4.5/5


content warnings: death of a spouse (past), grief, suicidal ideation, bullying
representation: gay main character with anxiety, biracial (Japanese-white) mlm main character, interracial main m/m relationship

“‘You could be soft with me, if you wanted.’
Fox quirked his lips. ‘I don’t know if I have any softness left in me, Summer.’
‘I think you do,’ Summer said. ‘Or we wouldn’t be like this right now.’”

I picked this up on a total whim, never having heard of it or the author before, and it blew me away. I adored this kind of entirely in a way I haven’t adored an adult romance in a while.

This is the first in a series and follows Summer Hemlock who is returning to his hometown after getting a TA position at his old high school. There he sees Professor Fox Iseya and realises that the crush he’d had on him as a teen hasn’t gone away. I’m not going to spoil what happens from there but it is fantastic and had me gasping in delight by the end of the first chapter.

I love both of these main characters. One of the few flaws of this book is that every other character (maybe with the exception of Summer’s mum) is pretty two-dimensional, but I ended up not caring because so much time and care is put into you investing in Summer and Fox. Outside of their romance, they both have clear arcs that I loved: Summer needs to stop letting his anxiety overwhelm him and be brave, and Fox needs to properly deal with the death of his wife years earlier. They support the other in achieving these goals but they still ultimately do it on their own. Even when the two leads are madly in love and extremely clingy, there’s still a refreshing lack of codependency that’s often found in this genre.

The exploration of grief I found particularly beautiful. We get to see the way his wife’s death affected Fox from multiple perspectives, with Summer only knowing a grieving Fox while his mother used to be good friends with him before his wife’s death and saw him close himself off afterwards. The book makes it clear that there’s a difference between honouring the death of a loved one and drowning yourself in grief and guilt, a distinction I think isn’t made enough. There’s also never an annoying moment when Summer feels inferior compared to Fox’s wife. Multiple times throughout the book I began cringing in anticipation of uncomfortable scenes that never came; Summer is always respectful of Fox’s wife, her memory and his relationship with her, but he also encourages Fox to continue living and facing his own fears. This is honestly one of the most raw, painful and honest depictions of grief I’ve ever read.

Pivoting to a happier topic, the romance in this is top notch. As I said, I was gasping in delight by the end of the first chapter, something I don’t think I’ve ever done in a book before. I think Cole McCade wrote what could have been an iffy power dynamic very well with how he framed their relationship; the opening chapter being in Summer’s perspective as he remembers his teen crush on Fox and realising that some feelings are still there before we switch to Fox’s perspective as he remembers who Summer is and becomes intrigued by him. It’s also crucial that Summer is the one who makes the first move and, especially at the start, tends to be the instigator of everything. (For the record, while there is an age difference Summer is fully an adult who is out of college and Fox never had feelings for him before the events of the book).

I loved everything about this in ways I could have never expected. This being a series makes me so happy because I want to read so much more about Summer and Fox’s lives. I realised that I have some Cole McCade books on my TBR already and those are now getting pushed towards the top because he definitely has the possibility to become a new favourite romance author for me.

I received an ARC of this book for free as part of a blog tour in exchange for an honest review.