I went into this book knowing it'd be good. But, since it's largely marketed towards people who have only recently realised they're autistic, I didn't think it would be a game changer for me. I was so very, very wrong. 
 
This book helped me realise, (and bear with me coz this a mouthful), that what I thought was me unmasking over the past few years, was actually just me creating new masks based on how I thought unmasked autistics were “meant” to act/want/feel…(which honestly made me feel ripped off as fuck!)

I came to this understanding through the Values-Based Integration Process (VBIP) activities woven throughout the book. These activities were immaculately integrated into the text. Usually, in books that have “homework”, I’ll think to myself, “yeah, this sounds like a cool/useful thing to do”. I might even take a picture of it or write it in my phone notes. And then I will never think about it. Ever again.
 
Unmasking Autism was different for 2 reasons. First, Price spreads the VBIP tasks out through the text, and he holds you accountable to them. These are things you kind of *have* to do to be able to continue through the book. 
 
And second, Price does the activities himself right alongside you, and discusses its responses. He gives you a reference point and practical examples.
 
I remember initially feeling frustrated by the first task. I thought I was doing it wrong, because I didn’t think my responses were consistent with what was expected, appropriate or acceptable. But Price discussing his own approach to the task immediately changed that, by providing a frame of reference. It made the task accessible and achievable, instead of just instructing me to do some…abstract thing, and leaving me to figure out the rest.

Through this careful, considered balance between theory and practice, I realised that I’d been stifling all the ways I express my core values. Or, at least, the ways of expressing them that I found the most joy in. And immediately, so much tension, so much intrapersonal conflict and confusion, made sense. 

 

Because while I knew I was autistic, I had not reconciled this with the fact that I’d spent my whole life being taught to make myself as small as possible. Taught that I shouldn’t be loud or visible, and to feel deep shame if I ever was. Taught to tiptoe through life, careful not to offend anyone with my indigeneity, queerness, fatness, poorness, disabledness, etc. 

 

So, when I finally accepted that I was autistic, I relegated myself to a persona that was palatable in its invisibility: quiet, reserved, isolated, anti-social, avoidant. There’s nothing wrong with any of these qualities. They’re just, most of the time, not me. 

 

I still have a long way to go in navigating my love for being unapologetically loud and visible in a world largely insistent on my silence. (Or that, at best, only permits my visibility on its terms.) But this book helped me start a process of realigning myself with what I truly care about and want to do and be. And it helped me give myself permission to not just do or be those things in private.

(Review originally posted on Instagram)