charlottesometimes's Reviews (3.33k)

Slay Bells

Jo Gibson

1.75

slow-paced

Plot or Character Driven: A mix

Strong character development: No

Loveable characters: No

Diverse cast of characters: No

Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes

The festive story of a group of terrifyingly unlikeable and shallow Stepford teens who get locked in a mall together in the company of a murderer with a Santa fetish who coincidentally happens to have an incredibly petty and pretty tenuous personal grudge against each of them individually. They take a long while to notice this, as they are busy being dull beyond measure and grinning at each other incessantly. The majority of the time is spent watching them explain the basic facts of the situation to each other over and over again, and immediately pair up into horrible smug heterosexual couples. The romantic scenes, of which there are far too many, are the worst part of the book; the boys are pushy, entitled bullies, and the girls swoon over them and stab each other in the back whilst entirely subsuming their own personalities (such as they are) to the requirements of their chosen mate. Our main protagonist actually wastes our time on an extended fantasy about the twin boys she plans to have with the guy who she has fancied for about 2 hours, since he kissed her forehead and told her that she should go out with him. And that’s before we have to suffer an extended “hilarious” Hershey’s kiss/real kiss misunderstanding :-(

Meanwhile some deaths happen when a pre-selected character for some reason separates themselves from the crowd and is instantly slaughtered. These deaths are swiftly brushed under the carpet; at one point the group is casually joking about the number of people involved in the mall lock-in, and forgets to count the girl who was crushed to death about an hour previously. Easy come, easy go. Out of sight (in the meat locker), out of mind. Pretty cold. Especially for the girl in the freezer.

Anyway, once all the other suspects are dead they finally identify the killer. Then there’s a shootout or something, and everything wraps itself up neatly.

Also there is some totally unnecessary racism as a bonding joke among the friends. Which really did not help endear me to the characters.