You had me at “vampire with amnesia” and “witch with secrets” piling into a beat-up car for a cross-country adventure. I mean, come on, it’s like a supernatural Thelma & Louise with less cliff-diving and more fang-flashing! Jenna Levine’s latest romp is a frothy, funny cocktail of romance and comedy, but—sigh—it didn’t quite sink its teeth into my heart the way I hoped. It’s cute, it’s quirky, but it’s also got some quirks that made me raise an eyebrow higher than a vampire spotting a garlic bread buffet.

Peter, our hunky amnesiac vampire, can’t remember a thing about his centuries-long life, and Zelda, our secretive witch, is dodging her own baggage like it’s a dodgeball game in gym class. The two of them hitting the open road? Total catnip for a hopeless romantic who dreams of love, adventure, and maybe a cute gas station meet-cute (don’t judge). The dialogue sparkles like a Twilight vampire. I cackled out loud when Peter tried to navigate a modern GPS like it was a cursed artifact from the 1700s.

But here’s where the sparkle dims a bit, and I’m gonna get real. Peter and Zelda are hundreds of years old, y’all. Hundreds! And yet, they’re out here scraping by like they’re one paycheck away from eating instant ramen for eternity. I’m sorry, but if I’d been alive since the days of powdered wigs and chamber pots, I’d at least have a side hustle that didn’t involve clocking in at Vampire Starbucks or Witchy Waffle House. Peter, pre-memory loss, wasn’t sipping champagne in first class or chartering private jets? Zelda’s couldn’t replace her wobbly end table? Girl, what?! I was expecting bougie immortals dripping in old-money vibes, not two supernatural sad sacks who apparently missed the memo on the Industrial Revolution, the dot-com boom, AND Bitcoin. If you’ve lived through the invention of the light bulb and didn’t think to invest in General Electric, I’m side-eyeing you harder than my dog when I forget her treats. These two are old enough to have seen the future coming, and yet they’re living like they’re auditioning for Broke Immortal: The Reality Show. 

The road trip itself is a hoot, though. Levine paints their misadventures with such vivid charm that I could practically smell the stale coffee and questionable motel sheets while wondering if Zelda could magic away bed bugs. 

But the pacing? It’s like the car ran out of gas halfway through. The middle sags a bit, with some scenes feeling like filler episodes of a sitcom you love but don’t need. I wanted more stakes (pun intended), more depth to their secrets, and maybe a little less “oops, we forgot how to adult despite being older than the Constitution.”

Also, can we talk about the romance? It’s adorable, don’t get me wrong—Peter’s awkward vampire charm had me swooning, and Zelda’s sassy deflections are my spirit animal. But it’s almost too sweet, like eating cotton candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I wanted a touch more spice, a bit more angst to make the happy ending feel earned. It’s not quite closed-door, but it’s more “slightly ajar door” than “steamy vampire romp”. I was hoping for a love story that’d make my heart race like I’d just spotted a garage sale full of Labubu’s (I did snatch up the one I found once!), but it was more like a cozy hug from your favorite sweater. Nice, but not electric.

Oh, and a quick note: I scoured Reddit for some hot takes from smokedup_69420, hoping for some spells, but alas, that username’s a ghost. Missed advertisement opportunity. 

Road Trip with a Vampire is a fun, fluffy read that’s perfect for when you want to giggle and swoon without thinking too hard. It’s got heart, humor, and a road trip vibe that makes you want to crank up a cheesy playlist and hit the highway. But the missed opportunities—like the slightly flat emotional depth—kept it from being a five-star fang-fest. If you’re in the mood for a light, laugh-out-loud romance with a supernatural twist, this’ll do the trick—just don’t expect Peter and Zelda to be living that Bloomberg-level immortal life.