I’m trying to decide how I feel about this book and I am conflicted for many reasons.

1. I don’t love a “reformed bully” trope in general and for white men specifically who are given a cart Blanche all too frequently. Troy didn’t just silently go along with his best friend’s insults/antics/bad behaviors, he actively contributed. Going along silently isn’t great either, to be clear, but actively being a bully is also quite bad. For YEARS. This isn’t really shown on the page but it is referenced constantly. So now abruptly Troy disagrees with his best friend and feels bad about the bullying and starts taking steps to atone. Small steps at first, getting bigger. But the book starts literally one day after Troy takes a stand for the first time. He has not had enough time for redemption yet, or for me to believe in it at this point. So I just wasn’t rooting for him to fall in love with someone as sweet sunshine goodness as Harris. I am not saying we should write off bullies forever as being bad people and a lost cause, but the turn around was far too quick for me to be like “yes I am fully on board, you are redeemed now.” A lot of Troy going along with his friend’s bad behavior is because he was trying to not be outed as gay, and I get the fear that must have been engrained in him and shaped every one of his actions. But also, why actively be terrible to everyone else? He had other options, and he chose to be a bully. Personally, I am not very forgiving of men’s bad behavior. Again, this is a grown adult whose bad behavior lasted for literally years and I am supposed to trust it will NEVER happen again and that I can trust him with Harris’s heart? It’s a no from me. This was not a redemption arc I believed.

2. After a lifetime of being afraid to come out, starting since childhood, it seems unlikely Troy would be able to turn around so quickly and publicly announce his sexuality to all. And also that there would be literally no repercussions?? This is still professional hockey, a sport filled with hypermasculine men, it seems highly unlikely that no one had anything to say about it. Or that the press only said positive things. We’ve all seen terrible headlines still happening today, I doubt Troy could escape that. And the fans! No doubt the fans would be filled with rude things to say, sports fans are not the most tolerant bunch. Am I asking for there to be more homophobia in this book? Not particularly, but I do think it’s unrealistic to have not one bad reaction from anyone, and also such a 180° in Troy’s attitude after a LIFETIME of fear. Troy didn’t really do baby steps with this one, he fully leaped into the deep end without a life jacket, which doesn’t seem like it would fit with his personality.

3. What ends up happening with the commissioner? There’s no way that ends neatly, the league has too much at stake, but we never find out.

4. Don’t get me wrong, I love a happy ending. But it did wrap up a bit too neatly and turned a bit into wish fulfillment territory.

I’ll have to think on this one for a bit for sure to decide how I feel.