Courageously written. Deeply affecting. I've been sitting on this review for several days, feeling like I needed some perspective before commenting on the radical vulnerability I had just witnessed. This is contemporary romance that is crowded with so much heart and relevance and pain and healing that you could be forgiven for thinking there'd be no room for delightful, quirky humor or steamy sexiness or a satisfying HEA. You'd be wrong. The quirky humor isn't comic relief and the sizzling sex scenes aren't gratuitous and the HEA isn't a simple fairytale ending. But they're there — discordant themes blended together beautifully.

(If I were musically inclined, like our main character, Anna, I'd make some observation about composition and harmony and symphonic music. But I'm not musically inclined.)

There's a lot going on here, so buckle up! Anna is a concert violinist who is struck with incapacitating performance anxiety after sudden viral success. She has an important composition written just for her and she can't get through it, even in her private practice time. She tries, falters, feels unworthy, goes back to the beginning to try again. Her normal, everyday life performance is also a struggle. Because, yes, she's been performing her life for as long as she can remember. It's the only way to please her family. But it's just become so exhausting. Her therapist suspects that Anna may be autistic and may be masking — a coping mechanism adopted to smooth social interaction. She suggests Anna try to find a safe space where she can practice being herself, not masking and not people pleasing.

(If I were musically inclined, I'd make some observation about the brilliant metaphor of a people-pleasing musician in a crisis of self struggling to perform a piece written just for her.)

When her long-time boyfriend declares he wants an open relationship before settling down with her, Anna is devastated and angry. She accepts it, however, and takes the opportunity to explore some no-strings-attached dating that might serve a dual purpose: revenge against her boyfriend (who laughs at the thought of her hooking up with anyone else) and empowerment for her as she uses the no-pressure situation of dating people she doesn't know and doesn't have to see again to practice being herself instead of performing for everyone else. She downloads a dating app and gets to it. Her first attempted hook up is with Quan — handsome, fit, tattooed, motorcycle-riding, and not her type. Perfect. Quan is also looking for something low-pressure and no-strings-attached to ease him back into dating. He's physically recovered from a surgery that saved his life from cancer, but he's struggling emotionally to feel well and whole and he's dealing with lingering insecurities in his personal life and career. When their first date fails, they try again. When their second fails, they try again. When their third fails, they try again. Is this really no-strings-attached or is it maybe the kind of strings that attach and support instead of bind and manipulate? The kind of strings that can be tuned together? Things get even more complicated when a medical tragedy strikes Anna's family and she slips back into the mold they've made for her, taking on a difficult caregiver role that strains more than just her budding relationship with Quan.

This is very much Anna's story, but there's also a lot explored on Quan's side (who is pretty much #goals as far as book boyfriends go). See the "Topics, tropes, and themes" below if you want a preview. Also, the medical tragedy/caregiver scenes are very realistically portrayed. Strong trigger warnings for that as well as for depression/burnout and family emotional abuse/gaslighting. See "Content notes" below for more specifics.

As far as the writing goes — the beginning was a little rocky for me because of the mid-series switch to first person, which I often don't enjoy reading, but it took almost no time for me to adjust. First person makes sense for such a personal story. The ending felt a little less tidy than a typical romance and might have benefitted from a little more time spent on it, but I thought it matched the tone of the story and stayed true to the characters while also delivering a satisfying HEA. I was *wrung* by the end, but so, so appreciative of the author's vulnerability and sensitivity and humor.

Topics, tropes and themes: adult diagnosis of autism, anxiety, depression, performance anxiety, burnout, viral success, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, people pleasing, health and mental health, masculinity, partnership, family, caregiving, hospice care, acceptance, healthy supportive love, setting boundaries, masking, self love and acceptance, vulnerability, Asian American communities, first generation immigrant experience, Vietnamese American, Chinese American; bad boy trope, one night stand, rebound sex, female orgasm; octopuses
Content notes: cancer, orchiectomy, infertility, stroke, terminal illness, caregiving and caregiver burnout, detailed hospice/medical care, nonconsensual medical intervention, depression, death of a parent, racial and socioeconomic bigotry, family rejection and estrangement, obsessive behaviors, imposter syndrome, emotional abuse, gaslighting

My thanks to #NetGalley and Berkley for a digital ARC!