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cgj13 's review for:
Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story
by Jacob Tobia
3.5 stars.
How do you rate a memoir? It's essentially a person's own reflection of the events that happened in their life. Maybe they are true, maybe not. Possibly embellished, sometimes events are skimmed over.
This book to me had two sections. Pre-college as part one, and with the Duke college years as part two.
The first part, has a humorous overtone that carries the story. Even though Jacob is fighting to have their identity seen, he recounts this time in a manner that makes it easy for the reader to relate--by adding humor. Is that the right thing to do? Do they need to make things easier for us, is that what they are even doing? I am not qualified to answer that-- I don't know Jacob personally. But I did appreciate the unabashed honesty that they shared.
Part 2-- the Duke years. The tone in this part of the book was much different. There was a ton more anger. At times, it seemed as I was drowning in "poor me". Jacob took every no, every rejection as a personal attack on their gender. At times, they would vacillate between nobody likes me, I am all by myself, nobody supports me, everyone is out to get me and Everyone loves me. However, the author fully admits that they are a very driven, overachiever who burns bright and flames out. Who also takes on more and more in an attempt to be validated. This is a rough way to live life--as you will never be happy, always trying to gain others approval.
I had a difficult time reading this portion of the book--and as you will see, many reviewers really give it a beating. I too began to feel less empathetic and more assaulted by their attitude and actions. Upon reflecting on it a little more, and reading the final Chapter (Chp 9: Mom and Dad) and the Epilogue, I have a different take on it. I think that writing those college-years chapters was a way for them to process and grieve that portion of their life. College is difficult, and much more so when you are striving to be the best at everything. Add to that, your changing gender identity.
Explosions and high emotions are only bound to happen.
Thank you for sharing your journey and your story. And for showing me what more I can be doing to be an ally and support the queer community.
How do you rate a memoir? It's essentially a person's own reflection of the events that happened in their life. Maybe they are true, maybe not. Possibly embellished, sometimes events are skimmed over.
This book to me had two sections. Pre-college as part one, and with the Duke college years as part two.
The first part, has a humorous overtone that carries the story. Even though Jacob is fighting to have their identity seen, he recounts this time in a manner that makes it easy for the reader to relate--by adding humor. Is that the right thing to do? Do they need to make things easier for us, is that what they are even doing? I am not qualified to answer that-- I don't know Jacob personally. But I did appreciate the unabashed honesty that they shared.
Part 2-- the Duke years. The tone in this part of the book was much different. There was a ton more anger. At times, it seemed as I was drowning in "poor me". Jacob took every no, every rejection as a personal attack on their gender. At times, they would vacillate between nobody likes me, I am all by myself, nobody supports me, everyone is out to get me and Everyone loves me. However, the author fully admits that they are a very driven, overachiever who burns bright and flames out. Who also takes on more and more in an attempt to be validated. This is a rough way to live life--as you will never be happy, always trying to gain others approval.
I had a difficult time reading this portion of the book--and as you will see, many reviewers really give it a beating. I too began to feel less empathetic and more assaulted by their attitude and actions. Upon reflecting on it a little more, and reading the final Chapter (Chp 9: Mom and Dad) and the Epilogue, I have a different take on it. I think that writing those college-years chapters was a way for them to process and grieve that portion of their life. College is difficult, and much more so when you are striving to be the best at everything. Add to that, your changing gender identity.
Explosions and high emotions are only bound to happen.
Thank you for sharing your journey and your story. And for showing me what more I can be doing to be an ally and support the queer community.