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_askthebookbug 's review for:
If I Had to Tell It Again: A Memoir
by Gayathri Prabhu
~ r e v i e w ~
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"Two children, born of the same parents and living in the same house, enduring nearly the same punishments - one suffers from not remembering and the other from remembering too much. Such are the workings of trauma. Between us are seen and unseen battle lines." - Gayathri Prabhu.
"Before the alcoholism, we did not have the language to tell our truth.
Afterwards, the alcoholism did not carry our words to him". - Gayathri Prabhu.
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Memoirs are always difficult affairs, both to write and to read because they carry varying levels of intimacy. Of all the memoirs I've read so far, this particular book has been the most difficult one of all. I was in awe with Gayathri's courage, her ability to tell the world about her father's shortcomings, unflinchingly. We often have the habit of sugarcoating our words to blunt the impact of its blow but Gayathri delivers her story in its crudest form. To live with a father who was mentally never present, shaped her life in many ways, both good and bad. This book also portrays mental illness without the rose-tinted glasses. If I Had To Tell It Again is an important read about lost parents and forgotten childhoods.
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S.G.M, as she calls her father, was a flamboyant man in his youthful years who had a penchant for narrating stories extravagantly, often modifying it with every narration. He buries his dreams of becoming a doctor and decides to become a bank manager instead. Although Gayathri recalls wonderful times with her father when she was a child, her happy memories take a backseat as she grows up. She witnesses her father's downward spiral as he seeks solace in glasses of rum and belt buckles to discipline the girls. With depression on one shoulder and alcoholism on the other, S.G.M risks the lives of his daughters more than once without any remorse. The idea of being a failure haunted him throughout his life and so he shifted his bag of expectations onto Gayathri's shoulders, pushing her to the breaking point. While she was his favourite, he left no stone unturned in telling his younger daughter that she was unwanted.
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S.G.M's life was nothing short of a disaster, his shadow chasing the lives of his daughters for years to come. Gayathri recalls every wrong and irresponsible action of her father, be it the physical blows that rained on her or being sent outside late in the night to run errands while she was still a child. Her traumatic childhood eventually led her to depression. While most part of the book was about S.G.M's fickle character, his unpredictability and shortcomings, she also mentions the rare glimpses of her father being kind and himself. Last few pages of the book were extremely difficult to read for it revolved around Chinna, their aging labrador. This memoir is not just mere words but portrays the failings of few parents as they fight their own battles. What stayed with me was Gayathri's mesmerizing way of writing. It glides over one's body like warm butter, at times singeing the skin but mostly urging us to lean back and soak it in. If there's one book you are planning to read this year, let it be this.
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Rating : 5/5
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"Two children, born of the same parents and living in the same house, enduring nearly the same punishments - one suffers from not remembering and the other from remembering too much. Such are the workings of trauma. Between us are seen and unseen battle lines." - Gayathri Prabhu.
"Before the alcoholism, we did not have the language to tell our truth.
Afterwards, the alcoholism did not carry our words to him". - Gayathri Prabhu.
•
Memoirs are always difficult affairs, both to write and to read because they carry varying levels of intimacy. Of all the memoirs I've read so far, this particular book has been the most difficult one of all. I was in awe with Gayathri's courage, her ability to tell the world about her father's shortcomings, unflinchingly. We often have the habit of sugarcoating our words to blunt the impact of its blow but Gayathri delivers her story in its crudest form. To live with a father who was mentally never present, shaped her life in many ways, both good and bad. This book also portrays mental illness without the rose-tinted glasses. If I Had To Tell It Again is an important read about lost parents and forgotten childhoods.
•
S.G.M, as she calls her father, was a flamboyant man in his youthful years who had a penchant for narrating stories extravagantly, often modifying it with every narration. He buries his dreams of becoming a doctor and decides to become a bank manager instead. Although Gayathri recalls wonderful times with her father when she was a child, her happy memories take a backseat as she grows up. She witnesses her father's downward spiral as he seeks solace in glasses of rum and belt buckles to discipline the girls. With depression on one shoulder and alcoholism on the other, S.G.M risks the lives of his daughters more than once without any remorse. The idea of being a failure haunted him throughout his life and so he shifted his bag of expectations onto Gayathri's shoulders, pushing her to the breaking point. While she was his favourite, he left no stone unturned in telling his younger daughter that she was unwanted.
•
S.G.M's life was nothing short of a disaster, his shadow chasing the lives of his daughters for years to come. Gayathri recalls every wrong and irresponsible action of her father, be it the physical blows that rained on her or being sent outside late in the night to run errands while she was still a child. Her traumatic childhood eventually led her to depression. While most part of the book was about S.G.M's fickle character, his unpredictability and shortcomings, she also mentions the rare glimpses of her father being kind and himself. Last few pages of the book were extremely difficult to read for it revolved around Chinna, their aging labrador. This memoir is not just mere words but portrays the failings of few parents as they fight their own battles. What stayed with me was Gayathri's mesmerizing way of writing. It glides over one's body like warm butter, at times singeing the skin but mostly urging us to lean back and soak it in. If there's one book you are planning to read this year, let it be this.
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Rating : 5/5