What better way to wrap up spooky season than with this terrifyingly bad poem?

Paradise Lost has been my white whale since freshman year of college -- in all my years of schooling it was the only assigned work I didn't read. Now, fourteen years later, I've finally freed myself of guilt.

All that being said, this really is fucking awful. Milton's self-righteous pretentiousness is matched only by his slavering devotion to a cruel and insane god. How anyone could read this (or the bible, while we're at it) and remain christian is fully beyond me.