I wanted to love this. I really did. I love books about complex and abusive family relationships. I love books about historical times I know little about. I love memoirs. And yet, this book just fell a little short. It was fine, but it's not one I particularly enjoyed.

For starters, I think it struggled with being too all encompassing. Most memoirs pick a focus and tell the story of the narrators life around that focus, but Mah told her whole life, conception to publication, with what what like equal focus on everything. It felt like too much. Because of that, it felt like an autobiography giving the facts of a person's life rather than a narrative driven story.

The whole thing felt kind of like a summary. The scope was just too wide to delve deeply into experiences. Mah told us a lot about her experiences, but I didn't get the sense that I was there feeling things with her. It felt very distant and separate. I was watching from afar as Mah felt these deep, personal emotions when I wanted to be there with her.

I didn't fully buy that Mah was the perfect person she was making herself out to be. Especially at the end and the deaths of her father and stepmother, everyone was concerned about the wills. Mah repeatedly states it's not about the money for her. It's about the principle of being included in the family. But for someone who doesn't care about the money, she seems very easily placated when some of her siblings offer her some of their money. I just don't understand caring that much about the money of your abusive parents when you already lead a financially comfortable life. It seemed to be a lot more about the money than she claimed.

It was a very sad book. She went through a great deal of trauma with her abusive family, but it never quite pulled at my heart the way I wanted it to. She made me objectively sad, but I was never close to crying and I cry real easy at books. If something is sad, I want to be tearing up and feeling those emotions. In this it was closer to I know it's very sad and I feel bad for her, but I wasn't feeling them myselves.

The most interesting things for me were learning about the history and culture of China. She's born in China and eventually moves to Hong Kong to escape communism with her family and I loved hearing about that part. She talked a great deal about traditions, both her devout Buddhist grandfather and her more modern Catholic parents, and that part I thoroughly enjoyed. It's just unfortunate that I didn't care that much for the main focus of the story. I think perhaps because those things were objectively interesting while the main story was more emotional.

I do think this book was okay, but it's not one I'd recommend. I also don't think it's a waste of time if you wanted to pick it up. Just kind of okay for me.