Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the free eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I’ve been looking forward to Color Me In for awhile now. I was so excited when I saw it on Netgalley and just knew I needed to attempt to get the ARC so that I could read it as soon as possible. Well I didn’t exactly read it as soon as I got it, but ARC August certainly gave me a good reason to pick it up now.

Nevaeh is caught between two worlds, literally. Her parents have recently separated, causing her to have to split her time between her mother’s family in her grandfather’s brownstone in Harlem and her childhood home with her father in White Plains. Not only is she shuttling between the two homes, but suddenly she’s caught in the middle of a war she didn’t even realize existed. While her cousins and aunt are exposing her to her Black heritage and her mother has completely checked out of parenting and life itself, suddenly her father takes an interest in making sure she knows she’s Jewish as well. This doesn’t come from his desire to share his heritage with her, but rather prevent her from becoming a “black girl” since it’s clear he’s never seen her as one thanks to her fair-skinned complexion. To combat the influence of her Black Baptist family, he insists that she begin taking Hebrew lessons and prepare for her Bat Mitzvah, which is coming about 3 years too late since she’s turning 16 in a few months. As if this weren’t enough, her cousin Jordan is constantly reminding her that she doesn’t exactly belong in the Black community, at least from Nevaeh’s point of view, and it only gets worse when Neveah attracts the attention of Jordan’s crush Jesus. All of these events begin to swirl around Neveah in a way that suffocates her and the only way she can find solace is in the poetry she writes and her mother’s journal, which she discovers in her grandfather’s attic.

First off, I think it’s important for me to say that I absolutely loved this book. It wasn’t perfect and it certainly isn’t my story or experience, but it’s clear that the author put her own story, heart, and soul into this. You have to have a level of respect for someone willing to be that vulnerable in their work.

Second, I want to say that it’s clear along the way that Nevaeh is an unreliable narrator. Her experience is certainly hers and so the way she sees her mother, her cousins, her best friend and her new life in Harlem, is clearly biased. She’s never been confronted with her blackness or her privilege before by other black people or people of color and it puts her on the defense. She’s willing to swap places with those around her in an attempt to be accepted and have what she thinks is an easier life, but doesn’t exactly understand that her darker skinned family members or her best friend, who is also biracial (Chinese and white) have their own trials and tribulations because of the color of their skin as well. It’s not just her and it’s a lesson that she has trouble learning.

While it’s clear that Nevaeh is seeing her mom and black family members in a bit of a skewed light because of her experiences and insecurities, I think that for the first time in her life, she’s actually seeing her father very clearly. She’s realizing what a selfish and destructive man he actually is. I have to say that the scenes with her father were some of the most frustrating ones because he was just completely trash. Every self serving, ignorant white man who thinks he’s a savior can be seen in Nevaeh’s father. That’s clear through her mother’s journal and Nevaeh’s on experiences with him as the book progresses.

The other extremely frustrating piece of this book was the racism that Nevaeh faced at school, but let’s be honest, that was done on purpose. There’s one particular white girl at her school who says the most revolting things and I swear I just wanted someone to do serious bodily harm to her just to shut her up. Please watch out for that and protect yourself because when I say phrases like “nappy headed” and “thug” and “ghetto” are thrown around by the white characters in this book, I’m not kidding. It’s all done to show that despite the fact that Nevaeh is technically “passing”, anyone who knows her actual heritage makes it clear that it’s unacceptable and that even people who are “passing” experience racism from their white peers.

I won’t give away too much more about the book, though I will say that her mother’s journal depicts sexual assault so be careful of that if it’s triggering for you.

All in all, I think that Nevaeh’s story was a great one. She was frustrating, sometimes selfish and at times just plain ignorant, but as we move through this transition in her life with her, she begins to learn not only what it means to be Jewish, but a black woman in America as well. I think one of my favorite things about this book is that though there’s romance in it, it doesn’t overpower the rest of the story, but serves as just another new discovery and aspect in Nevaeh’s life.

Please be sure to go pick up Color Me In by Natasha Diaz when it’s released on August 20th and let me know what you think!