I first saw this book on IG when @booksnblazers posted a glowing review. I do love mythology and retellings and especially when they are queer, so I added it to my TBR right then. But I moved it right up to the top when I saw it was shortlisted for a Lambda Literary Award for Transgender Fiction (https://lambdaliterary.org/awards/current-finalists/). 

This is a retelling of the (very popularly retold) epic saga Iliad, telling the story of the Trojan War. What makes this one unique, why I was so interested in reading it, is that it is told from the perspective of a transgender Achilles. She has fled her home and is living on an island of transgender priestesses dedicated to worship of the goddess Aphrodite when Odysseus comes to recruit the "prince" Achilles for a war against the Hittites. She is convinced to join the fight after her divine mother, Athena, transforms her into the woman's body she has always longed for, and promises her everything she's ever wanted: glory, power, and a child born of herself. Reunited with her beloved cousin, Patroklos, and newly befriending his intelligent sife Meryapi, Achilles sets out with the war party, leading the Myrmidon army. The gods have their own plans for these humans though, and their centuries-long dysfunctional relationships are being played out in the lives and sacrifices of these characters. And no matter what Achilles wants for herself, and what Athena is trying to "support" her through, the centerfold of this war, the gorgeous Helen, has other plans (and powers and "support" of her own), and she has turned her sights onto Achilles as her enemy.  

Y'all, I wanted to love this book. It was everything I normally love. And yet...I only "liked" it. It went in waves, as I read, and I think that actually speaks to one of the overall issues: the pacing. Sometimes I was completely into the story and fast-flipping pages and sometimes I was so uninterested in what was happening (and how slowly it was happening). There are a number of times that the plot/characters seemed to change their directions and plans at speeds that didn't feel realistic, or with unclear explanations of their thought processes/decision-making. I struggled with that, as it made the plot movements take precedence over character development in a way that didn't feel smooth. This was in contrast to the quality of the sensory writing, which was fantastic at many points. Although there were times where I felt like it was too much (part of why the pacing was off), I still cannot deny the evocation of those sensory pieces...as an example, the early on storm-on-the-seas setting, interwoven with a sex scene and a sort-of-hallucinatory violent death scene, was spectacularly vivid. As a bit of a follow-up regarding the "too much" comment I made, there was lots of personification and manifestation of the gods, but mostly in dreams and (earthly) in signs/objects, that were really interesting, and I enjoyed getting their direct perspectives. However, sometimes it got to a point where it was maybe too esoteric and cryptic to follow. It’s a fine line that I think the author sometimes missed. This was particularly noticeable at the end, when this novel took a real turn for the cosmic (like, whoa) and it just completely lost me in the finale, in a way that took me so far from the story that I just...cannot say that I was left totally satisfied by it, as far as final impressions go.   

Ok, other thoughts I had... This started really tough, as far as on-page transphobia. Definitely want to include a content warning for that. I did appreciate the complexity of the personal feelings about being trans that were included, from the kallai (trans priestesses) to Achilles' actual physical body change. The self-loathing and pain and anger and defensiveness that came with not being able to truly be who one is caused Achilles (and a few other characters) to lash out at others, even unfairly, and Deane did not shy away from exploring this difficult truth of being “selfish” and unable to see past one’s own reality, even to the point of hurting others that support you or agree with you. It was a nuanced and affecting look at mental health and trans reality. Overall, the queerness of this retelling - obvs with Achilles, but then in reverse with Brisewos and the Amazons, as well as threesomes and other aspects and vibes, even with some of the big “men” names like Agamemnon included - is so good. And I loved the weaving of Greek and Egyptian (and other) names together, for those deities with the same powers over generations and nations. The depth of the research on the part of the author is very evident, and I acknowledge that. I just wish I loved this novel IRL as much as I did conceptually, because inevitably those sections about the gods took the reader on detours from the story into the abstract (in interactions with and dreams about gods) that were so distancing for me that I just got lost. 

I am struggling so hard with this review because there was so much here that had promise. This was such an epic retelling, with so much great rewriting of "popular mythology" with a unique queer lens. And the strength of the longing (joy in finding belonging and sorrow in identity being just out of reach) is so strong all the way throughout. But outside of that, this novel just kept me too emotionally distant (as emotionally distant as the gods are when making decisions about the lives of the humans they hold power over, so that at least is an interesting take on that impersonal vibe) for me to honestly say I enjoyed it. I think I'm glad I read it. And if you are into the esoteric, then you should definitely give it a go. But set your expectations correctly.   

“And it would be death - the death of her self, the inexorable corrosion of her soul, until even her name was forgotten and nothing was left but the shell of a man she never was.” 

“…to be seen as both a woman and a warrior. She had never understood why she could not be both, but she had been denied so many times it seemed impossible. Now she was living proof it could be done.” 

“Did you at least inhale the aroma of your victory? It smells like everything worth having: like sacrifice, like power, like triumph.” 

“Love is the creative force that imbues life with spirit.” 

“Love is madness, she thought. And in the grips of that madness, those who love become deadlier than the gods, and lose all rational fear.” 

“Knowledge is irrevocable.” 

“Gods take the credit for whatever we do for ourselves.” 

“But hero’s have to be crazy, selfish, infected with romantic foolishness - gods!”