3.25 stars

Thank you so much to Scholastic and I Read YA for providing me an ARC of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

The disability rep in this book? Phenomenal.
Daisy and Noah as characters? Great!
The idea behind the plot was also really interesting. I loved the musical aspects of the book, and I will forever adore the “suddenly viral” plot line.
There was so much about this book that had promise, I think the execution was just not up to par.

The writing itself was a little choppy. The narration didn’t resonate with me as a reader. The banter doesn’t flow, and the dialogue often felt scripted and therefore came off sounding stilted. This was compounded by the pacing of the novel. Everything moved too fast—from action to action to action. There was no time for anything to sink in. Something tense would happen, and we’d get maybe a paragraph of the character’s reactions to it, if we were lucky, but often just a sentence, and what we did get felt flat and disconnected from the character themself. This led to the feeling that nothing was happening at all, despite the fact that there was, in so many ways, so much going on.

The disability rep was, of course, my favorite thing about the book. It related to my personal experiences in many ways. Like Noah, I have anxiety and panic attacks and I have seen many therapists over many years, and been medicated. Like Daisy, I was raised Catholic and attend Mass every Sunday. (Also! The word Mass was capitalized! Which was very exciting to see, since it is supposed to be, but never is.) I don’t have cerebral palsy, so I cannot speak for that specific lived experience, but I really enjoyed the way it was portrayed. #ownvoices rep is the best rep.

I believe the anxiety rep is also own voices, but I’m not 100% positive on that. Despite (or maybe because of?) the fact that I have anxiety, the portrayal of Noah’s anxiety wasn’t my favorite. Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe it was good representation. The everyday affects of Noah’s anxiety were very well done and very, very relateable. Because there was something about the writing that made it difficult for me to truly connect the characters and feel what they were feeling, the depictions on panic attacks resonate with me the way I wanted them to. However, I do think the descriptions were accurate to how a panic attack can feel (though they are of course different for everyone).
My main complaints, for lack of a better word, are simply in the execution falling short.
One example of this is the scene in which Noah tells his parents about his anxiety. It just felt melodramatic. Not Noah, but the reactions of his parents. They acted as if he was dying. Like he had been on the verge of taking his life because of this and they hadn’t known. It felt like the intensity of their guilt and fear was highly disproportionate to what Noah actually said. The dramatics of that scene really took me aback and took me out of the story. It was like,
“Hey, mom, dad? Can we talk? It’s important.”
“Of course, honey!”
“I’ve been really overwhelmed and stressed out lately. It feels like too much pressure and I’ve been having panic attacks. I think I need to see a therapist.”
“Oh my BABY!” *sobbing* “I can’t believe I almost lost you and I didn’t even know! I’m a failure of a parent!”
It was way too much, but the book acted as if it was a totally proportionate reaction. And maybe if Noah’s anxiety had been to the point that he was even remotely suicidal, it would have made sense. However that is not something that we as a reader are led to believe before this point, nor is it suggested or alluded to after this one scene, either. Noah has some general anxiety and a couple of panic attacks. I’m not trying to lessen the impact of that. Anxiety sucks. Panic attacks are literally the worst. And he needed help, both from his parents and a professional. It’s just that up to that point (and after) did not feel worthy of the reaction it was suddenly receiving. The actual portrayal I had read did not feel as if it matched up with how severe I was being told it was.
I wish the reaction had been toned down. I think the level of anxiety Noah exhibited throughout the book was perfect. It was an amount that I think many people living with anxiety experience and think “I’m fine, I don’t need help. I can still function so it’s not that bad. I don’t need therapy/meds.” I think we need more representation of that level of anxiety, the severe but not completely debilitating, where the characters do seek help and get help and see improvement in their symptoms. It felt like the reaction he recieved cheapened that.

Daisy’s representation felt much more real and steady. What we saw of her experiences from her POV and what how those around her seemed to view them matched up (aside from the ableism people projected, but that’s different, since it was blatantly called out as ableism).
I think my favorite parts of her rep was the religious aspects, probably because I can directly relate to it. There is definitely ableism in the way that disability is viewed in the Church, and it is something that needs to be addressed and pointed out more often. Disabled people are just regular people, and many of them don’t want their disability cured. We are not your inspiration, and unless we specifically ask for your prayers, we don’t want them. Especially not publicly.
However, I also liked that it was portrayed as ableism within the people and congregation and not within the religion and God Himself. I loved the character of the disabled priest and I loved the interactions that he and Daisy had. I also loved that she left her church and got out of that toxic environment, and I appreciated that she didn’t leave the religion completely. If she had, that would have been more than fair, and good on her if that had been her decision. I’m just someone who also finds a lot of comfort in my religion, so it meant a lot to see a character not give up on it.

In the end, this book wasn’t perfect, nor was it my favorite, but I truly believe it is worth the read. Daisy and Noah are great, the plot is interesting, and the disability rep alone makes me feel like everyone should read it. The writing was not my favorite, but if you can tolerate not-the-best writing, I think you should pick this up.