btwnprintedpgs's Reviews (1.3k)

TWs: Microaggression, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of war and death, mentions of PTSD and depression, already divorced parents

I'm going to start with the end and work my way back cause what the heck LOL

One should never turn the last page of a book, see the "Acknowledgements" heading, and exclaim "WHAT??" aloud. But there I was, 2AM, rereading the few pages the epilogue had to see if I had missed something. Nope. I was equally as confused the second time around.

All in all, I wasn't that happy with the book already - the MCs don't even acknowledge their feelings until 90% in, and don't kiss until 93% - I get slow burn but that's a bit much?? And I also wanted there to be more tension since I was left waiting for so long. This book is 500 pages. And the most we get is Aaron stonewalling her out of jealousy. I mean, he's sweet generally, but like, I wanted more something. Just more (but also maybe fewer pages???).

Also, I get that Ruby is relatively sheltered, but she acts more like a YA character than a 24 year old woman who's basically owned her own business for most of her life and almost died?? I'm just saying, those sorts of things change you. In her case, it made her more cautious, but she's also like an anxious mess (she doesn't have anxiety, at least not diagnosed) and would cry at the smallest things, which just seemed excessive after a while. And when she wasn't crying, she and Aaron were snickering at each other constantly (apparently general laughing was too much, and giggling was something to be done with self-deprecating horror).

Then there were the emails/IMs. The first half (and I mean half) of the book consists of these and at first I thought it was unique and a nice way to get to know the characters outside of normal interactions. But, as someone else put it, this was a way for Mariana Zapata to just play diversity bingo. Half-Filipina lead, check. Autistic side character barely mentioned again, with absolutely no screen time herself, check. People with PTSD and depression from the war, check (but not Aaron, he's a-okay). Divorced parents, check. Gay older brother and sister, check. As a whole, not helpful to the plot. It was novel at first, but became very meandering and slow. They slowly became info dumps with a few inside jokes here and there (that made it lighter and more bantery), but as a whole, I felt like it could've been shorter. I don't know. Epistolery is always hard because there needs to be more for readers to engage with as most of the other senses are tossed out the window in terms of characters and world building.

Back to the side characters and diversity - as a whole, all the secondary characters have the depth of plain white bread. I couldn't tell you a single fact about Max or Des and they're Aaron's best friends. And they're the ones with screen time. Ruby spends nearly the whole second half of the book with them in a beach house and nothing. Outside of the emails, we never get to meet and see Ruby interact with the majority of her family, even though they all seemed to have big personalities (and even when we do, it's for a very short period and it's mostly Ruby complaining and the others giving her vague advice before disappearing again). 

Additionally, Ruby is half-Filipina. This serves no purpose to the overall story. It only matters in a scene where Ruby is telling the others of the most disgusting things she's ever seen people eat/eaten herself, and the top two were Filipino dishes, with another character commenting on another as being gross (pork knuckles, which by Chinese standards (my standards) is like very normal and fine???). And like, okay I get regaling dishes that are nasty, I've done the same for Chinese dishes cause we have some weird stuff, but in a book, written by a White author, where the MC's Filipina background is only utilized for this purpose seems utterly insulting?? Idk. Didn't care for it. AND THEN. A CHARACTER COMMENTS, “You can’t really tell you’re Filipino, except for the shape of your eyes.” She blinked. “That sounds really racist. I’m sorry. Mindy’s been rubbing off on me this week.” AND THIS IS A COMMENT MADE BY A POC TO ANOTHER POC. LIKE. WHAT. That doesn't sound racist, it is?? Hello microaggression?? After reading a whole book around this whole subject, my tolerance for it has hit an all time low.

Verdict is - half a star. One star cause GoodReads won't let me half star. I'm legit still fuming about that ending. I feel like I wasted two days of my life and precious sleep for this book and it wasn't worth the trade off.

10/5 stars?? Is that an option, because this is probably the best book I've ever read because everything felt like life turned into words, like a world that was built and characters who were real all coming together to break my heart. And I don't know what to do with that right now so I'm going to review this later (edit: review now below)cause none of this is making sense, but if you didn't have this on your TBR I would recommend you add it now. Or pre-order the book. Or just scream with me cause this book hit every note, every element, I've always wanted and feared and I'm now lost.

Holy heck. This was phenomenal.

TWs: racism, bullying, racially motivated hate crime, discrimination
Rep: Second generation Chinese Americans, sisters

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Reading the synopsis of this book, one might think that it'd be very race focused. And it is, in part. Sisters Annalie and Margaret deal with the hate crime in polar opposite ways - Margaret is ready to fight and Annalie is ready to forget and move on. The subject of race and the harm the model minority concept has is so prominent in this book without being in your face about. It's subtle, but also hits you so hard as you read and learn and digest the story and learn with the characters as they navigate this town full of memories and now hurt. But while a hate crime occurs, and the MC's are forced to confront their differences and people's opinions about race and racism, the hate crime isn't truly the focus of this story. 

Told from alternating POVs between the sisters, Xixi Tian does a phenomenal job of world building through her characters' experiences. Every place they go within town has a memory attached to it, and holds some part of their history - the park isn't just some old, condemned thing, but a place Margaret and Rajiv used to go and eat ice cream and chat as they fell in love with each other; the bakery isn't just a local stop, but Annalie's favourite, which she frequents with her best friend Violet, has pastries to die for, and a grumpy owner who she thinks favours them because of their obsession with his food. Those additions provided so much history for the characters and shows how embedded the town is/was in their lives.

Beyond that, this book is about growing up and growing into yourself. And more than that, it's about life. While the hate crime affects them, it's a footnote in their full, well-developed, beautiful, and broken lives.  Their differences (they're half-Chinese and half-Caucasian, with Margaret having more traditionally Chinese features and Annalie more Caucasian), also impact how they view, digest, and deal with the crime - as well as how other people around them respond to the hate crime. It definitely added another layer to their own disjointed relationship and their experiences presently and in the past as they grew up. In the end, the crime doesn't define them, it simply happened to them, and now they're trying to deal with the impact and the fallout as they move forward with their lives.

Finally, this is a story about family. Let me tell y'all - this book not only made me feel seen as a Chinese Canadian (in my case, though this takes place in America) - but it made me feel seen as the older sister in a Chinese family, as a Chinese person who grew up in a mostly Caucasian neighbourhood, as a Chinese person who does not get along with their family well because of our need to not make waves. Like holy heck, this book was so real, so moving, and so perfectly flawed, I was absolutely shocked and thrilled and so fricking seen. Annalie and Margaret's relationship grows throughout the book, as does Margaret's relationship with their mother, and their family unit as a whole. I loved seeing those moments as they battled through years of tradition, of keeping quiet, and of favouritism and expectations. Y'all, I just loved this whole book so much I want to cry.

Definitely recommend this, a thousand times over I recommend this. Such a poignant and impactful read that's so so so relevant to our world today.

Five stars, a million stars, I'm obsessed and in love and I want to scream at the top of my lungs at how much everyone needs to read this book. Simply put, phenomenal.

eARC gifted via Edelweiss by Balzer and Bray via HarperCollins Canada in exchange for an honest review.