib perhaps makes me biased regarding the contents of this book, but I believe all can enjoy this tale of a boy who grew up in the mountains and overcame a great many foes in his pursuit of reaching the summit.

”Only now I understand how much having a dream means in human life. Maybe it was precisely those Saturday family evenings in Kirovaul watching fighting shows and tournaments that laid the foundation for my aspiration to world sporting heights.”

To begin attempting to understand Khabib Nurmagomedov is to understand the region from which he hails from, along with the harsh way of life characteristic of the Caucasus. A history of fighting, a land of warriors, Dagestan literally breeds world champions in various forms of martial arts. The athletic abilities of its habitants, though otherworldly in its own right, does not compare in importance to the strength of will and psychological endurance of all who call this nation home. I really enjoyed Khabib's descriptions of his childhood wherein we get to see that he was quite the troublemaker like any other growing boy his age, resorting to skirmishes frequently due to his lack of understanding of Russian at the time. The simplicity of desiring not much in such an environment has carried over into his adult life, I would say, as Khabib has stated that no matter how much money someone has, they still only eat one bread a day. Known for the headgear he darns, the papakha, he carries centuries worth of a warrior's spirit within him, and I truly believe that because of this fact, there is nothing one can do in the cage that can break Khabib's sheer force of will, no matter if he physically loses a fight in some future.

”Nothing that we gripe at can be avoided, and that which should be avoided will not be met in life's path.”

Dagestan is also a very devout region, Islam being the religion of practice amongst its people, Khabib being no exception. As someone whose family is Muslim, though I myself do not practice in full form, and whose ancestry traces back to the Caucasus Mountains as well, I find this aspect most personal to myself. Not one to ever curve his beliefs to suit the Western world, Khabib has never swayed from expressing his love and thankfulness for God, and its something about him that I admire greatly. Even in the face of thousands of booing fans, he never fails to praise God, becoming only more vocal and steadfast in his words and actions. He is a man who is secure in his path as guided by the compass predestined by God, and such a fortitude of mental strength born from this faith has shaped Khabib significantly both in and out of the Octagon. His impact as well should be considered since, through his humility and general good nature, he has become a role model the Muslim community and the rest of the world beholds with pride.

”But the main thing was the joy on Father's face. Looking at him, I wanted to fight again, so that his sincere smile and pride in his son's success would never leave him.”

While reading this autobiography, it is undeniable that the love Khabib has for his friends and family is another pillar of the man separate from the fighter. MMA fans all know of his frequent usage of the word 'brother', an epithet that I cannot help but smile at every time I hear him say it. He truly sees those who have supported him in times of despair and victory alike as his brothers-in-arm, beyond the technicalities of shared blood. The loyalty this group of brothers has for one another is really amazing to witness, going as far as to blindly go to war without having all the facts of the situation save for knowing a brother is compromised and needs help. I am rooting for the further success of Islam Makhachev, Abubakar Nurmagomedov, and Umar Nurmagomedov!

Another aspect of family that one must address when discussing Khabib is his father, Abdulmanap Nurmagomedov, or as he is commonly and endearingly referred to as in this book, 'Father-coach.' With his own achievements in the fighting world, Abdulmanap paved the way for combat sambo in the region, instilling core values of not only the sport but also of life in his pupils, especially Khabib. Through the classic parenting style of the East, there was much control over his son in attempt to move him onto the right path away from the dangers lurking in one's adolescent years. The relationship between these two is so pure in its love, and even now I struggle to put into words what this father has done for the success and growth of his son. It is clear for all to see in interviews and videos how much love there was, father and son. The passing of Abdulmanap was felt by the MMA world, but, of course, by Khabib the most, retiring after his recent fight against Gaethje in which he broke down into tears, a heart-wrenching exhale, a release of pent up emotions. I truly wish nothing more for Khabib and his family to find peace.

”The flight to the summit was only the beginning of a path - a new path. I had to hold onto the belt. I was ready to fight with anyone so that Father and my newborn son would long see the inscription on the UFC champion's belt displayed on or living room bureau.”

So, yes, all this to say that this autobiography has been a fantastic read for me as a fan but also as a person. There is a great deal of knowledge imparted by Khabib in this book, and his constant address of the reader made it connect very much with me in this regard. I hope that I can instill within me some of these lessons arching across the life and career of Khabib Nurmagomedov, the undisputed and undefeated UFC Lightweight Champion.

”Your present day is the result and continuation of yesterday's day, my friend.”

”You’ll be silent forever, and I’ll be gone in the dark,” you threatened a victim once.
Open the door. Show us your face.
Walk into the light.

3.5.

I loved McNamara’s writing, especially her closing letter to an old man. She truly humanized a case that others might have told solely from an analytical, tactical perspective that would risk losing sense of the victims, bereaved, and manic investigators along the way. The minute details she included in setting a scene gave intimate insight to the reader that some might find unsettling and invasive. But I found it all the more necessary, for those mundane bits of information portrayed the victims as not just another Jane Doe or number in this monster’s string of crimes, but as a whole, utterly real person. This type of connection to the text is what I loved most.

That leads into why I did not particularly like the timeline of the book. We jump around a lot rather than moving chronologically, and I found this approach made me forget some of the victims mentioned earlier in the novel when we plunge head first into a case. And I did not want to have their names and specifies of their cases merge as his methodical spree continued. It has caused me to do a lot of my own research, not so much as on the man behind the ski mask, but on the victims’ stories.

I also find that I really was invested in McNamara herself, as well as the manic behavior of those pursuing this shrouded madman for decades on end. The level of obsession required to dedicate your life to the very end to a task you feel so called to see through, regardless of ruined marriages, missed birthdays, unattended sporting events, what have you, resonated with me in some way. There lies a Sherlock within all of us if the right amount of clues are present.

Overall, I cared more about the vast array of people from all walks of life whose lives were uprooted by this one man than reading about the man himself. Yes, those parts were eerie and intriguing all the same, pondering the headspace and thought process of one of the most prolific offenders in US history, but the exploration of everyone else tied to the case is the strongest part of the book, in my opinion.

As McNamara reiterates most, knowing his name is what is most important. When you know his name, he loses power in anonymity. Joseph DeAngelo. Found through the advancement of genealogy. May he rot.