3/5 (physical book)

CW: War, fighting, reference to parental abuse, PTSD, homophobia

This book covers a lot of really important topics and presents its readers with various ways in which people chose to cope with these topics. I think it is a good read for young adults and high-school-aged kids.

We are introduced to the main character Matt, who is struggling in school after the passing of his brother, TJ, and seems to be pretty lost about what he wants to do in the future. TJ was deployed in Iraq, where he was killed during the war, so all that Matt has left of his brother are his personal effects, something he believes will bring closure to his mourning. What Matt did not expect was to find that there was much more to his brother's life than he knew. Through TJ's personal effects, Matt discovers more about his brother and more about himself and who he wants to be.

Not only is Matt struggling with school, but he is also struggling at home, as his relationship with his father crumbles under the mourning and loss of TJ. Matt's father has extremely high expectations for him, saying that he needs to follow in his and TJ's footsteps by signing up for the military, something that Matt is not sure he truly wants. This obviously creates a lot of tension for Matt at home, and there is a clear lack of communication between the two.

I do, however, feel like the relationship between Matt and his father was not as developed as it could have been. I understand they did not have a good relationship because Matt's father became extremely shut off after TJ died and Matt has a hard time talking to him about what he wants for his future, but there was not a whole lot more explanation to the relationship outside of that. I would have liked to know more about why his father shut away TJ's items and did not open any of the letters. I just think this part could have been more developed and supported to understand the cracks in the relationship better.

SPOILERS AHEAD
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Unfortunately, I found the second half of the book to be pretty unrealistic for a contemporary read. I don't think that it would be plausible for a high school kid to run off with their friend's car and drive halfway across the country to meet someone whom he has absolutely no information about.

I think the reasoning behind going to Madison, WI, and the actions that took place were caring and developmental for Matt, but I just can't see a high school student with so many troubles realistically traveling by themselves across the country to understand who their brother's potential lover is. I think if there was some form of communication beforehand, like an email or a phone call, that may have helped make things feel more real.

With this aside, I think that E. M. Kokie developed Matt's character really well and they show the different areas of his personal and emotional growth. His character did feel realistic and it was interesting to watch him discover a new side of his brother while also discovering more about himself.

Many of Matt's ideas were clearly shaped by his father. He was raised with a live-tough, fight-hard, homophobic, war-centered mindset. This is what his father ingrained into Matt growing up, so when he learns certain truths about his brother, and about himself, Matt has to learn to challenge these mindsets he has always known and believed in order to create his own beliefs.

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SPOILERS OVER

Overall, I did not love this book, but I think it was a good story about personal growth and discovery and familial understanding, it just fell short in a few places.