Thank you @fitzcarraldoeditions for sending me a free copy of Annie Ernaux's I Remain in Darkness to review! With every Ernaux book I read, she cements her position as my favourite non-fiction author. Granted, I don't read all that much non-fiction, but even if I start reading 10 a month, I doubt anyone would easily beat Ernaux!

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Translated by Tanya Leslie, I Remain in Darkness is a short 76 pages documenting the few years after Ernaux's mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, up until her death in 1986.  Every time Ernaux visited her in the car home, she would come home and jot down her raw feelings and emotions following the visit. Originally she began writing a book of her mother's life while she was still alive, but upon her death she destroyed it. Years later, she returned to these notes and published them pretty much as they are: a fragmented record of the months leading up to her mother's death.

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I love that Ernaux doesn't sugarcoat anything or try to alter memories. Some of the things she wrote down were written in anger, shame, sorrow. Some people might look back on them and want to edit, erase, play down their emotions to make them look like a better person. Ernaux doesn't do that. She displays her raw feelings for the world to see, and I find that awe-inspiring. She relays her feelings as they really were, whether she was irrationally frustrated with her mother or missing her terribly. Although the story is deeply personal, I'm sure it has a universal appeal. Everyone will experience someone they love getting older.

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Watching her mother regress slowly back into childhood, with Ernaux stepping into the parent's role, was heartbreaking. Even when feeling sad at what I'm reading, I can't help but be inspired by Ernaux's ability to draw the reader right into whatever intimate episode she happens to be describing. I'm not really sure what spurs Ernaux to write so intimately about her life, but I'm so glad she does.