I must say that I didn't prepared to like this so much. But Hustvedt with her wonderful writing trapped me in the book. There is a mundanity of everyday life and the introspection of mind that comes with it. It gave an aura of rich inner as well as outer life. Set in the 80s and 90s of SoHo New York, What I Loved explores the art, love, passion, family, friendships with a whole lot of philosophy and psychology.



We follow Leo Hertzberg, an art historian, navigating his life in the art scene of New York. He befriends Bill, an upcoming artist, who will rise in fame later. They are both married and have kids at the same time. They even live in the same building. Later Bill divorces Lucille and marries Violet, his model for the series of paintings called Self-Portrait which is also the first portrait Leo buys of Bill's art. It is all nice and domestic with these couples writing papers, essays, making art and having dinners frequently while the children play. The perfect academic life.



I am particularly interested in the works Violet did for her books. She went out and researched hysteria and the treatment of women in the Charcot hospital for one of her books. And I am amazed by the theories and incidences that happened to women there. The atrocities that are performed in the name of treatment and experiments made me gag. She also researched anorexia and it made me question my relationship with food and people a lot. I kind of hated the art references and descriptions. It was a bit pretentious at places but very vital to the plot. But again, I don't have the brain to imagine art with the description and it dampened my experience a bit.



There were all types of love. Paternal love, passionate love, art love and especially the love between friends or bromance as I like to call it. This love acts as the crux of the story. And whatever we end up doing in life does involve love or the lack of it. It is the love for life in general. We don't live as a separate entity. We are always in constant interaction with others. It can be art or books or food or even people for that matter. Violet calls this phenomenon mixing and this mixing is what influences our actions and reactions in this world.



I enjoyed the characters in this book. Though this book is Leo's, I am enamoured by Violet. She is someone who brightens up your space. And I am terrified of Mark. He is sort of a psychopath with a compulsion to lie. His shenanigans with another artist create a sort of whodunnit atmosphere in the later halves of the story. With how the first part is written, you won't even guess the turn the writing takes. And I don't know how to feel about Lucille, Mark's mother. Something did happen between Lucille and Mark that made him unable to connect with the others. So we get a closed-off person with no emotions whatsoever that perform according to the people and is also extremely charming. What Mark lacks in emotions, his charms make up for it.



This book is not exactly what you'll call uplifting or hopeful. The image of an elderly professor, blinding and alone doesn't make a cheerful picture. Leo lost everything. His relatives to Holocaust, his son to water, his friend, his wife and friend's wife to grief, and himself to the pain and numbness. However, this is a book that makes you think and rethink your identity as a person. The world penetrates us in the form of music, books, arts and experiences. And sometimes we end up as spectators in our life. Grief, love, loss and pain are all a part of us. And at the end of the day, losing your eyesight or being alone doesn't matter. We have far more demons to worry about, isn't it? 


With that all said, this book brings a voyeuristic nature of the art where the art and artist becomes one. And I live for those experiences. Don't give up on the book because of the first part. This book bangs like a big bang.