Advertised as a YA contemporary coming-of-age and coming out story, but that’s not what I got from the book at all. 

Nandan is a junior in high school who hooks up with Dave on a whim one night. Eventually, they start dating. The entire time, Nandan struggles to maintain attraction for Dave and eventually is repulsed by him. He’s constantly questioning himself and his sexuality, while also thinking how great this queer situation is for him and his popularity at school. He believes he’ll get the attention of his ex-hook up, Avani, and she’ll want to be his friend, which is his goal. Nandan comes out to the school and him and Dave are official. Avani starts inviting him to things, until he breaks up with Dave, claiming to have “restraightened” since he’s repulsed by Dave during sex. That leads to Avani dropping Nandan. But then Dave and Nandan have a moment are are back together in the end? 

That’s it. That’s the book. 

I can tell you, this book was such a huge ass disappointment. I was really excited for South Asian and East Asian representation in a queer setting, too. And look, the South and East Asian rep is solid, I mean it’s just kind of there, but it’s decent. The cover is beautiful. But mostly this was a mediocre and problematic example of questioning rep. And here’s the thing, I’ve been in that questioning phase. Even when I final found a label that fit me, I still questioned myself when I found myself in sexual or intimate situations with partners. But Nandan does it to be manipulative. 

In addition to Nandan being manipulative and unlikable in every way, his friends were misogynistic assholes who made it their mission to belittle and bully everyone. And what even are these female characters? They’re all shallow, selfish, or huge gossipers. They didn’t serve any purpose other than to validate or belittle Nandan. 

The writing style was also so poor. Nothing made sense and there was no purpose to what was happening. It felt like I was missing so much information. Half of the time I couldn’t tell you who was talking or what they were talking about. It went on and on with no rhyme or reason. I honestly felt like hitting my head against the wall. It was hard to even fully dislike Nandan or anyone else because I couldn’t find a single f**k to give.  

Usually, I champion behind YA books and the reckless decisions and selfishness of the teenage characters, but this was just a genuinely horrible character. No personality, and I get wanting to fit in, but Jesus. And in the end, even Dave was pulling strings to manipulate Nandan into dating him and then admitting his feelings. 

It took a week to finish this book, simply because it was boring and didn’t make a lick of sense. I read it in 3 and a half hours, it was just really unbearable to read it at all at once. 

Just skip this book. I’d say it would be good for those who are questioning, but this ain’t the one. With it’s “I’m gay” and then “I’m straight again” or “restraightened” and Nandan’s lack of awareness, it just causes too many problems. He flat out refuses to actually explore what he is, but will constantly question his sexuality, while manipulating Dave (and really all of his friends), and also trying to get attention for being queer? It’s just SUPER harmful for those who were or are questioning, because I’m sure many of us thought that if we weren’t sure in our sexuality and we go “actually I think I might be this”, then people will accuse us of only “coming out” for attention. And here’s Nandan literally doing it for attention. 

Keep on searching for a book with questioning rep. This ain’t it.