I killed Shane Mayfield because I had to.
That wasn’t the mistake, no matter what anyone says. It was him or me, and after what he did to me, he deserved to die.
My mistake was saying it out loud.

I honestly could not put this book down. What an amazing central friendship!! What a thrilling story about trying to find justice!! Sure the trial itself seemed a bit...fast, but the build up to it and the judgement of everyone around Seelie was definitely believable.

Please please please read this book when it comes out.

this book could’ve been a 3.5, maybe even 4 star book if it wasn’t such a fatphobic, transphobic mess.

the word fat or some variation of it (i.e. fatso) is used 142 times. in a 210 page book. so essentially one mention on almost every page. the readers are left with the impression that max, the 15 year old protagonist of the book, is bullied because of his weight. sure, that’s some of it, but his own self-loathing surrounding his weight has unknowingly for him made him a target, and he’s just ended up accepting it.

after another incident where he ends up in the hospital, his parents (but mostly his stepmum-to-be donna) sign him up for private muay thai sessions to gain confidence and face his bullies. if he loses some weight too then great but it’s more about facing the bullies. not that max initially seems to understand this, and his apathy towards how he perceives himself definitely makes this book hard to read.

once he joins the gym however, the story really starts. there he meets cian, who far away looks like a boy, but no they’re a girl because they look like one, but no they’re a boy. max just can’t wrap his head around cian being trans to begin with which is just....not what i want to read. then there’s some really strange language/dialogue where cian is all ‘i have the plumbing of a girl/if you got me naked i’d look like a girl’ which again is....insensitive to say the least. i just would have expected his identity to have been handled a little differently, especially by a trans author.

it starts being a little less offensive about half way through in regards to max being a lil less fatphobic/transphobic, but don’t worry because there are other characters who’ll be able to deliver on everything that max isn’t anymore.

i think a book can still include elements of bullying and its effects without using language that is frankly quite gross. yes, the book ends in a good place, but i don’t particularly want to read about how a trans guy is going to be raped so they’ll be a girl again y’know?

”I’d never bothered to set her straight that the only baby girl I’d given much serious thought to tracking down was Kizza.”

okay so sugar claims basically the whole book that she wants kim back and yet she doesn’t do anything about it until basically the end, and even then it’s a complete and utter coincidence that she even bumps into kim at all. literally this book is just a bunch of words written and made into a ‘story’ and i just don’t care.

add that to the overwhelming amounts of racism and homophobia and i just don’t understand why it was even written.
i guess at least sugar and kim ended up together even if they only spent about two pages actually around each other.

just an all round disappointing read.