this broke tore me in half at the end holy hell lol
(triggers at the end)

before getting into the meat of this review, i wanna explain a person touch to this book that was complete chance (maybe universe seeing what i needed and bringing it to fruition). i was reading the last 30 or so pages of this book, where everything comes to a head and we learn what happened, it was incredibly heartbreaking, but i was listening to my music on shuffle while doing this and somehow, someway, inner child by bts started playing. now- if you haven't read the book you may not understand, but either way, this song coming on in the exact moment something came to light, it hit me light a freight train. i was down for the COUNT! now i simply associate the song and the message with this book.

another thing i would like to mention, is that comparing an author's work from two completely different points, not within a series or anything, is not smart. you can have expectations going into a book due to you having read the author's other book, but thinking you should equate the two or bring one down bc it didn't have an aspect from the other book is an issue. do not do it, for the love of all that is wonderful, please. simply because this doesn't have rep in it that cemetery boys had in it does not mean you suddenly get to discredit aiden thomas or what he's written here. that is disgusting, do you get that? like you can just go read his other book for that, or wait for the next one, but that doesn't give anyone the right to trash on a book an author worked on bc it isn't "#ownvoices" in your eyes. blegh

to actually speak on the book finally, i felt this was a rollercoaster and a half, especially when the plot kicked up in the later quarter. though, i think the pacing could've done with more revelations sweeping through the middle portion, i found this to not bother me all too much! i liked the characters, wendy and peter having goals and unique points within them that made them who they are, and their relationship was nice. i would've liked it to be more on the platonic side to end with, but i think how it did end up was fitting.

the plot was intriguing, it kept my interest, and i was spooked at times like :0 how did that just happen. and when we learned the answer to something we've been questioning this whole time through wendy broke me in half :( speaking on that, the depiction of grief and the different ways it can affect a person was wonderfully shown through wendy and her mother and father. they each deal with the disappearances of her brothers differently, and it manifests to differing degrees at individual points in the book. you can see the growth from where they all begin and where they end up towards the conclusion of the book, it was amazing.

lastly, i want to point out the depiction of mental health and mental illness within this book. we have grief at the forefront of course, with the darling family and everything they've been through, but we also see alcohol issues and substance use from the perspective of mr. darling and how he copes, but we must focus on wendy here. she throughout the entirety of the book, depicts a few characteristics that one can attribute to anxiety and differing anxiety disorders. it actually is never labelled within the book what she has, but we know it's an anxiety disorder and she has compulsions surrounding a singular intrusive theme: cleanliness, in particular dirt and grime on her body. this is subject to interpretation, but i see it as a culmination of the trauma wendy deals with when she was younger after her brothers disappearances, and her return to home without them. the dirt and other grime under her nails and seemingly stuck on her hands led to the compulsion later on on showering and washing her hands to the brink of tearing skin. one can argue she probably has OCD, and i as well would think this as well (i'm not a psychologist or anything, i just have my ps education in social work and am diagnosed with OCD myself), but the fact she has this and works to live with it is the positive emphasis on mental illness and coping that i love to see in books.

anyways, i really liked this book and it has solidified aiden thomas as a fave author for me

trigger warnings for
loss of a loved one, grief, trauma, depictions of anxiety attacks, acting on compulsions, night terrors, kidnapping, mild body gore, death of a child/children