I'm sorry, but this book is trash. The plot is terrible, the characters are terrible and it's boring as hell. The main character is so fucking horny that it's amazing she can function at all. 

"A blast from the AC cooled my face and left my nipples pleasantly puckered." Who the fuck says this? Who the fuck thinks this?

"If she were so inclined, she probably gave her husband good blowjobs." No normal human being looks at another human being's lips and thinks this. 

"Women fling themselves at Michael the way mating lovebugs splat themselves on car windshields in spring. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them bare razor scars on their wrists at the futility of it." Ah, yes, because women are so shallow, pathetic and man-hungry that they would literally self-harm just because a hot man is gay and they can't have him.

"She left me to make love to my pie."

"I opened the lid of a pot simmering on the stove and moaned like a cat in heat."

"With a dill pickle the size of a man's dick."

This is honestly so fucking gross and the main character is nasty, tasteless, and honestly sad. She's a fucking piece of cardboard that thinks of only sex, no other personality. Did a man write this? Oh wait a minute...

"It was a red Porsche that clearly screamed 'man with a little dick.'" Oh, I get it now. It was written by a feminist that thinks sex is somehow empowering! A man writes this trash and they are pigs obsessed with sex. But a woman writes it? She's so cool and empowering! You go, girlfriend! -_-

And now we're talking about a dude taking a dildo up his ass. It's like this author wanted to write erotica but knew she could reach a wider audience if she kept it just under the line. It's disgusting. 

And, of course, what would a trash book be without praising the psycho, sex-crazed bitch that was too lazy to get off her ass and get a real job so she resorted to blackmailing men and ruining lives. But of course, she's a girl boss! You go, girl!

"I felt a tug of reluctant admiration for the way she had gone about the business of blackmail. She had been resourceful, efficient and organized."

Absolute trash, this entire book.