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specificwonderland 's review for:
My Dark Vanessa
by Kate Elizabeth Russell
Her fiction story felt so real, and the thing that felt the most real were the emotions and feelings of the characters. Vanessa is so lifelike. I picked this up from a reading list of "devastating" books and my god, was it ever. Thought-provoking and faceted, and again, so lifelike.
As an aside, because of Strane's take on The Road Not Taken, we had an interesting study session of the poem and its academic interpretations. I don't think Strane was right, that the choice is ultimately meaningless. ("...an ironic performance about the futility of choice. He says that by believing our lives have endless possibilities, we stave off the horrifying truth that to live is merely to move forward through time while an internal clock counts down to a final, fatal moment.") Ok, boomer. I think moreso it's like the saying you can't step in the same river twice. The time you spend debating over the choice sort of of doesn't matter because 1. The journey is more important than the destination and 2. If you return to the crossroads after choosing one, you're different because of the journey. So it isn't so nihilist as it is meditative: be present now, what will pass, is the right choice.
I felt deeply for Vanessa. I felt deeply for Henry, her future teacher. I felt deeply for Taylor coming forward bravely. I felt for Vanessa's parents and the other staff who saw what happened but convinced themselves they were exaggerating. This book was complex and, yes, devastating.
I couldn't share quotes from my version so I'm sharing one here, now.
"I block his screen name, delete all our chats and emails, and fake sick the next day, grateful that at least I never told him exactly where I live so there’s no chance he’ll find me at home. When I return to school, I carry my house key so it sticks out between my fingers as I walk from the school doors to the bus. I imagine him grabbing me from behind, forcing me into his truck, and then who knows what. Rape and murder me, probably. Carry my corpse to the movies so we can finally have that stupid date he always went on about. After a week passes and nothing happens, I stop holding my key like a weapon and unblock his screen name to see if he’ll message me. He doesn’t. He’s gone. I tell myself I’m relieved."
As an aside, because of Strane's take on The Road Not Taken, we had an interesting study session of the poem and its academic interpretations. I don't think Strane was right, that the choice is ultimately meaningless. ("...an ironic performance about the futility of choice. He says that by believing our lives have endless possibilities, we stave off the horrifying truth that to live is merely to move forward through time while an internal clock counts down to a final, fatal moment.") Ok, boomer. I think moreso it's like the saying you can't step in the same river twice. The time you spend debating over the choice sort of of doesn't matter because 1. The journey is more important than the destination and 2. If you return to the crossroads after choosing one, you're different because of the journey. So it isn't so nihilist as it is meditative: be present now, what will pass, is the right choice.
I felt deeply for Vanessa. I felt deeply for Henry, her future teacher. I felt deeply for Taylor coming forward bravely. I felt for Vanessa's parents and the other staff who saw what happened but convinced themselves they were exaggerating. This book was complex and, yes, devastating.
I couldn't share quotes from my version so I'm sharing one here, now.
"I block his screen name, delete all our chats and emails, and fake sick the next day, grateful that at least I never told him exactly where I live so there’s no chance he’ll find me at home. When I return to school, I carry my house key so it sticks out between my fingers as I walk from the school doors to the bus. I imagine him grabbing me from behind, forcing me into his truck, and then who knows what. Rape and murder me, probably. Carry my corpse to the movies so we can finally have that stupid date he always went on about. After a week passes and nothing happens, I stop holding my key like a weapon and unblock his screen name to see if he’ll message me. He doesn’t. He’s gone. I tell myself I’m relieved."