I put a hold on The Self Driven Child pre-library closure and it came in the other week. I guess I was a glutton for punishment by going ahead and reading it, whilst we are all dealing with unprecedented learning challenges for our kids. Right now it’s pretty hard to be hands-off when grades, assignments, etc. are in our face constantly with systems in place to send updates while remote learning.
Nevertheless, even if I read this pre-Covid, I still took the insights from this book with a huge grain of salt. Yes, I don’t interfere with my kids school work, they communicate with their teachers directly, and I let them fail while it is safe for them to do so. But, if they DO fail there are consequences beyond ‘natural consequences’. If my kids are not meeting our expectations on grades, they lose privileges. For the most part, this has motivated them and I don’t have to do it as often anymore. But to get to the point where you let them fail out of school altogether, instead of guiding them through failing grades seems over the top. I definitely agree with the scientific fact that it makes kids feel/become more self-sufficient when they do things for themselves, but for my family, I feel there is room for guidance.
And as much scientific evidence given about self-sufficiency in this book, there is a glaring lack of the data on children who fail out of high school or college and what that means for their future. Most of the rosy anecdotal stories used as examples, of kids turning things around after major failure, are statistically not the norm.
There are certainly great takeaways to be had, and it was a good reminder that grades are not the end all/be all of their future happiness. Also, not every approach fits every child. It’s also worth remembering that we as parents are the expert on our own kids.
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