Reread 2019:

I just didn’t care enough this time around. I wish there was more Nikolai and less Mal and Alina.

I will admit that the end did make me a little sad. But that was only because I chose to forget how problematic and annoying Mal can be. There were some sweet moments I guess? But then again, Mal is so inconsistent it’s really hard to decide how to feel.

I hate the Darkling even more and I don’t get the whole “he only wanted to save Ravka so it’s fine” mentality. He deserved a horrible death tbh

As for Nikolai...honestly he deserves so much credit for everything he does. He goes through hell and then immediately jumps back into the role of King and has to pull Ravka back together while also trying to stop the Fjerdans and Shu Han from invading and he’s dealing with the darkness and nightmares...I might actually go and find that Nikolai fanfic I wrote...

I’m having a lot of Nikolai feels.

Guess who finally gets to read Six of Crows though!!!

***

I don't even know if it's possible to review this. I'm literally a mess right now. I'm going through so many emotions I can't think straight.

I finished this a few minutes ago and I've been reading reviews...I feel kind of weird giving this book a 5 stars, especially since a lot of people were not happy with the way it ended.

This book was an emotional roller coaster of feels. I don't remember feeling this way ever. I was shaking, my heart was beating like crazy, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was scared out of my mind. That's what you call good writing, good world building, good character development.

While Shadow and Bone and Siege and Storm felt a little slow towards the middle, I found Ruin and Rising to be fast-paced and crazy non-stop. It went from one crazy battle to the next and I literally couldn't put the book down. The battle in the White Cathedral, the battle with the militia, the battle at the Spinning Wheel...Leigh Bardugo did an incredible job breaking apart the action with dialogue and reveals into Darkling's past. I was never bored. If I ever put the book down, it was because I couldn't handle what I was feeling.

I haven't really mentioned the world building in my previous reviews, so I wanted to mention it here. Usually I'm not a fan of mixing swords with guns lol. I know that's really weird, but I'm the kind of person who would rather go all out medieval than add a bit of modernity. But Leigh's world was beautifully written. I fell in love with the magic system - the Grisha powers - and the steampunk feels. I loved the Russian inspiration for Ravka, the words, the clothing, the architecture, the culture...it's so unique and something I've never read in a book. It's made me want to learn more. I loved the political aspect of this book a bit more than Siege and Storm too.

Speaking of politics...Nikolai. I'm absolutely in love with him! He's honestly just asdfghjkl There aren't words to describe how much I love his character. His snark and sass, his cleverness and resourcefulness, his selflessness...I'll admit I wasn't against Alina ending up with him, even though she didn't love him. I felt like she could have grown to love him, but then again, I feel like it was a decision I would have made if I were Alina. The series is written in first person, so I think that was why. I felt like I was Alina, but I also felt like myself. I love Mal too, but we'll get to that later. When the Darkling appeared at the Spinning Wheel and Nikolai disappeared, I couldn't breathe. When he was turned into a nichevo'ya (or whatever he wasn't turned into) I felt as if I was going to die. I've never been so distraught. When Alina's screaming and crying for him, I was broken. When she saw him afterwards, I wanted to stab the Darkling repeatedly. I read in a review that Alina didn't even try to save him. And I have to disagree. I think at that point she knew she had to make a choice, and finding the last amplifier was more important. Plus she couldn't have done anything. When Nikolai returned back to human form, and Alina visited him in Kribirsk and he asked her to stay cause she knew what it felt like inside, I wanted to cry. I can't imagine how alone Nikolai feels. He's lost everyone too. I'm glad that Alina and Mal stayed close at least. I just wish there could have been a happier ending for him.

Before I talk about Mal...I absolutely loved all the side characters. We really go to get to know them better in this book and I slowly grew to like them more and more...even Zoya. Seeing them work together, seeing Alina learning to trust them and depend on them and not internalize everything, was so beautiful.

Now to talk about the Darkling. I still don't understand how people like him or how they could ship him with Alina. He's abusive and violent and crazy...and that's me being nice. This book made me want to punch something. To take my anger out somehow. He never does anything to redeem himself. And yes, Baghra telling Alina the story of her past did shed some light on the Darkling. I get that he felt alone, and he felt that he was special and powerful. Maybe he did love Ravka. But everything he did was cruel. But then he's also hundreds of years old. His power kind of blocks him from regular human emotions, more so than the regular Grisha. He's just complex. And he's evil. He's a great villain. I loved feeling that anger and hatred towards him. Did he deserve to be burned along with Alina's "body" at the end? I don't know. I feel like I'll be able to better understand how I feel about him when I read this trilogy a second time.

Speaking of complex characters...I think Mal is one too. I saw people complaining that Mal is annoying and selfish and controlling, but I didn't see any of that. I saw someone who was scared and unsure. Someone who wanted things to be the way they were. For things to be simple for once. And I don't think what he felt was wrong. People said he only noticed Alina when she was beautiful, but I don't agree with that either. He did notice her, he always did, but he thought they were friends, and nothing more. He didn't know if she wanted anything more or what she really felt. Maybe he was scared that she wouldn't want him? Was he scared of her power? Yes. I would be too. It's a lot. It changed Alina in so many ways. I would wish for her power to be taken from her too. Cause everything was better when they were just hunter and cartographer. Again, I think their relationship and feelings towards each other is complex. It's something I'll probably think about for a while. I did love them together, and when I realized Mal was the amplifier (I kind of spoiled myself before reading this book, but I didn't know what that would mean) and what would have to be done, I started to shake and I didn't stop until almost close to the end. The scene where Alina stabs him hurt so bad. I felt like I was stabbed in the chest. When Tamar and Tolya brought him back, it was a huge relief. And the ending was just adorable and perfect.

There's still this element of sadness at the end. I feel like Leigh did an excellent job of describing the effects of war, and she kind of left a lasting impression of it in her writing. I still feel this sadness, but there's also this hope. A hope for better world.

I'm so happy I chose to read this series this year. I don't know if I'll get to Six of Crows right away. I don't think I've felt so many emotions in a long time (and that's with reading Fangirl and The Wrath and the Dawn recently too). I feel like I need a break. I need to save my money and buy the new paperback editions of this trilogy. Reread it. Cry inside (yes my heart is still half-ice). And then start SoC.