“I wasn’t sure why I loved myself as much as I did. Never really questioned it.
Of course, my self-confidence could be flighty as a bee whenever it felt like it. [...] But I loved myself. I knew and felt it deep in my bones. Even on downswing days when living and being happy in my skin felt impossible, I knew I could rely on my true self to come back around to save that struggling version of me.”

Guys, this book is so! damn! good! I really liked Let's Talk About Love but it didn't blow me away; it was a nice, cute contemporary from a perspective we don't often (or ever) get in contemporary YA. So I figured this would be good. What I didn't expect was for it to make me so emotional.

This is a summery contemporary about Winnie during the summer between senior year and her first year of college as she works at her grandma's diner Goldeen's. But things get a bit complicated when she gets crowned the Summer Queen. That sounds like a fun, light read, right? Well, kind of.

There are many moments that are just sweet and fun; scenes at different town events, hanging out with Winnie and her small group of friends, small moments between characters. But this isn't just cute and funny, it also tackles some very serious things. Racism, sexism, fatphobia, homophobia, abuse.

There's two of those things I want to especially touch on because they in particular were handled extraordinarily, in my opinion. First is the fatphobia. This book never lets you forget that Winnie is fat, from her mentioning altering her uniform to commentary on how the world perceives her. There are several scenes in the book of people, some subtly, others not, scrutinising Winnie for her weight and therefore her health. There was one scene in particular of her in a doctors office where two separate doctors ask her to weigh herself and she refuses. Instead of respecting her wishes, they rattle off reasons why they need to know it (even though they don't) and all horrible things that could happen to her if she doesn't lose weight. Winnie loses it in a semi-monologue that filled me up with so many emotions I honestly don't know how I could express them with just words, and yet is still the one seen as in the wrong. The book has so many open, honest discussions about fatphobia, particularly in medicine, that were all done so wonderfully I nearly cried.

Now onto abuse. For the first time in her life, Winnie is clashing with her beloved grandmother who seems determined to have her be perfect, expectations she doesn't put on Winnie's brother or cousin. Throughout the book their fights get bigger and bigger, and it becomes more obvious that while Winnie isn't handling it perfectly she is still being emotionally abused by her grandma. She constantly criticises her in ways that sound caring, will blackmail her while unwittingly using Winnie's brother and cousin, throws her out when she doesn't want to engage with her, her word is law and no one must ever challenge her or she will reign hell. Some people may not see this as abuse. That's fine. But I definitely did. By the end of the book

Spoiler

Winnie is no longer speaking to her grandmother after being kicked out again. There's an acknowledgement that their relationship might be repaired in the future, but also that Winnie's grandmother is the one who needs to apologise and Winnie can't be the person to make the first move yet again.

But now let's talk about an amazing family dynamic because Winnie and Winston, her brother? The new best literary sibling duo. They annoy the shit out of each other and purposely get on each others' nerves, but they would also do anything for each other. A lot of Winnie's motivations revolve around Winston, and I love that we're getting a brother-sister relationship that isn't hostile. Especially one where the sister is the older of the two.

The relationships in this book in general are great. Even the bad ones are so well-written and realistic. Winnie and her ungirlfriend, Kara, are adorable but I also love that they have serious issues they have to work through over the summer. Throwing in Dallas, a boy from the town who Winnie maybe has a crush on, just makes the dynamics even better, and there are so many amazing and honest discussions of queerplatonic relationships involving these three.

Despite some of the heavier things this book covers, it still ultimately is a light, summery contemporary that deftly weaves these heavy topics in. The only thing stopping it from getting the full five is that the first five or six chapters are pretty slow as they set up the characters and town. I would say the turning point for whatever reason is the blow-up at the doctors, which luckily isn't too far in. Please read this because it's so good, even if you didn't like Let's Talk About Love I still think you should check this out.

“I didn’t fit in one perfect little box. Boys? Check. Girls? Check. Did gender really matter to me? Eh, probably not. Calling myself queer felt like standing under a kind stranger’s umbrella in an unexpected rainstorm. I might not use it forever, but at the moment, it was exactly what I needed.”