Like the Fast & the Furious franchise, this book was almost so bad it was good. Also like the Fast & the Furious franchise, it was way too freaking long. SEVEN HUNDRED PAGES? 

This book was the definition of overwrought. Dramatic references to mythology to support a book about a girl with an eating disorder (disguised as her being too poor for food) and your run-of-the-mill billionaire asshole.

There were some truly unforgiveable Harry Potter references. If you refer to a character's nipples as two small sorting hats you should go to jail.

The CABINET KNOB? You cannot just sandwich that scene in between the most vanilla smut.