It's been a while since I have written a proper review and I feel very rusty (and exhausted because fasting + lack of sleep), so I'm just going to start by including the caption from my instagram post: 

Pretty much everything I said here^ is how I felt even after I finished reading this memoir. It's a really nice feeling being represented in a book, and I hope one day we'll be able to see more contemporary books with Shia main characters where our differences and beliefs and ways of worshipping aren't hidden/not spoken about, but embraced and accepted.

With this being a memoir, the one thing that shocked me were some of the things described and discussed. I kept remembering that these are experiences the author has gone through, and having grown up in an environment where a lot of these topics are taboo, it was a bit uncomfortable to see it so clearly written and described. But at the same time, I think it was important because these are things many of us may have thought/worried about, and seeing someone else's experiences, especially when they are also Muslim, can be really helpful. It proves that not talking about things like sex can actually be detrimental to a relationship, especially in our cases where we're not just more aware, but also see romance/sex/relationships everywhere we go. I will add this one spoiler though that I was not expecting and did make me feel a bit yikes and unsure how to really feel

I was not expecting Huda and Hadi to get physical before their engagement/mutah. And no, it wasn't just a little kiss, but a full on make-out session in her dorm room bed. And while I understand, me being me, this is something I could never imagine doing, for other people in this position, it might be an actual temptation that they've felt or succumbed to.

 

The one thing I will say is that our main character (aka the author) is very much a romantic at heart. And for anyone reading this review who knows me, knows I'm the complete opposite. I think the hardest part for me was seeing her get annoyed at Hadi for not doing romantic things the "American-way" and how she wanted a quintessential "American" engagement/wedding/marriage with the proposals and extravagant dinner dates and the gifts, but with it also being Islamic and halal. Btw I do not think these are unrealistic dreams, but honestly quite relatable for a lot of people. However, my experiences differ probably because of the way I was raised–I knew these dreams would never be reality, whereas Huda allowed herself to dream and hope, which is a beautiful thing, but also led to a lot more difficulties down the road with her relationship with Hadi. As someone who is clearly very unromantic, I found myself rolling my eyes sometimes at the expectations Huda had for Hadi. But, I also understood that she was young and immature and still growing and learning, and honestly, this book solidified that getting married young isn't always a good thing. We need the space to grow and experience life and understand ourselves and what we want better. And I think we also need to experience a little of reality so that it's easier to accept others who don't live up to our dreams and high expectations. 

I am not Arab or Iraqi, but I grew up going to a mosque with a lot of Iraqis and Lebanese. So the customs described for Ashura and engagements/weddings are things I was familiar with. Despite the differences in culture (me being Pakistani and Huda being Iraqi), I will say this: DO ALL OF OUR PARENTS GO TO SOME SECRET PARENTING SCHOOL WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT CAUSE HOW DO THEY ALL SAY THE EXACT SAME PHRASES BUT IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES. 

Every. Single. Thing. From all the pressure Huda feels to be this good girl who never speaks to boys, never thinks about sex, never dates, to the comments she hears about other girls in her community who are choosing to pursue further education rather than get married...and the classic: "School will always be there, but the time for marriage won't." It felt like I was reading about my own life. I love how Huda thinks because her thoughts and ways she's conceptualizing and figuring out her future mimic me in early university. The whole: I need to study something that is smart and looks good, that way when I quit working and become a stay-at-home mom like I'm supposed to, people won't think I'm staying at home just because I'm not smart/driven enough, but that I'm making this huge sacrifice for my kids' sakes. THIS WAS ME. How she also didn't choose careers like doctor or dentist because the amount of schooling didn't make sense if she was going to have to settle down and have kids eventually. It was just really nice to see someone else going through the same, very confusing thought-process, where you're trying to balance what you want with what is expected from your family and community. Because as we all know, the community loves to talk and gossip.

My only complaint would be that the ending felt a little abrupt. I didn't feel like the Huda and Hadi's relationship was as resolved as it should have been, but then again, this is a memoir about a real life, so I honestly shouldn't have expected a perfect happily ever after. However, the ending did leave me wanting more of their life together and what was going to happen next. 

4/5 stars. A really great read and I'm happy I finally got to it during Ramadan.