(ok, edit 10/16: I revisited my review and considering how conflicted I was, I might lower this to a 3.5 in StoryGraph? ehhh)

I liked the incredibly human portrayal of our unnamed MC. She spends a lot of the time figuring out her own motivations for her self-sabotaging (and even selfish) behavior, which although the actions themselves could be maddening, I was still able to sympathize with her. It was interesting to read about how her upbringing and culture tied into how she seeks out love, how she strives to find something that’s like “home”, and often people are substitutes for that for her. (There’s some themes of girlhood part of the MC’s story, too, but most notably in the flashbacks.)

I also didn’t take much issue with the nonlinear storytelling. Although the experience was made disorienting on audio: it could take minutes for me to figure out where something fit into the timeline. (On the topic of the audiobook, though, the narration was good! It was appropriately emotional when it needed to be, and more than a couple times I found myself immersed.) (I know that’s minor, but I like talking about new narrators of books I read :) I think of narration as another form of voice acting, idk.) (edit: i found out the narrator voiced elizabeth afton from fuckin. Five Nights At Freddy’s. so it’s not too unrelated ig)

But the MC does not experience much development in this novel. Not until the end, at least, although she does gain self-awareness from her time at The Ledge(the mental health center where a chunk of this book takes place). While The Ledge should feel like a turning point for her(and it takes up a bulk of the center of the novel), she gets into another toxic relationship where she repeats some of her previous behaviors, only with the addition of self awareness and a friend to attempt to talk some sense into her. (Also, justice for Claire…) The MC’s array of previous men and women that she becomes infatuated with and later develops a toxic relationship with(it depends on the partner if she creates the toxicity or if her partner does) becomes a blur, the more names and patterns are introduced. I tried keeping track of all of them, but…eh, I just couldn’t after a while. At least she started using nicknames or their titles/occupations.

And to make Anouk’s relationship with the MC feel more like an indicator of character development rather than another symptom of her “love addiction”, there should have been more than two chapters spent with her. Like, I could tell based on the MC’s thoughts, this was supposed to be different…but most of that was telling, and not showing.

A couple of other issues I had: 1) how different mental health/condition terms were used? The MC said to Molly(another woman at The Ledge and the MC’s roommate while there) to stop her skin picking because she was “really OCD about germs”. Dude. 2) How quickly the plot around The Ledge was disregarded after a chapter, and it was also unclear as to how critical of the center the readers were supposed to be. 

Edit: okay, I have a couple of gripes with this book, that much is obvious, but I figured I’d still give it four stars! I overall liked the writing, although the ending felt rushed—ann extra chapter with Anouk would really help imo (and I’m not alone in that opinion). One thing I didn’t get to in this review though is that I like how addiction was addressed in “You Exist Too Much”, it shows how the road to recovery isn’t linear and the effects it has on both the person addicted and the people they know. “Unflinching” definitely works as a descriptor for it. (Also, on the topic of the MC’s relationships, ty to Ranada(?) for providing a much-needed voice of reason and helping her move on from her final toxic relationship in the book.)

I can see why opinions on this book are so polarizing. I think the reason why I liked it is because it’s a fictional story with a narrative structure, if it were a nonfiction novel going down a list of the author’s failed relationships I don’t know how I would feel. (You saw my thoughts on “Red Paint”.)