This book fucked me the fuck up- in a good way, I think.

I don't know if this counts as a spoiler, but I went into it thinking perhaps it was going to be your typical gay YA book, maybe a little more nuanced in dealing with class and race, but ultimately similar. Holy shit was I wrong, in the best way possible. It toes so many lines but stays balanced- it's not a gay romance, but it's not a gay tragedy either. The twists are intense but I wasn't left feeling like they were just for shock value- everything made sense, and had its place.

This book is not easy to read, though. As a white queer person, I really struggled with aspects of the plot--not in a bad way, but in the ache of living in a homophobic culture. That wasn't what I was looking for in reading this book, nor did any recommendation I read prepare me for it in any real way. I kept saying in the middle of this book that I didn't want any gay/queer person to read it, because it's so brutal in portraying these parts of our lives. I'll amend that to say gay/queer people should read it, but should also take time for self care as they read it.

[trigger warning that is also a spoiler]

I do want to say, for those who need to know, this book contains a few sequences of gay-bashing, including one involving a parent. There are also depictions of suicide and domestic abuse.]